"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"What is it?" asked Queen Beryl.
"No, I mean I found the store, 'A New Source of Energy!' They have all the latest fashion trends!"
"Why are we at a mall again?" asked Kunzite.
"Even bad guys have to go shopping sometimes!" Queen Beryl explained.
"Queen, can I buy a dress there," asked Zoisite.
"Shut it, queer. Breaking dress code by not wearing your uniform is a Code 2 violation."
"What happens if I get a Code 2 violation?" Zoisite wondered.
"You die."
"I see."
"Can we go explore the mall now?" Jadeite asked filled with giddy.
"Alright," Queen Beryl agreed. "Here, take 20 bucks each."
The four Shitennou gasped in marvel. They hadn't been paid since the Silver Millennium.
"Now you boys have fun," said Queen Beryl. "Just stay out of my hair."
They all took off sprinting.
"WAIT!" she called. "Do whatever you want with that money, just don't buy candy."
They all stopped dead in their tracks.
"BUT QUEEN BERYL!" they whined in unison. "WHYYYYY?"
"Because you can buy a whole sack of it at the grocery for the same price you only get like a single piece here."
"BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME!"
"Quiet, before I lose my patience!" Queen Beryl scolded. They took off again, as fast as they could.
"Finally, a moment of peace," Queen Beryl said to herself. "I haven't had one of these since the Silver Millennium!"
She walked down to her favorite store, "Crystal Balls R Us." Upon entering, she saw her pal Wiseman, and gave him a nod and a peace sign.
"Sup, Wisey?" she asked.
"Oh not much. Just serving the Doom Phantom, and then becoming him just to be killed by my own screw ups."
"Same!" Queen Beryl nodded, knowingly.
Once Queen Beryl walked away, Wiseman shook his skeletal head. "It's a shame really, but I've been to Crystal Tokyo, and I haven't seen her there..."
"WHAT'S THAT, CLOAK BOY?" Queen Beryl shouted, spinning around to face him.
Wiseman yelped and warped back to his time.
After an hour of pacing, Queen Beryl finally narrowed down her choice to a scarlet crystal ball or a ruby crystal ball. She decided to ask the cashier what she'd look best rubbing all day.
Before the cashier could even give the same "I don't care," response he gave everytime she shopped there, a robber ran in!
"Screw off, robber!" she told him. "I was robbing this store first!"
The robber pulled a gun. Queen Beryl let out a hardy laugh.
"Hahahahahaha your Earth guns are nothing compared to my evil immorali-"
Suddenly, Queen Beryl got shot. It was in the chest, and she cracked into a million pieces.
"Oh shiiiiiiiit!" she wailed as she turned into Negadust.
The robber, oblivious to his recent murder, stepped up to the counter and pulled the gun on the cashier. He demanded change for a dollar, and then ran away.
Zoisite was going his tenth round on the mall merry-go-round when it stopped yet again. "Another go around, my good sir," he said, handing the operator another dollar.
"My kids wanna ride! Get off, you freak!" some parent yelled.
"Just for that, I'm doing another ten laps!" he called back. But then he got a weird feeling, like Queen Beryl was in trouble. He lept off the merry-go-round and headed in her general direction. But, as an afterthought, he blew up the merry-go-round so that parent couldn't have her kids ride.
As he hurried to Beryl, he passed a hot dog stand. "Well, Queen Beryl might want back the money we didn't spend. Gotta make full use of it!" he decided, getting in the long line.
"I'M SO FAT!" sobbed Nephrite, as he gobbled candy uncontrollably. "Queen Beryl's gonna beat me up for this, but I don't even care! Mall candy is better than store candy! SUUUUGGAAAAAR!" he shouted, blasting the manager away with his other hand.
Just then, as he dove into a vat of liquid chocolate, he heard Queen Beryl scream in the distance. "Oh no!" he thought. "Molly is in danger, again? Oh well, better finish this chocolate vat."
Kunzite roamed around the Mall Art Gallery.
"Hmm," he wondered aloud. "Which of these exquisite paintings would go best in my castle?"
A worker tried to help. "Well this one is called the Mona Lisa. It goes well pretty much anyway."
"Idk, my castle is a work of art. I wouldn't want it to be put off balance."
"What's the color scheme of your castle? Maybe that would help your selection," the worker commented.
"Ummm, black? And I guess there's some more black, some shades of gray, maybe a little purple?"
The art worker was stumped. Meanwhile Kunzite wandered over to the Loni Lenai exhibit (that artist from that episode that made a paiting of Mamoru and Serena). He looked at all the Silver Millennium-esque pictures, when he saw one that stood out to him. It was the Moon Kingdom in shambles, as the Dark Kingdom raided it.
"This is the one," he declared.
"Oooh, that's a good choice! It's a one of a kind, priceless painting. Perfect to furnish any evil home."
Suddenly, Kunzite heard Queen Beryl's wail in the distance. He took off out of the store.
"HEY!" yelled the worker. "Aren't you going to buy this painting?"
"Nah lol, I only had 20 bucks anyway."
"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Jadeite jumped up and down, putting his 20 bucks in the massage chair.
"1 hour massage of relaxation and bliss, here we go!" he said, about to sit down. "I really needed this!"
Right before he touched the massage chair, he heard Queen Beryl.
"WAAAAAA!" he yelled, slamming his fists down and reluctantly heading in her direction.
Usagi walked up. "Ooooh! Someone left a free massage on here! I can always count on the kindness of strangers!"
"Or, someone just had to go do something, and is coming back for it." Rei tried to explain.
"Suck it, Rei!"
All four Shitennou united in Crystal Balls R Us. They ran to Queen Beryl's pile of remains.
"Oh no!" cried Jadeite. "We were too late!"
"That's really a shame," said Zoisite, eating his hot dog. "Oh no!" he cried suddenly.
"Did you just take in what the reality of Beryl's untimely death will mean to us?" asked Kunzite.
"No, I just realized I forgot the mustard!"
Nephrite noticed a note lying on Beryl's scraps. "What's this?" he asked, picking it up and showing his gang.
"I think it's Queen Beryl's will!" Jadeite exclaimed.
"Oh boy, I hope she left me that dress!" said Zoisite. "I mean... nah, I mean dress."
Kunzite began to read aloud. "I, Queen Beryl, possessor of the Negaverse and ruler of its thrown, heretoforth bestow all of my property, possessions, and crystal balls to my most loyal and faithful servant, yet most trusted ally and friend..."
All the Shitennou took a deep breath as Kunzite flipped over the page to reveal who Queen Beryl's favorite general was. Each of them was certain it would be them.
"MAMORU-CHIBA!?" Kunzite screamed in horror. He tore up the will in fury, but it just reappeared on her ashes.
Jadeite grabbed it in disbelief, sure that Kunzite had misread. But upon a further look, he realized that that wasn't even the worst of it!
"I shall also grant my good pal Mamo-chan my four faithful Shitennou!"
GASP!
"She can't just give us away!" Zoisite exclaimed. "We're not property!"
Nephrite eyed the will in horror. "According to this, we are! WAIT! She did leave us something! It says we can go take all the contents under her mattress!"
"Oh boy!" Kunzite said. "It's gotta be money, or something good!"
Upon warping back to the Negaverse, they flipped Beryl's mattress.
"It's just a bunch of sheets of paper!" Nephrite yelled.
"Not just any sheets of paper, bills! All her bills since the Silver Millennium!" Jadeite cried. "And holy shit, was electricity expensive back in the stone age!"
They all started to sob.
