12
Amara's POV
"Have you no shame!" Mother snapped as I was sitting on my old bed, hands crossed and looking away.
"Mom it was just-"
"A kiss? HA! Lord knows I've heard that before. "A meaningless kiss, it didn't mean anything". Amara how could you do this to your alpha?" she asked disappointed. It wasn't hard. I frowned at her.
"Because I wanted to. I wanted to do something with someone who didn't own me." I said. She scoffed and threw her hands up.
"This again. Amara we talked about this! Not only did you step out on your alpha you did it with a celebrity. Who knows what people saw you and took pictures." she said. I shook my head.
"Let them take pictures. I don't care." I replied.
"What if your alpha sees this? He could send you back to prison!" she snapped. I looked away.
"So let him." I said defiantly.
"You don't mean that." she said shaking her head. I didn't respond.
"It's not fair, Mom." I said lightly and her eyes softened on me. "It's not fair that I have to just change for him and he doesn't have to do anything."
"How do you know he hasn't changed for you?" she asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I had no answer. There was a knock at the front door and mother glanced at it and then at me. "If that's paparazzi, just know I will be cussing some people out." I didn't respond as she left the room and I just stood up pacing a bit thinking about what I had done. I had kissed another man that wasn't my alpha. And I liked it. The freedom of able to do this excited me some. But now that the moment was gone, I thought about how I would deal with Rafael's anger once he found out what I had done. I saw him coming down the hall way and my stomach immediately tightened. His face was dark and he closed the door behind him and I immediately moved back against the wall to keep distance from him. He just stood there glaring at me before holding his phone up to me. I could see it clear from where I stood what the pictures were of. So someone did snap photos of Billy and I.
Rafael placed the phone in his pocket and looked at me.
"Tell me how it's not true." he said quickly. I inhaled some and continued to look at me. His eyes wouldn't leave my face.
"It's true. I kissed Billy Conlan." I replied. His eyes weakened some on m and h slowly shook his head.
"Why?" he asked softly as if defeated. I slowly looked down.
"It was to say good bye. We agreed that after that kiss we would no longer be in communication with each other. The friendship that we cherished between each other, the happiness that we got from one another was over, because of you." I said. His entire body was tight, and I could tell my words meant nothing to him.
"I was right, I can't trust you." he said with a scoff.
"Yeah well I knew I couldn't trust you when you went through my stuff and snapped photos of my school schedule." I shot back. His eyes widened some and his nose curled in a snarl. "You wouldn't think I noticed when my things were moved or touched?" He shook his head.
"Don't switch this around on me. You are the one caught kissing another man!" he snapped. My anger flared, but I did my best to control it. I nodded.
"Yes. I kissed another man. I betrayed the trust of my alpha." I said almost bitterly. He just glared at me for a moment.
"You accused me of being this dominating man well now you've got it. You will do nothing without my knowledge. Any questions I ask, I expect an honest answer. You will go to school and my house only. Anywhere else you will ask me for permission. Is that clear?" he demanded. My body moved up and down with anxiety and anger before nodding.
"Yes alpha." I replied. He just looked at me angrily.
"Get in the car now. We are going home." he demanded, and I just walked past him without saying anything else. Mother was at the door waiting and she handed me my back pack of which I took gently. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I gently touched it before leaving out the door. I moved over to his car and as I heard the doors unlock, I got into the passenger side and just sat there in silence. Rafael got in and we said nothing the entire ride back to his home. I walked up the steps in silence.
"Stop." he said and I paused and turned to him and he just looked up at me as he loosened his tie.
"Are you a virgin?" he asked. My eyes gently flexed at his question.
"No." I replied quietly.
"How many partners have you had?" he asked.
"Fifteen." I responded making his eye twitch.
"Time span?" he asked
"Five years." I replied.
"Last time you were tested?" he asked. I looked up in thought.
"Back in September." I replied.
"Have you been active since then?" he asked. God I felt like I was being interrogated.
"Yes." I replied. He nodded slowly.
"On my next day off, you and I are going to your primary care to get tested." he demanded. I didn't say anything, and he just stared up at me with fierce eyes.
"As you wish." I replied and turned and continued up the stairs. We wouldn't be roommates, no we were just strangers living in the same house. The next morning, Rafael was already gone. No fruit was left out, no bagels or cream cheese. Just a house key was lying on the island. I wasn't the least bit surprised. I merely got ready as I usually would and headed out to walk to the bus station. At least I had peace of mind knowing he didn't plan to touch me until he got the test results. But that just told me that time was coming. He was going to touch me, be on top of me… inside me. What if he was horrible at sex? What if I felt nothing for him during? I groaned at the thought.
I got a text from him saying he wanted to know when I arrived at school. I didn't respond until I was getting off the bus and across the street from the university.
Already there were pictures of Billy and I in magazines and on apps. People would glance at me and then their phones to try and see if I was the girl in the picture. My classmates hounded me about the entire thing. "Was my alpha mad? Did he hurt me? Did he yell?"
"Hey I'm here aren't I? No bruises!" I would say.
"I can't believe you kissed another man!" Lindsey replied.
"Well it was a good-bye kiss." I replied. Sadie, a communications major and alpha, shook her head.
"A kiss is still a kiss. You probably hurt his feelings." she told.
"Yeah well he hurt my feelings when he trapped me in a legal contract with him." I pouted.
"You should count yourself lucky he didn't beat you." Sadie said.
"Would you have done that to Collin?" I asked and she shook her head.
"If he was in your position no, because I am not an abusive person in general. I get it's not fair that abusers, molesters and eve murderers can be alphas and put their family through hell, but if you alpha isn't like that you had no right hurting him like that, especially if he's been trying to make things work with you. You should apologize him." she announced.
"Is that the alpha speaking?" I asked. Sadie shook her head.
"No. This is coming from your friend." she said. Her words stayed with me for a while and I felt maybe she was right. As cut off as I had been in the past few days, Rafael hadn't forced me to do anything up until. I knew I should apologize, but I knew just saying I was sorry would mean nothing right now at this point. I then thought about what I could do to make up for what I had done. And it came to me.
Later on that night, I was in the living room studying. It was around ten and I was just studying some of my lesson plans. It was cold in the house, so I wore some black sweats and a white sweater. When the door opened, I felt my stomach tighten and I just glanced over at Rafael as he entered with his suit jacket over his shoulders, his brief case. He gave a two second glance at me before just entering the kitchen. I didn't say anything except just watch him look through his mail from the living room. I didn't want to ask, but I felt I should.
"How was work?" I asked.
"Good." he said flatly his eyes roaming the mail. I nodded deciding to just get to the point.
"I have to take another class now at school, so I will be there longer." I replied. He didn't even look at me.
"The school let you add another class in the middle of the semester?" he asked accusedly. I nodded.
"When they found out why I needed it, they allowed me to… is that okay?" I asked.
"Should have asked me before signing up for the class." he said coldly. I looked down and nodded.
"I'm sorry." I replied moving to gather my paper work and book and moved to head up the stairs.
"It's fine." he called out, and I looked back at him and just nodded before continuing to head up the stairs. This is how it was day after day. We didn't speak, we didn't go anywhere together. Anything I wanted I bought. Rafael would give me the keys to his car on his days off to attend meetings at school and prepare for competitions. Of course, he had my phone tracked which I had no choice but to accept. I stayed in my room and worked out on my own time when I was off.
We did go to the doctor's office over the weekend where we both would get tested. As we both waited in the waiting room I could hear the TV on across from us.
"If there wasn't more controversy going on in the celebrity world, World Heavyweight Champion, Billy Conlan was seen last week in a heated passion with an unknown woman. But there has been talk that that woman is a beta who has her own alpha which does not sit well for Conlan's image." the announcer said, and I tensed and looked up at the TV just as Rafael did, his frown starting to go. I just looked down hiding my face now. "Conlan has decided to make a public announcement on the controversy."
"I just wanted to apologize to the woman. I knew she had an alpha and I still disrespected the relationship she had with her alpha and if she's out there, I want her to know I am deeply sorry." he said looking into the camera. I looked at the TV with soft eyes now.
"What about her alpha?" someone asked.
"Should they not get an apology?" another reporter asked. Billy's eyes looked at the camera seriously.
"The man's a big boy. I'm sure his ego will heal. But I will say something to him though. That woman that you're lucky to have… imprinted on, she's a queen and a beautiful soul. She had a bright future ahead of her before she met you and I hope you don't try and destroy her happiness. Because if you do, you and I are going to have a talk." he threatened, and my chest inflated with nervousness as now he was bombarded with questions.
Rafael scoffed.
"Big talk." he said. I just kept my eyes forward and waited to be called back. Once the testing was over, we were driving back home. "You hungry?" I shook my head.
"No." I lied. He glanced at me.
"You didn't eat breakfast after your run. I'm sure you're hungry by now." he said calmly. He sounded like he cared. I nodded.
"I'll make something when we get to your house." I replied. He nodded slowly.
"Well do you need anything while we are out?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No." I replied. We didn't say anything else for the rest of the drive.
Rafael's POV
For the entire week we didn't speak or do anything together and I didn't like it. How is it she can hurt me and I get upset and yet it's still my fault! She avoided me as to not upset me, that much I knew. I could feel she was walking on egg shells around me. Everywhere I was, she would just remain silent or lock herself in her room. We don't even eat together, and I missed having meals together. I missed talking to her. But I had to hold out. We needed to keep the space we had until the test results came back. God I prayed she was clean. I knew I was, but she didn't seem anxious or paranoid at the doctors. Maybe that was a good thing.
The days went on like this and it was driving me insane. I was at the precinct right now when I got a text from Amara.
Amara
Made it to school.
I placed my phone back in my pocket as I looked at Olivia behind the interrogation glass.
"So what do we got?" I asked. Carisi was standing beside Olivia just shaking his head. Olivia looked at the small woman behind the glass.
"Tori Milligan, been hiding ever since she shot her alpha John Milligan. She claims it was in self-defense." she said. I looked at the woman. She looked frightened, her knuckles pressed to her lips.
"We have any proof it was self-defense?" I asked. Carisi nodded.
"Yeah the hospital released medical records to us. She's been in that hospital every month with either bruises or broken bones, even vaginal trauma. She said she was always falling or ra into a door. But she can't say much for the vaginal trauma. Husband, John was always there to agree with her. Some doctors and nurses say she rarely answered for herself and he'd yell at any doctor who tried to get answers from the wife." he said. I nodded looking down at my phone before tucking it away in my pocket.
"The husband out of surgery?" I asked.
"In critical care. Woman used a shot gun and blew a hole right in his chest. Doctors don't think he'll make it." Olivia replied. I nodded.
"Get her statement." Was all I replied and left the room. Maybe I could get her on insanity and get her little jail time.
"Hey." Olivia called and I turned to her to see her following me.
"If Carisi is getting the statement, I doubt she's going to open up." I said and she nodded.
"Amanda plans to get the statement. I just wanted to see how you're doing." she said. I shrugged.
"I'm fine." I said.
"You've been looking at your phone every few minutes. The silent treatment not working?" she asked. I sighed and just shrugged.
"It's working for Amara, I can't believe she just openly admitted to kissing Billy Conlan and she didn't even show remorse because of it. Now I'm giving her what she wants, and she seems to be okay with it." I said feeling my anger rise. Olivia nodded looking me over.
"What are you going to do?" she asked. I sighed and shook my head.
"For once I don't know." I replied.
Amara's POV
Four weeks went by and by now we were back at having a civil conversation. Although I didn't try and hang around Rafael too long. However, when he brought home the mail on a Sunday, he handed me an envelope. It was from the doctor. I opened it from the couch as he opened his own envelope. As I looked over the results and saw that everything was negative, I just handed it to him. He took the paper and lightly handed me his results. I took it slowly and looked over the results. All negative. I sighed quietly and just handed it back to him. God, now it all just mattered of when he would do it. I just got up from the couch and moved over to the stairs swiftly not noticing he had followed right after me.
"Amara!" he said, his hand taking my hand and I paused on the second step not moving. "I really think that this could be good for both of us, but in no way am I going to force you into anything you don't want." I slowly looked back at him.
"But you will." I said. "I know you want this more than I do. So let's just do it okay and I won't fight you or struggle or hate you after it's done. It's the least I can do for hurting you." His eyes widened some with pain and he looked away.
"I'm not going to use sex as a punishment on you. I would never do that." he said, and I just watched him for a moment before nodding slowly. For the rest of the day we were in our own worlds. He was in his office. I was studying more of my class when I looked up thinking of Rafael. I knew he was hurting, and I couldn't help but feel terrible even more knowing that I hurt him.
I always told myself I wouldn't be a cheater, that I was never that type of person. I mean I wasn't! I knew I should probably say something to him before the night was over. I got up and headed down to the end of the hall to his office. It was cracked open, letting a small stream of light out. It was always closed though. He would never intentionally leave the door opened… unless he wanted me to come visit. I sighed and gently peaked inside. I opened the door more and saw Rafael's back as he was at his desk. He seemed to be in his office more. I wish I didn't notice, but I did notice. I slowly approached his desk. He was in his white buttoned up shirt and black slacks. I just stared at him for a moment feeling my heart beat faster. I was nervous why was I so nervous? I inhaled a bit too loudly and immediately Rafael looked behind him before standing up and looking at me with concern.
"What is it Amara?" he asked. I just stared at him for a moment and he approached me with even more worry in his eyes. "What's wrong?" Just hearing the worry in his tone made me feel even worse. Even after what I had done, he still managed to care about me. I looked down for a moment thinking what this could mean once I said what I had to say? I slowly reached out to take his hands and hold them against my own. His hands were dried compared to my softer palms. His thumbs very so lightly rubbed over the tops of my palm as I finally looked back up at him with sincerity in my eyes.
I parted my lips to speak and damn my heart hurt it was pounding so bad.
"L-lo siento…" I stated lightly his eyes immediately softening at my words. "For hurting you." Numerous emotions filled his eyes now as he gently chuckled and smiled.
"Is that the other class you've been taking, huh? You've been taking Spanish...for me?" he asked. I nodded almost eagerly.
"Yes." I responded and together we shared a light laugh.
"Thank you, mami. I forgive you." he said gently. I couldn't hold back the smile that spread across my face. I didn't know why I felt so happy to have his forgiveness, but I was. I gently moved back from him and started to turn, but his hands tightened and stopped me from moving. I looked up at him curiously and he gently pulled me back to him and I let him, now feeling a bit nervous of what he was going to do. He looked down at me with a gentle gaze.
"May I kiss you?"
