From both myself and my Beta, SW, this chapter is dedicated to Rosiethehobbit17. I hope this will give you the distraction you need, May the Force be with You, Always!
Beep, beep...Whirr...beep, beep. Once again, the blood pressure cuff automatically started up, as it had been doing every couple of hours since she had been brought to the room, the readout of which was electronically recorded at the nurses station down the hall. This was followedby a softer series of beeps coming from the IV as it delivered saline fluid at a steady drip to keep her hydrated, as well as providing her antibiotics and pain medication. The nurses had been coming in at regular intervals to change out the various bags of medications and reset the machines as necessary. She still hadn't woken up since surgery.
Anakin sat in the chair next to her bed and held Padme's hand, just as he had been doing the past twenty-four hours since the "baby news" bomb had been dropped, as Sola had called it. Anakin recognized this, but it didn't feel like that much time had passed. He absently rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand and knuckles in the softest of caresses. Currently, Padme's left arm was placed in a bright blue cast from her hand to her elbow and was lying on a small indented foam pillow stretched across her hip to support the weight of her arm and keep it steady. She had some pillows propped against her left side as well for support, and she had a brace on her left leg from her left knee to her ankle with additional pillows under her left leg to cradle and support it.
Twenty-four hours before, when Anakin had first walked in the room, she had also had a swollen bottom lip which had two large cuts on it, two black eyes, and a bandage wrapped around her head covering the nasty gash she had sustained. Her head was resting in a special indented pillow to support her neck. Needless to say, upon seeing his wife like that, Anakin had not reacted well, and as soon as Ruwee, Jobal, and Sola had left to go grab some food, Vokara had begun using the Force to help heal Padme's wounds faster at Anakin's request.
"I don't normally do this unless it's dire circumstances," Vokara said as she focused on healing Padme's face and head first. "I have too many patients, and someone would start to notice that my patients consistently seem to heal abnormally fast. But, it's the least I can do for old friends," she said with a small smile and a glance at Anakin, who nodded in understanding.
Anakin had been enormously grateful, and by that morning when the bandage was removed, the only trace of any facial injuries was a small scratch on her temple. Anakin was not the only one in slightly better spirits after Vokara began Force-treatment: Ruwee, seeing that some of Padme's injuries were healing so fast, no longer seemed as stressed out.
Anakin had refused to leave Padme's side. Even when visiting hours were over and only one person was allowed to stay, Anakin had insisted that he wouldn't leave her side. He knew it was selfish, but after everything that had happened in the past few days, he needed to keep her in his sights. Ruwee had started to object, but Jobal, who at least had some idea of what Anakin was struggling with, had understood and insisted that she, Ruwee, and Sola go home to rest. "Anakin will take care of her, Ruwee. At this moment, Padme needs him more than she needs us. He loves her. Let him stay."
Anakin didn't know if he agreed with that, for in his opinion, every child needed their parents, and he still wasn't sure how Padme felt about him, but Ruwee had reluctantly agreed with his wife, and they left after giving Padme the softest of kisses across her forehead.
A few times,, Obi-Wan had come in to sit with Anakin. He never said much, not with words, but he always reached out to Anakin through the Force, giving what comfort and support he could. There really wasn't much that Obi-Wan could say, not in that moment. Obi-Wan didn't know what it was like to lose a child...and literally not one, but three children, and if the baby Padme had just lost was indeed Luke and Leia…
It would just make things that much worse.
Obi-Wan, ever the perceptive Jedi and friend, sensed that there was nothing he could say to make it better. So. he did what he could, and Anakin felt a fierce sense of brotherly love for his best friend and mentor. How could I have ever viewed Obi-Wan as an enemy?, he wondered to himself.
But now, as Anakin held Padme's hand, he sat alone. Obi-Wan had left to go get Anakin some food. Sola had gone home to be with Darred and their girls. Jobal and Ruwee had gone home to contact Satine and prepare statements for the press. Vokara had finished doing some work on Padme's leg and had gone to help other patients. So, Anakin was now left to his incomprehensible thoughts while he waited. Over and over again, his mind repeated the same things in no particular order.
Baby. Padme. Pregnant.
Lost.
How would he tell her?
Padawan braid. Japor snippet.
Why did she have those?
How could she have them?
When would she wake up?
Did she hate him? Did she still think he was crazy?
So many questions. Questions without any real answers. So many unspoken words between them, so many lies and secrets that needed to be sorted through. Where would he even begin?
He sighed heavily for what felt like the thousandth time in the past twenty minutes, and he lowered his head into his other good hand, rubbing his temples between his fingers. He was no closer to answers than he was twenty-four hours ago. He felt the braid and Japor snippet in his pocket, and they seemed to weigh him down further.
Padawan braid. Japor snippet.
Why would she have those?
A knock startled him out of his thoughts, and he turned towards the door. Standing there was Ahsoka, smiling that sad, soft smile she gave him whenever either one of them were stressed. If he hadn't been so exhausted, so distraught, he might have tried to cheer her up. But, all he could do was offer a small smile. "Hey," he said, his voice a whisper.
"Hey, Sky Guy," her voice was also quiet, and she stepped into the room. "They just released me to go home. My family is waiting for me downstairs, but I wanted to stop by and check on Padme first."
He realized that he hadn't gone to see her, and immediately, he felt a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you…" he began, but Ahsoka shook her head.
"Hey, it's okay. I didn't expect you to. It doesn't matter what our relationship is, your wife comes first. It should be that way, and if I have a husband someday, he'll come before you, too." She gave him a small smile and sat down in the chair next to him. "How is she doing?"
Anakin sighed. Again. "She's going to be fine. Vokara Che is here in this world, and she's been secretly using the Force to help heal her injuries. Already she looks much better." Stay positive, he told himself: If he couldn't fix her injuries, the least he could do was try to focus on what had already been accomplished.
"Good. I'm glad," she paused. "Obi-Wan told me about…you know." Anakin struggled to keep from repeating the same awful words in his head at the mention of it. "I'm so sorry, Sky Guy."
"Thanks. Me, too." Anakin's voice was husky as he glanced over at Padme again.
Ahsoka was quiet for a while. "It's not your fault. You know that, right?"
Ahsoka knew as well as Anakin did that he usually found a way to blame bad things on himself, and for a moment, Anakin wasn't sure how to answer that question. Truthfully, he hadn't thought about it. But, as he examined the situation in his mind and searched his feelings, he answered her truthfully. "I know."
"You do?" Ahsoka sounded genuinely surprised.
"Yes." Anakin nodded, before his expression darkened. "It's Palpatine's fault. This whole mess, all of it, everything that's happened—it all started with him." He looked at her seriously. "He needs to be stopped, Snips. Do you know where Padme sent that email?"
Ahsoka frowned. "She sent it to her father. Has he checked his email?"
"Not that I know of, but he knows there is an email with potentially incriminating information out there. Do you have his number?"
"Already on it." She pulled out her phone and began to text. "Oh. By the way, Mindy has called me like five times wanting updates since you haven't answered your phone. She's frantic for news, but she can't get out here until tomorrow, and she wants to know how Padme is doing." Anakin opened his mouth to remind her that he had more important things on his mind than calling Mindy, but Ahsoka held up a hand to stop him. "I know, I know. Don't worry. I'll tell her. But, don't be surprised if she gives you the silent treatment."
Anakin snorted. "I'll believe that when I see it."
"Yeah, it'll probably last for like half an hour." She finished texting and put the phone down. "There. Let's hope he can get someone trustworthy to decode that."
"I could probably do it," He suggested, "It shouldn't take long to figure out…" He didn't finish. Ahsoka was already sending another text to Ruwee.
"Done. And, I told him how Padme thinks you're a real tech superstar." Ahsoka grinned.
"Superstar?" Anakin questioned the unfamiliar term. Sure, he'd seen some pretty big stars in his lifetime, but what would constitute as a 'superstar' he couldn't imagine.
"It's just an expression." She grinned and rolled her eyes at him. "I'm glad you still have your sense of humor, Sky Guy."
"I'm glad you're still reliable as always, Snips." He truly did smile then. It felt so strange to smile in that moment, but also nice.
Ahsoka smiled back and stood carefully, hissing a bit in pain. Anakin began to get up to help her, but she waved him off. "I'm fine. Don't worry. I've had worse, you know." Once she was on her feet again, she looked down at him. "It's going to get better. You'll see," she said seriously and gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze with her hand.
Anakin nodded in understanding, but he tried to imagine what life would be like tomorrow, or the next day, or even weeks from now. In his head, he knew that life couldn't always be miserable, but his heart was so torn at that moment that it seemed like 'getting better' was an impossibility at that point.
He didn't say any of this, however. He just watched as Ahsoka turned and headed for the door. She paused before she left, turning back to him. "You know," she said, "I know it's never been your strength, but…you really should try to meditate. It might make things at least a little better."
He hesitated as the Force warmed within him, confirming her suggestion to be a wise course of action. Still, just because he had the Force again, that didn't mean that he would be able to achieve the inner peace that he had sought for so long.
But, then again, he had also never been able to let go before either.
"I'll give it a try," He finally said, and watched satisfaction flicker in his former Padawan's eyes.
"Good." She smiled, "Chin up, Sky Guy."
"Thanks, Snips." Again, he smiled, and she returned it before she left him alone again with his unconscious wife.
Can I really do this? He wondered as he gently let go of Padme's hand, positioning himself just right in his seat. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, letting the Force fully wash over him. It wrapped around him like a cocoon, filling his whole being with light. The world seemed to fade away, and the sorrows and worries he still felt seemed to diminish. If he focused on them, he knew they were still there, but for the first time in his entire life, he felt…
Peace.
The first thing that Padme was aware of was the grogginess. She felt like she'd been pumped with a crazy amount of drugs, and she struggled to gain awareness, or at least open her eyes. But, her eyes felt like they were glued shut, and eventually, she settled for just allowing her body to slowly wake up before she tried opening her eyes again.
As she slowly became aware of her body, she began to realize that she was also in a lot of pain. She could feel that the bones in her left arm had been connected, and she could feel a cast encasing her arm. The bones throbbed constantly, and if she wasn't mistaken, she could already feel an awful itch beneath the cast. Every time she took a breath, she could also feel a sharp, staggering pain in her left side. Her left leg, propped up on something soft and fluffy, felt slightly better than it did before, but it was still painful.
What no longer hurt, she noted, was her head. Before, the pain had been almost unbearable, but now her head felt completely normal. Good. Improvement, she thought.
The more she assessed, the more her body began to wake up until finally, slowly, her eyes cracked open.
She blinked, trying to adjust to the sudden dim light in the room, but when her eyes focused, she recognized immediately that she was in a hospital room. She was in a rather stiff bed that was slightly raised so that she could see the room she was in better. There was a turned off, small, flat screen TV suspended from a bracket near the ceiling by the corner wall. There were various instruments and machines that were taking measurement of things she didn't have much interest of understanding. To her right, there were a few cushioned chairs that were all empty except for one.
In that one chair, with his eyes closed, breathing deeply, was Anakin.
Her breath caught in her chest, sending a wave of pain through her, but she didn't care. Anakin was right there by her side. She was alive, and he was alive, and she was so close to finally, truly, reuniting with him. She opened her mouth to call out to him, to wake him up, but before she could, a thought stopped her. She closed her mouth again.
Wait. Anakin had changed. He had changed more than she could ever know. He had changed into Darth Vader right before her death, and he had been willing to destroy everything they believed in just to keep her alive. Now, it was obvious that he wasn't Darth Vader any longer, but he was still…different.
She quietly observed him, thinking of everything that had transpired between them over the past few months. She recalled the look on his face when he first woke up on her couch, looking at her like he was seeing a ghost. She remembered every curious question he had asked her, every peculiar look he gave her whenever he thought she wasn't looking. Mindy had once said that he looked at her like he had found the other half of his soul that was missing. He had always treated her like she was his other half back in their galaxy, a half that he was terrified to lose.
But, then he'd treated her differently here, too. He was careful around her, as if he were afraid she would disappear. When she had kissed him at the beach, he had pulled away from her, even let her go on a date without flying into a jealous rage like he would have done back in their galaxy. And, when they had briefly gotten together here, he had exhibited some of the signs of being over protective like before, but when she had rejected him the morning after the Gala and refused to believe him when he tried to explain, he didn't try forcing her into believing him. Perhaps he had done it because he knew she was frightened, and the knowledge that she wasn't who she thought she was would have crippled her emotionally without her memories. She didn't know. Either way, the most important thing was that he had let her go in their relationship, just as he had physically let her go in the building, knowing that she may die.
But, she hadn't. She was still alive, and so was he, and now that she was face to face with him, she didn't know what she was going to do. Should she wake him up and tell him immediately that she remembered everything? It was obvious he remembered, as he'd begun to tell her before she'd pushed him away. But, now she remembered too, and as she looked at him, she realized that she truly had to make a choice. Would she pretend that she didn't know and move on with her life without him? She realized that it was very likely...in fact probable... that after her death in their galaxy, Anakin had continued on as Darth Vader to do much, much worse than just killing Jedi younglings. Most relationship experts would say to run from a guy like that, and using the lost memory she had previously experienced in this world seemed like an easy way to get out of it.
Or, she could tell him the truth and forgive him. She could start over fresh with him and have the life they'd always wanted together. A clean slate from this point forward.
Unless he goes back to being evil, a very small voice whispered in her head. It had a point. She didn't know just how much he'd changed. It was possible, she supposed, that he could revert back into the monster he had become at the end of her previous life.
She wouldn't know until she woke him up and listened to the rest of his story.
She considered all of this.
Deciding to hold her final decision until after she heard his side of the story (which was only fair to him...Benefit of the doubt and all, she reasoned), she opened her mouth and tried to say his name. Her attempt failed, as being unconscious for an unknown period of time had made her vocal cords tight. She cleared her throat, about to try again, but as soon as she did, Anakin's heart-stopping blue eyes (she had always loved the color of his eyes) opened.
Seeing her awake and watching him, he straightened, a strange look passing over his face, but before she could identify it, it was gone. He smiled weakly, but she could detect the uncharacteristic unease in his eyes. "Hey," he said, his voice quiet.
"Hi," she managed to say on a croak, clearing her throat again. Well, she thought, this conversation was starting out smoothly.
"How are you feeling?" She could see bags under his eyes and noticed that he had at least a day's growth of beard on his face, and she had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't slept very much since the building had collapsed.
Before she answered his question, she needed something else first.
"May I have some water, please?" she whispered hoarsely through dry lips.
"Oh, sure," Anakin replied and got up to pour her a cupful of water from the pitcher on the bedside stand. He placed a straw in the cup and then carefully held it to her lips. "Drink slowly, okay? Careful," he said.
She drank several sips, feeling the cooling water against her parched throat. "Thank you," she said and watched him place the cup back on the table.
He nodded. "Sure."
Watching him, Padme decided to be honest in answering his question. He had always been able to see through her lies anyway. "I'm in a lot of pain, although, my head doesn't hurt anymore." She watched relief flood his eyes, but he didn't offer an explanation as to why it suddenly felt so much better.
"Good. I'm glad. Your doctor said you should recover fully, but your arm would take a while to heal." She must have made a face because he quickly added, "Don't push yourself. I know you don't like to wait around, but you need to rest, Padme. Please, if not for me, then for your parents, listen to the doctor's orders."
Her parents. She had almost forgotten how her parents would feel about all of this. She groaned, closing her eyes. "They're freaking out, aren't they?"
"To put it lightly, yes." Anakin was being serious, but she could hear just a faint hint of amusement in his voice. She opened her eyes again, meeting his, all of her doubts and hopes rushing through her all at once. Anakin must have felt that, because his mouth turned down into a frown. "Are you certain nothing else is wrong?" he asked.
This was it. The moment of truth. She took a careful, deep breath, ignoring the sharp pain it caused in her side. "I think we need to talk," she answered him quietly, seriously.
Immediately, Anakin leaned forward, more serious than she had ever seen him. "Yes, we do." There was a moment's hesitation in his eyes. "Padme, I have to tell you something."
"I think there's a lot we have to tell each other," She replied, her mind working to decide where to start first. "But, for starters, I'm ready to listen to your story."
"Okay, but first I have to tell you…" he stopped, his frown deepening as the meaning of her words really hit him. "Wait. As in," he hesitated, looking at her as if he were expecting this conversation to be some sort of a trap. "You're ready to talk about our... um... my galaxy?"
She almost corrected him in saying that it really was both of their galaxies, but she didn't. Instead, she nodded. "Yes. I'm ready."
Anakin sat back, clearly surprised. Whatever he had expected her to say, it wasn't that. "Okay. But, I really do need to tell you…"
"It can wait." She assured him. "I'm not going to run this time." She looked down at herself. "Well, I actually can't run away even if I wanted to. But, I don't want to. I'm ready."
He held her gaze, searching. When he was finally satisfied that she was serious, he sighed. "You might change your mind about that. My story isn't a good one."
I know, she thought grimly. "I can handle it. Go ahead," is what she said.
Anakin nodded, giving in, but for a while he didn't say anything as he decided where to begin. "You were once a queen and then a senator. I was once a slave and then a Jedi. You were loved by millions across the galaxy we lived in. I was thought to be the Chosen One by the Jedi, the one who would bring balance to what we called the Force. I wasn't ever supposed to fall in love or get married, and you were supposed to be a perfect role model for your people to look up to. But, we did fall in love, and we did get married...in secret.
"Then the Clone Wars happened. It put an added strain on our relationship. I was usually off fighting in battle, and you were usually getting yourself deeply involved with the politics of the war. Both of us were afraid of losing the other, but you were much better at maintaining control over your fear. I, however, let fear rule me, and it led to so many fights between us.
"My fear of losing you was what destroyed us. After three years of marriage, you…you became pregnant," his voice choked on the word pregnant, and that strange look from before flashed through his eyes again before he continued, "And, at first we were so happy. I was so happy. I wanted to give our baby what I never had: two loving parents, a secure, safe home, where they could get anything they ever wanted. I wasn't sure how we would hide our family from the Jedi Council, since marriage for the Jedi was forbidden, but in that moment, I didn't want to worry about that. I just wanted to prepare to raise our family together."
His expression darkened. "But, then I had the dream. In that dream, you died in childbirth, and I wasn't there to save you. You see, I'd had dreams that had come true in the past, and I was terrified that this one would come true also. I felt like if you died, I wouldn't just lose you, it would be my fault." He looked down at his hands which were clenched into fists against his knees. "I tried to seek help from the Jedi. They didn't give it. They just told me to let go, but that was something that I just couldn't do. I loved you too much to let go, and I couldn't just sit around and wait for you to die.
"So, I turned to Palpatine." He looked at her again. "He's not a good man Padme, he…"
"I know," Padme interrupted quietly. She almost asked about the email, but she didn't want to interrupt the story again. She was afraid that if she started another conversation topic, she would never get the courage to ask him for the truth again.
Anakin seemed satisfied that she believed him about that. He continued. "Anyway, I didn't know that at the time. He had always seemed like a friend to me, and when I turned to him, he offered, what I thought, was an actual solution. He told me that by using the Dark Side of the Force, I would be able to stop you from dying." He paused, trying to get the courage to keep going. "A Jedi is never supposed to use the Dark Side. If they do, they fall from the Light and they become a Sith , which are evil and the exact opposite of the Jedi. I knew this, but I was so scared of losing you. So, I considered the idea, even after I found out that Palpatine was the Sith Master that the Jedi had been trying to hunt down for years.
"When I was presented with the moment of choice, I could only think about those awful dreams of you dying, and I couldn't let it happen. So, I betrayed the Jedi. I turned to the Dark Side. I knew it was wrong, but once I did it, I didn't think there was anyway that I could undo the horrible things I'd done." He paused, looking at her again, and the tortured look in his eyes made Padme's heart break. She almost stopped him then, but she knew that she had to hear the story if she were going to make the right decision. "Padme...I killed children. I hated every second of it, but I reasoned that if it saved you, I would do anything Palpatine asked of me."
She had known this. She had seen this in her dreams even before she regained her memories. Still, to imagine her husband being capable of such atrocities…
"But in the end, I still lost you. You came after me to the planet Mustafar where Palpatine had sent me on a mission. We argued, and you tried to convince me to run away with you, to leave it all behind. You tried to get me to come back. And, maybe I would have, I don't know. But, then I saw Obi-Wan come out of your ship, and in that split second, I was certain you had betrayed me." He took a shuddering breath, and his next words were strangled. "In my anger, I lashed out and I…I Force choked you. I hurt you, and I put our children in danger." He didn't speak for a while then, and she could see that he was struggling with the knowledge of what he'd done. "Obi-Wan ordered me to let you go, and I did, and you dropped unconscious to the ground. Obi-Wan and I then fought, but instead of killing me, he cut off my legs and left me to burn on the riverbank next to the river of lava." Padme sucked in a harsh breath—she had not known that. Anakin quickly added, "I survived...how, I don't know. I should have died, but I lay there in agony until Palpatine arrived, found me, and took me to get treatment for my injuries. After that, I had to live in a special suit that basically gave me life support. I was more machine than man, a cyborg almost."
He shook his head. "Obi-Wan took you to Polis Massa in the Outer Rim where you gave birth to our children. Turns out, you were pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, but we hadn't known that before. You died shortly after giving birth, and even though I realized my mistakes, I thought I had lost both you and our children. For a long time, I didn't care who I was. I accepted fully my role as Darth Vader, the apprentice to Palpatine, the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, who became the Emperor of the new Galactic Empire. I murdered senselessly, ruthlessly, without mercy. I hunted down the Jedi and executed them. I killed whoever and whenever my master asked me to. It wasn't until much later that I began to realize that I was basically a slave, a puppet, to Sidious. I tried to come up with ways to overthrow Palpatine a few times over the years, but every time he always seemed to be one step ahead of me and would find a way to keep me subjugated under his thumb.
"Everything changed, though, when a spirited young senator from the planet Alderaan tried to smuggle the plans for our ultimate weapon, the Death Star, back to the Rebel Alliance. I didn't know it until I arrived here in this world, but that senator was one of our children, our daughter Leia." He paused, taking a few weak breaths, his lower lip trembling. He refused to look at her now. "I didn't know, Padme. Had I known who she was…I would like to think I would have acted differently, but I don't know that for sure." Another deep breath. "I tortured her for information. I allowed Commander Tarkin to blow up her entire planet right in front of her own eyes. I allowed him to schedule her for execution, thinking she was just another Rebel sympathizer.
"But, she didn't die. She was rescued by our other child, her brother, Luke. Even before the Death Star Plan incident, I had met Leia on various occasions across the galaxy, and I still had no clue she was our daughter. But, with Luke…I-I could feel something special about him. The Force was very prevalent, very strong in him. Obi-Wan was training him to be a Jedi, and then I killed Obi-Wan on the Death Star, and Luke used the Force to help himself destroy the Death Star. While I gathered resources to destroy Palpatine and take his place as Emperor of the galaxy, I sent bounty hunters to scour the galaxy to try to find out information about the boy, and that's when I discovered that he was our son.
"I didn't rest after that. I hunted Luke across the galaxy with determined focus. I tried to do it in secret, but Luke's Force signature was too strong, and eventually, Palpatine also sensed his presence and figured out his identity. I was ordered to bring Luke before him. When I did, Luke was given an opportunity to kill me. But he didn't. He insisted that there was still good in me, and that he needed to save me from myself.
"Palpatine tried to kill him for his refusal to kill me. I might have let him, but…but Luke had put faith in me that no one had since you died. He looked like me, all blonde hair and blue eyes, but he was natured so much like you, and I…I couldn't let him be killed. He was my son, and even though I hadn't really loved anyone but you for years, I couldn't help but feel the love of a father towards him." Another deep breath. "So, to save Luke, I killed Palpatine, and in the process, I sacrificed myself to do it. I died not long after that with Luke holding me in his arms." He still refused to look at her. He closed his eyes, running his hands through his short golden curls. "He saved me, Padme. Luke…you would have been so proud of him. Of both of our children. Leia was so much like you. She had your dark hair and brown eyes and…" he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I'm babbling, but I just….I wish things had been different.
"When I died, the Force gave me a choice. It gave me the choice to do things over, to have a second chance at life. I didn't fully believe it was possible, but I didn't want to waste the chance either. I wanted to do whatever I could to make things right. So, I accepted. I had no idea that it would lead me so far away from home, or that I would wake up in an alley in this world on a stormy night and get hit by Mindy's car. I had no idea that I would wake up on your couch and see you again. I had no idea that I could fall even deeper in love with you than I had been before, and I never thought that when given the choice, that I would let you go." He opened his eyes then, meeting hers. "But, I did. And I'm so, so sorry that I kept all of this from you. It was wrong of me...And, I know that by telling you all of this, I'm going to lose you again. But, you needed to know the truth, Padme. I didn't just ruin my life, but my actions also ruined your life. No amount of apologies will ever fix that. But, I do want you to know that I will always love you, no matter what you decide. If you decide that you never want to see me again, I completely understand."
There was a note of finality in his voice. He fully expected her to push him away forever. She could see it in his eyes. In her own eyes, tears were welling up and spilling down her cheeks. Just as she'd suspected, it was not a happy story. Yes, he had done evil, horrific, atrocious things that any sane person would have condemned forever. Any sane person would have decided that there was no redemption for him. He hadn't just hurt her, but he had also hurt their children. She shouldn't have forgiven him for that. She should have ordered him to go away and never see her again, but…
She couldn't.
The man before her wasn't the Anakin Skywalker she knew before, nor was he the monster that had done his best to kill everything her husband had stood for. No, this man was her Anakin and so much more. He was as honest as he could have been under the circumstances he'd been thrown into. He was loyal. He was gentle. He was protective. He had put her first so many times since he had come into her life again, and here he was, willing to do it yet again, even at the cost of his own happiness.
She didn't need the Force to tell her that the man before her was a truly changed man.
Her silent tears turned into sobs, sobs that wracked her body with pain, but she couldn't stop. She cried so hard, she could hardly see. "Padme?" She could hear the worry in his voice, "I know, I should have told you…I'm so sorry…sorry doesn't even cover it….Force, I'm just making this worse, I…"
"Oh, Ani," She blubbered, stopping him. She wiped at her eyes with her right hand just enough that she could see the frozen, worried expression on his face. "Ani," She breathed out and reached her right hand out for him, and he hesitantly took her hand in both of his.
"Padme," his voice was hesitant but filled with hope, and he seemed to be choosing his words carefully, clearly terrified of making it worse for her. All she wanted was him though. "You...you just called me Ani," he said with wonder.
She sniffled, nodding. She tried to speak then, to tell him the truth, but the words wouldn't leave her mouth.
He shifted then, reaching into his pocket with his right hand, grabbing something that at first she couldn't make out. When he held up the japor snippet and his padawan braid, her sobs just started all over again. "Where did you get these from?" his voice was gentle, but also confused.
She opened her mouth, closed it, then swallowed. It took her a few tries, but she finally said, "Thanksgiving afternoon, I went up into the attic at my parents' house with Ryoo and Pooja to look around, and we found a mahogany box that had my initials on it in in the very back corner of the attic. They were in that box." The moment of her own truth had come. She met his eyes. "When I opened the box and found them in there, I touched them…I-I don't know what happened, maybe it was the Force, but I…I suddenly remembered." Anakin sucked in a deep breath, and she could see the uncertainty, see the cautious hope in his eyes. His beautiful, blue eyes that had always mesmerized her since the day he had come into her life again when he was nineteen, all those years ago on Coruscant. "Ani, I remember...everything."
His skin paled, his breathing hitched, and for a moment, he just stared at her, mouth agape, not quite believing what he was hearing. He swallowed hard once, and she squeezed his hand. "I remember meeting you for the first time on Tatooine in Watto's shop when you were nine. You asked me if I was an angel. I remember you racing in the pod race and winning to help Master Jinn and Obi-Wan and I get the part we needed for our ship. I remember meeting you again when you were nineteen and Obi-Wan's padawan, being assigned as my protector. I remember that picnic we took by the falls on Naboo when you tried to ride that shaak." She paused and chuckled at that memory.
She continued, as he continued to stare at her and hope began to blossom in his gaze, "I remember going back with you to Tatooine to try and save your mother. I remember fighting with you and the Jedi on Geonosis. You teased me about that being a 'diplomatic solution,' and I told you it was 'aggressive negotiations." She watched as he, too, grinned at that memory. "I remember you losing your right forearm in the fight with Count Dooku. I remember our first kiss on the balcony at Varykino..and I remember marrying you on that same balcony with just Artoo and Threepio there with us." She blushed, "I remember our wedding night and how nervous we both were." She glanced at him through her eyelashes and saw the smile on his face widen, and a flush on his own cheeks. " I remember all the nights we spent together at our apartment at 500 Republica. I remember that when I really missed you while you were away on missions, I'd sleep in one of the Jedi robes you left behind because it always smelled like you. I remember Threepio fussing over everything, and Artoo helping both of us on various missions. I remember when you achieved your knighthood, and you gave me your padawan braid as a gift. I remember fighting by your side both on the battlefield and off. I remember being friends with Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka, and how every time we were summoned by the Jedi council, I was always afraid that they had found out about us and you would be expelled, and that you would be devastated. I remember telling you about my pregnancy and the look of amazement on your face when I did. I remember when you gave me the japor snippet you made for me and how I treasured it and wore it often for you." She took a careful, painful breath. "Most of all, I remember that I loved you, that I have always loved you, even when I didn't always see it. And, all I want now, Ani...what I have always wanted, is your love, and I don't care how hard it will be, I just want…"
She didn't get to finish. Suddenly, Anakin went from frozen in the chair to moving. He moved faster than she could see, and suddenly, his mouth was crashing into hers, his warm hands clasping her face to him.
She had thought that their first kiss at Varykino all those years ago was amazing, that their first kiss here on the beach was wonderful. She had thought that the kiss in the ER on the night of Finn's death was fantastic. She thought the kisses they shared the night of the Gala were incredible….but, THIS kiss blew every kiss they had ever shared, in this galaxy or their last, out of the water.
There was desperation and need, yes. But, even better, there was absolute joy in this kiss. He cradled her face in his hands as he kissed her deeply, his insistent mouth parting her lips, sliding his tongue gently, lovingly across her own in the sweetest of caresses. Had she been standing, her knees would have buckled out from under her. She couldn't breathe as he kissed her, and she kissed him back fervently with every fiber of her being, trying to show him in that one kiss just what he really meant to her. Her heart throbbed in her chest, painfully, sweetly, and she wrapped her good arm around his neck to draw him closer to her, wrapping her fingers in the golden curls at the nape of his neck.
He pulled away slightly, gasping for air, his forehead on hers. "Oh, Padme," he breathed, "My Angel…" It seemed everything he needed to say...could say...was conveyed in just breathing her name, the reverence, the honor…the pure love he felt.
Her nickname. The one he reserved only for her. She couldn't help it. She crushed him back to her and eagerly leaned back in and kissed him again.
And again.
Again.
And again!
She lost count of the kisses they gave each other. At one point, Anakin pulled away, asking in a tortured voice, "But are you sure, Padme? I've done unforgivable things, I…"
She placed a quieting finger against his lips. "I care about who you are now, Anakin" she interrupted, "And, right now, you're my Ani, my Jedi, and I love you so much, Honey, and I just want your love forever, like you promised. So, stop worrying and shut up and just kiss me!"
And, so he did.
Soon, they were both left breathless. "Ani, please lay here with me and hold me," she requested.
"With pleasure, Milady," he grinned. He carefully climbed up on the hospital bed and lay beside her, mindful not to jostle her left arm or leg, placing his right hand gently on her hip, the other arm sliding under her shoulders, his hand tangled in her hair, and then laying his forehead against hers. Even through the blanket, she could feel the warmth of his hand burning her skin, and she hated that she was injured and had to rest.
So instead, she decided to be content in the moment. There was plenty of time to tell each other every detail of the lives they had led apart from one another. There was plenty of time to start over. For now, they were happy to just be there together in the moment, staring into each other's eyes with love and adoration as their breath mingled.
"I never thought this day would never happen," he whispered , kissing the tip of her nose.
"Neither did I." She whispered back. "Ani?"
"Yes, my Love?"
"Thank you."
He shifted to look down at her, frowning in confusion. "For what?"
She wished she could move her arm so that she could hold him, hold him like she used to. "For coming home to me."
Anakin smiled, and kissed her again, softly this time. "You will always be my home, Angel."
Padme smiled, too, and she marveled how, against all of the impossible odds stacked against them, they were there, together and alive but...Together.
Her Ani. Her Jedi.
His Padme. His Angel.
"I'm not sure I'm allowed to be on this bed like this," He murmured against her temple after a moment. "I think Vokara will…"
She recognized the name and, had she been in the mood, she may have asked him about it. But, in that moment, she just wanted to enjoy their reunion. "I don't care. Let her get upset." She wanted this moment to last forever. She didn't want any doctors or nurses or family members or friends to come in and ruin it. But, if she was honest with herself, she was getting tired, and her eyes were drooping.
"Honey?" she groggily asked.
"Yes, Angel?"
"Please shave soon. I don't want you to look like Obi-Wan." She smiled softly as he felt the rumble of his laughter beneath her cheek.
"I'll be sure to do that." His voice was amused, but also filled with love and she buried her face against his chest, breathing in his scent. "Padme," Anakin said suddenly, and she could hear that once again he was getting serious. "There's something else that I have to tell you, Sweetheart."
By the tone of his voice, she knew that whatever he was about to say would ruin this moment between them, and she was too tired, too happy to allow that to happen. "Not right now, Ani."
"But, Angel, it's important…" she reached up with her good hand and put her fingertips to his lips, stopping him. She tilted her head back and met his gaze.
"Ani, right now I just want to enjoy this moment. Ok? Whatever you need to say, I promise I'll listen, but it can wait. Right now…I just want you."
His eyes softened, and he nodded. "Alright." A pause. "I love you, Angel. So much."
She smiled and shifted so that she rested her cheek against his chest, hearing the comforting beat of his heart in her ear. He kissed the top of her head, curling his fingers deeper into her hair. "I love you too, Ani."
They stayed like that for a long time, enjoying each other's company, until both their eyes finally grew heavy, and they fell into a deep, happy sleep, wrapped tightly in each other's arms.
It's so weird because I've had this chapter planned since before I ever wrote the first chapter, and now it's finally written and posted. It's weird, but amazing at the same time! I hope you all love it as much as I loved writing it.
I wanted to address the last name Amidala. I totally get that technically, Padme's family name is Naberrie in the old galaxy, but this is an AU set in our world in a country that doesn't usually do multiple last names. So when I chose to keep her whole family's last name as Amidala, it was done solely on the fact that Padme was publicly known as Amidala in her old galaxy. With Padme's parents being politicians and public figures in this world, I figured I would continue that tradition with the name Amidala for the whole family. Just FYI.
Also, if you've PMed me, just so you know, I'm super awful at responding quickly to those. I'll go respond now. I promise I'm not ignoring anyone, lol.
So the songs for this chapter are of course, Across the Stars by John Williams, Stand By You by Rachel Platten (that's sort of Padme's theme I think), and Swallowed in the Sea by Coldplay.
Anyhow, review!
Love,
Sarah
