After spending the previous years of her life in SOLDIER, in Midgar and on missions all over the globe without having visited her old home town and her sister even once, finally after all this time, after everything that had happened, after years of battle and strife, after the wutai war and having died on a beach and having been resurrected as a part alien super soldier, Claire Farron returned to Bodhum.
The little beach town, after all this time it still sat there at it´s sandy shores as if it had been waiting for her all along, looking exactly the same as she remembered from when she had left it.
Coming home felt strange.
It certainly didn´t feel like anything she had expected.
She didn´t feel happy or secure, relieved to be home again. No. She felt empty and useless instead.
Serah had been completely over the moon to see her. She really had thought Lightning had died back in Midgar with all these other people, buried within the ruins that were the Shin-Ra Electric Power Company these days.
And although this girl, woman really, she had left behind and abandoned, she had let down so many times, welcomed her with open arms, no matter what she did, somehow Claire Farron couldn´t, wouldn't feel at home anymore.
It wasn´t about the place, or the people either.
I was about her.
All about her.
She had changed.
She didn´t belong there anymore.
It was true.
Being back to Bodhum felt weird. With it's brilliant turquoise waters and clear blue sky, with it's sandy shores and it's lush green palm trees swaying genltly in the fresh clear summer breeze and all the happy people frequenting it's sunny beaches as if they had no care in the world, it stook in such stark contrast with Midgar, with SOLDIER, with everything that had become her life those past few years that Lightning couldn't help but feel out of place.
Midgar had been grey and dull, serious, depressing. Bodhum was bursting with color, was playful, was alive. All the happy people dressed in vibrant summer clothes, all the vegitation blooming in a thousand differen tones, all the cheery faces of her childhood friends, for her first few days back they stood out to Lightning like an eyesore, overwhelmed her alltogether.
Life in Midgar had been all about duty and obedience, training and missions, taking responsibilty and following orders. Back at Bodhum things were different. As different as they could be.
People went out surfing, swimming, playing all kind of sports, were busy shopping clothes and groceries, or redecorating their homes, were eating icecreams and were busy planning the next big celebration or upcoming camping trips. It was her whole world turned upside down.
Being back watching all the busy people, Lightning couldn't imagine her life had once been like that too. Or even worse, that all these people's lives had been like that all the time she'd been in Midgar. Had been like that all along.
Somehow since her parents death the world had become a dangerous place to her. A place were you had to fight to survive. A world she had given her everything to protect Serah from. Now slowly it was dawning on her that there wasn't really anything she had to protect Serah from. Not here, not in Bodhum.
There were no beast infestations here. No mako reactors. No enemy troops. No war. No Shin-Ra.
Everything was fine here. A tiny bit of paradise in a world of turmoil. A safe haven it the raging tides of chaos.
Nothing bad was going on here. There was not even a need to carry a weapon on her when she left the house.
There was no fighting, was no battle here, no beasts or monsters and no burglars, cutthroats or other vermin, not even turks.
It was kinda hard for her to wrap her head around.
But eventually Claire Farron managed to settle in, managed to get accustomed to her new situation, managed to make herself useful even around the Farron's old beach house. And as the following days dragged by, she felt the emotional burden, the responsibility of being in SOLDIER, of being the sole provider for her family, of fighting in a war, of carrying out missions and surviving, she had carried around with her the past few years, slowly dwindle, ebb away, dissipate.
After years of battles and fights, of constant vigilance, she slowly managed to let go, to relax, began to feel alive again. Not like a machine, a monster, but lika a normal human being. Managed to sleep in in the mornings and to leave the house in civil clothes, without carrying her beloved Blaze edge. Managed to stop jumping at unexpected noises at night and to let the sound of the waves outside her backyard soothe her tortured spirit.
She started meeting old friends again and hanging out at the beach like in old times. She picked up reading books again, began to help out Serah around the house or go to the market place to stock up on fresh supplies.
She had even somehow managed to arrange herself with the thought of Snow living with them at their parent´s old house, of him sharing a bed with her sister. Still. It would definitely take some more time for Lightning to get used to the fact that her little sister wasn´t a child anymore, but in fact a grown up young woman. A woman who was soon going to be married.
This was hard for her to wrap her head around too.
Because honestly, Serah was her little sister. Lightning was several years her senior. Still it was Serah who had found a husband. Serah who had settled. Serah who had a job as a teacher at the local elementary school. Serah who cooked dinners for her family and grew a vegetable patch behind the house. Serah who had a driver's licence and a flat screen and a set of Louis Vuitton shoos.
Not that she envied her for any of that. But still.
It was a weird feeling. Coming back to Bodhum realising her little sister had built herself her real life while Lightning herself had spent her last few yars doing what exactly?
Darting around battlefields, playing war trying not to be cut into pieces, being turned into a part alien monster from a horror movie and mooning over her former trainer and superior.
Great.
Now that she thought about it all those things she'd been so proud of, all her rank upgrades and her sucessful missions, all her hard training, suddenly they felt petty, felt so small. All those things she had accomplished, they meant nothing here. Were unimportant and dumb. Tiny. Completely irrelevant here on the sunny beaches of Bodhum. How could she have ever thought of any of them as important?
Suddenly Claire Farron didn't know.
Serah had somehow managed to create herself a beautiful picture of all the puzzle pieces that were available in life and she herself had nothing, but a painful past and a weird alien alter ego slumbering in her insides.
Never had she thought she'd come back to live in Bodhum for real, never had she thought that she would come back to lead a civil life or that she would have to built herself one all over again.
And now that realisation had hit her she had no idea what to do next or where to even start.
All those things Serah had accomplished, having them thrust in her face every hour of her living day. It made Lightning feel inadequate.
Still, it didn't dampen the feelings she had for her sister. Didn't dampen the love, the affection, the fierce sense of protection she felt for her sister, not at all. On the contrary. She felt proud of Serah. So infinitely proud.
Serah had grown up in every aspect she could think of. And that was more than Lightning could say of herself.
But still. Although she was so glad to see Serah happy, so relieved her sister had managed to find her place in the world, that she had everything one could ever wish for and probably even more, lived the life of dreams really, no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, Claire Farron couldn´t, wouldn´t, bring herself to approve of Snow.
No.
That man was a walking disaster.
She couldn´t even begin to fathom why Serah had chosen him in the first place. Him of all people.
No. There was no valid explanation to her sisters taste in men.
That much Claire Farron had concluded.
No way she could ever comprehend what Serah saw in Snow.
But Lightning loved her sister. And she did respected her feelings.
Love was love. And one could not choose where their heart would lead them, that much Claire Farron understood.
Serah had chosen Snow, for whatever wicked reason. She was happy with him. Was radiant really. And it wasn't her place to complain or voice her opinion in front of Serah, in front of anybody really.
It was Serah's life. And she could do with it what she wanted. Share it with whomever she wanted. That was what Lightning had sacrificed herself for. For her sister to live the life she wanted.
Still, seeing them happily huddled together in front of the TV or outside on the porch, watching the sun go down together like their parents had so many years ago, enjoying each other's company, it made the pink haired ex soldier feel sad and empty, made her feel like the empty shell she was.
There had never been much place for something like love in her life, had there?
Well, she didn't count the crazy twisted feelings she had harboured for General Sephiroth Crescent as love and definitely not all the things that had ensued between them.
She had shared a few sweet moments with Zack, hadn't she? She had. But that hadn't felt real to her either. Hadn't been more than a few misguided moments. Zack was her friend. Her best friend probably. And she did love him like that. A friend. Nothing more. She was sure of that by now.
There had never been anyone else.
There hadn't really been the time or space for anyone else.
Every waking hour of her life had been so packed with missions with training with battles, sometimes going out and drinking. Her mind had been so preoccupied with her ultimate mission, the one of keeping Serah safe and with her goal to become a good SOLDIER operative that she really had forgotten about everything else.
She had been forced to take responsibility for herself, for her life. She had grown serious and cold and bitter. Had forgotten how to have fun, how to relax, how to let go, how to meet new people, how to make friends, how to trust.
And the only guy she had ever developed feelings for had to be her sociopathic, part alien former mentor, who had taken advantage of her the night she had thought the world was going to end, just to throw her away like a used paper towel afterwards.
Lightning still couldn't help but feel bitter whenever her mind wandered back to that. Back to him. The man who'd tossed her to the side the minute that their night was over.
Or had he?
Well, technically it had been her who had left the set of the crime, but he hadn´t done anything to stop her either, had he?
Lightning wasn't sure about her former mentors feelings.
They had not had the time to talk about any of it really, and somehow she wasn't sad.
After the shock of waking up next to her former mentor, she had fled the scene the very first opportunity.
She had left in a hurry, without even saying goodbye to anybody.
Well, she hated good-byes anyways.
Plus, she couldn´t have stayed there a second longer either.
With everybody staring at her...
With everybody talking about her...
With him looking at her like that...
With the momories of the night before still fresh in her mind...
With her body still feeling the remnants of their past activities...
Yes. What had happened back then at Palumpolum, it had been a mistake. A complete disaster. And she knew nothing like it would ever have happened if it weren´t for the announcement of the impending apocalypse.
Yes. She would never have agreed to follow the general, her superior, up to his room, if she had known that she would wake up to see the light of the next day.
Never.
Nor did she think that he would have asked her to either.
No, of course he wouldn´t have.
She was just her... A nobody. And he was... Him.
It had been a whole bunch of inconvenient coincidences that had let to all of this. She was sure. And though she tried, tried so hard to get it out of her head, the memories of that night, of him, kept coming back to her, kept haunting her. Keeping her awake at night. Eyes fixed upon the nightsky trough her little beach side window, hands between her tighs.
It had been nothing of course. Nothing serious. It had been a beautiful night for him. That was all. One of a million nights he'd spent with some willing girl, taking advantage of the effects of the alcohol.
Of course those were the only things to blame. Him and the effects of the alcohol.
It was the alcohol's fault that she'd acted all out of her mind, it was the general's fault that she'd joined him in his nightime endeavours.
Of course it was.
Had been him who´d dragged her out onto that blasted porch, up into that cursed room with that fucked four poster bed...
It had been him who...
No...
She had to stop that.
It didn´t matter either way.
It was over now.
Nothing good could have come of it anyway. That much she knew for sure, had known all along, could have told herself a million years ago, would have told herself that night hadn't she been so overwhelmed by it all, the situation, the alc, him.
Claire Farron wished she could turn back time, go back and reverse everything she had done. But it was no good.
What had happened, had happened.
There was no way to change that now.
And somehow she accepted it. Managed to stow her feelings and her memories away and pretend they didn't exist. It wasn't the first time she'd had to do that and she was finally getting good at it. Or so she thought. Until the day the letter came.
It was about two weeks after her return to Bodhum that the letter arrived.
She already knew who it was from the second she saw the neatly written letters spelling her name on the envelope. Yes. She recognized his handwriting immediately and it made her heartbeat speed up in excitement.
Sephiroth.
She couldn´t fathom why he had written to her. It wasn´t an official looking envelope either.
Could it possibly be that he was thinking about her too? That he missed her? That maybe he felt the same about her?
She found her heart doing a summersault only at the thought of it.
Maybe he´d ask her to return to join them again...
Maybe he wanted to see her.
Sneaking upstairs, to her bedroom Claire Farron sat down on her old bed she now occupied once more.
Everything in the room was exactly as she had remembered. Serah had kindly left the room untouched when she and Snow had rearranged the furniture all over the house and Lightning was so infinitely thankful.
It made it easier to recall the life she'd lived when she had occupied this room. To conjure all the happy memories.
Somehow it was grounding, soothing.
Claire Farron opened the letter with slightly shaking fingers.
The heavy envelope sailing into her lap it was very quickly that she turned the letter over the scan the first few lines.
'Dear Lightning,' the neat familiar script began. It made Claire Farron's heart leap up into her throat in anticipation.
'If this letter reaches you in time, please don´t return to Palumpolum...'
Reading the first line of his letter, a second and a third time, Lightning slowly felt her heart sink to rock-bottom.
No.
Of course he didn´t want to see her. Didn't want to talk.
How could she have been so stupid?
It was quite the opposite.
He wanted her to stay away.
He asked her not to return at all.
Feeling her chest constrict painfully, she tossed the letter away, sent it flying to a corner of the room, the remainder of it´s contents unread.
She didn´t care for his words. For some feeble explanations.
He didn´t want her to return. It was all that mattered. It was all she needed to know.
Lightning gave a tiny sob.
Burying her face in her hands, the usually tough soldier just sat there, fighting for composure, fighting back her tears as finally reality began to sink in.
She had quit soldier. And she wasn't going back.
She had gained so much. Over those past years she had found a place to fit in. She had found a job, an occupation, something she enjoyed, something she was really good at. She had found herself friends, a family. She had developed feelings for somebody, somebody she´d known she could never possibly be together with, but she had been happy getting along with him, being friends with him, if one could even call it tha.
Him and all the others...
Zack and Cloud and Genesis and Angeal. Her firends. Her brothers. Her family.
She had lost them. Had lost everything in just a single stupid night.
The stupid bastard of a general. If only she could get him out of her head. Could get him out of her heart.
All the things they´d shared that night, all those memories, albeit thinking of them as a mistake, as a misstep, still, Lightning couldn´t keep her thoughts from trailing back to them. To him.
Sephiroth.
Zack, Cloud, Genesis and Angeal.
She had no idea where they were now, what they were up to.
Had they returned to Midgar?
Lightning didn´t know.
Oh she had been so stupid...
What had she been thinking?!
That Sephiroth would suddenly mysteriously develop feelings for her? Would fall in love with her?
Her of all people?
That he'd ask her to return and that they'd all go back to Midgar to help rebuild it and live there together happily?
She must have lost her head completedly.
It was the soft noise of somebody clearing their throat, coming from the doorway, that made her look up with a start.
Serah.
Her little sister was leaning in the doorway with a tray of freshly laundered clothes tugged under her arm, eying her with curiosity.
Shit.
How long had she been standing there?
Saying nothing, the younger Farron entered, started putting the fresh clean dried clothes away into the drawers.
It was with puffy red eyes that Lightning watched the back of her soft loose blouse and the back of her arms rummaging in the closet.
'Who is he?' Serah asked out of the blue.
'Huh?'
Her question had caught the pink haired female completely off guard.
'The guy you are thinking about.' Serah clarified, closing the drawer right in front of her.
'What are you talking about?' Lightning asked, trying hard to sound inconspicuous.
It didn´t work as well as she had hoped.
It was just a second later that Serah turned around to look at her, hands at her hips, expression stern and serious.
'Claire Farron. I´m your sister! You can´t fool me.' she said, a dangerous undertone to her voice, telling her older sister not to mess with her.
'I´ve never seen you act like this and I can tell something's bothering you. You´ve been preoccupied ever since you came here. Then you receive some mysterious letter and you go up to your room to what - sulk? So... Yeah... I figure it must be about some guy...' the younger Farron explained logically.
'Oh...' It was all that Lightning managed. Suddenly feeling caught, she didn´t know what to say exactly.
Was it really that obvious? Or was it just Serah? Her little sister who actually knew her better than she had expected.
'So... Who is he?' her annoying sibling prompted, taking a seat on the bed next to her and looking up at her expectantly.
'I can´t tell you.' was the first class´ prompt reply.
And it was true. She couldn´t possibly tell her. She just couldn´t.
'Why not?' Serah asked, sounding kind of disappointed.
Yes. The pink haired soldier had forgotten how curious her little sister could be...
'You´d freak.'
Yeah, she definitely would.
Even here in Bodhum, far away from everything. The war. Midgar. Shin-Ra. Even here people knew who he was, knew his name.
Serah would definitely freak to hear that she'd had something going on with the legendary war hero General Sephiroth Crescent.
She´d never hear the end of it.
'Hm... Is it serious?' the girl interrogated further.
'No.' Lightning quickly assured her.
'But you have feelings for him?' Serah inquired instantly.
'No...' the warrior lied, trying hard to sound convincing.
Her sister threw her one of her suspicious glances.
Sighting in frustration Lightning didn´t try to argue.
Serah could tell anyway.
Claire was a bad liar. She had always been.
'It doesn´t matter anyway.' was all she offered.
'Why?' Her sister quickly asked, digging deeper.
'It was a mistake... He doesn´t want to see me again.'
Pale blue eyes darting to the letter she had tossed in a corner after reading only the first line, suddenly Lightning felt unable to bear the uncomfortable situation any longer.
Desperate to get away from that interrogation of her sister´s she quickly got up from the bed and turned towards the door.
'I´m going to take a shower...' she murmured, hurrying over to the bathroom.
Serah Farron, future Mrs. Villiers, waited to hear the lock of the bathroom door click before slowly she got up and headed over to the corner. Bending down to pick up the letter, hearing the water patter in the shower, she settled on the bed to read what Lightning would have read as well if only she had bothered to continue past the first line.
And she really should have. Because if she had she would have know that actually in his letter the general had asked her to stay because they were coming to Bodhum.
Where actually on their way right then.
All of them.
