"Are you sure you want this?" Doctor Organa asked the next day after everything had headed straight to Hell in a handbasket.
Padme looked unseeing at the prescription Bail was handing her and took a deep breath. She didn't want this, of course. How could any normal, healthy person want this? But she was beginning to suspect that she and possibly other people in her life weren't normal and healthy. It needed to be done if she ever wanted to sleep again. So she dully answered, "Yes."
Bail paused, as if debating on whether or not he should take back the paper before it was too late and rip it up. But when she took it from him, he didn't hold back. "Padme," He warned, his voice full of concern, "You must promise me that you'll use these exactly as directed. This stuff can be highly addictive if you use it in the wrong way."
"I promise, Bail." She didn't want to be addicted to anything. That wasn't her goal at all. But she also couldn't be living this way. Perhaps when she was finished with these pills, the dreams would be gone and she wouldn't have to get a refill.
She stood up to leave, already thinking of where she should go get the prescription filled, when Bail's voice stopped her. "How is Anakin doing?"
She paused at the doorway. How was he doing? He clearly had some delusions about being from another galaxy—about her being from another galaxy. He thought he could use something called the Force, something that sounded an awful lot like Harry Potter magic.
At first she thought he'd said that to be cruel, but as she drove away that morning, she realized that he was completely serious. He truly believed all of that stuff. If she was really honest with herself, he had said things that she hadn't revealed…
No. It wasn't possible. It was crazy.
Besides. If it was all real, then she had been chained in arenas, fighting cat monsters while alien creatures cheered. That meant that there was life in other galaxies—maybe even in their own galaxy.
That meant that she had dated, and married, Anakin Skywalker before. That meant she'd been pregnant with his child. A shiver went up her spine and very briefly she wondered if that meant that technically she was still his wife. She quickly shoved that thought away. She would not go crazy too.
What disturbed her the most, though, was what that all meant for Anakin. It meant that he was someone with a power she didn't understand, or rather, didn't want to understand. It meant that at one point, he'd been much younger than her than he was now (he was 21 while she was 24. In her dreams, she had been at least five years older than him).
It meant that at some point in his life, he had turned evil and had not only killed innocent people, but children as well. Even worse, he had lashed out at her, threatening their unborn child as well.
How could her sweet Anakin do that? She couldn't—no, wouldn't believe it. He treated her so gently, looked at her like she was the only woman alive…it wasn't possible.
But what about that night at the bar? She had seen something frightening in his eyes that night—something that made him seem like a different person. And what about his strange behavior? And the odd things he would say? That could be part of him believing something unreal was real. But it could also be real…couldn't it?
And what about her actions with Finn? Clearly Dream Padme was a fighter, while she was not. Maybe she had instinctively used knowledge from her previous life to fight Finn.
And what about the Ice Rink Incident? Everyone at the snack bar had at least been minorly injured, except Ben and Satine, and Anakin and herself. Had this…Force power protected them?
"Padme?" Bail's voice cut into her thoughts. She realized with a start that he was still waiting for a response. "Are you alright?"
She shook her head. Of course it wasn't real. It couldn't be. Her boyfriend was having serious delusions. It was the only possible explanation. "I'm fine," she said, forcing a smile. "Anakin's fine. Thanks for asking."
Two days. She hadn't come home in two days.
Anakin was a wreck. Mindy and Anakin had both tried to call her several times. Every time, it went straight to voicemail. Mindy had stalked Facebook and other social media websites to see if she posted or at least got online.
Nothing.
Anakin would have been concerned had it just been their fight they had to worry about. But with Palpatine out there being largely celebrated as a great senator, and therefore not a concern to most oblivious people, and Darth Maul on the large—well. Understandably, Anakin was going out of his mind with worry.
"I don't sense any disturbances in the Force," Obi-Wan assured him as he poured Anakin another cup of coffee. Anakin hadn't slept since the argument, and when Obi-Wan came over that day, he'd taken one look at Anakin and headed straight for the coffee maker.
Anakin hadn't really had coffee in this world, but as he sipped at it, he recognized the taste. He made a face—this had always been Padme's morning drink in his galaxy, and it had never been his favorite. However, he was feeling the exhaustion in his bones. Perhaps caffeine really would help.
He doubted it though.
"Okay, so maybe those evil guys aren't out there grabbing her," Mindy said. She too sat at the table with Anakin with bags under her eyes. When Anakin explained what happened, Mindy had only said, "I told you that she wouldn't believe you." Still, Mindy had been helping in the search for her, so Anakin didn't waste energy getting upset with her. "Maybe you could track her phone or credit card info. She could be hurt, after all."
Anakin closed his eyes, resisting the urge to have a complete meltdown. "I can do a lot, and if I had time I could probably figure that out, but I'd need time and we don't have time. The longer we wait, the higher the probability of something happening to her." She did have a point though. He mentally filed that suggestion away for later in case he was truly desperate.
"Well it seems like we do have time since we have no leads whatsoever as to where she is." She glanced at Obi-Wan. "Have you heard anything from Ahsoka?" Ahsoka had been physically searching for Padme since early that morning.
Obi-Wan shook his head gravely. "Nothing. Mindy, has anything like this happened before?"
"What, Padme running off for a few days without telling anyone where she's going?" Mindy took a gulp of coffee like it wasn't scalding hot, making Anakin raise an eyebrow. "Nope."
"Not that—although that's good to know too," Obi-Wan said, "Has she had dreams like this before?"
Mindy looked down into her mug, suddenly very interested in it. "You know, I'm going to go dunk my tongue in ice water. That last swig of coffee…"
"MINDY." Anakin bared, making her freeze. He took several deep breaths before he tried again. "I need to know. Anything can help."
Mindy stayed frozen, half in, half out of her chair, debating. Finally, she sighed and sat back down. "Fine. About the same time you showed up, Padme started having dreams. They started out innocently enough, but soon they became hyper realistic."
"Did she ever say what happened in these dreams?" Obi-Wan asked.
Mindy related the few that Padme had told her. "She didn't tell me any others. Just the few."
"Was this before or after you were told the truth about us?" Anakin asked through gritted teeth. How had he never noticed? There had been mornings where she was especially tired, but he had figured it was just her over working herself in her studies.
"Mostly…there may have been one time…" Mindy admitted sheepishly.
"And what did you tell her?"
Mindy blushed. "At the time, I didn't trust you. I told her not to say anything to you."
A wave of anger washed over him so fast, the Force responded. Thankfully, all he could do was shatter the cup in his hands, spilling hot coffee and getting glass shards jabbed into his skin. He cursed and jumped up, going to the sink to run cool water over his burned, bloody hand while he began to pull out the glass shards.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan chided, "I think you need to take a break."
"I can't take a break with Padme still out there, possibly hurt!" He was breathing hard, trying to restrain his anger as he finished pulling the glass out and wrapped his hand up in a towel. Thankfully the cuts hadn't been too deep.
He understood why Mindy had said that to her. Force, she had made it clear that she didn't trust him at the beginning, but it still frustrated him. "We could have resolved this issue earlier!"
"Maybe, maybe not." Obi-Wan said, "But swelling in the past isn't going to help right now."
Obi-Wan was right. Anakin took a final deep breath and turned back to Mindy. "I'm sorry." He didn't wait for a reply before he whirled and headed into the living room.
Jedi sprawled out on the living room rug, but perked up when Anakin entered the room. "Hi dog," Anakin grumbled as he sat down. Jedi got up and gently laid his head in Anakin's lap, looking up with his big brown eyes. Anakin sighed, unable to resist, and rubbed the dog behind the ears. "I miss her too," he muttered, and the dog's ears twitched up.
Obi-Wan entered the room. "Are you in control now?" He used to get so annoyed when Anakin lost control of his emotions. Now, he sounded serious, but he also sounded genuinely concerned.
"As much as I can be," he said, staring at Jedi.
Obi-Wan sat down next to him. "I know you're worried. We all are. But this may just be Padme working things out on her own. And based on that cup, maybe you need some space too." He looked pointedly at Anakin's wrapped hand.
Now Anakin was defensive, however. "I said I'm in control." Obi-Wan stared at Anakin knowingly, and eventually Anakin slumped his shoulders in defeat. "Okay, I could do better, but that doesn't mean that I need space."
"Maybe you both need space," Obi-Wan interjected, his voice calm. "You still have things to sort through and now she knows a relationship with you is a lost more involved than she realized. She may need to decide if she's ready for that." When Anakin didn't answer, Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder. "Obviously the Force wants you two to be together—you wouldn't have met her again if it didn't. But starting a relationship with those two major personal issues? Well, I'm not a relationship expert, but I think you'd have a hard time from the start. It's not healthy."
Anakin hated to admit it, but Obi-Wan was right. He usually was. If Anakin wanted to do things right, it meant considering the possibility of at least putting things on hold for a little while.
He didn't want to do that though, not after they had finally reunited in their love. How could he go back after that? It seemed impossible.
"Just think about it." Obi-Wan said just as the sound of the garage door opening and closing reached their ears.
Anakin was on his feet in seconds, listening intently as Mindy explained, "Where have you been?! Do you know how worried we've all been?!"
She was home.
Suddenly, now that she was home, he couldn't move. Obi-Wan's words echoed in his head, and he desperately didn't want them to come true.
Jedi, however, wasted no time in running out to greet her, yipping excitedly. Padme's voice drifted in from the other room, "Hello Jedi, I missed you too."
"Missed Jedi?!" Mindy shouted angrily, "You could be hurt and we would have no idea about it!"
"I'm sorry. I just needed time to think. I was in a hotel room." He heard her put down her stuff.
Obi-Wan suddenly stood. "I'll get rid of Mindy."
"Thanks," Anakin mumbled, suddenly not sure if he wanted to be left alone to start this conversation with her. How could he be so brave in so many other situations, but whenever it came to Padme, he always found himself so afraid? As if any wrong move or word from him could cause everything they had built together to come crashing to the ground?
Perhaps because this time, their relationship really could crash and burn.
Obi-Wan left the room, and Anakin heard him say, "Hey Mindy, I need help picking out an outfit for my date with Satine tonight. Can you help me?"
If Mindy knew that Obi-Wan was trying to get rid of her, she didn't seem to care. Shopping trumped everything, according to Mindy. It wasn't long before Anakin heard the door shut again and the house was plunged into silence.
Go to her, Anakin thought, but he couldn't make his legs move.
It turned out that he didn't need to. Padme was soon at the living room door, wearing a navy blue, (fake) fur-lined jacket with white jeans underneath. Her hair was pulled back and her hands were stuffed into her pockets.
He expected—well, he wasn't sure what, but she looked well rested and cared for. He knew that he did not look the same. He suddenly wished he'd shaved and showered.
"Hello Anakin." She said quietly. She even sounded pulled together. How had time away from him made her so together while time away from her made him a complete wreck?
"Padme," he breathed, taking a step towards her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She looked pointedly at his wrapped hand, "Although maybe I should ask you that question."
"This is nothing," He took another step forward. "You disappeared and I didn't know if you were okay or not!" He struggled to keep his voice level. "There are dangerous men out there who…"
"Who what?" Padme interrupted. She already sounded like she was resisting the urge to start yelling, and whenever she did that back in his world, it usually meant he was in trouble. "What other off the wall things are you going to tell me?"
"Off the wall?" Anakin echoed, his eyebrow furrowing in confusion. After a moment, he shook his head. Now was not the time to figure out new phrases. "Look, even if you don't believe me, you need to know that you're in danger. There are men in my past who still hate me for the things I've done, and they'll do everything they can to hurt me, including hurting the ones I love."
Padme hesitated, but she crossed her arms, her eyes hardening in defense. This was not starting off well. "What people? Who are they? What did you do?"
Lots of questions. That was natural, and to be expected, but he wasn't sure how seriously she was going to take them. "The Sith. Palpatine leads them. Back in my galaxy, he turned out to be Darth Sidious, a powerful and elusive Sith Lord. I didn't realize it until he dangled something I couldn't refuse in front of me, and I turned into a Sith Lord like him. That is, until Luke saved me." He watched for any recognition of her son's name. Surely a mother would recognize her own child.
There was no recognition. Instead, there was only suspicion. "You're saying that my parent's rival is some sort of evil Sith Lord?" Anakin nodded. "Well. If that's the case, where's your proof? I would love to out him to the media and give my parents an easy win." Her voice had a twinge of sarcasm in it, and Anakin resisted the urge to get frustrated and prove her wrong. Proving her wrong might only worsen the situation.
"Well I'm actually working on that…" He began, and he instantly saw the look of of course he doesn't have proof pass into her eyes. "Look, this isn't exactly easy, okay? I don't have my full abilities yet and this world is very different from my own. Surely you've seen how clueless I am about your world? Mindy did."
Wrong move. "Mindy knows about this?" He could hear the anger in her voice. This time, he took a step back, quickly trying to think of a way to salvage the situation. "And she actually believes this craziness?!"
"It's not crazy," Anakin weakly argued, "And yeah, she believes it. She didn't tell you because she knew you wouldn't believe it, and you obviously don't, so…"
"You're right, I don't believe it!" she interrupted, her voice rising. He could see her hands clenching into fists, something he rarely saw her do. He was in trouble. With a sinking feeling, he realized where this was going to go. "I don't even believe in aliens from my own galaxy! How could I believe that my boyfriend might possibly be my turned evil then turned good husband from another galaxy, and that I myself am some gun wielding senator with a child from another galaxy and I just don't remember it? I think I'd remember something that important!"
"Twins." Anakin muttered.
Padme blinked. "What?"
"You had twins. We had twins." If anything, even if she rejected him, he didn't want her to reject their children. She needed to understand that they were so full of her goodness, so full of her hope. "Luke and Leia. Luke was a Jedi and Leia was a senator, like you. Leia never gave up her rebel cause, and Luke never gave up on me. He saved me, Padme. He's the reason I'm here, trying to fix everything."
He could see the uncertainty in her eyes, but still no recognition. "Anakin," She finally said, shaking her head. "I love you. I'm willing to stand by you as you get help…"
"Help for what?" He demanded, suddenly defensive himself.
"Help for this!" She motioned at him, "This…delusion that all of these impossible things happened! You clearly need help from a doctor…"
"Hold on," he interrupted, and now his voice was rising with his frustration. "I'm a lot of things, but I'm not crazy! I don't need help from a doctor—Force, I'm already getting help from a doctor and he believes this whole thing too…"
"Sometimes doctors play along for a while." She argued. Force, how could she be so stubborn?
It was what he'd loved about her. He'd loved that spirit, that stubborn drive to do the right thing, to follow after her dreams. But it also made things very frustrating when she turned that stubbornness on him.
"I. Am. Not. Crazy!" Anakin bit out, taking deep breaths to keep himself from exploding. But his words weren't reaching her. He could see the disbelief in her eyes—and something more. Fear. She was afraid. She didn't want any of this to be real. Her bottom lip trembled, and her clenched fists were shaking.
His heart melted, and he sighed, straightening up. Obi-Wan was right. He couldn't force her to believe him. He couldn't force a relationship between them when obviously she wasn't ready to handle his whole truth. She had to find the truth herself.
"I think we need to take a break." He couldn't believe those words had just left his mouth. As they did, his heart tore in two, and it was suddenly hard to breathe.
Padme blinked in surprise. She apparently hadn't expected that. "I said I was willing to stand by you."
"To fix me." Anakin shook his head. "I don't want you to fix me. Only I can do that, and I know that although I have things to fix, I'm not crazy. I don't have anything to fix in regards to that." He took a deep breath. "Maybe one day you'll see that. But right now…I think we need some time apart."
Padme's face had gone pale. She opened her mouth to argue, but then closed it, and he watched her eyes as she thought his words through. Finally she shook her head. "There's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise, is there?"
"Not unless there's something I can do to convince you that what I'm saying is real." She shook her head, and the pieces of his heart sank deeper into his chest. "Then no."
An awkward silence passed between them. "Can we…still be friends?" Her voice cracked, and he could tell that she was trying to hold back tears.
Anakin wanted to say that she would always be his friend. That had never changed since the day they met. But he couldn't. If she never believed him—somehow, it would be too painful to just be friends. She was so much more than just friends. "Maybe." Was all he said.
Slowly, she nodded, and she took a step away from him. "Well," she said shakily, "I hope you get what you want."
I want you. I want to be with you, not as memoryless, crazy Anakin Skywalker, but as your long lost husband. That's what I want.
He didn't say any of that though. He only nodded. "You too."
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I guess this is goodbye. For now."
"For now." Anakin agreed.
She nodded and moved aside so that he could leave the room. His heart screamed at him to stop, to take back the words, to never let her go.
But he didn't.
He passed her, not looking at her, and left the room, not turning back.
Sorry for a shorter chapter. I went camping the last few days (it was WAY cold) and I had to write this all out by hand. It was longer on paper...oh well. This is a good stopping spot. The next chapter is another major chapter. I know some of you wanted me to fix the situation from last chapter right away, but Obi-Wan is right: you can't go into a relationship with those issues and expect it to be healthy. I want a healthy relationship for them this time around.
Anyhow, review!
The song for this chapter is Down by Jason Walker ft. Molly Reed. It's a freaking awesome song, even if it is depressing.
Love,
Sarah
