"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"What is it, Jadeite?" Queen Beryl asked with the utmost enthusiasm.

"It's this neato kids' computer game called ClubParakeet!"

"Don't you mean ClubPengu-"

"No no no, that's a copyright. Silly Queen, tricks are for kids!"

"Jadeite, I'm about to kill you in cold blood, right now."

"You won't be, after I tell you what epic thing I'm spending 6 dollars a month on! I've been learning the ways of this kids' game so that I can trick kids to sending me their energy!"

"How do you do that?"

"I pretend to be a 10 year old girl looking for a date."

"That's stupid," said Queen Beryl.

Jadeite pulled out a giant ball of energy. "You won't believe how many idiots fall for it though!"

"Dang," Queen Beryl said. "The human race was much smarter 1000 years ago."

"The only minor mishap was when I accidentally got Nephrite to send me his energy, because he was posing as a 10 year old guy."

"Very well, Jadeite. Get back to work."

"Yeeee! Ima go buy all the backgrounds!"


Jadeite sat in his room.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" he exclaimed as he logged on. "I bet new room items have come out! My bird cage is going to be AMAZING!"

When he logged on, he was shocked to see he had zero friends.

He gasped. "WHERE DID ALL MY BOYFRIENDS GO!?"

He then saw he had 28 new notifications. He opened them. They were all from his Poofles! They said they ran away from neglect, and because he fed them other poofles and kicked them.

"WHAT?! I treat all my Poofles with love and affections!" Jadeite cried.

"At least all my exclusive, members only clothing items are still- NOOOOOO! WHY!? Where did all my flags go?! And my room items!? And my cool background with lightning and fire! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!?"

Zoisite stood behind him laughing. "Tee hee hee hee!"

"ZOISITE HOW COULD YOU?! YOU'rE A DEAD MAN!"

"Oh really?" he challenged. "I don't look like a dead man. Or even a man..."

"WHY WOULD U SPEND THAT MUCH TIME NEGLECTING MY POOFLES AND SELLING ALL MY ITEMS!?"

"Lol, I didn't. I just cancelled your membership and they took it all away."

"WAAAAAAAAAA!"

Suddenly, Nephrite came bursting in.

"I GOT BANNED ON CLUBPARAKEET! FOR 24 HOURS! FOR SAYING 'IMA KEEL U IRL KID.' WHO WOULD GO ON MY ACCOUNT AND SABOTAGE MY HOPES AND DREAMS LIKE THIS?!"

"Lol" said Zoisite.

"WAAAAA! I didn't even care when you killed me and Molly. But this has gone too far!"

He swung at him, but Zoisite teleported away.


Back in his castle, Zoisite went back on his pengui- I mean parakeet. He had made it to report Nephrite's account for telling him that "ima keel you irl kid."

However, he had stopped by the clothing store, and bought the parakeet a cool pair of pantaloons. While he was there, he figured he might as well check out some furniture for his bird cage. And he might as well check out the "dance club" as well.

At the dance club, a pink parakeet approached him. "Yo, I'm DeShawn. I'm 11 years old, and I gotta tell u. You have some nice mooves. Come ovr to my bird cage 4 a good tym."

"OOOOH!" Zoisite got excited.

At DeShawn's bird cage, they both danced together. "WOAH HOW DID yOU GET A BIGGER BIRD CAGE!?" Zoisite asked.

"I paid 50 dollars of my granny's funeral fund for it."

"NEATO!"

Suddenly, a light blue parakeet showed up. "Hey Deshawn, bb!"

"Wut?" Zoisite asked. "Who is this Paraked?"

"Uh oh," Deshawn thought. His main ho and his side ho in the same bird cage... this was bound to go bad. He shut down his bird cage, kicking them both out. But they both appeared on the skii hill.

"Yo, green parakeet," the blue parakeet said to Zoisite. "What were you doing, dancing with my man?"

"YOUR MAN?! Last I heard, DeShawn was my man!" Zoisite was getting furious. If this was irl, blue parakeet would have been impaled by now.

"Nuh uh! DeShawn said u just a side dish!" Blue parakeet said, throwing a snowball at Zoisite's green parakeet.

"I know how to settle this. 1v1 me at the dojo, kid!" Zoisite challenged.

"I'm not a kid! I just turned 8!" the blue parakeet disagreed.

"Psssh, I'm a couple thousand," Zoisite told her.

"Ya right i bet ur like 3"

"LET's FIGHT!"

They began their dojo fight.

Zoisite had a brilliantly devised attack plan. But then blue parakeet used a members-only item. Zoisite was insta-killed.

"IMA KEEL U IRL!" Zoisite typed in rage. He spammed the message 30 times and then got banned for one hour.

"NUUUUUUUUUU!"

Zoisite went crying to Kunzite. "Bla bla bla story bla bla bla we don't need to repeat what you just read bla bla I got banned!"

Kunzite comforted Zoisite, reaching behind him to log off of his blue parakeet account that had recently reported a bitchy green parakeet. It PROBABLY wasn't Zoisite's green parakeet, but he didn't want to take any risks. He was just happy he got to use his membership item on a non-member.


Nephrite sat in his mansion.

"Hahahah, Zoisite thought he had me. Good thing I have a back up 11 year old parakeet named DeShawn."