"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Shut up, Jadeite," Zoisite said as they walked into a diner.
"Hey, guys!" shouted Nephrite, holding them a spot at a table. "I knew you guys would catch up to me! I hope you learned your lesson about jumping out of moving cars."
"WTF!" Zoisite and Jadeite yelled in unison, running over to Nephrite to take him out.
But then the waiter walked over and put three orders of pancakes on their table.
"You can't buy our respect back!" Zoisite stated.
"Yeah!" said Jadeite, sitting down and digging into his pancakes.
"Jadeite!" scolded Zoisite.
"What? I'm hungry!" Jadeite replied defensively.
"Well, I won't be bought," Zoisite said, turning away and crossing his arms. "If you don't apologize, I'm leaving."
"Fine, cya," said Nephrite.
"Screw you, Nephrite!" he said, sitting down and eating the pancakes.
Kunzite wandered around the Negaverse. "I wonder where everyone went?"
He shut his door and sat alone on his bed. "It's kind of lonely around here..." he began.
"So where are we, exactly?" asked Zoisite.
"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" replied Jadeite.
"Hmm, let me check my Nega GPS," said Nephrite. "It says we're right on the outside of Vegas!"
"How did we get all the way across the country so fast?" Zoisite wondered.
"NOM NOM NOM!" Jadeite answered.
"Stop chewing with your mouth open!" Zoisite barked.
"OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNO!"
Zoisite slapped Jadeite across the face. He started to cry.
"Look what you did!" screamed Nephrite.
Suddenly, they heard a familiar voice.
"I FEEL EVIL!"
They turned and saw Grandpa engaging them.
"Tell your baby to shut up!" Grandpa yelled.
"We'll get you old man!" Zoisite shouted, pulling out a plastic knife from the table.
"LOLNO!" screamed Grandpa. He went and coughed in their food before running out of the door and into his horse and buggy. He took off.
"AFTER HIM!" screamed Nephrite.
"Wait, shouldn't we pay the bill?" said Jadeite.
"No!" Nephrite commanded, pulling Jadeite out the door with him. Zoisite took one last bite of pancake and booked it, but was stopped by the manager in the doorway.
"You're going to have to pay for that!" he yelled.
"Aww nuts!"
Nephrite and Jadeite waited impatiently in the car. At last, Zoisite came out and jumped in.
"What took so long?!" asked Nephrite. "Now we lost him!"
Zoisite was covered in blood. "Let's just say someone had to pay..."
Nephrite gasped. "You're getting blood all over my car!"
"If you don't want there to be more blood I suggest you shut up." Zoisite threatened.
"NOM NOM NOM!" stated Jadeite, who had apparently grabbed an extra plate of pancakes on the way out just so he could eat with his mouth open.
Nephrite put the peddle to the meddle. They sped onward, arriving on the Vegas strip. Nephrite kept driving.
"Come on, Nephy!" Jadeite encouraged. "Can't we take a break and play some slots? I'm feeling lucky!"
"No," Nephrite said in an annoyed tone. It was bad enough that the gas meter was beeping "Empty," now he had to hear Jadeite's whining.
"Hey Nephrite, what does the "E" stand for, that keeps blinking?" Jadeite asked.
"Everlasting friendship," Nephrite stated.
"Awwww :)" said Jadeite. "And what does 'Out of gas' mean?"
"Huh?" Nephrite wondered, as the car slid to a holt. "Oh great. Now what do we do?"
"We can play the slots for gas money!" Jadeite announced giddily. "What could possibly go wrong?"
"But don't we need money for that?" asked Zoisite.
"We'll just use magic to steal it!" Jadeite explained.
"Then why don't we just use magic to steal gas money?" Zoisite questioned.
"What fun is that?"
Jadeite hopped out of the car and ran toward the casino. They followed him, but all three were immediately stopped by a bouncer.
"Hey, you kids don't look 21," the man stated.
"I'm 3,004, you prick!" Zoisite yelled, killing him. They walked in.
"WOAH, SO THIS IS WHAT A CASINO LOOKS LIKE!" Jadeite gaped in awe. "I'll go play the slots!" he yipped, skipping away.
"I'll go play poker, and cheat!" Zoisite announced.
"I'll go hit the bar." Nephrite decided.
Jadeite strolled up to the penny machine. "I'm feeling lucky! The jackpot will soon belong to Jadeite!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.
Five minutes later, he lay on the floor sobbing. "IT'S RIGGEd, I SAY! RIGGED!"
He marched up to the counter and demanded a refund.
"But sir," the worker tried to explain. "If everyone won all the time, the casino wouldn't make a profit!"
"But I lost my life savings!" Jadeite cried.
"Bummer," said the worked.
"Can you lone me another hundred or so bucks? I've already put so much money in, I can feel that jackpot coming!"
"Sounds like a plan!" decided the worker.
Five minutes later, they both lay on the floor sobbing. "IT'S RIGGEd, I SAY! RIGGED!"
The worker marched up to the manager and demanded a refund.
"What the hell?" said the manager. "You're not supposed to lone people money. You're fired."
The worker had nothing left to live for. In a last ditch effort to get his money back, he threw the only thing he had left in the penny machine - his soul. It was a loss, and he faded from existence. Jadeite stormed off.
Grandpa walked up to the machine after Jadeite left, and put in a penny.
"WE HAVE A WINNER!" the machine announced. Grandpa jumped up and down with joy as the machine dumped out all of the jackpot money, and the deed to Jadeite's house.
Nephrite sat at the bar. "GIVE ME ANOTHER!" he yelled.
"But sir!" the bartender said concerned. "You just did 23 shots!"
"Suck it bartender!" Nephrite slurred grabbing the wine bottle from him and chugging it.
Nephrite collapsed on the floor.
"Sir are you ok?"
Nephrite struggled to stand up. He had to use the stool to get on his feet.
"Screw you geyboy you don't know my life!"
Nephrite walked up to roulette table. This was gonna be eZ all he had to do was control the ball with his nega-magic. "I bet 99999999999 dollars on green!"
"There's a green?" asked the guy running the table.
"Yes see!" Nephrite said taking out a magnifier and showing him the very small sliver of green.
"Sir are you sure about that?"
"NO YOU'RE DRUNK!" he yelled at the wall.
The worker shrugged and spun the wheel.
Nephrite tried to magically control the ball. "Easy now...Slow and gently..." he slowly raised his hand controlling it, but suddenly he had a muscle spasm from his intoxication and flung the ball off the table. It bounced all around the casino before falling back onto the wheel and landing on red.
"I AM THE CHAMPION!" Nephrite shouted, jumping on the wheel and dancing.
"But sir, you bet on green!"
"Nuh uh, you drunkard!" Nephrite fell off the table and lay on the floor in a ball, as the worker brought in a bulldozer to take away all his money.
Meanwhile, Zoisite approached a poker table. Jadeite suddenly appeared next to him, filled with shame and defeat from getting downbeat by a penny machine.
"What are you doing?" Jadeite asked.
"I'm gonna go hustle people at poker! Wanna help?"
"Sure! But what does that mean?"
"It means, we go act like we're awful at poker, so everyone thinks they can beat us easily and they bet really high. Then, we bust out our epic poker skills and make a huge profit!" Zoisite explained.
"Sounds like a plan!" agreed Jadeite.
They got to the partner poker table, because that's a thing. Zoisite sat down on the table and began hustling. "My, this looks like a fun game! I've never played it before, so I won't be much good, but I'll give it a try anyway!" he announced, batting his eyelashes.
Jadeite joined in. "Yeah, I've never played poker before either! I've never even heard of it! I don't even know what cards are! The only card game I have ever played is Go Fish, and the one time I played it I lost so horribly that I failed fourth grade and got sent all the way back to kindergarten!"
"Jadeite, you're a dolt," said Zoisite.
But the poker players still believed their act, and placed really high bets against them.
They dealt out the cards, and Jadeite and Zoisite looked at their hands.
"Jadeite, we might have a minor problem..." Zoisite began. "I actually am really awful at poker."
"Shit, me too. I wasn't kidding about that Go Fish game!" Jadeite replied.
"Wait, we can just use magic to cheat!"
It was Zoisite's turn to draw a card, and he magically looked through the deck and grabbed an ace. He passed it to Jadeite. "You know what to do!" he said to him.
Jadeite nodded maliciously, and magically transformed his remaining four cards. "BINGO!" he yelled, laying out his deck. Everyone gasped. He had five aces!
He had tried to win the poker game by magically creating a hand of aces, but forgot that there was only four, so he had ended up with five.
"Jadeite, you're a dolt!" Zoisite yelled at him.
"What the hell is an ace of Negaverse?!" asked one of the poker players.
"I think they're cheating!" another poker player declared.
"What?!" Jadeite asked, feigning shock. "Cheating?! I'm not cheating, I'm playing by Australian rules!"
"What the hell does that even mean?" asked another distraught player.
"We're really in for it this time!" Jadeite exclaimed.
Back in the Negaverse, Evil Prince Endymion slowly cracked open Kunzite's door and peaked in. The general appeared to be talking to himself, but when Endymion looked closer, he was actually talking to the four faces he had drawn on his fingers.
"Oh Kunzite, you're so cool!" Kunzite said to himself, wiggling one of his fingers and talking in a high voice.
"Thanks, Zoisite!" he told himself.
"Why do you keep trying to kill me?" he asked, wiggling another finger.
"Because, you're a dumbass, Nephrite."
"I wish I were you!" he said for the third finger.
"Wow, I didn't know you felt that way, Jadeite!" Kunzite continued.
"Kunzite, you have done marvelously," said his pinky.
"Why thank you, Queen Beryl. I'm glad my work goes appreciated."
Evil Prince Endymion backed away slowly. Then, he felt a wave of compassion, despite his evilness.
"Hey, Kunzite, ol' buddy ol' pal!" he said, re-entering the room.
Kunzite jumped back and sat on his hand. "What are you doing in my castle?!"
"Uh, ya' know, just, hangin' around?"
"Well go away! Let me be lonely by myself!"
"Nah come on buddy! Whaddya say me and you go for a cup of coffee at Negabuck's?"
"You mean like the currency?"
"No, I mean the overpriced coffee joint! Huh? HUH?"
"Uh..." Kunzite thought. On one hand, he was all alone, on the other hand, Evil Mamoru was a douche on multiple counts. "Let me speak with my advisors," he said to Mamoru at last.
"Ok..." said Mamoru, as Kunzite turned around and started talking to his finger faces again.
"I don't know about this, Kunzite," Jadeite finger told him.
"Yeah, he's bad news!" said Nephrite finger.
"But you are lonely..." said Zoisite finger.
"And, he's a hunkster!" added Queen Beryl finger.
"Why do you always side with him?" Kunzite asked her.
"Because, he's a hunkosaurus!" Finger Beryl replied.
"Fair enough," concluded Kunzite. "Very well, Mamoru. I shall come."
"Oh boy, this is gonna be great!" Evil Mamoru declared.
The casino workers had had just about enough of these poorly fashioned doofuses.
"And stay out!" they yelled, literally throwing Zoisite, Nephrite, and Jadeite out on the curb.
"NO YOU STAY OUT!" screamed Zoisite, getting on his feet and charging the casino. Nephrite and Jadeite tried to hold him back. But Nephrite was still drunk, so he passed out. Zoisite slugged Jadeite, and ran back in the casino.
Jadeite ran after him, while Nephrite lay in the middle of the street, singing "Liiife is a highwah! I wunna druv it awl nigh loooooooong!"
Jadeite found Zoisite in the middle of the casino lighting things on fire.
"Stop it!" he cried. But suddenly, the fire reached one of the support beams, and the casino began to collapse.
"Oh shit!" they both yelled. A giant piece of roofing landed on one of the slot machines, and it busted open, all of its contents spilling out.
"JEDY STILL HAS A CHANCE!" Jadeite screamed, running over and stuffing the money in his pockets.
"Jadeite, there's no time!" Zoisite yelled. "We gotta get out of here!"
"Not until I find the deed to my house!"
Just then, a giant beam fell and landed on Jadeite. "NUUUU!" he yelled.
Zoisite rushed over to him.
"You came to save me?" he asked.
Zoisite began taking the money out of his pockets. He began to leave, but looked back and saw Jadeite struggling.
"FINE!" he moaned, shoving the beam off Jadeite. As they rushed out of the casino, Zoisite thought to himself, "Why am I being so nice?!"
When they got outside, they saw Nephrite being mugged by a gang of hoboes. One of them had his shoes, and the other was cutting off his hair.
Zoisite fired a warning shot above their heads, and then began spraying them with window cleaner. "Go on, shoo!"
"Are you okay?" Zoisite asked him.
"I am bootiful, no matter what they say. Queen Beryl can't bring mEEEE down!"
Jadeite and Zoisite began dragging him back to their car. But it was gone?!
"Oh yeah," said Jadeite. "I kind of bet the deed to his car on that bingo game we played."
"Oh well," Zoisite sighed. "We didn't have gas money anyway."
"Well how are we going to get to CA with no money?" Jadeite asked.
"Wait, I have 11... 12... 13... THIRTEEN DOLLARS that I stole from your pocket!" Zoisite announced.
"Thirtwun yers old iz how eld i em!" Nephrite mumbled, half unconscious.
"What kind of transportation are we going to get with 13 dollars?" asked Jadeite.
Zoisite looked behind Jadeite to see a stand across the street.
"I think I have one idea..."
Mamoru and Kunzite finished up their cups of coffee.
"You know, Mamoru," Kunzite began. "You're not that bad afterall. We may have our differences, but that doesn't mean we can't get along."
"I agree," said Evil Mamoru. "Even though Queen Beryl likes me more, and I am better, that doesn't mean we can't at least be civil to each other."
Kunzite nodded. That's when the clerk came up and placed the check on the table.
Mamoru looked at it, and his eyes widened.
"So what do you say, pal," said Kunzite. "Wanna shake hands on our new friendship?"
They shake hands, but when Kunzite pulls his hand back, the check was in it.
"Huh?" he asked.
He looked up to see Mamoru fly away and out of the roof of the Negabuck's.
"So long, geh Kunzite!" Mamoru shouted, flying off into the moonlight.
"GAHHHH!" yelled Kunzite. "I'll get that pesky Mamoru! HE'LL PAY!"
"PEDDLE! PEDDLE! PEDDLE!" coached Zoisite.
"I AM TRYING!" screamed Jadeite.
"NOT VERY HARD!" Zoisite shouted back at him. "IT'S BARELY MOVING!"
"Maybe if NEPHRITE wasn't peddling in the wrong direction in his drunken stupor."
"UNghhughnuughn," Nephrite moaned. "I think I'm getting sober again," he stated, holding his head, yet continuing to face and peddle the wrong way.
"So why did we need to get a four person bike for the three of us?" asked Zoisite, gesturing to the four person bike-cart they were in. "There were three people bikes!"
"Oofjaghaooga!" slurred Nephrite, vomitting off the side of the bike. "I needed these two seats to lie down."
"Great, now we have to drag dead weight, on top of the over sized bike designed for four people," Zoisite complained.
"Who you callin' dead weight, fattie!" Nephrite slurred.
"Can't we just push him overboard?" Zoisite asked.
"Nah, we're a team!" Jadeite said cheerfully. "We're like the three musketeers, if one of them were drunk and the other two were gay!"
"Wait, what?" Zoisite wondered. "Nah, we're more like the three stooges," Zoisite muttered, sarcastically.
"You really think so?" Jadeite asked. "Which one am I?"
"Can I be curly?" Nephrite mumbled.
Zoisite moaned angrily, and bonked their heads together.
"Why I oughtta!" yelled Jadeite.
They had finally reached the top of the steep road. They looked over, and scanned down at the rest of the city. The early morning sun was just peeking over the horizon.
"Now we get to go DOWN!" Jadeite exclaimed.
"Let's sing travellin' songs!" Nephrite slurred. "The wheels on the bike go round and round! Round and round! Round and-"
Jadeite cut him off. "I have had bad experiences with buses," he said. "Sing something else."
"Ok! Old McBeryl had a youma! N-e-g-a-verse! And on that Negaverse she had a Queen Metalia! Rage rage rage! With a dead shitennou here and a dead shitennou there! Here an eternal sleep, there a deadly blast-"
Zoisite stopped his singing with a loud sigh. "This is going to be a long day."
