Mary couldn't sleep, she glanced at the clock on her nightstand for what seemed like the millionth time. It was close to four in the morning and she was going to have to get up in three hours to get ready for work and Dean ready for the day.

John was most likely going to be there too, she had given him a key to her apartment to make it easier for the both of them. Grimacing when a sharp pain went through her her hand went to her lower back to try to massage it away, biting hard on her lower lip to stifle any noise that might escape.

She couldn't do this, this was all happening too fast, she can't deal with it. She was going to be twenty four when December comes rolling around in a few months and she couldn't deal with this. Even her mom hadn't been this young when she had her.

And besides that when her mom did have her she had her dad with her, she wasn't doing it alone.

Like she was.

Curling up on her side she wrapped her arms around her stomach, turning her head to bury it into her pillow.

She didn't want to break up with him. She didn't want to leave him. She didn't want to not have a life without him.

But she also had no idea what to do.

Her ears picked up the sound of a key being inserted into a lock and she immediately sat up, hand going to her nightstand to grab her gun. Sliding out of the bed she carefully and quietly padded to her living room, breathing out a sigh of relief when she saw the door open to reveal John.

John paused when he saw her standing there, gun almost aimed at him. He held his hands up, a bag hanging from his wrist. "Just me."

"John, you're early." she said softly, bringing the gun down. She walked the rest of the way to him. "What are you doing here at this time?"

"I couldn't stay away, not when we don't have that much time left together." John told her, putting the bag on the table and hugging her, after she hid the gun into a different place again. "I just...I don't want to be without you."

Mary swallowed the lump in her throat and held onto him tightly, gripping the back of his shirt. "John." she whispered his name, her voice breaking.

"Mary I want to fight, I want to fight for us, I want to stay together. And I know that I can't leave the Men of Letters, but I don't care." John told her, holding her close. "I don't give a damn about anyone but you and our children. I don't care if I get excommunicated from the Letters, I'm going to be with you."

"John you don't know what the Letters will do." Mary told him, moving back to look up at him. "You don't know what kind of spells they have, they can erase your memories of me and Dean completely."

"Let them try, I don't give a damn."John said. "Because even if I get my memories erased, I'll still remember you and I will always find you guys."

"John-" Mary started to say only for John to interrupt her.

"Just tell me the truth, do you think that you and me, whatever we have and everything else is worth fighting for?" John asked, looking her in the eyes. "If you say no then I'm not going to do anything. But if you say yes, then I'm going to fight for it with everything that I have."

She should say no, she should. She shouldn't be playing around like this. None of them knew what the Letters could do to them. Neither of them really knew what secrets they had and according to the whispers they even had ways of brainwashing people to do their bidding.

She should tell John no and end this right here, right now.

She should say no. She has to say no.

"Yes." she whispered. "Yes. It is."

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