"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

All he got in response was his echo.

"Queen Beryl? I-I found...?"

But Queen Beryl was no where to be found.

"Huh," thought Jadeite. "Something must be wrong!"

He looked all over the palace for her, screaming "QUEEN BERYL! I FOUND A NEW SOURCE OF ENERGAH!" but he couldn't locate her.

"She's not here," said a voice from behind him. It was Nephrite.

"Then why'd you let me search the entire palace, three times?"

"LOL"

"Where is she, then?" asked Jadeite.

"Her and Kunzite are out watching horse races"


"Alright Kunzite, did you do what I asked?" asked Queen Beryl.

"That's right, Queen Berly, I stole the energy of all the horses except for number 18"

"Wait 18?! I said all the horses except number 8!"

"uh oh"

"You owe me 9999999 negabucks!"

"uh oh"


"So what are we supposed to do today?" asked Jadeite.

"Idk but Ima go see my bae Molly. You should get yourself one of those." responded Nephrite, warping away.

"I know what I'll do! I'll fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming an ballerina!" With that, Jadeite warped away as well, to go on a soul-searching adventure.


Nephrite arrived in the seat in front of Molly at the chocolate milkshake place.

"Woah, Maxfield Stanton! Where did you come from?" said Molly

"Oh, we're still doing this?" Nephrite took a sip of his chocolate milkshake. "Eww this is awful."

Suddenly, a wild Melvin appeared.

"HIDY HO, IT'S MELVIN!" he said, lunging over to the table and pushing Nephrite out of his seat.

"So, Molly! Are you ready to be my girl!" said Melvin.

"Who's this bozo-clown?" asked Nephrite, brushing the dust off his Maxfield costume.

"Nephri- I mean Maxwell, this is my good pal Melvin. Don't be mean to him," said Molly.

"Yeah Maxie, don't be mean to me. It will make me constipated!" responded Melvin.

"Nope, I'm not doing this if he's here," said Nephrite, getting ready to leave.

"Come on, Maxfield! You two need to learn to get along if you and I are going to be a couple."

"WAIT I THOUGHT WE WERE A COUPLE, MOLLY?!" gasped Melvin.

"Nah, he's not dead now, that changes everything."

Melvin started sobbing, so Nephrite blasted him.

"NEPHRITE!" yelled Molly in shock. "You better make this up to him!" she yelled, gesturing to a battered and milkshake covered Melvin.

"Fine, what do you want me to do?"

"Well, you can start by going to his snail watching club! He's the only member! It must be lonely."

"Why would I do that," asked Nephy.

":(" said Molly, emotively.

"Fiiiiiineeeeeee," sighed Nephrite. "But only if you come too!"

"Ok!"


Nephrite appeared at Melvin's snail watching club/the dumpster behind the school.

"WHERE'S MOLLY?" he menacingly asked Melvin.

"Oh, she said she couldn't make it. She was gonna be late for DANCE CLASS!"

"Dammit Molly," said Nephrite, getting ready to leave.

"Wait!" cried Melvin. "I'll tell Molly you left! And I'll tell Queen Beryl you're dating a 14 year old!"

"Wtf, Melvin. You're savage."

"Now sit down and watch snails with me!" squealed Melvin.

Nephrite sat down mid air, and hovered above the snails.

"So, what exactly do they do?" he asked.

"Well, sometimes they crawl. Sometimes they go to sleep. One time I even saw two bump into each other!"

"Just kill me now, Queen Beryl!" Nephrite yelled to the stars.


Queen Beryl froze mid corndog that she bought with Kunzite's money.

"Kunzite?"

"Yes, Queen?" he asked.

"I don't know why, but I think I'm gonna kill Nephrite later."

"Why?" asked Kunzite, disinterestingly.

"He's just asking for it."

"Well, that's a little harsh, Queen."

"Suck it, Kunzite!"


It was three hours into the snail watching club, and one snail had almost moved a full foot. Melvin was shaking with anticipation.

"Isn't this great?" he asked his new pal Nephy.

Nephrite woke, with a start. "Huh, where am I? Did Queen Beryl kill me yet?"

"Nephrite, were you not paying attention? Now we have to start over!" Melvin said, moving the snail back to the start.

Nephrite let out a sigh, smashing his head against a wall.

"What was that about," asked Melvin, offended. "You're acting like you don't enjoy watching snails!"

"I'm only doing this for Molly," sneered Nephrite.

"Well, you shouldn't bother. Molly's mine!" Melvin retorted.

"Fat chance, Dweebizoid." barked Nephrite.

"Hey, don't call me a Dweebizoid, you faggot!"

"Woah," said Nephrite, startled.

Melvin clenched his fists. "I've had just about enough of you."

"You wanna go noob boy?" Nephrite taunted.

"You asked for it!"

"Well come at me, Negatrash!"

"Wut?" said Melvin

"Huh?" said Nephrite

Melvin had just about enough of this Nephrite character.

He charged shrieking "THIS ONE'S FOR MOLLLLLLY!"

Melvin threw a wild punch but Nephrite blocked it with one hand. Melvin fell back clenching his hand "OWOOOOOOO!"

Melvin stood back up and tried to punch Nephrite but he sidestepped and Melvin toppled over into his snails.

"Is that all you got four eyes!?"

Melvin stood up and this time he was mad. He transformed into his ultimate form: Tuxedo Melvin.

"STEAL MY GIRL?! NO WAY!"

Nephrite took the offensive this time but he slipped and threw his punch too early and missed and Melvin used the opening and slugged Nephrite hard in the face.

It was a critical hit and Nephrite was in a peril state.

"Alright I'm done fooling around!" bluffed Nephrite and he put on his tuxedo because for some reason he needed that to take someone's energy. He started taking Melvin's energy but a rose hit him and he turned to see Tuxedo Mask.

"I don't like the way you bad guys steal my identitah!" beckoned Mamoru

Almost imedietly after Sailor Moon showed up.

"Quick get the fake Tuxedo Mask!" ordered Mamoru

Serena spun around in a panic. "You want me to kill Melvin? Well if you insist..."

"No get Nephrite!"

"Which one is Nephrite!"

Suddenly, Zoisite appeared. "The Silver Imperium Moon crystal of the Moon Kingdom must be somewhere around here." she exclaimed looking down at her black crystal thing.

She looked up and saw three tuxedo masks. "lolno" and she disappeared.

Nephrite used the diversion to try and make a hasty retreat.

"Quick, Sailor Moon!" yelled Mamoru. "Get Nephrite already! He's the one making a run for it!"

"That's exactly what Nephrite would say!" yelled Serena, blasting Mamoru.

"Whywhywhy" he said as he fell back out the window. His mask fell off, revealing he was Mamoru. Nephrite was too busy chortling.

"Oh no! I chose wrong!" cried Sailor Moon. "I'll get the real one this time!" she yelled, shooting Melvin brutally.

"SAILOR MOON WHY!" he cried. She recognized his nasally voice. "Ah well." she thought.

"Come on, Sailor Moon!" yelled Mamoru. "There's only one Tuxedo Mask left! It must be Nephrite!"

"Gotcha!" she said. She charged up her Moon Tiara Action.

Nephrite stopped in his tracks like a deer in headlights. He was too mortally wounded from his scrap with Melvin. He was unable to dodge.

Suddenly, Molly appeared!

"No, Sailor Moon, stop!" she wailed, stepping in the way of the projectile.

Serena tried to stop the tiara but Molly jumped in too abruptly. Molly was obliterated.

"NOOOOO!" cried everyone in the room, except Mamoru who didn't really care.

Nephrite was overcome by fury, at all those involved in the events that caused this.

He began pummeling Melvin. Sailor Moon tried to stop him, but got confused and shot Melvin again. Nephrite was about to finish them all off. He charged the one last energy blast, that would be the death of them all.

Suddenly, Queen Beryl appeared. "Nephrite, I heard you wanted to die," she began.

"Uh, no Queen. I was just being dramatic."

"Well, I came all the way out here. I lost 9999999 dollars. That's not really your fault, but someone's gonna have to die.

Melvin struggled to his feet. "HEY, HIDY HO! Who are you supposed to be?"

Nephrite killed Melvin. Queen Beryl clapped, but was mad she didn't get to do the killing. She settled for slaughtering a few snails.


Back in the palace, Queen Beryl questioned what her Shitennou had done today.

Jadeite started. "Well, I got a ton of energy from this group of toddlers. Then I sucked the elderly of their energy, getting so much that I-"

Queen Beryl cut him off. "BORING!"

"What did you do, Nephyboy?"

"I watched snails and slaid a nerd," beamed Nephrite.

"Wonderful. You get a raise, Nephrite."

Jadeite started crying.

Kunzite appeared crying, as well. "You won't believe the things I had to do to get that money, Queen Beryl. I hope it was worth it."

Zoisite also appeared crying. "THREE TUXEDO MASKS?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! BESIDES LIKE KILL PEOPLE AND SHIT?!"

Jadeite, Zoisite, and Kunzite huddled together and did a group sob.

"Just kill me now!" wailed Jadeite.

"My pleasure!" responded the Queen.

"No, wait-!"

FIN


RIP JADITE

1678-12BC

He will be missed

Until next chapter


RIP MELVIN

"Hidy ho!"

2001-2003


RIP MOLLY

"She was kind of asking for it"

"It was only a matter of time"

"I'm gonna be late for DANCE CLASS!"

"Boston ain't got nothin on me"

"MAWWWLLLY"

1991-9999999 negabucks