Whatever Heidegger and Scarlet had planned, it didn´t seem to work. They had conducted various tests to analyze the powers of the black materia somewhere near north crater, but all their efforts had seemed fruitless. So in the end it was on SOLDIER to win that battle for Shin-Ra once again.
They were seated in the helicopter, Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal, Lightning, Zack and even Cloud, heading for the plains outside Midgar were it finally would take place: Their final battle against Wutai who seemed to have gathered all it´s remaining forces, marking this day the climax of the wutai war.
There wasn´t exactly much for them to hope for.
As the Wutai had placed their best armed warriors in the front rows where they were using most of their new acquired weapons to attempt and destroy the mako reactors surrounding the city as well as break down the city walls, Shin-Ra had sent them to attack from the rear. A tactical step offering them the opportunity to decimate their numbers without their leaders even noticing, it was their job to get rid of most of the army´s body to pave the way for the infantrymen.
As flagship of the Shin-Ra defense forces they had been sent to end this war for once and forever.
Lightning couldn´t say she was feeling very confident.
She had indeed already felt edgy and nervous when she had entered the aircraft. But when she looked out of the heli´s window now to assess the situation, her heart seemed to stop beating altogether.
The vast amount of fighters that had gathered there waiting for them was scaring the shit out of her.
They were not only outnumbered. They were doomed.
Yes. Her heart having resumed it´s work beating against her ribcage like mad, the pink haired warrior couldn´t help but feel intimidated by their raw numbers.
Oh shit.
They would never make it out of this alive.
Shin-Ra would fall!
Feeling slightly nauseous, she cautiously looked over at the rest of her comrades. She could tell they were thinking along the same line. There was concern and fear etched onto their features. It was a miracle Cloud hadn´t passed out from fear already.
Lightning didn´t know who had brought him along anyway. He wasn´t even first class.
The midgar news broadcasted onto the little screen in the heli's cargo area, together with the others the pink haired warrioress watched the video footage of the wutai forces attacking the city with everything they had.
There was some kind of platform floating above the enemy troops' heads.
A little golden throne standing on the top of it, they saw the form of a small skinny child - Yuffee Kiseragi – urging on her army and giving a fierce savage battle cry.
'FOR WUTAI!'
Lightning threw Zack Fair a withering look.
Only a child right?
What harm could she possibly do...
Zacks ears turning pink, he quickly busied himself with his gear, made to avoid his comrade's gaze at all costs.
Claire Farron could only shake her head.
It was when the helicopter made contact with the ground that she risked a sideway glance at Sephiroth, just to catch him staring openly at her.
Their gazes locking for a tiny moment, Lightning watched his lips curve upwards into a genuine smile.
It made her heart skip a beat again.
She realized she had never seen him smile like this before.
General Sephiroth Crescent looked as if he was truly enjoying himself.
Lightning coudln´t help but swallow.
What was wrong with him sometimes?!
Her former mentor turning his head to look over the gathered enemy, she heard the general emit a soft low chuckle.
She couldn´t shake off the feeling that somehow he seemed elated, in anticipation of what was to come.
As if he couldn´t wait to die.
The silver haired legend turning back to face her their gazes locked for another moment, his mako green eyes mysteriously glowing in the semi-darkness of the helicopter´s cargo area, before finally he got up to take off his coat, exposing his impressive upper body.
Lightning couln´t help but stare at the pefectly carved muscles of his back, the smooth pale skin miraculously without a single scar, a tiny blush making it´s way onto her usually cream cheeks.
The man infront of her had to have gone crazy.
Hot as fuck or not, was he seriously planning on leaving his body unprotected like this in a battle?! No. A war really?
Checking Zack and Cloud´s expressions, she found the both of them totally flabbergasted, while Genesis and Angeal didn´t even look twice. Having fought with him in various battles before, the two of them already knew their comrade´s rituals, didn't really give any of it a second thought.
It wasn´t until she actually saw him fight, that Lightning understood the general had shed his coat in order to not get restricted in his movements.
Stepping away from the rest of them, half naked General Sephiroth Crescent turned to the heli´s cargo doors to let his gaze glide over the gathered army of cohorts.
The man infront of her emitting nothing but self-confidence and enthusiasm, Lightning found his mood infectious.
Quickly she made to get up as well.
As long as he was going to lead them, they were going to be alright.
If he was going to lead them into that hell of a battlefield, she´d follow.
She´d follow that man anywhere.
'It´s been an honour guys...' Zack began in an uncharacteristically shaky voice.
It sounded like a death sentence.
All the others turning to stare at him, Cloud´s mouth opened and closed again and again without giving a single sound.
Yes. Everybody was thinking the same thing: They were going to die tonight.
Sephiroth turned around to look straight into the puppy's sky blue eyes.
'The honor´s mine.' he said, giving the man infront of him an encouraging nod, that trademark smirk forming on his lips again.
'Either way... This war is going to end tonight.' the general announced, his voice sounding calm and determined, the complete opposite to how Lightning felt inside.
She sensed director Lazard getting up from his seat in the corner as well, obviously planning on giving a pep talk or something, or rather to say some last words.
The pink haired female couldn´t help but feel surprised he'd actually had the guts to come with them in the first place. He probably wanted to witness their deaths from a seat in the front row or something. Or maybe he was just eager to find an excuse to leave Midgar.
Right now it wasn´t exactly the safest place on Gaia.
'We are counting on you SOLDIER!' the director said, looking into their faces one after the other.
Maybe he was trying to remember their features so he could identify their corpses later.
Once again, Lightning couldn't help but swallow.
'We wish you all the best.'
With these last words he dismissed them to their almost certain deaths.
To Sephiroth, who next to the exit, came last in the row, the director gave a small acknowledging nod.
'Indulge yourself.' he sighed.
That smirk on the general´s face intensifying, the silver haired man slightly inclined his head, their eyes locking for a brief moment, before without hesitation he turned to exit.
It was then that Lightning got to see the real Sephiroth for the very first time.
The Sephiroth that wasn´t holding back.
The Sephiroth Shin-Ra had forged in Deepground.
And suddenly she knew that whatever she had thought of his strength or his powers before had been far from the truth.
They were far beyond what she had assumed. Exceeded even her wildest of expectations.
Seeing Sephiroth in the battlefield was beyond words.
The battleground the only place he didn´t have to hold back, like a dangerous locked away beast contained in a cage, finally freed, he strode onto the battlefield like a god created for the sole purpose of destruction.
She could see the fear and terror in the wutai fighter´s faces when they realized who he was, could see their courage leaving them the second they laid eyes on him.
They´d heard of him of course, this guy was a legend after all.
They had heard the stories and they knew they were dead as with long determined strides, the general closed the distance separating them from their fate, taking out Masamune along the way.
He cut through the enemy effortlessly and at incredible speed.
Watching him fight, it looked like a fast forwarded ballet.
There was crimson everywhere, several opponents falling from just a single blow of his ridiculously long katana.
Maybe opponents wasn´t exactly the correct term to use in this case.
No. Not really.
They were rather victims. Vulnerable and defenseless, in face of their impending doom.
Being back to the battlefront, to the silver haired general it felt refreshing, felt so liberating.
Finally he was able to let his self-control drop.
There was no need to restrain his powers here.
There was nobody here he needed to protect from himself.
Cutting his way through his enemies, he could finally let his mind relax, could rely on his instincts to guide him. No thoughts bothering him, the fate of the rest of the world leaving him completely unfazed, in those precious moments. The battlefield was the only place he belonged, the only place he could be himself.
Unleashing his powers, the first class reveled in the exhilarating feeling of having the opportunity to do what he´d been created to do, to do what he did best: fighting and killing. The only thing he truly enjoyed. The only thing he was good at. The thing he was made for after all.
The silver haired man worked his way through the crowd like a reaper, chopping the wutai´s heads off as if they were weeds, carving a wide swath into their rows.
Following after him, the rest of them went to battle too.
The wutai fighters already intimidated, they were easy prey.
Some of the enemy troopers at the rear were whileding Shinra weapons, but not everyone was so fortunate. There were the usual wutai spears and there were swords and daggers and knives. But there were also farmers, blacksmiths and trappers, armed with whatever they could find it seemed.
From axes to hammers, to shovels, to stones, they looked like an army of farmers armed with hayforks on a witchhunt and they fouhgt like it too, to Lightnings great relief.
Making sure to stay out of Sephiroth´s range at all times, Claire Farron began to create her own little path of destruction.
She knew getting too close to the general´s radius of action would be fatal now.
The risk of getting killed by Masamune right then was probably 10 times higher than being run down by a wutai fighter.
Engaging the enemy herself, she could feel her fighting spirit kick in again, and full force this time.
It was a powerful emotion.
Savage and purely primal.
She let her aggression overwhelm her, take control of her, let her instincts guide her, take over and consume her, leaving very little of the actual her.
The mind that controlled that body she called her own pushed somewhere to the back of her head, she unleashed the beast she had sensed locked away somewhere inside of her ever since she'd woken from that coma all those weeks ago. That side of her she had tried to hide for such a long time now.
The intensity of those impulses overwhelming, she finally gave herself over to them completely as for what seemed like the first time in her life, she allowed her body to serve it's purpose.
Things didn´t even go as terrible as Claire Farron had pictured them to be.
With Sephiroth doing most of the work, the dispirited crowd scattering, all that was really left for the rest of them to do was slaughter those who tried to escape their fate.
Finally, having the possibility to give free rein to her recently developed skills, the pink haired female realized she even enjoyed herself.
She didn´t know how long they had been fighting already, she had lost track of time. Didn´t know what was happening at the other end of the battlefield or even in Midgar.
She´d heard explosions and the constant rattling of gunfires from the direction of the city...
Well... She could only hope the others were doing alright.
She hadn´t seen any of them in quite some time now. And she was particularly concerned for Cloud.
It was already starting to get dark when she heard the sound of approaching aircraft announcing some kind of back up.
Shin-Ra had apparently decided that it was time to send reinforcements.
Good.
Over time the battle had relocated. Away from the wastelands into the close by canyons and the adjoining woodlands it had led them, as the wutai cowards tried to retreat, to escape, really. They had followed in hot pursuit.
There wouldn´t be any fugitives this time. No captives. No survivors.
They´d make sure of that.
However the wutai fighter´s despair hadn´t seemed to weaken them.
On the contrary.
Upon finding their route of escape blocked, their panic and distress made them fight even more relentless. Hordes of them attacking the pink haired female at once, Lightning had a hard time fending them off.
She had reached a part of the crowd where the wutai fighters seemed to be especially fierce.
With ten or so guys attacking her simultaneously, she finally found the unceasing onslaught of hostile forces taking a toll on her.
She had run out of bullets ages ago and with Blaze Edge´s range not in the slightest comparable to the one Masamune provided Sephiroth with, their numbers were starting to overwhelm her.
Spotting her favorite First Class general engaged in a fight himself only a few meters away, Lightning could tell the constant battling was draining him too. She could only fathom how the others were doing.
She hoped they were still alive.
Her thoughts preoccupied with the other´s wellbeing only for a second too long, the pink haired soldier was surprised by the sudden sound of a gun going off behind her. Trying to dodge the bullet, she was only a little bit too slow, as wheeling around she felt her gunblade shot out of her hand.
Shit.
Not giving her opponent the chance to finish his job, she charged at him at full speed.
Ripping the weapon from his hands, she useed it to kill him and several other wutai, repeatedly pulling the trigger until she ran out of ammo, then, trying to locate Blaze Edge, she used it as a club to smash in some faces, before diving to reach her sword she threw the useless gun at the next guy approaching her, aiming straight at his forehead.
She saw him tumble to the ground from the corner of her eyes.
Her fingers only inches from reaching her sword, she unfortunately didn´t have time to retrieve it before she found herself attacked again.
Getting back on her feet as fast as she could, she fought her enemies off with her bare hands, aiming for their eyes and noses. Now that she had lost the advantage of having a weapon she actually knew how to wield it didn´t take long for her to find herself cornered.
Her face and arms bruised and cut in several places already, she found an especially heavy built guy approach her, dual wielding a pair of blades.
Stumbling backwards she tried to dodge him just to find herself with her back to a rock.
There was nowhere for her to go.
In the end there was nothing she could do but bring up both of her arms to shield her face from the attack.
She felt the sharp blades of his knives slice the skin of both her forearms and she could only cry out in shock as she felt the cold metal cut deep into her flesh, slashing the arteries in both of her arms in the process.
The feeling of hot blood gushing out of her body, more and more hauled out with every beat of her heart, somehow it was strangely familiar.
It was too much. Too much blood! - a voice inside her head screamed at her.
Somehow Lightning didn´t care.
Reaching forward to defend herself she clutched that man´s helmet and giving a violent jolt she simply broke his neck.
At least she´d take him with her.
The guy crumbling to a heap on the floor in front of her, she let herself drop to her knees as well.
Her veins cut open, her body quickly bleeding to death she just sat there staring at the blood forcing it´s way out of her slit wrists.
Everything around her seemed to go into slow motion and she heard her heartbeat hammer in her ears.
This was it. This was how she was going to die.
The battle around her continued indifferently.
Continued without her.
Just like that.
Suddenly Sephiroth was there, right in front of her.
His mako green eyes boring into her own, his handsome face swimming in and out of focus, Lightning panickingly realized she already felt faint, lightheaded.
Crouching down before her her former mentor grabbed her arms, tightly held on to her shaking wrists as he inspected the damage of the injury.
She didn´t know what he was looking at anyway. It was obvious what was going to happen, wasn´t it?
'Where´s Angeal?!' Lightning cried out, her voice high-pitched and panicked.
She felt her self-control slip, felt panic taking over.
Maybe, just maybe, if she was really lucky, Angeal would be somewhere nearby.
Maybe if he could reach her in time...
But the silver haired First Class in front of her didn´t react, didn´t seem to have heard, didn´t seem to care.
He just continued to stare at her, calmly studied her features as if they had all the time in the world.
Hadn´t he heard her?! Was her voice that weak already?!
'Please, get Angeal...' she pleaded with him, feeling herself getting weaker and weaker by the second, the life draining out of her body with every drop of her blood.
General Sephiroth Crescent didn´t move an inch.
Couldn´t he see that she was dying!?
What the fuck was he playing at?!
'Please...!'
Tears forming in her eyes, she helplessly looked up into his pair of mako green ones. Her own eyes desperately imploring him to help her, she couldn´t find a trace of emotion in his face, just the calculated killer mask, staring at her intently.
Please... Please just save me...
Continuing to look into his eyes, Lightning thought he looked as if he was deep in thought about something, as if he was considering his options.
She couldn´t fathom what was there to ponder.
JUST FUCKING GET ANGEAL!
Then suddenly a stray thought crossed her mind:
Maybe he didn´t want to help her.
Maybe he prefered to watch her die.
She´d been nothing but a bother to him, had she?
A nuisance he´d be glad to be rid of.
Why should he care...
He was going to let her die. Suddenly she knew it. Knew with all her heart.
'Sephiroth...' she tried again, pleadingly, her voice weak and tinged with fear now.
She saw his face transform, as suddenly he snaped out of it. His killer eyes softening, his impassive expression instantly switched to one of concern and, what was it? Regret?!
Shaking his head in defeat the silver haired first class started to take off his gloves.
Claire Farron didn´t understand what he was doing that for.
What was going on?!
'Angeal can´t help you.' the general said somewhat hesitantly, his expression serious.
Huh?!
Lightning didn´t get what that was supposed to mean.
Completely perplexed she just continued to watch his face, his handsome marble features, knowing she would probably slip away any second now.
She was going to die.
The general´s mako eyes never left her own when suddenly she felt his thumbs press down on her gaping wounds. And hard.
Grunting out in agony, Claire Farron tried to wrech her wrists free, but it was no use.
No matter how hard she tried, the silver haired general wouldn´t let go.
Gritting her teeth, she had no choice but to let him continue with whatever he was doing.
About to pass out from the intensity of the pain, barely able to keep herself from screaming, she felt the tips of his fingers trace down along the cuts, leaving a searing pain behind.
She couldn´t remember having experienced something that hurt like this - ever.
Why?!
WHY was he doing this to her?!
Then suddenly he let go of her and the pain was gone.
Breathing heavily, tears streaming down her cheeks, the pink haired first class looked down to her tortured arms to find her wounds were gone.
Where just moments ago there had been gaping gashes, there suddenly was nothing but smooth pale skin.
Her arms were still covered in blood but the cuts had been sealed without even leaving a scar.
Slowly her vision returned to her and her heartbeat stabilized.
What?!
How?!
Claire Farron didn´t understand a thing.
Astonished at what she had just witnessed, she let her eyes dart upwards to meet the general´s mako gaze again.
Staring at him questioningly, expectantly, she felt a tingling sensation lingering where he had touched her skin.
What had just happened?! How had he done that?!
'What...' she started but trailed off again, her blue eyes huge as she looked up at her former mentor in awe. Her mouth hanging slightly open, the pink haired female found herself unable to hide her amazement.
The second that word left her lips, she felt the man infront her tense.
His eyes briefly giving away his inner turmoil, Lightning thought he looked as though he had just realized he had made a terrible mistake, as though he regretted what he had just done.
What...
For a brief moment she could see pain and fear there in his eyes, in his features, in his face. But the next second it was gone. Replaced by the impassive mask she knew so well.
'I´m sorry.' the general muttered, making to get up.
Realizing what he was about to do Claire Farron reached forward to grab his arm and stop him, but she was too slow.
In the blink of an eye he was on his feet and turning around he bolted for the forest.
Fuck.
Not wasting any time she got up on her shaky feet as well and pausing only for a second to pick up Blaze Edge, she hurried after him.
She followed him into the woods.
The silver haired first class was fast but somehow Lightning managed to keep up with him.
She wouldn´t let him get away without an explanation this time. No. She needed to understand what had just happened, she needed to understand what was going on with him.
She hadn´t liked that look he had given her. He had let his emotionless mask slip for a second there and what she had seen beneath it had made an uneasy feeling stir somewhere deep inside of her.
Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
Sephiroth letting drop his guard like that, it wasn´t something he´d normally do, like ever.
The First Class general behaving so spectacularily out of character, Lightning already had that horrible sense of foreboding.
And there was more.
She knew what she had witnessed.
And it was a freaking miracle.
She needed to find out how he had done this.
There was definitely more to his powers than he let on.
And there was something else. Something he didn´t want to tell her. Something important. She could feel it. There was something he was keeping from her.
She didn´t know how long she´d been chasing after him.
It was at the edge of a small clearing, the sound of a small creek somewhere nearby, that she found him standing by the waterside, his back turned towards her.
Stopping dead in her tracks she took a few calming breaths before sowly she approached him, careful to keep her safety distance.
'Running away from me?' she asked, fighting to keep her voice smooth, devoid of emotion, like he´d tought her to on countless of occasions.
She realized she was not even panting after running this far.
It was a strange feeling.
They were kilometers into the woods.
The noise of the battle was far away, the rattle of machine gun fire in the distance a nice tune to play in the background of the intimate conversation that was going to follow.
A low chuckle came from his direction as the general shook his head.
Still he was not turning to look at her.
'No, huh?' she prompted.
'What then?'
His silence was irritating her. She didn´t like it. She wasn´t much of a talker herself, but really... Why could he never just talk about things?
'Running away from myself, I guess...' came his response, his voice low, heavy with something she guessed she´d never heard there before.
What was it? Regret? Guilt? Sadness?
She couldn´t be sure. He was so hard to read sometimes.
Lightning didn´t know what to say.
She didn´t even know what it was he was talking about in the first place.
'What are you talking about?' she asked somewhat cautiously, the anger leaving her voice now. She didn´t manage to completely ban her curiosity from tinging her words though.
She could sense his apprehension.
She couldn´t remember ever having seen him so insecure, so vulnerable.
She knew something was wrong, terribly wrong.
It was then that slowly the silver haired legend turned around.
His features were guarded but she could tell he was concentrating hard on keeping it together, was choosing his next words very carefully.
Claire Farron had a bad feeling at him behaving so out of character.
It was unnerving to see him like this.
Like unstable...
Like not in control...
She knew further upsetting him now was dangerous. Very dangerous.
'Lightning... I am a monster...' he began as stretching out his arms, he looked down at himself self-loathingly.
Claire Farron couldn´t help but stare at him in disbelieve.
He had to be kidding her.
What was wrong with him?! PTSD finally kicking in?!
He had probably slaughtered hundreds, no, thousands of people during his career. Wasn´t it a bit late for his conscience to stirr? Lightning hadn´t pictured the first class general being one with much conscience anyway.
'No you´re not... You´re just doing your job.' she said, trying to comfort him, as carefully she took a step in his direction.
'That´s not what I meant.' the first class general replied. Suddenly sounding disheartened he averted his eyes again.
Lightning mentally face palmed herself.
Why did she always seem to choose the wrong words to say?
Well, she had never been good at comforting people in the first place.
'Then what do you mean?' Lightning asked carefully. Since she seemed to fail to comfort him anyway she might as well ask him straight away, she figured.
She had the uneasy feeling that she was not going to like what he had to tell her though.
It was then that Sephiroth told her everything.
How he was born as a result from some crazy experiment.
That he was transfected with genetic information from a 2000 years old extra terrestrial life-form called Jenova, excavated from some rock by Shin-Ra scientist, when he was only an embryo inside his mother´s womb.
That his Jenova cells gave him superhuman abilities explaining his strength, speed, stamina, healing abilities. Everything.
Claire Farron listened to him all the while not daring to interrupt his speech, as slowly she let the information sink in.
She admitted she had expected something like this all along.
She always knew something about him was different, special. Had always figured they had experimented on him. They had experimented a bit on all of them after all. But this...
This was beyond what she could have imagined.
Swallowing hard, she just continued to stare at him. She just didn´t know what to say.
There wasn´t much she could say anyway.
'You see, I am a monster...' sounding resentful, the general finished his speech with his gaze trained on the ground once more.
Lightning couldn´t object.
He was probably right.
Still, he wasn´t any different than he´d been before.
He had lived with the knowledge of being a monster all his life.
It wasn´t as if he´d found out just a second ago.
He was still the same.
Revealing this bit of information to her hadn´t changed a thing.
She didn´t understand what his problem was exactly.
He´d known all along...
Intending to distract him from his bitter thoughts, the pink haired female tried to steer the conversation back to what she found most curious, what she had actually followed him into this woods to understand.
His outstanding healing abilities.
They seemed to at least rival Angeal´s, if not surpass them.
She had never seen him use them on anybody else but himself.
Somehow she had gotten the impression that he actually couldn´t use them on anybody else.
Why hadn´t he ever used them before?
He could have used them on her when she had almost died back on that wutai infiltration mission.
Why had he waited for Angeal to do it back then?
She could have died in the meanwhile!
'Then what about your healing abilities... Is it common for monsters to have powers such as this?' she asked encouragingly.
Holding up her hands to present her blood smeared but perfectly healed arms for him to see she gave her former sensei a small smile in an attempt to cheer him up.
Maybe it would help for him to see that he wasn´t only built to destroy. That he could use his powers to do good things too.
Her gesture only seemed to provoke the opposite though.
Giving a frustrated sight the first class general turned to show his back to her again.
This was getting ridiculous.
His antics were starting to annoy her.
What was she to say or do?
She was a warrior, not a shrink.
Besides, this wasn´t exactly the best place nor the time for him to have a mental breakdown.
'It is the Jenova cells...' he suddenly explained.
'I can make them do what I want, control them to some extend...'
'Huh?!' somehow Lightning didn´t get a thing.
'I can only heal people transfected with Jenova cells.' he clarified.
His voice was shaky.
'But you used it to save me... Just a few minutes ago...' she tried to reason with him.
He must have gotten something wrong. Maybe he just hadn´t tried healing somebody else before...
The silver haired first class general turned around to face her again and then he told her everything.
The whole story.
The truth about what had happened to her after the incident in Costa del Sol.
How her body had been retrieved by Hojo and brought back to HQ, where instead of staying at the ICU, she´d actually been experimented on by the head of the Shin-Ra science department himself. Where she had been implanted with Jenova cells as well. Where she had become a monster, just like Sephiroth...
Claire Farron couldn´t believe a thing she heard.
He had to be lying.
Sephiroth had to be lying!
How he had manipulated the Jenova cells in her arms to close the wound...
He had only been able to do this because of the Jenova cells...
He could only heal himself... And her... Nobody else...
'If I have those cells implanted in my body, then why can´t I do it myself?!' she asked, frantically searching for holes in his explanation.
Desperate, she rummaged through the pockets of her uniform to produce the knife Zack and Cloud had given to her for her birthday. She had completely forgotten she had brought it with her, it would definitely have come in handy in the battle.
Not hesitating for a second she brought it up to cut her wrist again.
Ignoring the pain she tried and concentrated for her body to close the wound, but to no avail.
No matter how hard she tried, it was now use.
It didn´t work at all.
'See?! You see?! I cannot do it!' she cried, her voice desperate and her arm shaking, blood running down her dirty forearm.
He was there by her side in the blink of an eye.
Grabbing her wrist again he made to heal her wound once more.
Her blue eyes were huge as the general shook his head at her behavior.
'Please don´t do that...' he asked of her, his voice now soft, gentle.
'I can only do it because I had ages to learn to control it... It took me decades to learn how to do it.' he explained.
Lightning didn´t want to believe a thing he said. She couldn´t.
'You are lying!'
Enraged she yelled into his face.
'Liar!'
'It can´t be...I can´t be...' she stammered again and again, her mind unable to process what he was trying to tell her, rejecting that new piece of information she had just received.
'Didn´t you notice an enhancement of your abilities?!' the general suddenly asked, raising one of his eyebrows at her challengingly.
'What?!' her voice was dead and she just scowled at him.
Shit, she had!
Of course she had.
'Out on the corridor with Genesis because you suddenly hear people´s voices through the walls?! Disposing of your riflescope at the 300 meter range because it´s nothing but a nuisance to you anymore?!'
He was yelling at her now.
In all those years of training her as his apprentice he had never yelled at her. General Sephiroth Crescent didn't yell. General Sephiroth Crescent was deadly killer clam. Exept that now he wasn't.
He so wasn't.
There was an exasperated undertone to his voice instead. And something else. He was tired. Exhausted. Done.
'Wait! Have you been stalking me?! ' Claire Farron threw back at him indignantly, hot bubbling rage suddenly forming somewhere in the pit of her stomach.
'Were you were spying on me?!'
'I had to!' he barked back at her.
'I had to make sure you were okay. I had to check on you. I had to...' His voice having gone incresingly soft and fragile with every word he said, he finally trailed of completey to look up at her with uncharacteristically pleading mako eyes.
It made Claire Farron's anger bubble over.
'You had to what?! Make sure I didn't loose control?! That I wouldn't snap and kill anyone? Is that what you wasnt to say?!'
Somehow she oculdn't believe this any of this.
No. None of it could be true.
It couldn't be true...
And still...
All of it made perfect sense.
'No... No... It can´t be!' she repeatedly muttered again and again.
Suddenly the anger was gone. She was crying now.
Looking down at her hands, she knew every word he´d said was true.
She hadn´t been getting better and better just because of hard training. She had known that all along.
She had already figured they had somehow tempered with her again. More mako treatments maybe. But this...
This...
Raising her arms to clutch the sides of her head very tightly, feeling the need to hold it together, she slowly felt the world crumbling beneath her feet.
'No...' she cried again and again vigorously shaking her head, trying hard to deny the fact that everything he´d said fitted perfectly.
'I... I saw you die in my arms that day...' the general whispered carefully as stepping closer to her he brought both of his hands up to rest on her shoulders in an attempt to calm her, or maybe just to keep her on her feet, she didn´t know. Maybe she´d been staggering backwards. Maybe she´d been threatening to fall. The trees around her were spinning, the world around her closing in on her.
It was then that suddenly the suppressed memories of that dreadful night came flooding back to her.
The beautiful sunset coloring the horizon multiple shades of reds glistening on the waves...
The noise of gun shots...
The pain of bullets tearing her insides...
The scary feeling of blood gushing out of her body...
A gun pointed to her head...
Sephiroth´s arms around her...
Darkness...
Blinding white lights...
High pitched laughter...
And pain... So much pain...
Then nothing...
Nothing for a long time.
'How... How could you do this to me...' she said somewhat accusingly, wrenching free from his grip.
'I´m so sorry... I didn´t know what to do... I didn´t plan for you to ever find out...'
He was struggling for words now. She could tell.
He wasn´t exactly one to apologize easily.
Lightning didn´t care.
There was silence for a bit.
She tried to calm down, tried to keep herself together.
Those revelations, they didn´t change anything right?
Right?!
She´d always known they´d tempered with her. Okay. She would never have thought they´d implanted her with cells from an extraterrestrial lifeform, but shit. What difference did it make really?! She was still herself. Was still Lightning, wasn´t she?!
She was.
All that had changed was that she knew.
'Lazard knows, right?!' she finally asked, her voice sounding surprisingly even.
Suddenly a lot of things made sense.
She was still shocked she guessed.
Who wouldn't be.
Standing there looking at the scenery, trying to make sense of all the information that she had received, she realized she didn´t feel anything. Anything at all.
Caire Farron knew it was the calm before the storm.
Studying her face carefully, probably dreading her reaction, the man before her just nodded, confirming her presumption.
Yes, it definitely fitted.
That was why they had sent her instead of Genesis or Aneal onto those important missions.
She was enhanced now. Was a supersoldier. Just like Sephiroth.
She was the most advanced soldier operative there was, second only to him.
'Who else knows about this?' she inquired.
Somehow this was important to her.
Somehow she needed to know.
'...Angeal...' the general confessed, bringing up a hand to remove his bangs from his face, an act of uneasiness Lightning had never seen on him before.
'ANGEAL?!'
Why the fuck did he have to tell Angeal?!
Sephiroth only shrugged his shoulders.
' And the others?!'
Zack?! Cloud?! Genesis?!
The general just shook his head.
No.
The pink haired female sighed in relieve.
Good.
At least Zack hadn´t found out yet.
She needed to make sure things stayed this way, or she might as well paint the news on her forehead.
'Lightning... I -' the general began again, his mako eyes searching hers, pleading for her to forgive him or to even listen. But how could she?! How the fuck could she?!
Instead of pity she felt anger rise inside of her again.
Her breathing quickening she felt the sudden urge to strangle him, to cut his throat, to rip out his guts and...
She quickly tried to take deep calming breaths, but it was no use. Her temper was getting the better of her again.
How did he dare to make decisions concerning her life like that?!
How did he dare to decide over her body like that?!
Who was he to decide whether she lived or died?!
How could he have let all of this happen to her...
'If living with that knowledge is such a burden to you, then why did you have to push it on to me as well?! You fucking bastard!' was what she finally shouted in his face.
Tears of uncontrollable anger running down her cheeks now, she watched the general´s eyes widen at her sudden outburst.
'Why couldn´t you just let me DIE?!' she yelled, her features distorted now with rage and furry.
General Sephiroth Crescent didn´t answer, found that in fact he couldn't, chose to avert his gaze instead.
'Please forgive me... I -' he tried somewhat defeatedly.
Looking up at her warily, he tentatively extended his left hand to touch her forearm. Probably an attempt to appease her, to calm her down or something. Lightning didn´t know. She didn´t care. She just pushed him away aggressively.
'Why couldn´t you just let me die?!' she asked again. Her voice was trembling now, breaking at the last words.
The man infront of her, staring at her like a deer cought in the headlights of a truck, Lightning found he didn´t answer.
She was so angry.
Just so angry.
And so lost.
Rushing forward she violently pushed the general out of the way.
Tears streaming down her face now she pushed past him and let herself fall down to her knees. Coming to rest at the bank of the little creek, she suddenly sobbed uncontrollably.
Examining her face reflected by the surface of the clear dark waters she realized her pupils weren´t round as they should have been.
No.
They were slightly oval now.
Not as catlike as his, but slightly slit all the same.
She guessed she had noticed that tiny change some time ago. She had been watching herself in the mirror of her bathroom countless times since Valentine´s day, but she had just brushed it off as nothing.
Looking down at her reflection now, she saw the silhouette of a monster.
Yes...
She had become a monster indeed.
'We are monsters Sephiroth... I don´t want to be a monster...'
General Sephiroth Crescent stumbled down the corridor and into the safety of his appartment. He hadn´t stayed with the others gathered in the entrance hall now, found that he couldn´t. He could in fact barely stay on his feet.
He had fought in a battle. Had cut down what had to have been half of the entire wutai army. Had healed some minor injuries he had received in battle and Lightning´s cut wrists twice and now he was feeling weak and spent. On the verge of breaking.
He knew he desperately needed a mako shot.
But no. There was no way he was going up to see Hojo again. No fucking way. He was rather going to die. And he definitely felt like he might.
Could he dare take another of the four remaining shots he had brought from Deepground?
His last experience with them had not been exactly pleasant. Still. What else could he do?
He hadn´t been to the science department since his last encounter with his creator in Deepground and he so wasn´t eager to ever face the professor again.
No. Not if he could help it.
There had to be another way.
And there was...
Stumbling over to the bathroom he settled infront of the sink to rid his face and arms and chest from wutai body juices.
The steaming hot water did only very little to soothe the icy cold shivers that were cursing through his body though.
Shit, he almost couldn´t bear it.
His muscles complaining painfully at every single motion of his body, his hands shaking so badly he almost couldn´t hold the soap, the silver haired general felt every degenerated cell of his body screaming for the toxic dose of mako.
No. He wasn´t going to give in so easily. He couldn´t.
There had to be another way. There just had to.
He couldn't be dependent on the damned mako shots so badly, could he?
Could he?!
He was...
He was aware of that.
Still. It wasn't easy to admit it to himself.
How could it be that someone with his strenght, his skill, his ability, could be so dependet on such a stupid little thing?!
NO. He simply could not have that...
Forcing himself to focus on the task at hand he continued cleaning his body and his hair.
Yes.
He definitely needed a shower.
It might help and soothe his aches too.
Normal people lived without mako injections all their life. Soldier, warriors, hero's too. Surely he could do it too!
He only had to overcome his mako cravings. That was all...
Or so he tried to tell himself.
Turning off the water from the sink, looking up to watch himself in the mirror, his eyes fell onto the tiny scar on his neck for what had to be the millionth time.
That scar she´d given him in one of their training sessions.
Lightning...
She hated him now.
She really did.
The realization of it pained him more than any physical injury ever could.
He really couldn´t blame her though, as suddenly he realized he hated himself too.
Probably even more than she did.
What had he done?
He had wanted to help her, to safe her. But instead he had only hurt her. Had damned her.
'I don´t want to be a monster, Sephiroth.' she had said.
Her words kept echoing through his head. Again and again.
Her desperate angry face kept floating in and out his inner vision.
It was the last thought on his mind before his feet gave way and he passed out on the cold hard bathroom floor.
