"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Who's calling?!" Queen Beryl shouted into her cellphone.

"It's me! Jadeite!" he said into the payphone. Nephrite and Zoisite stood beside him, very impatient and ready to get on with their road trip.

"Why are you calling me on my day off?!" Queen Beryl shouted.

"It's what the humans call-"

"HELP ME!" Zoisite screamed into the phone.

Jadeite shooed him away with his hand.

"So anyway-" Jadeite tried to continue.

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'll make sure to write that one down," Queen Beryl said dismissively. "You catch that, Kunzite?"

"Catch what?" he asked.

"See, we gotcha, Jadeite." Queen Beryl said, hanging up.

"I'm glad I called," Jadeite told his friends. "She seemed really appreciative."

"So, did you ask her how we should go about getting to San Diego?" Nephrite asked.

"San what?" Jadeite replied.

Nephrite face-palmed. "Call her back! That was the one thing you were supposed to ask!"

"Oh, I would, but uh... that was my last quarter."

"So let me get this straigt. You had one quarter, and you spend it on telling her you had a new source of energy." Nephrite stated, unable to believe the stupidity.

"Did you even have a new source of energy?" Zoisite asked.

"Ye, I thought of a really good one! I thought I needed to inform Queen Beryl."

"Well, you'll never be able to carry it out, since we're STRANDED IN NEW YORK CITY!"

Suddenly, Nephrite had an idea. "I'll just warp us up a swag new car! Then we'll just go on any highway and hope for the best."

They began driving. But just then, they hit a pedestrian! It was a little pink haired girl.

"Meh," Jadeite commented. "Couldn't have been anyone important."

They drove onward.

"Can we stop and get something to eat?" Zoisite asked.

"No," said Nephrite. "We've literally been driving for five minutes."

"But I'm hungryyyyyyy."

"ARE WE THERE yET?!" asked Jadeite.

"No, and we're not stopping."

"But I need to go pottyyyyyyyyyyy!"

"Hold it in."

"No, screw you."

Zoisite and Jadeite jumped out of the moving car.

Nephrite kept going.

"How dare he!" screamed Zoisite. "He's supposed to turn around and come back for us."

Jadeite rushed to the bathroom.

Zoisite stood in the middle of the highway screaming about how Nephrite just ditched them.

An officer pulled up to him.

"Excuse me, ma'am. You're slowing down traffic, and on top of that, you're doing a street performance without a license. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

"I'LL TAKE YOUR TICKET, ALRIGHT!" Zoisite said, impaling him.

Jadeite emerged from the bathroom, with toilet paper on his foot.

"Great news, Jadeite! I got us a car!" They hopped in the police car.

"So, did you get me a snack?" Zoisite asked.

"Oh," said Jadeite. "I forgot."

"You're so incompetent," Zoisite scolded, getting in line at the drive through.

The speaker asked them what they wanted to order. "I'll take a cheeseburger, no pickles, extra mayo, extra sour kraut, 3, count em, 3, tomato slices, grated gold, a human hand, and 2 pieces of bacon, making an 'X' shape."

"Oh... we're all out of bacon..." the worker said.

"THEN GET MORE!"

"That might take a while..."

"Fair enough."

"Hey," Jadeite interrupted. "Can I get a small fry?"

Zoisite sighed. "And a medium fry."

"WAHT? Why not a small!?" Jadeite freaked.

"Because the medium is the same price."

"BUT I WANT A SMALL!" Jadeite cried.

"Can we change that to a small fry?" Zoisite asked.

"Sorry, we already put in your medium fry."

"WELL CHANGE THE ORDER!" sobbed Jadeite.

"Just eat half the fries and throw the other half away."

"But that would be wasteful!"

"Then I'll eat the other half!"

"Eww, they're mine!"

Zoisite smashed his face against the steering wheel and pulled to the second window.

They gave them their order, and he pulled away.

"We have a problem," announced Jadeite.

"What is it?"

"There's an onion ring in my fry box."

"So?"

"It's contaminated!" he screamed, throwing the fries out the window. "Can we stop somewhere else?"

"No, we'll never catch up to Nephrite at this rate." Zoisite pulled out his cheeseburger and went to take a bite. But there was no cheese!?

"THIS ISN'T A CHEESEBURGER! THIS IS A HAMBURGER!"

He made a wild U-turn and caused a three car collision. They pulled into a parking space and stormed in.

Zoisite grabbed a guy in a red shirt. "YOU DIDN'T PT CHEESE ON MY CHEESBURGAHHH!"

The guy started crying. "I don't even work here!"

"I'd say that too, if I put onion rings in people's fries!" Jadeite screamed.

"I'll finish off this guy, Jadeite. You go get the cooks!" Zoisite chucked the red shirted man out the window.

After killing everyone, they went into the back and made their own food. They got back in the cop car.

"This tastes awful!"

Suddenly, the police radio in their car started going off.

"Code 241: Cop car has been seiged by two female juvenile delinquents, probably around the ages of 14 and 15. They both will be easily identified through their horrible senses of fashion and overall poor appearances. They have been on a killing spree. They were last seen at the local McBeryl's killing innocent customers and making poorly executed sandwiches."

Jadeite dropped his poorly executed sandwich out of his mouth. "We have to stop them!" he cried.

"Why would we do that?" Zoisite asked.

"Because we're in a cop car! We must uphold the law!"

"Jadeite, you're an idiot."

They heard sirens in the distance.

"Let's head that way!" Jadeite decided. "That must be where the delinquents are!"

"Wait, why are the sirens getting louder?" Zoisite asked.

"Idk, just go that way! Quick!" They headed toward the sirens.

The announcer came back on. "The suspects have been spotted! Driving police car number 221! They are currently bickering amongst each other, and the shorter haired one has mustard all over his face."

Jadeite looked in the mirror. "Wait," he said, whiping mustard off his face. "What car number is this?"

They looked up and saw the number 221, just as they smashed into the herd of cop cars.

They were completely surrounded.

"COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" the cops shouted.

"What do we do?!" Jadeite cried.

"I don't know, you got us into this with your stupid mustard on your face."

"You're the one who wanted to steal the cop car!" Jadeite retaliated.

"I didn't want to steal it, but I was given no choice!" Zoisite yelled back at him.

"Well, I guess we should go turn ourselves in," Jadeite concluded. "I'm sure the law will go easy on us, considering we're cops."

"Fat chance!" Zoisite decided. "Ok, on my mark, we're all going to jump out of the car and start shooting everyone in sight with energy."

"Good idea," he said, jumping out of the car before Zoisite's mark and getting shot.

"Jadeite, are you ok!?" Zoisite asked. "Wait, I don't care."

He teleported into a police helicopter, and started shooting down all the other cops.

Jadeite stood up suddenly. "Oh yeah, human bullets don't hurt me!" he declared, right before getting shot by one of Zoisite's energy blasts. "OOF!"

Zoisite swooped down and dropped the helicopter ladder.

"Jadeite, get in!"

"You came back for me?" he said, tears welling in his eyes.

"I'm pulling up the ladder!" Zoisite yelled.

"Ok ok," Jadeite jumped on.

They flew through the sky.

"Woah, look at the scenery!" Jadeite yelled over the helicopter's rumbling. "Say, when did you learn to drive a helicopter?"

"I didn't," said Zoisite, still holding a gun to the helicopter driver's head.


Meanwhile, Nephrite cruised down the road.

"LIFE IS A HIGHWAY, I WANNA DRIVE IT ALL NIGHT LONG!" he sung out loud.

He switched the radio station to the news. "In later news, two unfashionable queers just stole a police helicopter, and said they are seeking someone named Nephlorp to get revenge on him for ditching them."

"I feel sorry for that Nephlorp guy," Nephrite commented.


Queen Beryl decided it was getting too dark to keep fishing.

She threw Evil Mamoru and Kunzite in her tackle box and headed home.