20
Vultures in disguise of reporters were swarming the hospital trying to get pictures of my window. I was staring down at the city roads until they showed up. Rafael immediately closed the curtains.
"Parásitos." he huffed. (Parasites) I had to stay in the hospital for the night of which I didn't mind. Rafael walked back over to the bed and looked at me with soft eyes as he took my hand. "Can I get you anything?" I just shook my head.
"No. I'm fine." I replied. He tilted his head.
"You say that, but when the shock wears off completely, everything will start. The PTSD and whatever comes after it." he said. I couldn't help but frown for a quick second before I just shrugged and shook my head.
"So at this point there is nothing you can do for me at this moment. All we can do is just wait until the doctor discharges me." I replied. He looked down with a light gaze.
"Sorry." he said lowly and I just looked at him for a moment before remembering the shooter's sadness. He looked as if he had failed at everything and I could see that same look on Rafael's face for not being able to console me. I placed my hand over his and gave him a gentle stare. He understood though, he wasn't upset anymore. He leaned into me and just lightly grazed his forehead against mine in understanding.
"I love you mami." he whispered, his eyes watering. My gaze on him weakened. "No matter what happens, I am not going to ever abandon you. Even when you yell at me in the future, or when you doubt my feelings for you. My love meter will never sink- hell it didn't even go down a notch when you kissed Billy Conlan." My lips quivered at how deep and sincere he sounded. And I just knew he was telling the truth. I could lie to myself and find a reason to not believe him, but I knew. He is telling the truth. I gently raised my hands to his face and curled my fingers into his hair and he raised his hands against my neck pulling me into him. I leaned into him letting our lips meet and I felt something inside me awaken, I felt complete with his lips on mine.
Alphas can be horrible, but Rafael was not and I would have to remind myself that in the future when an alpha does something horrible to their beta. Seeing the emotions change in his eyes from my words, my actions, my emotions made me realize what I had to do right now. I slowly pulled back from him and looked his face over some.
"Will you go find the doctor for me." I replied. He began to grow concern.
"You alright?" he asked looking me over and I nodded.
"Please." I replied, and he nodded and moved out the door. While he did this, I got out of bed and my body was just crampy from the entire ordeal. It had already been an hour and yet it was still crazy down stairs. More patients were brought up here and I was hoping to be able to be discharged soon so someone else in more critical condition could be in this room. I removed my gown and began to place all my clothes back on. As I slid my pants on, immediately the smell of the class was on me. Even putting on my bra and shirt made the memories come back. The door opened and the room flooded in with familiar faces.
"Amara Danielle O'Neal, what are you doing get back in that bed!" Mom demanded and Rafael came over to me taking my arm gently.
"Amara, what are you doing?" he asked and I looked at the doctor and then Olivia taking even breaths.
"I will not stay in this room one more night knowing someone else from the school needs this bed." I said looking at Rafael for a moment knowing he'd be upset at what I was going to ask next. I looked at the doctor.
"Is the shooter out of surgery?" I asked causing everyone including the doctor to look at me shell shocked.
"I can't give out that information you aren't family to him." he said. I looked at him for a second before looking at Olivia and she stared at me with a soft gaze before looking toward the doctor.
"This is a police investigation. Is the perp out of surgery?" she asked with mild authority. Both my parents and my alpha were confused by my words before Mother suddenly shook her head stepping toward me taking my shoulders in my hand. She knew what I wanted.
"Oh no, you are not going to see that boy!" she said. Rafael's eyes widened and he placed a hand on my arm.
"Amara, you can't be serious. Your mother is right. You don't know what you're saying." he said. I looked at him and my mother.
"I am serious." I replied.
"Ma'am you should listen to your alpha please." the doctor said and I looked at him sharply.
"I live my life by my own command and not my alphas. Not anyone!" I shouted, and Olivia nodded raising her hands and approaching me. Rafael just stared at me and I could tell he was confused and hurt by my wanting to see this man. But right now this was for me and no one else.
"Okay. Okay. Doctor please. Just let her see him." Olivia said looking at the man. The doctor winced and looked away with a tight jaw rubbing his mouth before nodding.
"Okay but let's be quick. Only the doctor and the lawyer can come with us." he said and turned and began to walk out. Mother just looked at me shaking her head.
"Don't go." she said. Father just took hold of her shoulders and gently pulled her into him.
"Let her go, baby. She has to do this." he said. Mother looked at him of course still not believing him. I followed after the doctor and Olivia and Rafael were behind me. The doctor walked slow enough to the elevator and we got in and as we did the elevator music brought me back to life. Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey's When you believe. I immediately closed my eyes and let my soul absorb the lyrics.
Mariah: Yet now I'm standing here. My heart so full I can't explain. Speaking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say. There can be miracles when you believe.
Whitney: When you believe
Mariah: Though hope is frail is frail, it's hard to kill.
Together: Who knows what miracles you can achieve.
Whitney: You can achieve.
Mariah: When you believe somehow you will…
Together: You will when you believe.
The doctor stepped out of the elevator at the top floor and we followed him down the hall. Olivia and Rafael said nothing as we moved to the end of the empty hall. Two cops were on either side of the door. They looked so blank. The doctor looked at the two before motioning to me.
"This is the young woman who risked her life to talk to the shooter giving police enough time to come in and apprehend him. She wants to look him in the face." the doctor explained. The two police looked at each other for a moment before looking at me. One of them nodded.
"You're a brave young woman." he said and the two stepped aside. I slowly opened the door and saw how dark it was in the room. The boy, whose name I did not want to know, was on the bed, hand cuffed and had some long breathing tube in his mouth. He was comfortable, he was safe. I looked at everyone on the outside before closing the door leaving only he and I together. The machines beeped and the heart monitored showed me his heart was steady. I knew the window was clear and I knew Olivia and Rafael were watching me. I slowly approached the bed and as I did, I saw Sadie, I saw dead people. I saw parents grieving the loss of their loved ones. As I approached the bed and looked at him with faded eyes knowing he couldn't hear me, I started to remember Rafael's eyes, and the times he always looked at me with sadness when I did not just melt into him and be one like he wanted. I stood on the right side of the bed and just looked at the guy. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping. I just inhaled some looking at the door.
"They let me see you." I said lowly knowing I would get no response. I looked down at him now. "I realized that betas are not just a prisoner to this entire bond. You're just as much as impacted as I am. An alpha wanting to be accepted by the person that the universe said was there. A beta… who is supposed to feel a connection, to feel protected by this alpha." I looked at Rafael now and he just watched with his arm crossed under his other arm that which his hand was pressed to his lips with anxiety.
"But is there love involved in the bond? Is that something we both should immediately feel? We are only human we are imperfect we are flawed, born to be flawed. Yet something in us says another person belongs to us." I said staring at Rafael's eyes. He knew from the mild bitter look in my eyes that I wasn't necessarily saying something good. I looked back at the guy. "I know why you decided to end it all, and take everyone with you, because alphas don't experience regular pain, normal pain when it comes to their betas. You all experience things on a deeper level that betas can never understand and it scares us. It scares us to know you all get to feel this way and we don't get to, we have to learn to feel it, we don't get to be on another level with you. And when that person who makes you feel on an entirely different level rejects you, that's like life itself being over. It's not fair for either of us."
The silence in the room was only peppered with the beeping machines and I continued to stare at him now.
"You killed her so you both can be on that deeper level together, just somewhere else." I said and gently leaned down and curled my fingers into his limp warm hand. Rafael's eyes slowly sharpened at my actions and I leaned over so that my face was inches from his cheek.
"I want you to know that I know why you did this, that this will be the external war alphas and betas will have to fight for the rest of our lives until society catches up to up us. There will be more like you everywhere, alphas who are unstable, who cannot handle not being in control or even rejection." I said whispered and looked at Rafael. He stared at me with strong, confident eyes. "And there will be alphas like mine who will fight for those who could not fight for themselves. If you survive he will destroy you, you will only know pain when you awake. The only thing that will save you from this, is death." I gently kissed his cheek. I pulled back slowly. "That was to remind you that you had another option." I leaned back up and just stared at him with a blank stare. He had another option, he was free to love who he wanted, and he threw it away. A single tear had rolled off the side of his eyes and into his pillow.
I moved around the bed and walked to the door and before I reached the door knob, I could hear the heart monitor flat lining. I just stood there not even turning back. The door swung open and the doctor came rushing in with nurses behind him in an attempt to resuscitate him. I stepped out of the room to let them work and Olivia and Rafael were just staring at me and I stared back at him with hard eyes, eyes that said "I am my own woman". I slowly held my hand out to him and he looked at it for a moment and then back at me. Within a few seconds he put his hand in mine.
"Let's go home." he said softly. We turned and headed to the elevator without saying anything else.
