Quick authors note: I got a Beta Reader since this story is becoming massive and I needed help keeping track of everything. She pointed out to me that Originally I said that Padme was 22. Last chapter, I said she was 24. She is 22 in this story. My bad.
Enjoy!
Anakin," Yoda said, peering at him from his chair on the other side of the room. Anakin sat on the couch that he was beginning to know too well. "It is time. Tell me about the Dark Side, you must."
Anakin closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. Anakin knew this, but now that he was there, and he was actually about to open up to the great Jedi Master, he suddenly felt the need to turn around and run.
It had been three weeks since he had broken up with Padme. Three, agonizing weeks. He hadn't seen or spoken to her in that whole time. Even when he needed something he'd left back at her house, he had either done without it, or purchased another. He knew that if he did, his resolve would crumble and he would beg her to take him back, perhaps on hands and knees. He had missed her terribly before when she'd died and he was no longer able to be with her, but this was a whole different kind of torture. To know that she was there, and that she loved him, and had been willing to be with him and not be there with her…it was worse than any longing he had ever felt before.
But she didn't believe him. He couldn't live a lie anymore. It was time to change.
Still, his lessons with Obi-Wan weren't going well. Anakin had been able to start lifting small objects with the Force, but he still couldn't find his inner peace or do anything of major worth. He was still very much like a youngling, and it was beginning to not only frustrate Anakin, but he could tell Obi-Wan was growing concerned as well.
In fact, it was Obi-Wan's suggestion that Anakin open up to Yoda about his turning to the Dark Side in detail. Anakin had resisted the idea—lately, Anakin had talked to Yoda about his involvement in the Clone Wars. He didn't think he was ready to talk about something so personal. But Anakin was also running out of ideas and patience to get his full powers back. Even if he never saw Padme, he still intended on protecting her from afar. To do that, he needed to use the Force.
So he'd reserved two hours instead of the usual one hour after some very hefty negotiation with Yoda's secretary (it wasn't until he emailed Yoda about the reason for the two hours that Yoda talked the secretary into giving Anakin the two hours). Now here he was, about to face the moment that changed his life for the worse.
Anakin took a deep breath. "I've told you about my premonitions. In every case, they came true. When I dreamt that Padme would die in childbirth, I snapped. I had already lost so much—my mother and Ahsoka being the worst losses. I couldn't lose the woman I loved too, and possibly our child.
"So I first went to you. I didn't give you all of the details, but you told me to let go. How could I let go though? I've never been a man to let go of his emotions. I had loved my mother fiercely. I loved Padme with my whole being. To let go of her…it would be like letting go of my own soul.
"So I turned to Palpatine. I thought, at the time, that he was my friend. He had been a father figure to me. He had given me counsel in the past. He supported me when members of the Jedi Council did not. Perhaps I was drawn to his him because he told me what I wanted to hear. I was so tired of being told that I wasn't trustworthy before I had ever been given a chance to prove myself. I was so tired of being told that I couldn't do something because of some weak reason. I liked that Palpatine told me the things I had longed for the Jedi to say to me.
"But then I found out that he was the Sith Lord we had been looking for. I initially rejected him, like I was supposed to, but I was also very confused. It wasn't just that I had looked up to him so much, but he told me that if the Jedi defeated him, all hope of saving Padme would be lost.
"As Master Windu went to go arrest him, I stayed behind in the council room as he instructed, replaying those words over and over again. I knew that Palpatine couldn't get away with his crimes. He was evil! But," Anakin's voice cracked and he looked down at his hands, clenching them. "I also couldn't abandon hope for saving my wife.
"But then, I left to go after Master Windu, and I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. To be honest, Master Windu was not a Jedi Master that I fully trusted. Had another Jedi Master with the power to take down Palpatine been on Coruscant, I would probably have gone to them with the information in the first place.
"Master Windu…well, he never trusted me, and he was vocal about it. He rarely said a kind word to me. When we went on missions together during the Clone Wars, he always doubted my judgement, despite the fact that I was one of their top generals. And what he did to Ahsoka shortly before the events leading to my fall…it was something that I had never quite forgiven him for."
"Do to Ahsoka? What did he?" Yoda asked.
Anakin took a deep breath, ignoring the slight twinge of anger at the thought of what had happened. It had been so many years, and after all Anakin had done, most of his anger at Windu had disappeared, surprisingly. "There was a bombing at the Jedi temple. Ahsoka was framed for it. Instead of standing with her, as a fellow Jedi, Mace argued that protecting Ahsoka would harm the Order's ties to the Senate. As a result, she was expelled from the Order, leaving her at the mercy of the Senate, and during the whole trial, Mace and the other Jedi watched from above, offering no support whatsoever. When I found the true perpetrator, and the Jedi Council apologized to her, Mace took it a step further: he blamed the incident on the will of the Force and that Ahsoka had passed a test to become a Jedi. Unfortunately, Ahsoka had enough of it, and left the Order completely."
"How did that make you feel?"
"I was angry. And confused. I saw that the Jedi Council had acted wrongly, but instead of investigating their own policies, they blamed the whole thing on the will of the Force. The Force doesn't work like that. Obi-Wan taught me that. And yet the Council went against that teaching…Mace went against that teaching.
"But it wasn't just that. When I arrived that fateful night, I found Mace with his lightsaber to Palpatine's neck, ready to kill him. I demanded that he arrest Palpatine as we discussed, not kill him. Palpatine should have had a fair trial." He sighed. "That's what I told myself, anyway. I had other selfish reasons for demanding Mace follow that rule, but I recognized the rule Mace was about to break and I told him not to kill him.
"He moved to do so however." Anakin took a deep, shaky breath. "And I didn't just move to stop him. I sliced his hand off. He screamed, and he kept screaming in pain—it was an awful, awful sound. I stepped back in shock with what I'd done. Sure, I didn't necessarily love Mace, but I didn't hate him. I knew that despite his flaws, overall he was a good Jedi. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different had I done more to seek out a relationship with him, or listen to his council. Maybe I would have let him kill Palpatine. Maybe he would have listened when I insisted that Palpatine stand trial.
"But that didn't happen. Palpatine used his Force lightning to throw Mace out the window, and Mace plunged hundreds of stories to his death. It was all my fault." Anakin paused for a moment, swallowing the bile that rose in his throat when he thought about the look on Mace's face right before he was thrown out the window. Mace had been right not to trust Anakin—maybe he'd always felt so uneasy about Anakin because something in the Force told him that Anakin wasn't the person everyone, including himself, thought he was.
Yoda brought him back to reality. "What did Palpatine do?"
Anakin's hands began to tremble. "I realized immediately the gravity of what I'd just done. I'd attacked a Master Jedi. Even if Master Windu wasn't perfect, he didn't deserve to die like that. Any Jedi would have looked at what I'd done and condemned me. There was no hiding what I'd done. Not this time. I was so devastated by the repercussions that were sure to follow, that I collapsed and cried, 'what have I done?'
"Palpatine, the master manipulator," Anakin spat that out, "Pounced on my weakness. He insisted that I was fulfilling my destiny. He offered me a chance to become his apprentice. I was so devastated and desperate to save Padme, that in that moment I was willing to do anything. So I accepted his offer, and pledged my loyalty to him on the stipulation that he help me save Padme."
Anakin was shaking now. "Even as I did so, I hated myself. I hated what I was becoming. But I couldn't see any other way out…at least, a way that allowed me to be with Padme. So I became Darth Vader. I helped carry out Order 66, which killed most of the Jedi. It was my job to storm the Jedi Temple and kill the few Jedi that remained in there—including the younglings." Tears began to slide down Anakin's cheeks. "What made it worse was that I knew that what I was doing was wrong. I knew that I was going against everything that I stood for, what Padme stood for. And yet I felt like there was no going back. I had already attacked Mace Windu. I might as well continue down the path of the Dark Side. I might as well become the person the Jedi Masters feared I would become.
"But I hated every moment of it. Even when Padme begged me to come back to her, to run away with her—even when she gave me my out, I was fueled not just by ambition, but by hatred for my actions. I didn't want to go with her. Going with her meant facing what I'd done, and I didn't want to go down that path. It seemed too hard to become a good person again. It seemed too hard to face those who had cared for me—Padme. Obi-Wan. Even you. And when Obi-Wan came to kill me, I knew that I wasn't ever going to be forgiven anyway. I might as well continue to be a Sith Lord. I lashed out at Padme. I put her life in danger. I put our children's lives in danger. The look she gave me while I was Force choking her," a shiver went down his spine, and he had to gulp a few times to keep from throwing up, "It still haunts me. It's haunted me for over twenty years."
It was getting hard to talk. He had to switch topics from Padme. There was still so much unresolved between them, and he didn't think that even Yoda could help him with that.
"Obi-Wan defeated me, cutting off my lower limbs, leaving me to die on that river bank of lava on Mustafar, giving me burns that I would forever carry. I was forced into that cursed suit for the remainder of my life there. When I woke up in that stupid suit, my first concern was for Padme." His throat closed, and for a moment he couldn't speak. "Palpatine told me…I killed her in my anger. I know now that isn't true, but for over twenty years, I believed the one person who made life worth living for me…was dead. I believed my children had died with her. At that point, I decided that there was no point in going to the Light Side now. I had no one to live for. I might as well do as Palpatine told me. I might as well do what I pleased to gain power for myself. All the while, my hatred for myself and for Palpatine grew, and I knew that I had to overthrow Palpatine. I suppose I always knew. I had even told Padme I would. But I still didn't want to face what I'd become. I figured I would overthrow him and take his place and rule the galaxy.
"Then, I met my son, Luke. He saved me. He saw the good in me. He challenged me to be a better person, even though I had done awful things to him. He called upon me for help when he needed it. It was his faith that made me wonder if perhaps I could be different. Perhaps I could put things right. So, I killed Palpatine to protect my son, and turned back to the Light." He paused. "I had no idea that I would actually be doing it over again. I had no idea that I would be…well, sitting in your office, for one." Anakin sighed, running his hands through his hair. "But even though I know I've made progression, I can't fully cast away my past. I know Darth Vader lurks somewhere underneath the surface, and I'm terrified that he'll come back." He lifted up his now scarred hand. "This is proof that I still am not good enough. I still can't access all of my Force abilities yet. If it's because I still need to let everything go—well, maybe I'll never gain all of my powers back. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be the person I was supposed to be."
By the end, Anakin was breathing hard, his whole body shaking. He hadn't even revealed that much to Obi-Wan. He had only discussed the parts where Obi-Wan had been involved in. Thinking back, Anakin didn't think he'd ever told anyone about that. Perhaps he had not said anything because people had assumed that he had turned to the Dark Side because of greed for power, or some other reason. But at the heart of everything, Anakin had been scared. Scared for his pregnant wife. Scared for himself. Scared that his family would be over before it had begun.
Because of his actions, his family did end in many ways, and through Luke and Leia, it continued without him in other ways. He had missed everything.
Perhaps he would never be worthy of Padme. Perhaps he would never be a good father. He didn't deserve it.
"Anakin." Slowly, he focused back on Yoda. "Who are you?"
Anakin blinked. What a weird question. Yoda already knew who he was. "I'm Anakin."
"Care about your name, I do not. Who are you, I want to know." Yoda stared at Anakin with patient eyes, waiting for him to give a better response.
He hesitated. Did he know the answer to that question? "I'm Anakin Skywalker. I was a Jedi…"
"No, not who you were, who you are now."
He hesitated again. Who was he now? He thought it over for a long time, and couldn't come up with an answer. "I don't know." He said honestly.
Yoda made a gesture with his hand towards him. "Who do you want to be, then?"
Who did Anakin want to be? He looked back down at his hands, thinking carefully. "I want to be who I was supposed to be before I turned…"
"Supposed to be?" Anakin looked up to see Yoda shake his head. "Who you were supposed to be, no one really knows. Assumptions about others are dangerous. Other's assumptions about you, you believed. Make your own path, you must. Follow other's path for you, do not." He leaned forward again. "Who are you, Anakin Skywalker?"
Anakin opened his mouth, then closed it. Until that moment, Anakin had always viewed himself through the lens of others. The Jedi wanted him to be the Chosen One, the one to bring balance to the Force. That pressure, along with the pressure of being a great Jedi General in the Clone Wars, had brought Anakin a vast amount of stress. Then after he fell to the Dark Side, he was the ruthless Sith Lord that Darth Sidious had wanted him to be.
But Anakin was no longer any of those things. Who was he? Who did he want to be?
He took a deep breath. "I want to be a father. A good father. I hate that I missed out on being there for my children. I want to be a good husband. I want to be there for my wife. I don't want to always run off to fight some battle and leave her at home worrying about whether or not I'll return. I want to be open. I want to smile more. I want to be able to laugh without worrying that I'm letting my guard down too much. I want to be a Jedi again that uses the Force for good. I want to be a good friend, not only to Obi-Wan, but also Ahsoka, and other people I've met here. I want to stop being afraid that I'm going to lose everything if I make a wrong move. I want to have a good job that I enjoy. I want to provide for my family without the bloodshed of war." He paused. "I want to be a good person again."
Slowly, Yoda smiled. "Who you are, you decide. Not your past. Not your future. Right now, you decide. Be that person, Anakin Skywalker. Darth Vader, you are not. Let go of the burden of the past. To let go, you must learn."
Anakin still wasn't sure how to let go. That was something he had struggled with his entire life. But choosing his own path…that he could do. He wanted to be the person he described to Yoda. He wanted to…so why didn't he?
He would be that person, he told himself, clenching his fist. He would be someone that he could be proud of. He wasn't going to worry about what others thought about him. He was going to be the Anakin Skywalker that he wanted to be.
With that decision in mind, Anakin broke out into a wide, genuine, happy smile.
Padme pulled into the driveway of her parent's mansion, cutting the engine of her car as soon as she parked it. For a while, she sat in silence, listening to the engine begin to cool down as she stared at the house she had grown up in. It was white and reminiscent of a Spanish Villa. Her parents weren't Spanish at all, but somehow her parents managed to make it seem like they always belonged in a building that looked like that. Soft golden light poured out of the wide, tall windows onto the brick driveway.
Her parents were waiting for her inside. She glanced to the right and saw Sola's black Toyota Highlander already sitting in the open garage next to her father's Audi. Ryoo and Pooja were also inside, probably wondering when their aunt would be home so they could play with her.
Padme felt weary in her bones. As much as she had looked forward to Thanksgiving break, she also wasn't sure she could deal with pretending that everything was alright. The past three weeks had been torture. She had spent her time hyper focusing on her studies. She had aced every project, every test, every assignment, just like she was supposed to. But when she got home, and there was no Anakin to greet her, or go running with her in the mornings, or watch movies with…suddenly the world seemed a little grayer, as if part of the goodness of life had left with him.
Mindy tried to make up for it. She had tried to maintain her normal, chatty self whenever she saw Padme. She had even tried to take her clubbing the prior weekend to help her 'get over the breakup.'
Padme put up with it. She thought about confronting her over keeping Anakin's insanity a secret from her, but Padme realized that Mindy had sort of warned her about Anakin. She had told her not to tell Anakin about her dreams. She had acted strangely around Anakin for a long while, as if something were not quite right. Padme had been the fool not to heed the warnings, and now she was left broken hearted. Still, it had been very hard to keep up with the energy that Mindy outputted.
She did, however confront Satine. "You're dating a guy who thinks he's from a different universe," she'd flat out told her.
Satine frowned, but she didn't seem overly concerned. "Well he hasn't said anything like that..."
"Neither did Anakin until the very end." Padme pointed out. "Look, I just thought you should know before you make a huge mistake like I did."
Satine was quiet for a while, looking over a case on her Ipad. "Was it a mistake though?" she quietly asked.
"Excuse me?" Padme's voice turned to disbelief, and warning as she began to get defensive. Here she was, trying to warn her friend, her mentor, and her friend was not reacting with the same suspicion and disbelief Padme had felt at hearing Anakin's confession. Any normal person should react that way. Why wasn't Satine?
"Did you love him?" Satine asked without looking at her.
"Well yes," Padme said slowly, "But…"
"But nothing." Satine turned to her. "My relationship with Ben is…different for sure. He hasn't even kissed me yet, and still he asks me out on dates and we enjoy our time together. I really enjoy it. I'm not sure if I could say that my feelings for him is love yet, but I do know that if I fall in love with him, and he also claims to be from this other world," she shrugged. "I'm not going to call him crazy. I'm not going to run just because I'm scared at what his revelation could mean."
"I'm not running," Padme insisted, but even she could hear the denial in her voice. At the first sign of conflict, she had turned her back on Anakin. The medicine might have stopped those awful dreams from plaguing her in her sleep, but the knowledge at what she'd done to Anakin kept her up until late in the night.
"Be that as it may, Anakin has been through some traumatic things. He must have, if he lost his memory. This could be his way of coping. Did he ask you to believe him?"
Padme thought back. "He asked me to listen and decide afterwards. He asked me to believe, though, that I was in danger."
"So it sounds like ultimately he just wants you to listen to him, and to watch out for yourself. Those are very normal things a boyfriend should want, even if the subject matter isn't normal. Maybe, and it all depends on what you want, maybe you should support him anyway. You may not believe him right away, but your support still means a lot." She'd said, and shrugged again. "But it's up to you. Thanks for the warning though."
Well. After that, Padme felt thoroughly chastised, not that she wanted to admit it.
If Satine was right, and Padme had reacted wrongly, she wasn't ready to admit it. Maybe she was too proud. Maybe she was too stubborn. All that mattered though, was that Anakin wasn't willing to be with someone who thought he was crazy, and she wasn't ready to seriously consider the possibility that he wasn't, as much as deep down, she wanted to.
So Padme had left with Ahsoka (whose family lived next to Padme's parents: it only made sense that they ride together) without so much as saying goodbye to Anakin or tell him where she was going. She suspected that Mindy was still keeping in touch with the two men, so it was a matter of time before Anakin knew that Padme had gone to spend the Thanksgiving break at her parent's.
Ahsoka was also obviously aware of it. The whole ride over, she had gone on and on about the various things she did with Ben and Anakin, and the cool project Anakin was working on. Padme didn't say more than one word responses like, "Cool," "Nice," "Interesting." It had been a relief to drop Ahsoka at her house.
And now it was time for Padme to get out of the car, put a smile on her face, and spend time with her family.
Even though she knew Sola would pepper her with not so subtle questions, Padme had looked forward to coming home. It always felt so…right. She felt safe, as if nothing bad could ever happen there. She felt loved.
She felt home.
So taking a deep breath, Padme grabbed her bags from the back seat and went into the house.
"Set the timer on the turkey dear," her mother said as she placed a tray of Jello in the fridge.
Padme did as her mother asked, glancing at the directions on the recipe before she set it. "We've got a few hours before that's done," she said, looking back at her mother and Sola. Sola was peeling potatoes to be cooked and mashed. As Padme had suspected, Sola had spent their first 24 hours home asking questions about why Padme had broken it off with Anakin. Padme gave vague answers, not wanting her family to know that Anakin thought he was an alien from another galaxy. She somehow didn't think her parents would appreciate that she had dated someone so crazy. Sola would have asked for every detail of what he said and then would have analyzed each of those details…and then she probably would have pulled a Satine and made Padme rethink everything she knew about Anakin and the world around her.
Padme was not in the mood for either of those.
When it became clear that Padme was not going to answer questions in detail, her mother had ordered Sola to "stop pestering your sister," and because Sola didn't like being treated like a teenager, she had gone completely silent.
Yeah. The holidays were off to a great start.
"Do you need any more help on the food?" Padme asked her mother.
"No, we're about done. You could go watch football with your father if you'd like." Padme made a face, making her mother laugh. "I thought not. Well the girls are upstairs going through the attic."
Padme glanced at Sola to see her reaction to this news. If she had found out her children were playing in a dusty attic, she wouldn't have been too happy about it. But Sola smiled and shrugged, continuing to peel the potatoes. "What are they doing up there?" she asked her mother. "Aren't you worried they'll get hurt? Or make a mess?"
"Oh, they're sure to make a mess," her mother laughed, "And no, they shouldn't get hurt. Most children get themselves into much more dangerous situations and live just fine." Sometimes her mother said things and Padme wondered how she and Sola had survived childhood. Her parents, having grown up in the age where homes could usually stay unlocked, seat belts were a fashion no-go, and children spent summers roaming the neighborhood from dawn until dusk without supervision, were sometimes a little too calm about things they should have been a little more worried about. "Besides, you and Sola have some old things up there and they wanted to see those things."
"Well," Padme said, looking in the direction of the attic, "I think I'm going to go up there and check on them. Just to be safe."
"Alright, dear." Her mother smiled before she went to go check on the pie.
Padme left the kitchen, crossing through the marble hallways of the downstairs to the grand staircase that led to her upstairs. She climbed the stairs, running her hand over the familiar oak banister, remembering how she and Sola had often slid down that same banister multiple times…until one day they broke it and her father had to replace it. He'd been so mad, the girls hadn't gotten an allowance for two whole months as punishment. Padme smiled wistfully at the memory. Now, looking back, she was lucky she and Sola had only broken the banister and not gotten seriously hurt.
When she reached the top of the stairs, the wall in front of her caught her eye. It was decorated with framed pictures of her family. There was a picture of her in her early teens. She had braces at the time, and Padme remembered that the morning of the picture, she had received her first pimple. At the time, Padme thought it was the end of the world, and she begged her mother to let her stay home from school. Naturally, that plan failed, but when Padme got the picture back, the pimple was so small, she had to squint in order to see it. Now it was just an adorable picture of Padme at a rather awkward stage in her life.
She looked at the other pictures on the wall. There were pictures of all of them together as a family. There were pictures of Ryoo and Pooja as babies. There was Sola and Dareed on their wedding day.
And there was Padme, not all that long ago, graduating from college for the first time. Padme studied the picture of herself. Padme remembered that day—it was a day full of excitement, of determination. By that point, Padme had already been accepted into the Graduate program, so unlike many of her other friends that day, who were excited to get out into the world to start their career, Padme was excited to move forward in her education to pursue her dreams.
That Padme was so determined to keep completely focused on her studies. That Padme had insisted that she could date and risk having a man distract her from her goals. Well, a man had come into her life and distracted her…but she hadn't lost sight of those goals like she used to think she would. But now he was gone and…
Padme turned away from the pictures to look around her. This whole house was so familiar. She had grown up here. She had loved and laughed and cried here. It had always been her home.
But now…something was different. Padme had felt it as soon as she'd walked into the house. Oh, she could still feel the love. She could still feel the safety. But when she walked through the halls, when she helped in the kitchen, when she looked at the pictures of her family on the wall, she suddenly felt like something was missing, something that prevented her from feeling like she was home.
That thought was very discomforting.
She shook her head and continued over to the attic. The stairs had been pulled down, partially blocking the hallway, and as Padme approached them, she could hear giggles from above. That managed to bring a smile to her face. If she was honest with herself, it wasn't like she and Sola hadn't gotten themselves into places they shouldn't have as children.
She climbed the stairs and the voices went quiet. About halfway up the ladder, two little faces appeared above her, their eyes filled with curiosity. As soon as they saw it was their aunt, however, they broke out into big smiles. "Aunt Padme!" they both chimed as she finished climbing the stairs, pulling herself onto the wood tiled floor. She blinked in surprise. The whole floor was tiled, and it looked much safer than she imagined. Had her parents done renovations without telling her?
She didn't voice those thoughts though. Instead, she smiled at the girls. "Hi girls. I heard you were up here and I wanted to see what you found."
Instantly she saw the delight on their faces as they heard their aunt was interested in what they were interested in. It was almost refreshing to be around the innocence of children. If only she could go back to being that way…
"We found some of mommy's stuff," Ryoo said, taking Padme's hand and leading her to some boxes with Sola's name on it. "We even found a journal!"
"But Ryoo can't read all of the words," Pooja helpfully added as Ryoo showed Padme the green covered book with Sola's name on it and the words "TOP SECRET" sharpied under her name. "Could you read them all?"
Padme laughed, remembering how protective Sola used to be of that journal. She would threaten that if Padme ever read it, she would stop being her sister. Padme eventually became curious enough that she read it, and all it said were mushy things about whatever boy Sola had liked at the time. Now Padme wondered how Sola would feel about her children reading it and finding out that their mother had been an even bigger romantic sap as a kid than she was as an adult. "We should probably ask your mom if I can read it to you. There might be some things in there that she may not want people to know."
The girls frowned. "Because we're kids?" Ryoo asked, resentment in her voice. No child liked to hear that they couldn't do something yet because they were kids.
"No, because your mom may be too embarrassed to let even me read it." Padme winked as the girls "oooh-ed."
"We also found something cool in your stuff Aunt Padme," Pooja said.
"Oh did you?" Padme smiled, trying to think of anything she might have left up here that was remotely interesting. She had taken everything she wanted and put it into her house, which was pretty much everything she owned. She supposed she could have missed something though.
Pooja took her hand and led her towards the boxes with her name on it…and then walked past those. Padme frowned as she was led into the very back of the attic, the part where rarely anyone ventured. Dust covered the floor, and Padme could see her niece's footprints in the dust.
Finally, as they reached the very back corner, Pooja stopped. "Right here." She reached down into the shadows and dragged out a rather large wooden box. Dust coated it, except for the very center of the lid, where it was obvious the girls had wiped away the dirt. In the center were gold engraved initials: P.A. It was engraved on top of a light green emblem that sort of looked like a blooming tropical flower. Padme frowned, looking at it, trying to remember where she'd seen a symbol like that before…and couldn't place it.
"It's a jewelry box," Ryoo said proudly. "We haven't opened it yet. Are there diamonds in it?"
"Or rubies?" Pooja asked hopefully.
Padme stared down at the box, frowning. To be honest, she didn't remember ever owning a box like this. "I don't remember," she said truthfully, and she knelt down, ignoring the dust that was now surely covering the knees of her jeans. She wiped off more of the box and looked at the wood more closely. It looked like it was made of Mahogany. She turned it over in her hands, inspecting it. The more she looked at it, the more baffled she became.
Where had this come from?
"Open it," Pooja breathed, and Padme was aware of them hovering over her shoulders, waiting in anticipation.
"I'll try," Padme said, turning it to look at the brass clasp. Slowly, she reached up and pulled…
It popped open with a creak.
Immediately the girls shoved forward to look inside, but immediately she heard a disappointed sigh from Ryoo. "That's not diamonds."
"Or rubies," Pooja said dejectedly.
Sure enough, it was neither of those, or anything else Padme expected. Padme frowned, squinting her eyes at the objects inside.
The first thing that drew her notice was perhaps the oddest thing in there. It was a braid. A long, thin braid of dirty blonde hair. At the end, the little tuft of hair curled slightly.
What a strange thing to put in a jewelry box, she thought as she reached out and slowly fingered it. She tried to think back to when or where she might have gotten the hair from, since it was obviously not hers or anyone she knew for that matter…
Her breath hitched. No, she recognized this braid. She thought back to some of her dreams. In those dreams, Anakin sometimes had short hair and a long, thin braid. She had always thought it was odd, but now as she looked at the braid…
It looked an awful lot like the braid in her dream.
She could hardly breathe. Was this a dream? She quickly pinched herself and felt the pain. No, not a dream. In fact, when she glanced at Ryoo and Pooja, they looked just as confused.
She wanted to close the box. She didn't want to see anything else. She wanted to pretend she didn't see something completely crazy. She began to close the lid, when yet again something caught her eye.
At the very bottom was a necklace. It had a silver chain, and at the end of it was a square with strange but beautiful carvings in it. At first glance, it looked wood, but as she looked closer, she saw that it was made of a material that she couldn't recognize.
Hardly breathing, she reached down slowly, picking the chain up so that she could hold it up to the light. It was so simple, and yet…
She put the box down in her other hand and reached up. "Aunt Padme?" Ryoo asked. Padme hardly heard her. Her whole focus was captured by the snippet at the end of the chain.
Her fingertips touched the carved surface, and suddenly….
Images. Thousands of images raced through her head. She gasped, dropping the necklace, reaching up to cradle her head, her head beginning to throb.
She saw everything. They weren't just images from a dream. Somehow, they were real, actual memories. From the time she was a little girl living on Naboo, to when she was Queen of Naboo. The invasion by the Trade Federation. Meeting Anakin in Watto's shop on Tatooine. Becoming a Senator. Moving to 500 Republica on Coruscant. Falling in love with Anakin. Marrying Anakin at Varykino. The Clone Wars.
All of it. It was real. The images raced through her head so fast, and yet she retained every single one.
She was pregnant. Anakin had those nightmares, and she watched him worry uncontrollably. She'd told herself it was normal. First time fathers always worried. But Anakin was taking it further than that, and she didn't know how to help ease his worry.
And then he became a Sith. She was on Mustafar, and he was choking her and….
Tears rolled uncontrollably down her face. She could feel little hands on her, hear worried children's voices calling her name, asking her if she was alright. No, she wasn't okay. Her husband had murdered children. He had attacked her, and put their child in danger! Any person would be more than upset by that.
But what made it worse was that she knew that he was still a good person.
She'd planned to fight to get him back. She would do anything—even go against Chancellor Palpatine by herself. But she had Luke and Leia, and even though she fought for her life, she felt as if something was smothering her, forcefully shutting down her body…
She'd died. She'd left Luke and Leia in the care of Obi-Wan, and that was all she remembered.
The images stopped. The pain began to subside. Padme breathed hard, her body trembling. She was on the floor, her face pressed into a dusty tiled floor. Pooja was crying, and Ryoo was calling for her mom. "I'm okay," her voice was raspy, but she didn't think Pooja heard her.
Slowly, she forced herself into a sitting position, looking around her. For a moment, everything felt…unfamiliar. But as she sat there, taking everything in, she realized that somehow, she was alive again, but on a different world. A different galaxy. She had relived much of her life. She had relived it very differently. The memories of both lives clashed in her head, giving her a headache.
"Aunt Padme?" Pooja sniffled. Padme looked down at her and managed a weak smile, ruffling her hair.
"It's okay. I'm okay. I'm…" I'm Padme Amidala…no, Padme Skywalker. I'm the wife of Anakin Skywalker. With a sinking heart, she remembered that she'd lost him to the Dark Side, perhaps for good…
No.
More memories came to her. She remembered Mindy hitting him with her car and bringing him to their house. She remembered his smile. His love for bacon. His knack at anything technological. That night on the beach when she'd kissed him. That night in the hospital when he'd looked so terrified for her, and had kissed her like he had almost lost her forever. The way he'd laughed at the Ice Rink. The way he'd protected her when the bomb went off by covering her body with his own. The way he held her and danced with her the night of the Gala…the way he had loved her so thoroughly and completely when they got home.
Anakin was back. Her Anakin was back! Thank the Force!... and he'd tried to tell her so, and she had pushed him away, hadn't believed him.
She breathed harder, suddenly restless, and she forced herself to stand, grabbing the Snippet as she did so and throwing it over her head so that it rested against her chest and grabbing the braid and shoving it in her pocket. "Padme?" She heard Sola calling, but she ignored her.
She had to get home. She had to get to Anakin. She had to make things right, like they hadn't been right in so long. Force, how could she have been so stupid to forget an entire lifetime?!
Padme shakily climbed down the stairs, her knees threatening to buckle out from under her. Sola waited at the bottom with Ryoo clutching at her leg. "Padme, what's wrong? Ryoo said…"
"Sola, not now." Her voice came out more commanding than she meant it too, and Sola blinked in surprise, taken aback. "I have to go." She pushed past her and began to head towards the downstairs closet where she'd hung her purse.
"Go where?" Sola asked, following after her. "We haven't even had dinner yet…."
"I'm sorry Sola, but something came up. Something urgent. I need to go home." She raced down the stairs, taking two at a time.
Go home. Go find Anakin. Never let him go again.
She reached the closet and grabbed her purse. "What came up?" Her sister asked, her voice rising with worry. "Is this about Anakin?"
"The short answer?" the believable one? She added mentally, "Yes. I'll explain later." I'll explain what you'll believe, at least, she added mentally again as she rushed to the front door.
She opened the front door…only to run straight into Ahsoka, who had her hand raised to knock on the door. "Oh." Ahsoka blinked. "Padme. I was just about to ask if you had any…"
"Sorry, ask Sola, I've gotta go." She pushed past Ahsoka, headed to her car.
"Go where? Aren't you my ride?" Ahsoka asked incredulously, following her.
"I'll come back for you. I promise." She opened the car door, and without waiting to hear more protests from both Ahsoka and Sola, Padme got into the car, turned it on, and swiftly backed out of the driveway.
She sped through the neighborhood streets, headed towards the highway that would take her home. The streets were almost empty. Most people would be celebrating Thanksgiving with their families…just like Padme should have been doing.
But her family wasn't complete without Anakin. She knew that now. The person she had been missing at the house was Anakin. Nowhere was home without him.
Her husband. Force, she was married!
She sped up, glancing in her rear view mirror to watch for any cops. It didn't look like there were any cops around, but she did see a familiar black Toyota following her. She sighed, rolling her eyes. She seriously wished Sola would leave her alone.
She put her focus back on the road in front of her. She wondered where Anakin would be…she hadn't spoken to him in three weeks. Surely he was still in town.
But his mother lives in this world, a small voice reminded her.
And if Padme remembered anything, it was how much Anakin loved his mother.
Perhaps I should call ahead, she thought, reaching towards the Bluetooth connection in her car, then maybe he could actually meet me at the house…
And if all goes well, maybe…
She didn't finish that thought. As soon as her finger touched Anakin's name on the touch pad, Padme saw something moving fast towards her driver's side. She gasped, about to throw on the breaks. But it was too late.
The last thing she saw before she blacked out was a black SUV, smashing itself into her side of the car.
BOOM. Muahahahaha I am the master of cliffhangers...
Thank you to my Beta Reader, SW, for helping me with the Snippet idea! 3 you SW!
The songs for this chapter are:
Hush Hush by Avril Lavigne
Anakin's Dark Deeds by John Williams
Review! Reviews equal faster updates! Happy New Year!
Love,
Sarah
