Verdurous Seas, Cerulean Skies
Rehab
The first step is always the hardest. That was what he told himself after he finally pushed himself from his stationary position. But as he prepared to take his next step, he didn't think this process was going to be any easier, or any less painful. He took a deep breath as he lifted his foot, grimacing slightly as his other leg supported most of his weight, and made his way forward. By the third step, he was thoroughly exhausted. His arms could only support him for so long.
"I think you've made enough progress for today, Bebel."
With a breath of relief, the young man gladly took a seat in the chair provided by Dr. Oldham as well as the glass of water offered by his granddaughter. After taking a few large sips, Bebel beamed brightly at the doctor. "That was even better than yesterday!"
"Yes, it was," Dr. Oldham confirmed. "You were able to take two more steps. That is incredible considering you've only been at this for three days. Well done, Bebel."
"Yay, Bebel!"
Bebel smiled proudly at his own success and blushed as the little girl continued to praise him.
Diagnosed with a critical illness at a very young age, Bebel was born to a cruel fate. His compromised immune system didn't allow him to do any strenuous activities, not even something as rudimentary as climbing stairs, rendering his legs lame. After spending almost an entire lifetime bedridden, no one thought he would be able to walk again. And because of this, he formed very little friendships with people his own age and spent most of his time indoors, with the exceptions of planned get-togethers and seasonal barbecues with Amy and her friends. Due to his medical history, Bebel spent most of his time with Dr. Oldham, browsing through his medical archives and other cursory literature that distracted him from his endless immobility.
But he didn't let it bring him down. Despite his ill-determined fate, Bebel was a ray of sunshine in many people's lives. His glass-half-full attitude brightened up many desolate souls and his light-hearted nature kept the clouds away. Many thought his unfortunate circumstances were what made him so humble, but few of those people knew that was just the way Bebel was. Even if he was confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life, Bebel would remain the prodigal optimist Gargantia knew and loved.
One day, a miracle happened in the form of an annual diagnostic scan. Bebel's condition was not as permanent as everyone suspected it to be. From the results of the scan, Dr. Oldham observed that the young boy's immune system had improved gradually over the years, and according to this recent development the astute doctor surmised that Bebel was now strong enough to begin the rehabilitation process and start walking again. Three days into rehab and Bebel felt he could walk a mile (although he felt as if he had already run that mile ten times, according the burning sensation in his legs).
"How soon do you think I can start walking around the fleet on my own?" he asked the doctor ardently.
Dr. Oldham couldn't help sharing his eagerness and chuckled. "Let's not get carried away, Bebel. You've only started walking two days ago. Normally it takes months for people with muscular atrophy to fully regain motor function after being inert for so long. Your legs may take years to recover after all that time of disuse, and there may also be lasting damage in your muscles. But you're one of the most ambitious people I've ever known. I'm sure you'll be on your feet sooner than you think." He took a moment to look through Bebel's medical file. "However, your legs still need to adjust to your weight, so there's no need to rush your progress. You're doing great, Bebel."
"Thanks, doctor." Bebel carefully pulled himself into his wheelchair.
"Are you sure you don't want to do your rehabilitation at home?"
"No, it's okay. It's much easier to do it here. My hope is that I'll be able to walk home all the way from your office."
"One day, Bebel. Until then, I'll see you tomorrow." The good doctor and his granddaughter waved him out.
Once outside, Bebel was happy to see Ledo waiting patiently to help him down the stairs. "Hello, Bebel."
"Hey, Ledo!"
After they descended the stairs, they solicited a conversation about their day, with Bebel leaving out the part about his rehab. Three days in and he hadn't gotten around to telling Ledo or Amy. As much as he wanted to tell them, something inside Bebel told him to hold off that conversation for another day.
I'll tell them after a week.
Once they arrived home, Ledo helped him up to his and Amy's apartment. His sister wasn't home yet, so the excavator decided to keep Bebel company in the meantime. A half hour later, Amy entered their humble abode carrying bags filled with groceries. Ledo immediately got up to welcome her home with a chaste kiss and took some of the bags out of her hands. Bebel rolled his chair over to the table and helped set aside food that needed to be put away and food that was already prepared for consumption. Once they were finished, the three sat together to enjoy a hearty meal, each person taking turns recounting how they spent their day. After dinner, Amy and Ledo took it upon themselves to wash the dishes, allowing Bebel to retire to his bed and read one of his newest novels. Unfortunately, the young boy was having a hard time concentrating on the text in front of him due to the shenanigans of the two older teens behind the paper-thin sheet that separated the "kitchen" from his "bedroom":
"Ledo, can you hand me that plate?"
"Sure."
A giggle.
"L-Ledo, that tickles!"
"Don't be so loud, Amy. Bebel can hear us."
"You jerk! You're the one making me laugh!"
"It's not my fault you're so ticklish."
A gasp.
"Amy, w-what are you doing?"
"Payback. Come here."
Deep breaths and the shifting of fabric.
"M-Maybe we should… continue this… at your place."
"Agreed."
The creak of the front of door, opening and shutting.
Finally, Amy's head poked around the delicate sheet, her face flushed, and Bebel was not so naïve as to believe it was just from doing dishes. "Hey, Bebel. I'm going to go over Ledo's for a bit. Do you mind?"
Bebel merely smiled at his older sister as if he hadn't heard any of their antics like some sort of unintentional voyeur. "Not at all. I was going to go to bed after I read this chapter, anyway."
"Just holler if you need anything!"
"Sure thing. Goodnight, Sis."
"Goodnight, baby brother!"
And with that, Bebel was alone.
Unfortunately, after Amy's departure, he couldn't concentrate long enough to get through the next sentence, so he simply put the book away, turned off the light, and lied back in his bed with his hands folded over his chest.
Bebel's rehab made him think about things that he didn't think about too often, like how inconvenient his disability was for the people around him. One of the drawbacks of being confined to a wheelchair on a fleet your whole life was that certain places weren't wheelchair accessible, and Bebel needed someone to assist him whenever he left home and back. Dr. Oldham usually accompanied him on these trips, sometimes Amy whenever she didn't have to work. Now that Ledo lived closer to them, he volunteered for these trips the most. Even though they didn't seem bothered by it, the last thing Bebel wanted was to be a hindrance.
Of course everyone assumed he'd live with Amy, even long into their adult years, but now that she and Ledo were together, that was much less likely. Two years into their relationship, the couple was starting to become more intimate. Sometimes they could get carried away, even while Bebel was around, but they were conscious enough of his presence to know that they should continue… philandering elsewhere. It wouldn't be long until they decided to move in together, and there wasn't enough room in their apartment for three people to cohabit.
Now that he was recovering, this provided more living prospects for the three of them. Ledo moving in was definitely out of the picture, so unless Bebel moved out Amy would have to move in with Ledo. Ledo's apartment was just a couple flights below theirs. It was closer to the ground, a much more appropriate place for Bebel to live, but living on the ground floor was definitely a more ideal situation for him. But he couldn't bring himself to mention this to either of them, just as he couldn't bring himself to mention rehab for the past three days.
During dinner, as he told them about what he covered in his anthropology class today, he couldn't help thinking about his secret and when he should bring it up. It wasn't like it was a bad secret, and yet whenever there was an opportunity to tell them, a sudden sensation of diffidence came over him and prevented him from saying anything, and he didn't know why.
Rehab opened up many opportunities for Bebel he never thought he'd ever have, and instead of one future he saw several probabilities in store. He wouldn't need someone to help him across the fleet or even to simply walk up the stairs. He could go outside wherever he wanted. There would still be a few limitations, but nothing he couldn't live without. Him being able to walk again was a miracle in itself… so why couldn't he just tell anyone about it? Where had his pride gone when he took three steps on his own for the first time in how many years? Why couldn't he share his accomplishment with the people he cared about? And why did he feel that telling them was worse than hiding it from them?
As the night slowly transitioned into dawn, Bebel found himself wide awake and filled with even more distraught questions about his future.
~VSCS~
The days slowly turned into weeks as Bebel was steadily getting used to moving on his legs again. He began using the wall for support less and less, and the throbbing in his calves was also becoming more bearable.
"You did well today, Bebel," said the doctor. "You can rest now."
Bebel was still panting from exertion and his legs were shaking from such a tremendous effort. "I'm… not tired… yet."
Dr. Oldham looked up from his file and gave him a stern look. "Bebel…"
"I think I… can make it back… to my chair…" He had to put more weight on his right leg because the left one was much stiffer, making it harder for him to stand let alone walk back to his wheelchair by himself.
"Bebel, you shouldn't strain yourself. You're making great progress. You lasted ten minutes longer than you did last week. You need to rest, otherwise you'll hurt yourself."
Bebel felt Dr. Oldham's granddaughter take his hand, a worried look on her innocent face. Despite his fatigue, he managed a smile for her and allowed her to help him into his wheelchair. He thanked her again for the glass of water she fervently offered him, downing it all in a few long gulps. He knew the doctor was right; if he got carried away, he might worsen his condition. But he had suddenly become too motivated to stop.
He never realized how independent he wanted to be now that he knew he could walk again. For years Bebel had always relied on his family to help him. And then when it was just him and Amy, they had friends looking out for them as well as the good doctor. Now he was thirteen, the same age Amy was when she began raising Bebel on her own. He knew how to take care of himself when she was away; he was certain living by himself wouldn't be much different. And now that he could walk he could learn how to do all the things he couldn't help Amy with around their home.
But there were still a few reasons why couldn't tell Amy and Ledo. For one thing, he wasn't sure how Amy would react. She would definitely be more comfortable living with her boyfriend, but after all those years living together, with and without their parents, Amy had a routine, and she didn't like it when people close to her made these decisions without her consent; she cried for days after Melty and Ledo left to unknowingly join that cult fleet. Ledo was a completely different story. There were many things he knew he could trust the former ensign with, but secrets weren't one of them. Ledo loved Amy too much to hide anything from her; he would sooner get eaten by a whalesquid than lie by omission.
Weeks had gone by and his secret was still airtight. While his bones still ached and his legs felt numb, his rehabilitation was gradually making him stronger. And while Ledo and Amy continued their nighttime activities at Ledo's place, Bebel would continue stretching his legs, moving around the apartment and acclimating to the further reaches of places he originally had no access to. Once he had thoroughly exhausted himself, he collapsed onto his bed, and Amy would come back up the next day to find him asleep in some weird position. He woke up to achier limbs, but no regrets.
Now he had hit his ten-week mark and his progress, as Dr. Oldham had mentioned earlier, was exceptional. Perhaps practicing further at home attributed to this headway, but he also needed to remind himself to take a break every once and a while.
"How often do you walk around at home, Bebel?"
The young man was surprised by the doctor's question. He hadn't even told him that he was practicing outside of their sessions. "How'd you know?"
"You are more tired than usual, not to mention your heartrate has increased drastically." Oldham pointed to the heart monitor that was still connected to Bebel's chest. "If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were trying to expedite your progress."
Bebel looked away bashfully, wondering how he was going to explain his current predicament. "I… I haven't told Amy about any of this. Or Ledo." The good doctor raised his eyebrows curiously but said nothing, allowing him to continue. "They've been together for two years now, and sooner or later they're going to want to live together. I just want to be prepared for that day when it comes."
"I see…" Dr. Oldham cupped a hand up his chin, lightly tapping his finger against his cheek. "Listen, Bebel. I don't disapprove of your exercises at home; if anything, I encourage it. I know we can't meet every day, with your classes and my other patients, so stretching your legs whenever you can is very important so they can readjust to regular activity. But I don't want you to get carried away, so I think it would be best for you to tell both Amy and Ledo, for your own safety."
Bebel sighed, knowing he was right. He had no excuse not to tell them, but still…
By the time he left the office, Ledo was once again outside waiting for him, but this time Bebel didn't have it in him to offer a remotely genuine smile. Noticing this as well as the sheen of sweat coating his face, Ledo frowned in concern. "Are you okay, Bebel?" he asked after he carried him down the stairs.
"Of course I am. I'm just… ready to go home."
Ledo was about to ask a follow-up question, but Bebel was already well on his way in the direction of home, not bothering to wait for the older boy. He took note of Bebel's not-so-thin arms and less pallid complexion. He had no idea what was going on, but he had a feeling that it wasn't something that he could simply ask about.
During his first physical, Dr. Oldham had told him about doctor-patient confidentiality; whatever happened during their appointments was private, and nothing Ledo wanted to share with anyone outside the office would be disclosed unless he said otherwise. He knew the same applied to all of Dr. Oldham's other patients, including Bebel, and although Ledo was still worried, he was positive Bebel would tell him if something was wrong. He didn't think it was anything serious, but it was still disconcerting to see him perspire so much. Ledo supposed being stuck in that stuffy office would make anyone sweat profusely, but Bebel seemed too exhausted to have just been sitting in an office all day.
What exactly was he doing with Dr. Oldham?
Looking up, Ledo noticed that the doctor's granddaughter was watching them from the stairs, her troubled gaze set particularly on the tired-looking young man rolling away. Catching his eye, an amiable smile quickly replaced the frown that occupied her face, and she waved at him before going back into her grandfather's office. He thought about asking her, but he was certain that the doctor-patient confidentiality rule applied to her as well.
Ledo turned away to follow Bebel, further contemplating other possible reasons for his surrogate brother's strange behavior.
~VSCS~
The faithful day had finally come when Bebel's secret was revealed. Unfortunately, it had not been a planned occasion.
That day, Bebel had gotten up to find a note on the nightstand beside his bed. He rolled over and picked up the note to read its message:
Bebel,
Sorry I didn't wake you. You looked exhausted and I wanted to make sure you got enough sleep. Breakfast is on the stove. Have a great day!
Amy
Bebel smiled, setting the note aside. He began reaching for his wheelchair when he thought better of it. Amy wouldn't be home for hours, he didn't have class today, and he didn't have to see Dr. Oldham until next week. Unless one of his friends or students decided to stop by, this was a golden opportunity to really test his legs and see how much he'd fair without Amy or anyone else around to help him go through the motions.
Scooching to the edge of the bed, Bebel braced himself before slowly standing up, resting his hand against the wall just in case. He stood on shaky legs, but after a few seconds they grew steady and he took a wobbly step forward, ironically with the help of his wheelchair. When he was confident enough to walk on his own, he pushed the wheelchair towards Amy's bed and began preparing his breakfast. After three months of practice, Bebel began timing how long his legs could hold out before he needed a break. His left leg was still a little stiff, so he was only able to stand at least three hours at most. He was determined to beat that record.
It took him about five minutes to prepare breakfast and ten more to clean his plate. Once he was done with breakfast, he walked around the room for a bit, mulling over what to do next and decided to try cleaning parts of the apartment he now had access to. He mostly did things that didn't require him to get on his knees so he wouldn't have to struggle to get up from the floor, sweeping and wiping down every surface he could reach. Afterwards, he drew a bath, careful of his stiff leg. By the time he was done, it was well after three hours. His stiff leg made it difficult to get out of the tub, but he still managed to stay on his feet well past the three-hour limit.
Bebel felt pretty good. His left leg still made walking a bit of a challenge, but he didn't feel the usual achiness or spasms he felt whenever he was on his feet for too long. Finally, after suffering years of muscular atrophy, and weeks and weeks and weeks recirculating the lame muscles in his limbs, the agonized struggle of recuperation had finally come to fruition. It wouldn't be long until Dr. Oldham set him up with a cane, and then he would be on his feet for good. He never felt prouder than at this moment…
Until he saw a familiar yet unwelcome face in his kitchen.
"L-Ledo!"
The older boy stared at him in astonishment, his mouth agape like a fish. "Bebel… you're walking."
All of a sudden, the confidence that kept him on his feet fled him, and his stiff leg gave out. With quick reflexes, Ledo caught him. He put Bebel's arm around his neck, helping him limp to his bed. He sat across from him on a stool and steepled his fingers in front of his mouth as he contemplated what to say after witnessing what he and many others on the fleet would consider a miracle. Bebel could practically see the gears turning in his head, his blinking mauve eyes sweeping over him as if he were a stranger. The silence was killing him.
Say something, Ledo.
"I didn't realize… this was what you were up to."
"What'd you think I was doing?" Bebel replied, his tone a little harsher than intended. "Sorry. I didn't expect to see you here so early. Don't you have to work late today?"
"Dr. Oldham's granddaughter asked me to come here and check on you. Bellows was very understandable when I explained to her about your… strange behavior, as of late. We've all been worried about you, Bebel. Amy and I didn't say anything at first because we knew you'd tell us if it was dire." Ledo's eyes continued to move up and down, observing the physical changes that developed during the past three mysterious months of Bebel's rehabilitation, silently awed. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"I… don't know. I mean, I knew I was going to tell you. I just didn't know when. I was worried about how Amy might react."
"I'm sure Amy will be very happy to see that you are recovering from the illness that has left you bedridden most of your life."
"That's not what I mean!" His abruptly harsh tone nearly made Ledo jump out of his skin. Bebel rarely yelled at anyone; doing it twice in one day—and at Ledo of all people—was bizarre.
Embarrassed by his outburst, the younger boy looked away, fisting his bedsheets and struggling to conjure the words to express the maelstrom of emotions he felt these past couple of months. "… I remember when you and Melty and about half of our fleet left when Ridget became the commander. Melty is one of Amy's best friends, and at that point so were you. It broke her heart when you two left.
"You two are a couple now, and I know how much you enjoy your privacy…" Ledo blushed as he thought of all the times he and Amy got carried away around Bebel, and he rubbed his neck as if that could dispel the embarrassment. "Now that I can walk, I can live on my own…"
"And you think Amy won't allow it. Is that why you haven't told us about your therapy sessions with Dr. Oldham?"
When Bebel looked up, Ledo was surprised to see an emotion so alien in the eyes of his angel-faced friend: shame. "I felt guilty—I still feel guilty, because that's exactly what I want! People have been taking care of me my whole life, and now I've been given a chance to be like everybody else and not confined to a wheelchair forever! I was proud that I could finally do all the things Amy's been doing for me ever since I was born, and I was relieved that I would no longer have to be a nuisance to the people I care about! And now I feel guilty because soon I won't need Amy, and saying so makes me feel like the worst brother ever!"
Bebel hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt little salty droplets fall onto his hands. As he tried wiping his tears away, more seemed to fall at a faster rate. Finally, the dam of guilt that had been building up over the past three months finally broke, and Bebel wept. Suddenly, he felt a pair of strong arms envelope him, his broken sobs muffled as his face was pressed into the older boy's warm chest.
Ledo rubbed his back as Bebel continued to lament. It pained him to see Bebel so tortured over something that was supposed to be a blessing, and he felt even worse knowing he was a part of his heartache. It wasn't long ago that he felt the same emotional turmoil Bebel was feeling at the moment. The guilt Ledo felt over the Hideauze massacres physically crippled him into a manic state. If it hadn't been for Bebel, he probably would have resorted to drastic measures to rid himself of that emotional torture. For a long time, it was Bebel who provided counsel for his woes, becoming the little brother he had lost ages ago. Now it was his turn to act as the older brother Bebel needed.
Gently pulling away, Ledo smiled at the sniffling boy and wiped away his lingering tears. Wrapping an arm around him, he allowed Bebel to rest his head on his shoulder. "Bebel, I think you're being hard on yourself."
"Y-You don't think that I-I'm being… s-selfish?"
Ledo chuckled softly at the absurd question coming out of that delicate, little voice. "Bebel, you're the most selfless person I know. You don't ask for much from others, and you're always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needs it. Wanting to be independent is normal, and Amy won't think any less of you for it. It may take her a while to adjust to the idea of letting you live by yourself, but I'm sure once you explain what you've been doing with Dr. Oldham she'll consider it."
Bebel wiped his nose and sniffled. "Thanks, Ledo. I'm glad you understand."
Ledo embraced him once more. "I will always be there for you, Bebel."
"I know." When they pulled away from each, Bebel held a very jovial smile on his face. "I couldn't ask for a better older brother."
Ledo spent the rest of the day with Bebel until Amy came home, ruminating possible living arrangements that would make all three of them most comfortable. Later on they began preparing dinner, and that was where Amy found them when she stepped foot into the apartment, her face frozen in pure astonishment. "B-Bebel…?"
He shared a glance with Ledo, and the older boy nodded at him assuredly, dispelling any doubts he still had. Walking up to his stunned sister, he took her hands in his, smiling brightly. "Hey, Sis. We have a lot to talk about."
