"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Why would we want energy?" responded Queen Beryl.

"... I... I don't even know anymore."

"So what are we doing here then?"

"Tradition? So anyway, I heard that the humans-"

"I've heard that Zoisite and Kunzite are gay. Is there any truth to that rumor?" asked Queen Beryl.

"That depends if you're watching the sub or the dub, your majesty. Anyway, I heard that the humans celebrate this holiday called "Halloween," where they-"

"I've heard of Halloween, Jadeite. I'm not an ape. What do you intend to do on Halloween?"

"Well you see, kids go around engaging in an activity called "trick-or-treating," in which-"

"I've heard of trick-or-treating, Jadeite. I'm not a chimp. So what exactly are you saying Jadeite?"

"Can I go trick-or-treating :D? Pls?"

"How could that get energy?"

"We can give the kids candy that sucks their energy!"

"So, in other words, you'd be better off just handing out the candy. Correct?"

"Uhhhh but that wouldn't be much fun!"

"Screw your fun, and get back to work you slacker! You can go pass out candy to the children."

"Awwww, but Queen! I don't even have a house in the overworld!"

"Nephrite does. Go make him help you pass out candy."

"Oh tartar sauce :("

Zoisite appeared after he left.

"Do you have a mission for me, Queen?"

"Nah you can just go do whatever you want."

"Oh sweet!"


Zoisite appeared back in his and Kunzite's castle.

"KUNZITE KUNZITE KUNZITE!"

"Wat do you want"

"Let's go TRICK-OR-TREATING!"

"Why? Are we on a mission or something?"

"Nah, Queen Beryl said we can do whatever! So let's goooo!"

"Why? We're grown men!"

"Men? Wait I'm confused. Is this the sub or the dub?"

"I guess we're going with the sub this chapter."

"Tartar sauce. So let's go? :3?"

"Fine, whatever. This'll still be more productive than half the shit we do around here."

"Yeeeeeet!"


Jadeite reluctantly appeared at Nephrite's palace.

"NEPHRITE ME BOY!"

"Oh boy not you again. What is it this time?"

"Queen Beryl said we have to pass out candy."

"WHY? I was gonna go trick-or-treating with Molly! :("

"Beats me. Apparently we're draining energy or something."

"Yeah, our energy. *sigh* Let me put on a costume, then." said Nephrite.

"That's not really necess-" but Jadeite got cut-off when Nephrite flew in as Tuxedo Nephrite.

"Who are you supposed to be?" asked Jadeite.

"Tuxedo Mask, can't you tell?" asked Nephrite seriously.

"You look like a queer."

"Takes one to know one, buster."

"Suck it Nephrite!" said Jadeite.

"Yeah I'm sure you'd want that, queerboy!"

They went to have a physical altercation, but they were interrupted by a knocking on the door.

"Oh boy a door-to-door salesman. I'll go get my rifle," said Nephrite.

"No, Nephrite, wait!" said Jadeite, putting on his "Jed" disguise. "I bet it's a 'trick-or-treater!'"

"Oh, I see. I'll go get my rifle."

"No we're supposed to give them candy!"

"Why would we do that? Do they pay us or something?"

"They pay us with appreciation!" said Jadeite, but Nephrite didn't look convinced. "And ENERGY!"

"Ah, so you whipped up a batch of energy sucking candy?" Neph asked.

"Not quite. I just made really good, sugary candy. It will make their teeth fall out. And THEN, we'll be the dentists, and put them on laughing gas and SUCK THEIR ENERGY!" Jadeite shouted.

"Come on Jadeite, indoor voices please. Go deal with the kids."

Jadeite answered the door in a wacky personal trainer uniform. He went to pass candy to the kids, but Nephrite ran up in his "Tuxedo Mask" costume. It terrified they children and they all fled. He chased after them, yelling "Oogaboogabooga!"

"What was that for," yelled an enraged Jadeite. "You scared them away!"

"No, they were already running away. I just wanted to give them something worth running from."

Jadeite sighed. "Now we have to wait for the next trick-or-treaters. And how many kids will actually have climbed this entire mountain just to get to this one house?"

The doorbell rang. This time, it was some teenagers.

"Happy Halloween!" yelled Jadeite and Nephrite in unison.

"Eww, are you guys like gay or something? Why do you live together?"

"Suck it kids!" they said together.

"Eww I bet you creepy old men would like that. Fork over the candy."

"Fine!" said Jadeite, angrily. He held out the bin for them to take a few pieces. But they took like a full handful!

"PUT THAT BACK!" Jadeite yelled.

"Fat chance, old man!" yelled one of the kids, making a run for it.

"AWww hell no!" Jadeite chased them down the mountain. They jumped in their car to drive away, but he used his power and picked it up. He threw it off a cliff, and recovered the extra pieces of candy from their brutally bashed corpses.

"Nice going, Jedy," said Nephrite.

"Thanks!"


Meanwhile, Zoisite had reached his first house. "Aren't you coming, Kunzite?" he asked.

"Nah I think Ima sit this one out."

Zoisite dragged him over against his will. "We need the extra candy!"

"Why didn't you just take youmas then."

"Because youmas are incompetent."

They knocked on the first door.

An old lady answered.

"Hello, deary! And just who are you supposed to be dressed as, little girl?"

Zoisite gasped. "LITTLE GIRL!?" he shouted, blasting the old lady with pink petals.

"Well that certainly showed her that you're a not girl," commented Kunzite.

"MOVING ON!"

They got to the next house. There were many kids there. It was a long line, and some kid cut them off to "join his brother or something." They obliterated the child, and while they were at it, got rid of the rest of the mob.

They got to the door to see the people in the house running out their back door.

"HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU OWE US CANDY!"

They picked up the pace, and Zoisite chased them through their house.

"LEAVE US ALONE YOU FREAKS!" the family yelled.

"FREAKS!?" Zoisite spawned a crystal and impaled the father.

"Father!" cried the child.

"I'll just be taking that!" he yelled, telepathically pulling the candy from the kid's bin into his own.

The kid sobbed in terror.


The doorbell rang yet again at Nephrite's mansion.

They opened the door, and their eyes grew wide with horror. It was the Sailor Scouts!

But... something was off about them. They seemed around the age of five, and the seemed to have parents with them walking them around.

"Brilliant!" Nephrite muttered to Jadeite. "They've de-aged themselves to appear like regular kids trick-or-treating in sailor costumes!"

"Wait, Nephrite," he said as Nephrite loaded his rifle. "What if they really are just little kids?"

"Nonsense! Don't fall for their tricks that easily!"

He turned to the possible Sailor Scouts.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"We're the Sailor Scouts!" yelled a little girl. "We fight for candy! And justice!"

"That's exactly what Sailor Moon would say! GET EM!"

Jadeite and Nephrite charged. Nephrite flew up and sucker-punched Sailor Mercury. Jadeite kneed Sailor Venus in the gut. Nephrite then launched a pure energy blast at Sailor Jupiter. Jadeite threw a plane at Sailor Mars. Then, they both combined their powers to obliterate Sailor Moon.

The lady that was with them gasped in horror. It must be Queen Serenity!

"She's returned!" shouted Jadeite in horror.

Nephrite shot her with his rifle. "Phew, that was a close one!"

"Yeah. Hey, those Scouts really went down without a fight. Almost like they didn't have any powers."

Nephrite and Jadeite looked at eachother.

"Holy shit," said Nephrite. "I think we just commited manslaughter!"

Another trick-or-treating bunch approached. "OH NO! We're going down, they'll see all the dead bodies!" yelled Jadeite in horror.

Nephrite reloaded his shotgun to kill them, but then they said "Woah, nice Halloween decorations! They really look like dead people!"

"Why thank you," said Jadeite. "Looks like we're in the clea-"

Nephrite shot them all. "They were onto us, Jed!"

Jadeite sighed, and face-palmed.


Kunzite watched as Zoisite ate candy from his blood-stained bowl.

"Did you really need to kill that whole family?" he asked.

"I did them a favor. I didn't want them to have to grow up without a father," said Zoisite, nonchalantely.

As they walked down the street, some teenagers passed them.

"Hey, aren't you guys a little old to be trick-or-treating?"

"No, we're only a couple thousand." Kunzite scowled.

"Who are you guys supposed to be, anyway? Clowns?"

Kunzite looked down, wondering if Zoisite had warped him up some sort of disguise. But they were just in their regular Negaverse garb.

"Are you some kind of jokers? Like who made those costumes? They must have no taste in fashion whatsoever. Was the joke that you were going as awful costume-designers?"

Zoisite and Kunzite gasped. Zoisite threw down his pumpkin ready to fight.

"Calm down, Zoisite," said Kunzite. "They're just being immature."

"What's up with the cape, capeboy? Are you supposed to be some superhero?"

The other teen joined in. "Superhero? More like Super Dork!"

Kunzite picked them up by the throats and smashed their heads together with a dark energy blast.

"NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY CAPE!"

He levitated them into the air. All the parents and kids turned to watch what was going down. He dropped them, but before they hit the ground, he shot them with a giant energy ball, splattering them all over the place.

Zoisite rolled his eyes and muttered "oh they're just being immature"

"Suck it Zoisite," said Kunzite.

"If you say so!"

Suddenly, they noticed their good pal Tuxedo Mask across the street. They ran up to him.

"Hey, Tuxedo Mask!" Zoisite exclaimed happily.

"Zoisite," scowled Mamoru.

Andrew turned to Darien. "Why does he think you're Tuxedo Mask? You're just Darien in a Tuxedo Mask costume!"

"Um yeah."

"Say, Tuxedo Mask. That's a lot of candy you got there." said Zoisite.

"What are you getting at?" he asked.

"Well, you probably have my favorite candy in there, and I probably have some of yours. You know what we should do? Let's pool all our candy!"

"Good idea! Then we can each pick out what we like the most!"

"I don't know about that, Mamoru," said Serena. "They seem sketchy."

"Relax, Serena. I've got it."

Mamoru poured his bin of candy in the middle.

Zoisite tossed in the two Tootsie Rolls he had gathered from that family he slaughtered.

"Hey, what gives. That's not a fair contribution!"

Suddenly, Kunzite appeared in the middle.

"Hey, you were just standing over there! What gives?"

Kunzite scooped up all the candy, and fled with Zoisite.

"I'll get you crazy kids!" shouted Mamoru.

"What was that all about?" asked Andrew.


Zoisite and Kunzite arrived at the house at the end of the street. "Woah, look at the giant mansion! I'm not going up there," said Kunzite.

"We have to! They look rich, and rich people will give out a lot of candy!" reasoned Zoisite.

"Well count me out," said Kunzite.

"Aww, you scared?" taunted Zoisite.

"No."

"Then why aren't you going?"

"I'm tired on my feet."

"But you're hovering above the ground!"

"You think that doesn't tire me out?"

"No, because I've been floating just as long. If you go, I'll give you one of Mamoru's snickers!"

"Count me in!" said Kunzite.

Ten minutes later, they reached the top of the hill.

"That was a real work out," said Zoisite. "If only my personal trainer Jed Ite was here."

"Wait why didn't we just teleport," asked Kunzite.

"Cuz that'd be cheating," said Zoisite. "Say, this place looks kind of familiar. Oh well," he said, knocking on the door.

They were shocked when Jadeite and Nephrite answered.

"Hello, kids!" said Nephrite. "Who are you guys supposed to be."

"Nephrite, you dunce! It's us, Zoisite and Kunzite!"

"I didn't know they made Zoisite and Kunzite costumes. I thought they only made costumes for the popular ones, like Jadeite. I've seen like three of him today."

"No, we're really Zoisite and Kunzite."

"Nice try, but those aren't very convincing costumes. Your Zoisite wig isn't even the right color."

"?"

"Well, take some candy!" said Jadeite passing them a handful each.

As they took it in their hands, it started zapping them and sucking their energy.

"WTF!" yelled Zoisite.

"I told you this was a bad idea," said Kunzite.

They laid there, drained of energy.

Zoisite summoned a youma before passing out. The youma started beating up Jadeite and Nephrite.

"Wow, Neph, this guy's costume is really creative. Besides the off colored wig, they actually were very realistic."


The four Shitennou stood before Queen Beryl.

"So guys, how'd it go," she asked.

"We got a little energy!" exclaimed Jadeite with pride.

"OUR ENERGY!" yelled a weakened Kunzite.

"We got lots of candy!" said Zoisite.

"All I got was a rock :(" said Nephrite.

"Wow, I'm impressed with this energy you managed to gather.

"OUR ENERGY!" added Kunzite, again.

"Yeah whatever, energy is energy."

"Wait, if we can just use each other's energy, why don't we just take energy from the youmas and each other?" Jadeite asked suddenly.

"Because the youmas are the ones who get energy!" said Queen Beryl.

"Then why don't they take energy from other youmas?" Jadeite continued.

"Because those youmas need to take energy!"

"No I think you're missing the point here..."

"Jadeite one more outburst like that and you're fin."

"Suck it Beryl!" said Jadeite.

"I'd bet you'd like that, queerboy!" shouted Queen Beryl.


Earlier...


Zoisite and Kunzite had reached a strange temple at the top of a large staircase.

"This place seems familiar," she said to Kunzite.

Suddenly, crows jumped out and started beating them up.

"QUICK RUN TO THE TOP SO WE CAN GET CANDY!" she yelled, running up the stairs rather than teleporting.

They were greeted by Gramps.

"Trick-or-treat!" they said, out of breath.

"Hmmm, I'll give you a treat alright. Say, are you two a couple?" Gramps asked.

"Why, yes." said Zoisite happily.

"Wanna be a triple?" asked Grandpa.

They knocked him down and took his candy and his rainbow crystal.

FIN