Horns n Halos Blackrayvn

Chapter Management Edit Chapter

Chapter 16: Crowley

Summary:

Please note Chapter 15 and 16 went up an hour apart.

Crowley opens up to Aziraphale about what happened that night
Long ago on 2/26

This is not needed to continue the story
but it is needed to understand Crowley a bit better

Notes:

TRIGGER WARNING

I am putting this here because it does go into some detail
For what I am comfortable putting out there right now.

Remember you are worth so much more than what ignorant people see you as.
Love you no matter what. You are strong.

This is from personal experience, I am using Crowley as a way to get
it out there for me. Thank you.

Chapter Text

Please note CHAPTER 15 and 16 were put up an hour apart.

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Crowley woke in the arms of his angel, inhaling deeply he couldn't help the shake that wracked his body. Eyes of gold looked at the calendar, even though the day had been scratched out, scribbled beyond recognition, Crowley knew it was the twenty-sixth of February. A cold day, a dead day to him, a day that should stop existing like the men who tried to make him stop living. Pressing his face under Aziraphale chin, he kissed the fluttering pulse there; strong arms pulled Crowley closer to him. Unbeknownst to Crowley, loving blue eyes were looking down at him, taking in the shiver, feeling how Crowley couldn't get close enough to him.

Aziraphale pulled Crowley closer to him, draping a leg over Crowleys' own, his hand tracing patterns on the bared skin of Crowleys back. Aziraphale could feel the scars here and there as his fingers slid over them, Aziraphale often wondered where some of those scars came from, the one behind his ear, the long scar on his leg, his arms, the rest he could only wonder about. The ones Aziraphale could see didn't count in comparison to the ones that were inside of Crowley, in his head and his body. Aziraphale could only hope that Crowley would be okay enough to open up to him now, but he would wait.

Crowley took a deep, shuddering breath, his hand running up along the scar behind his ear, his eyes looking up, meeting Aziraphale's soft blue. Aziraphale could see the sadness in the depths of eyes that he could lose himself in, eyes that held so much life in them, were virtually dead, Placing his hand on Crowley's cheek, Aziraphale placed a gentle kiss on Crowley's lips, saying ~I love you~ as he pulled back. Crowley nodded, putting his head back against Aziraphale's chest hearing his heartbeat, letting the sound calm his soul.

"Do you want to know Aziraphale?" Crowley quietly asked, his eyes shut, letting Aziraphale's heart keep him grounded.

"Only if you want to tell me, my love, I know enough that it happened today, I will stay in this bed with you just like this if you need me too." Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley's hair, calming him further, the weight of Crowley deepening aginst Aziraphale's chest.

"I think you should know, I have never been able to get through this without Anathema, but I have you now, and you are what I want, you are what I need right now." Aziraphale felt the breath, could feel Crowley tense up as he remembered. Arms encircled Crowley, Aziraphale wrapping himself around his love, his soul mate.

Crowley took a deep breath before he began.

"I had gone out with a few friends, they all knew how I was, but they had been friends for years, so it was no big deal to go out. Everything was great till it wasn't." Another breath as he continued. "I walked my friends to their car, and they weren't anything, just some poor bastards that had me as their friend." Aziraphale could feel the shake of Crowley's head,

"On the way to the cars, some guys decided to give us a hard time, I was bigger, so I stepped in, just trying to defuse the situation, I thought it worked, that they left. I don't think I have ever been more wrong about anything in my life." Crowley breathed, ~keep breathing~ Crowley told himself. Aziraphale held him, feeling the shuddering response to his memory.

"I waved to my friends as they drove off. I was right at my car. I opened the door, got in, and then I wasn't in my car anymore. They had waited, followed me, and dragged me out of my car." Looking up at Aziraphale, he could see rage glinting in the back of those blue eyes, but his arms tightened around Crowley. "I remember the shouting, the names, the shoving. Trying to talk my way out of it, then I felt the first punch. More or less, the shock of it didn't drop me, but the second one did." Crowley had to stop for a few moments to gather himself, his breath barely hitching as he breathed.

Aziraphale kissed the top of Crowley's head, arms staying around him.

"The pavement caught me. I remember thinking of how cold it was and thanking it that I couldn't fall any further than I had. It's strange to thank pavement for being there, it truly is. I stopped hearing them after the first kick to my head happened, and everything had a strange ringing to it; it was all so muffled." Crowley stopped moving. He just was relaying a story now, the numbness of it all taking over. Aziraphale couldn't do anything but listen and be there.

"After I tried to roll under my car, it was the kicks to my back that stopped me from moving, and I stopped feeling the pain. It was a sharp thud from that point, and I wondered in my own head where anyone was to help, why was no one coming." Crowley breathed deeply, and it was too calm of a breath.

"It felt like forever, I remember seeing my blood spray from my face, remember thinking how pretty it was, like raindrops, then I was being picked up. Thrown into a car. I was still being yelled at, though, words didn't mean anything anymore, only the ones I hear within my own head. I figured this was it, little did I know there was more to come." Crowley rolled into Aziraphale, talking into his chest now, closing out the world around him that wasn't Aziraphale.

"The car stopped, I was being dragged out of the car again. The ground caught me again, my vision was fading in and out. I started to pray for the darkness to just take me, I didn't want to be anymore. To prove a point, I suppose, what point I will never know, but I remember three of them." Crowley heaved, before breathing raggedly and calming himself.

"I don't remember all of it, thankfully, and thank god for small miracles though I wonder where she was at that moment, things happened that should never happen to anyone, ever, I can't go into that, I just can't accept it, not yet. I am sorry, I am trying." Crowley sobbed against Aziraphale, who held him tightly.

"When they were done, they threw me away like garbage. It was a ditch, off the road, where waste was collected. I was nothing more than garbage, and that's where they threw me away. I can remember hearing the car leave, and then the darkness finally took me. I am not sure how long I was there, but it was an officer that saw something, he stopped and found me. He used his jacket to cover me, I can still hear the franticness of his voice, but not the words. I wanted to die, the pain was settling back into me, I tried to scream but I couldn't there was no voice left from the screaming before. It was when I made out the words, ~You're going to be okay, you're safe, I promise I won't let anyone touch you.~ I finally gave up." Crowley cried into Aziraphale's chest, whose own tears were running down his face, he had no idea.

"I woke up two weeks later in the hospital, hooked up to IV's. My kidney was torn, I was torn, my back had been compressed, I had laceration over my head, the orbit of my eye had been cracked, and so many more things. I had no answers, nor did I want to talk about it. I hid it away until I had no choice but to talk to the police, someone had tried to help me, but they couldn't there were too many and she was just a little thing. She took a picture from her car, it was enough, and they caught one of them." Crowley slowed his breathing down. "They had him, the one that started it all, because I didn't want them, because I chose to live my own way, well his way is in jail until he is ninety-eight years old, and that is only to see about parole, and then after that, he still has hell to look forward too." Crowley nodded at that, Aziraphale could feel the anger brewing within Crowley.

Aziraphale held Crowley, kissing his head, and telling him how much he loved him. Just as Aziraphale had promised, they stayed together in their little garden of Eden until Crowley was ready to leave the garden. It may not have been until the twenty-sixth was over, but it was a start. The love of Crowley's life would be there with him for every twenty-sixth after that.

/On a personal note, the men who did this are in fact in jail. I deal with the effects as best I can, but I survived, I am loved, and I love all of you. Thank you for being such an amazing fandom that I adore and look forward to every day. Without you all, there would be no way for me to even attempt to say any of this. I love you!/