Eames' House
Eames unlocked the door and dropped the keys on the nearby table. She took off her badge, gun and holster and put it in her safe. She took off her jacket and changed her clothes into yoga pants and comfortable t-shirt. She made some tea and curled up on the couch. She heard the door latch unlock and saw Goren walking through the frame. He closed the door behind him and made his way to Eames on the couch. He was in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a button up. He sank next to her on the couch. She put her hand on his leg. "You gotta talk to me now, Bobby."
Goren tensed up and then leaned forward cupping his head in his hands. "Why? Why do we have to talk about it?"
"Because it's obviously affecting you and I love you and I worry about you. Is that enough reason?"
He shook his head not wanting to open up.
"What are you worried about with telling me? I'm not going to look at you differently. I'm only going to listen." She placed her hand on his reassuringly.
"It's just going to bring up a lot of stuff."
"Does it have to do with your mom or what happened this morning?" He shifted uncomfortably at the latter.
"This morning brought up some things for you. Okay." She sat curled on the other side of the couch observing him and patiently waiting for him to talk. She looked away briefly and swallowed feeling her throat tighten upon realizing the conversation may make both of them uncomfortable. He compressed his large body into a much smaller frame, shrinking himself to how the impending conversation was making him feel. He hated when he wasn't in control. She felt the same way allowing them to usually avoid vulnerable moments but here they were trying to have something real and that meant facing the uncomfortable.
"It, uh, scared me when you weren't in bed with me this morning. I know it's irrational but I thought something happened to you. I felt paralyzed."
"Mmhmm" she encouraged
"And that's it."
"Don't bullshit me, Bobby. I know there's more than just that."
He got up from the couch and rubbed at the back of his neck where his hair met it. He turned his head to the side then down uncomfortably "Why do you gotta push this?! It doesn't matter."
"I think it does."
"Why?"
"It's bothering you. It affected you at work and right now you can barely look at me."
"It's my problem. I'll deal. Why do you need to get involved?"
"Bobby, don't you see I'm already involved. What affects you affects me. That's how relationships work."
She got up and grabbed a glass and filled it with two fingers of scotch and handed it to Bobby. "Figured you'd like this more than tequila." He smirked remembering.
"Thanks." He sat back down next to her and put his hand on her leg and attempted to pull her closer to him, "why don't we skip talking." His mouth was inches away.
"Don't deflect. We are talking about this." She grabbed his hand and moved it off her leg. He retreated to the other corner of the couch.
"Why is this so important to you?"
"Because you are?"
"Why?"
"Why do I love you?" She looked at him and her heart broke a bit. "Bobby, do you not believe I love you?" His eyes glanced away from hers.
"Ah, I'm only going to hurt you, don't you see that? I'm not good for you."
"You really need to stop pushing me away. She put her hands on his shoulders, "I'm a big girl, Bobby. I'm not made of glass and I most certainly can take care of myself. Let me judge what's good for me."
He sucked in a breath, moved closer to her, reaching out to touch where her heart would lie in her chest, "I've already hurt you." She heard him but he was spiraling and he needed to be focused. She placed her hand on his and then moved it to his leg and made direct eye contact.
"Talk to me. Tell me what happened this morning. You woke up and you didn't see me. You thought of the kidnapping and…"
"My heart started racing and my chest got tight. I felt like I couldn't breathe." He looked down ashamed at admitting this weakness.
"You had a panic attack. That's a common reaction to stress and trauma and you've had it in spades, Bobby."
"Yeah I, uh, know that Alex but usually I can take it without this happening."
"What were you thinking when you had the panic attack? Bobby?"
"I don't want to talk about this!"
"What did you think about?" She was adamant and relentless. She knew in order to get it out of him, she would need to push him and pry it out of him. He hated talking about his feelings and coming off weak.
"Stop it already!"
"Bobby?"
"That it's all my fault! That it's only a matter of time before I lose you. Everyone in my life is gonna leave." He covered his face with his hand.
"Do you think I'm going to leave you?"
He dropped his hands staring into her eyes with sadness and his eyes signaled to her that he believed this to be true. "If you know what's good for you."
"Ah c'mon, Bobby."
"Well it's True. My dad left us. My mother passed. She was kinda gone to me before that and Frank, it's only a matter of time before he OD's or gets killed. I'm not meant to have this, Alex. It's only a matter of time." He stood and paced by the couch. He was becoming agitated and spoke in a confrontational manner.
"So I'm going to leave you, that's what you said, right?" Her face became stoic and she felt he should know by now where she stood with him but apparently that wasn't the case. "We've been together as partners for six years Bobby and I haven't left yet despite having many opportunities to do so." She spoke that last part with an annoyed chuckle, "I'm still here. There's the hole in your logic."
"But you were going to." Immediately, she knew what he was referring to. She'd hoped he'd understood that day how she felt and wouldn't hold it against her but here he was still holding onto that disappointment seeing it as a betrayal or excuse to push her away.
"The letter."
"Yes, the letter."
"I told you. It was before I even got to know you and I immediately regretted writing it. Given the choice today, I would not want any other partner working beside me."
"But you did and one of these days, I'm going to do something that you aren't going to like and there it is."
Her mouth opened then closed. She was looking for the right words to get it through his head that she wasn't going to go anywhere but they weren't coming. She grabbed a glass and poured some scotch for herself and downed it.
She grabbed the side of the counter and then turned around again to face Goren, "You said you already hurt me. Bobby, what are you talking about?"
[Flashback] "So that's when I decided to kill Eames and frame him." He swallowed hard. Goren's stomach twisted in knots and he felt rage build up inside him coinciding with the pity he had for her. Then all he could see, in his mind, was Eames covered in dirt and blood. All he could hear was the crack in her voice as she tried to stay strong in telling him the facts he needed to know. Then, it was her screams that she didn't let out. They were deafening in his head. He wanted to throw up. [End of flashback]
He spoke softly full of regret and pain, "The Gage's. If I hadn't brought them into your life. You wouldn't have been kidnapped. Don't you see it's my fault you were hurt." She wanted to shake him get him to realize he couldn't possibly know the mind of a deranged psychopath that well to know she'd come after her. He wasn't that good and she would mean it as a compliment because he still had the ability and heart to be shocked and affected and that meant he wasn't far gone like he always portrayed. But then he spoke and those words disappeared as she confirmed her worst nightmare. "Jo did it because of me. She was going to kill you, Eames. She told me before they took her in." Eames winced at the memory of being tortured when she heard the name, Jo. "See there." He pointed in her direction. "That's because of me." He finished his drink and placed the drink down on the counter. He rubbed his forehead with his fist, "I should leave." His head and shoulders hunched downward.
"I want you to stay." He looked up at her with wounded puppy dog eyes. "Could you hold me?" She knew it was him who needed the proximity, the comfort but he'd never admit it. By feigning that she needed it, he would get what he needed and save face. Truth be told she did want to be held by him because the two of them understood that day could have gone differently and they wouldn't be here together and she needed that reassurance as much as him.
"Yeah, okay." She put the TV on and curled up next to Goren as he cradled her body close to his. She leaned her head near his chest. He leaned in and kissed the top of her head. Talking must have drained him emotionally because he passed out with his head on hers and arms wrapped around her. She didn't dare move for fear of waking him but truth be told there wasn't anywhere else she would rather be.
[Flashback:] Inside one Police Plaza's garage, Goren waves an officer off when told the closed off the garage due to the missing cop alert. "Shh She's my partner." Goren snatches the crowbar out of an officers hands as he ran up to the trunk of Eames' Car. He pried it open letting the crowbar go, clinking as it fell to the floor. Inside was a green fabric tarp, soaked in spots with blood. He's breath was sharp and he hesitated terrified at the thought of what he might find. He put his hand to the tarp and pulled it back slowly revealing the face of Amanda, the video store clerk. It takes a moment for him to connect to the fact that stares at him. It isn't Eames. He sighed a relief that almost makes him emotional until he realizes that Captain Ross is right beside him. [End of flashback]
[Dream:] Goren pulls up to the car props it open with the crowbar. There is the green tarp stained with blood. The smell is strong and metallic along with decomp from the body below. He pulls up the tarp. There lies Eames bloodied and beaten limp in the trunk of her car. Her eyes open.
"You did this." Then close back. He falls to the floor in agony. The action repeats with Frank under the tarp in the morgue and finally his mother's dead body in the hospital room.
"I told you, you have it in you, son." Mark Ford Brady smirked. "The apple didn't fall far from the tree." Everybody leaves, he thinks.
"No one is gonna love you. The best you can hope for is a good lay before they catch on and drop you like a sack of potatoes moving on to the next." William Goren continued, "You can't commit to a woman. Men aren't made that way. Men have biological needs that one woman cannot satisfy. The sooner you realize that, the better. Get those romantic notions out your head, Bobby. You are a man now, so man up and keep your mouth shut."
"He said you could have gone either way," Jo's voice echoed in stereo. "How old were you when your mother…"
"Killed herself?" Jo finished for him. "Seven."
"And that's tough."
"So was yours."
Her smile menacing as her face transforms into Nicole Wallace. "How old were you when you found out your mommy wasn't like all other mommies?" Nicole prodded in his brain.
"Seven."
"Were you ashamed?"
"And frightened."
"But now you worry you're too much of a chip off the old block. Cheers Bobby, This was everything I'd hoped for. [End of Dream]
"Bobby. Bobby, wake up." Eames tried to gently coax him awake. Goren thrashed around before jolting awake. "Hey. You okay? Bad dream?" He rubbed his face and blinked his eyes to see. He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands elbows pressed against his legs. It took him a minute to settle his breath and heart rate.
"I fell asleep on the couch?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to wake you. You looked exhausted."
"I must've been."
"Let's go to bed."
"I'll meet you there. I'm just gonna go out a quick smoke."
"Okay."
He smacked his pack of cigarettes against his left hand to loosen one. He pulled it out and put it between his fingers. Goren brought it to his mouth inhaling as he lit the cigarette. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth exhaling and then licking his dry lips. He listened to the sparse passing traffic outside Eames' home. His dreams had been so vivid and disheartening. He knew he had to come to terms with what had been happening. He couldn't box it away, it wasn't staying put. Between, Eames' kidnapping, his mother's death, then finding out about his father, he knew he wasn't coping well. He was drinking heavily and eating badly, meals were consisting mostly of vending junk and fast food. He was barely taking care of himself. It wasn't until his relationship with Eames that he tried to take a little better care of himself but he knew that he really still wasn't coping. Denial and avoidance had been his modus operandi lately. He puffed again. Inhale and exhale. At least, the cigarettes helped him relax.
There was so much stirring in his mind that he found himself going back to the case where Eames' was kidnapped. He knew his relationship with her was stirring up the case for him and he wouldn't be able to avoid and ignore it much longer.
[Flashback] In ER room number 6, Eames laid in bed, IV and oxygen attached and bandages over her head and arms. Goren remembered her looking so small and scared. "I'm sorry." His eyes were exhausted and strained yet genuinely filled with the emotion of what she may have gone through and how he somehow unwillingly facilitated it with his connection to the Gage's. She smiled small, eyes closed slightly shifting her head back and forth sideways. He blames himself. Oh course, he does. Bobby, I could never blame you for this, she thinks.
"5 minutes she'll probably conk out in 4." The nurse informed Goren who asked for time to get her account of her kidnapping. Her voice broke with tears on the surface. He softened his voice as he spoke to her and hears her account of what happened.
"He removed the blindfold. He wanted me to scream. I didn't."
"That's what kept you alive," Goren commented grateful for her choice to stay quiet.
He listened, gently prodding for details. She fell asleep in the midst of his soft questioning. He sat and watched her sleep, holding her hand in his, almost drifting to sleep in a chair beside her. He fought to keep his eyes open to guarantee her safety. He stayed until one of the nurses notified him that her father was there to see her. He vacated his seat and placed a call his Captain to tell him what Eames had relayed to him.
"How is she?"
"She's hanging in there. She's tough."
His Captain proceeded to order him to take a couple hours and get some rest since Eames was now safe.
They needed him fresh. The had marked off the crime scene and He accompanied Goren to survey the scene to get clues to Eames' kidnapper. Inside, he worked it as a case forcing his mind to make sense of the clues but inside he his stomach is turning at the thought of Eames being where he was at the moment and being tortured, helpless to stop the criminal.
"You have your partner back. Now, you're gonna have to let your mentor go." He was filled with emotional pain but this time it would be at the loss of his chosen family, his mentor who had been there where others weren't. Declan was the one person who saw and appreciated the greatness inside him and nourished it. How can I let him down now when he's been the only one there for me. He asks about making sure Declan's daughter, Jo is available to him. Ross replies, "I didn't have to. She wants to be there for him. She's inured to the horror of what he's done." He stares around the vacant room filled with instruments of torture and thinks. That is the moment he realizes where he went wrong. He was so focused on Declan that he didn't think to consider the motive and benefits. Yes, maybe the attention would have been beneficial to someone who so desperately wanted their career back. However, who could benefit from setting him up. Then, he stops in his tracks, as one name blares in his head: Jo. It's Jo.
He stands outside the interrogation room with Jo as Ross vamps to keep Declan in the box and buy Goren time to get a confession. No one has listened to their story. The words echoed in his head as he looks at Jo with compassion for the first time considering what she might have went through to get to this point. He knows what to do now. He had to simply listen and she would fill in the words.
He listens as the Captain gets Declan to talk.
"How much time do you spend with them?"
"It's unconditional." Goren listens to these words come through the speaker while contemplating that word. Unconditional was something neither him or Jo had growing up. Jo goes to leave upon hearing that Goren thought Declan was innocent.
"A relief of being understood" Goren repeated from the speaker. "I envy you having a dad like him." He did. When he had him in his life grooming him to be a profiler, he could not be more jealous of Jo that he was truly her dad. His words stopped Jo dead in her tracks.
"He was more of a father to you and his killers than he ever was to me." Goren understood. The things he envied about her father were the things that were not available to her growing up. He envied her for no reason. She was just like him yearning for a stable figure in her life loving her unconditionally. He didn't envy her anymore. Now, he felt compassion for her and felt guilty that he was so wrapped up in pleasing her father and grateful at having him in his life that he ignored the blaring signs that Jo needed help. But his feelings were complicated, compassion for Jo felt like a betrayal to Eames since Jo had caused so much pain to his partner, whom he cared deeply for.
Goren had spent so much time with Jo and her father. They became family to him so the idea that they would hurt him should have been on his radar since that's what his own family did but he wanted to believe that he got a second chance with his chosen family. He failed to clock Declan's obsession and neglect and the signs of loneliness and disregard to Jo. Could I have done anything that would have resulted in a different outcome? He couldn't reconcile the Jo he knew with the serial killer she had become. Does she even realize the gravity of what she's done? The lines she's crossed? It was all a means to an end, for her. She was inundated with brutality as such a young age that she lost the empathy for the victim. The Captain was right. Now that Eames was safe, he had to let them go. At least for now if not, long term, he needed to be there for Eames.
He said you could have gone either way." it panged in his head and brought up his childhood to his surface. Goren thought of the beatings he took from both parents. He got hit from his father for getting into trouble since he would act out for attention. He would get hit by his mother in the midst of her agitated state and her delusions. He would also get told how much better Frank was constantly and how he was good for nothing. They missed his intellect and potential because Bobby stopped trying. He realized it didn't matter if he did well or not so he would skip classes to smoke and drink and his grades dropped drastically. Frank was so wrapped up in pleasing his dad and avoiding his mother that it left little time for them but occasionally they would drink or share a smoke and Frank would chide him for screwing up.
That was something else he didn't want to think about. He pushed it down. He couldn't think about himself right now. He needed to be there for her. She was the only thing that mattered. He made his way to her hospital room glancing at the large number 6 that adorned the wall and that damn curtain there for her privacy but only served to add to her continual torture, making her relive everything she endured. He was so angry and wanted to yank the curtain down to stop her pain. He would but he knew that action would hurt her as well. Instead, he picked a small portion of it back as softly as he could to avoid making much sound and rotated his body to squeeze himself in the small space. He sat in the chair that he moved closer to her bed. He would stay there as long as she needed him. [End of Flashback]
He finished his cigarette and put it out. He opened the door and walked inside heading for the bathroom. He used the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and joined Eames in the bedroom.
"There you are." Eames said pulling him into the bed. "I thought about putting out a BOLO. You were out there so long. How are you? You okay?"
"Now, I am." He smiled and kissed her wrapping his arms around her. "Let's get some sleep."
