"Queen Energy!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of Beryl!"

Queen Beryl looked at him.

"SHIT!" he teleported away and came back.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"OMG UR KIDDING"

"NO, I'm not! This is certain to be the source of energy we need!"

"OMG UR KIDDING"

"Nope, I'm cereal!"

"Are you cerealously cereal?"

"Nah"

"Ok," began Queen Beryl, cautiously. "But does it require a bunch of unnecessary steps?"

"Why of course! What do you expect!"

"Perfect! I love wasting time and our own energy! Go for it!"

"Ok Queen Beryl, so here's the plan," said Jadeite. "Humans put a lot of energy into being sore sports when they lose baseball games."

"Go on..."

"Especially children!"

"Go on..."

"So, if we can beat children at a baseball game, all their poor sportsmanship can be taken for the Negaverse!"

"Which one is that again?"

"That's us, Queen Beryl."

"Wait, who are you?"

"Queen Beryl pls I tell you everyday"

"I've never seen you before in my life. Guards, take out this traitor!"

"WOT?"

"Oh hey, Nephrite. I didn't see you there. Good look on your energy plan."

"?" replied Jadeite, teleporting away before he got killed again.


Nephrite was sitting in his castle, talking to the stars.

"How are you doing, friends?"

"Leave us alone, Nephrite. We already told you we don't like you?"

"Why? Why are we drifting apart?"

"We can't be in a relationship with someone who blames us for all their problems."

"But you guys know all! Why aren't you telling me how to get energy?"

"Maybe we know you're a dick."

"?"

"Is this a bad time," asked Jadeite.

"Hey how long were you here?"

"Long enough to know you need couples' counseling."

"Screw you," said Nephrite. "What do you want?"

"I want to recruit you for the best evil plan of all."

"I doubt it."

"Nupe we're making a baseball team to beat toddlers, and we need you!"

"Why would I want to help you?"

"Because Queen Beryl wants you to."

"I doubt it," said Nephrite, poofing to Queen Beryl to ask her.


"Queen Beryl!"

"Have you failed already, Nephrite?"

"Wat no, I just wanted to know if you actually requested I join Jadeite's baseball team."

"Why yes Nephrite, I did want you to join Nephrite's baseball team."

"Why can't he just use youmas? Don't you think it's below our positions as your generals?"

"Come on Nephrite, where's that Negaverse spirit?"

"Why don't you join then, Queen?"

"Because I'm not scum. Now back to work!"

Nephrite sighed and yelled "Moon Healing Maxfiend Stanton!" He looked exactly the same. It worked!"

Now he was Maxfield Stanton.


Next, Jadeite appeared at Zoisite and Kunzite's castle.

He appeared in their bedroom without warning in the middle of them being geh.

"OH GAWD WHY LORD KUNZITE WHY!"

Jadeite teleported outside, gasping for air and choking. "WHY DO I ALWAYS TP TO PEOPLE AT THE WRONG TIMES?!"

24 minutes later, they came outside their room wrapped in the sheets.

"Sorry u had to see that"

"Ye how about you never mention this again," added Zoisite.

"Ok but only if you join my baseball team."

"Wtf"


They appeared at the Little League tournament.

"Hello," asked Jadeite, dressed as a coach. "I would like to register my team."

"Aren't you a little old for little league?"

He blasted the person who said that to smithereens and hired a youma to enlist people.

"I'm a child on the inside," he muttered, frustratedly.

The youma still shook her head. "These teams have to be 9 people. You only have 3."

"Can't you make an exception?" asked Kunzite.

"Can't we just hire youmas?" asked Nephrite.

"Oh come on guys! Where's your Negaverse spirit?" asked Jadeite. "Now lets do something I never thought we would do. Let's ask the Sailor Scouts for help!"

"But Jadeite," said Zoisite. "If we bring the Sailor Scouts here, and then start stealing energy, they'll foil our plans!"

"DON'T QUESTION UR COACH LAD," said Coach Jadeite. "That's a red card for you! Go run three laps!"

"Dawgonnit"


Serena slept peacefully in her house, dreaming of Tuxedo Mask, Tuxedo Mosque, and that punk Andrew. Suddenly, she was awoken with a fright. The house was trembling. Instead of calling the police, she looked out her window. It was Jadeite!

"Sailor scouts," he commanded, his image being viewed over the entire city. "You bettah meet me at the airport, or ima steal u cupcakes!"

"NUUUUU" yelled Serena, grabbing the Sailor Scouts and rushing to the airport.

"I'm so sick of this shit," yelled Rei, lunging at Serena to slap her but missing and slapping Ami.

"What was that for," cried Amy, furious to be distracted from her studies. "Now I have to start this sentence all over again! How will I ever get my doctorate by age five if you keep doin this shit!"

They made it to the top of the airport, realizing they hadn't thought to transform. Where's Luna when you need her?

So they transformed, but gasped when they saw the four Shitennou standing there watching.

"OH SHIT DO THEY ALL KNOW OUR IDENTITY NOW?"

The Shitennou turned to look at them. "When did you guys show up?"

"You mean you didn't see us transform?"

"Huh? I was just looking at the sky. So many stars..." said Nephrite.

"I was just looking at Kunzite!" said Zoisite.

"You faggots," said Ami.

"Holy shit Ami," said Mars. "Where did that come from?"

"I'm pretty deranged from studying 35 hours a day, actually."

"I see."

"Sailor Scouts, we need your help!" said Jadeite.

"Well what's in it for us?" asked Venus.

"We're hunksters?"

"Good point!" agreed Serena and the rest of the scouts.

"Come on guys, let's gather the Negaverse spirit!" said Jadeite, putting his hand in the middle. He had everyone else put their hands on his to do a chant of team spirit.

But suddenly, they all withdrew their hands in pain. They had been hit with a rose!

"WTF, Tuxedo Mask," asked Serena. "I see why you hit them, but why us?"

"Wow, teaming with the Negaverse. You make me sick." said Mamoru.

"No it's just baseball? Wanna play?"

"Anyone who teams with the Negaverse at all is sickening. So let's play!"


They all were gathered in the dugout. Their four minutes of training had all lead up to this moment. Since all the kids' parents didn't want their kids versing older kids/adults, all of the teams resigned except for one group of particularly small toddlers. Thus, they were at the final championship.

"Alright, today is the big day!" said Jadeite. "It's all or nothing guys! We need to win! Not for the Negaverse! Not for the energy! But for OUR HONOR!"

"Nah, it's for the Negaverse," said Nephrite.

"Oh come on, where's your Negaverse spir-" but Jadeite got hit in the face with an energy blast before he could finish.

"Screw you Jadeite!" said Nephrite.

"No come on guys, let's all join in a chant," began Jadeite. But everyone was annoyed with his over-exerting his team, so they chanted "SCREW YOU JADEITE!" and took their places in the field.

"Welp, looks like we're gonna win!" murmered Jadeite to himself. "There's no way we can't! They're just toddlers! We're grown people! We have thousands of years of experience! My team can do it, I just know they can!"


"HOW DID WE LOSE SO BAD?" Sobbed Jadeite, looking at the scoreboard. "They don't even have mercy rules in little league, but the scoreboard couldn't pass 99 runs so they had to call it!"

"Gee, Jadeite. I don't know what happened," apologized Mamoru.

"No, you people are awful! SO, SAILOR JUPITER? HOW EXACTLY DOES ONE RUN BASES BACKWARDS? ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WASN'T YOUR TURN? AND MAMORU. YOU CAN'T BAT WITH A ROSE. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. AND NEPHRITE, YOU SHOULD DIVORCE THOSE STARS IF THOSE ARE THE KIND OF PLAYING SKILLS THEY GAVE YOU! AND ZOISITE WTF? YOU WONT TELEPORT AWAY WHEN YOU HAVE CRYSTALS THAT ARE CRUCIAL TO THE NEGAVERSE, BUT YOU'LL TELEPORT AWAY WHEN BALLS COME YOUR WAY! THAT'S SO UNLIKE YOU! WINK! AND KUNZITE! WTF WERE THOSE BOOMERANGS? HOW WERE YOU GOING TO TAKE ON THE SAILOR SCOUTS WITH THAT?"

He began glowing with pure energy.

"What's happening?" asked Sailor Mercury, who was supposed to be the smart one.

"It appears he's filled with the purest of all energy forces. Poor sportsmanship!"

Kunzite's eyes widened. He had never seen such powerful energy radiating. Everyone stood silent for a moment. Then, Kunzite, Zoisite, and Nephrite piled on Jadeite, and began pummeling him. They stole tons and tons of energy that was shooting off.

"Venus Crescent Beam!" Venus yelled shooting randomly into the battle.

"Whose side are you on," asked Nephrite.

"Idk, I hate you all, so it was a pretty good attack time."

They accidentally dropped the energy.

"No worries," said Kunzite. "We'll just pick it back up!"

Suddenly, Queen Beryl's image appeared.

"RETURN IMMEDIATELY!"

"But Queen! We have the energy right here!"

"DON'T QUESTION MY ORDERS!?" she yelled, spinning her head in a complete circle.

She slapped them all in the back of the heads and said they were grounded.

Nephrite and Zoisite sighed, grabbing each of Jadeite's legs and dragging him into the portal.

"Come on pal, let's go." said Zoisite.

"UGhnguhnghhuhng" moaned Jadeite.

"Oh come on, stand up, Jadeite! Where's your Negaverse spirite?" asked Nephrite.

Jadeite started sobbing.

FIN