"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"I don't care, Jadeite! Now shine my shoes!"

"Can I take a break, Queen Beryl?" Nephrite asked, struggling.

"No, Nephrite. I need you as my footrest 24/7. If you took a break, I would have to change the position I'm sitting in, and that would be exhausting."

"But I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Queen Beryl," Zoisite interrupted. "I've been mopping this one spot for so long that the mop has deteriorated and is now just a stick. May I go get a new mop?"

"No, just use your hair."

Zoisite started sobbing.

Kunzite emerged from Queen Beryl's bedroom, panting.

"Queen Beryl, I've repainted your room again. Can I take a break now?"

"WHAT?! Why is my room red?!"

"Because that's the color you said you wanted it."

"NO I SAID MAKE IT PURPLE! START OVER!"

"Queen Beryl," Kunzite began. "Not to be disrespectful, but last time I painted it purple you said you wanted it red. I feel like if I paint it purple, you're just going to say that-"

"SILENCE!" yelled Queen Beryl, standing on top of footrest Nephrite to make a point.

"OOF!" Nephrite groaned.

When Queen Beryl stood up, she kicked Jadeite in the head, who had been polishing her shoes.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," said Jadeite. "Maybe that eternal sleep doesn't sound so bad afterall..."

"I CAN'T BREATH!" yelled Nephrite. "SHE'S HEAVIER THAN SHE LOOKS!"

"I can't take the color purple anymore," Kunzite stated. "If I have to paint one more thing purple I think I'm going to throw up."

Zoisite just sobbed.

"Wait a minute," Nephrite said suddenly. "If we were to quit, she'd have no one to do her bidding! Then, she'd have to apologize for her actions and treat us better!"

"Or, she'll just kill all us..." Jadeite figured.

Beryl had now decided that her thrown was so last year and was using Nephrite as a chair.

"THIS IS WORSE THAN DEATH!" he yelled, jumping up.

"Queen Beryl, I quit!"

"WHAT?!" gasped Queen Beryl. "You can't quit! I'll kill you!"

"Catch me if you can, sucker!" Nephrite yelled, teleporting away.

Queen Beryl was looking around in fury and awe.

"That traitor! Zoisite, go kill him!"

"Oh, now you want me to kill him? I have been asking to kill him for millenia. Screw you, I'm out too!" Zoisite said, throwing down his nametag and teleporting away as well.

"Whelp, gotta stick with the bae," Kunzite decided. "Cya Beryl!"

"YOU WOULDN'T!" she shouted.

But Kunzite was already gone. He teleported into her room on the way out and splattered neon colored paint everywhere. "HAHAHHA!"

Queen Beryl turned to Jadeite.

"Jadeite, don't even think about it. Unless you want to be put back in an eternal-"

Jadeite bitch slapped Queen Beryl and flew away, and then teleported. "WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!"

Queen Beryl threw a temper tantrum and knocked over her thrown, knowing it could never be comfortable without her Nephriterest.


All four Shitennou appeared in Nephrite's Earth mansion.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked them.

"Hiding from Queen Beryl, what's it look like?" they responded.

"Hmph," Nephrite grunted. While the other three Shitennou were annoying, he hoped they wouldn't be as annoying as Beryl.

"So how are we going to get Queen Beryl to treat us better? She seemed pretty pissed at us," Jadeite wondered.

"Why do we need Queen Beryl at all?" Nephrite asked. "We can take over the world on our own!"

"I agree!" agreed Kunzite. "Beryl was just holding us back! Let's take over this dump!"


The four Shitennou appeared floating in Tokyo Square.

"I don't know about this..." said Jadeite. "Maybe we should attack any place other than Tokyo, where the Sailors live.

"Nah, other cities are boring," Zoisite said.

"This city has my bae Molly!" Nephrite yelled. "Why do you want to destroy it?"

"Because your bae Molly lives here," Zoisite explained.

"Alright, fair enough," said Nephrite.

"ATTENTION PEOPLE OF EARTH!" yelled Kunzite. Nobody noticed him.

"I SAID, ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF EARTH!" Kunzite tried again. Some little kid threw popcorn at him but it didn't get high enough to hit.

"Let me handle this," volunteered Jadeite.

He projected a giant image of himself over the hole city. "TOKYO CITY, WE WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU DO NOT SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY!" he yelled, projecting fire everywhere.

"Pssh, you're just bluffing!" yelled the mayor of Tokyo.

"NUH UH!" disagreed Jadeite.

Meanwhile, the Sailor Scouts were in a study session.

"Girls!" announced Luna. "Jadeite is making an image of himself over the city again!"

"Ugh," the Scouts sighed. "Just shut the blinds, Luna."

"I don't think this is working," Zoisite said to Jadeite. "Just burn down the city already."

"Ummm but I'm just bluffing..."

"DAMMIT JADEITE! Fine, make me do everything myself," Zoisite sighed. He shot fire at a children's hospital, but missed, and it hit a murderer who was about to kill someone.

"Yay!" cried a family that was about to be slaughtered. "You saved us!"

"Grrrrr!" Zoisite moaned. "Let's try that one again."

This time, he shot fire at a church where people were getting married. But somehow, it hit a mirror, and bounced off and blew up a random building.

"Horray!" the police applauded.

"Why are those sickos applauding?" Zoisite asked in dismay.

"You just blew up a terrorist hideout! You're a hero!"

"WAAAA!" screamed Zoisite.

"Let me try," said Nephrite. "I'll actually HARM people, unliked you."

He asked the stars for help. He told them to create a terrifying display that would drive the humans into chaos.

As a result, the stars made a beautiful light show in the sky. Everyone came outside and clapped.

"Thanks, crazy floating man!" yelled a child, full of tears of joy.

"WAEGJAEJH!" yelled Nephrite.

"That's so cool, Nephrite!" yelled Molly, waving to him out her window.

"Awww shucks :)" he gushed. He shot a few energy blasts into the sky to make fireworks.

Zoisite slapped him. "Dammit, Nephrite!"

"Wait, what were we trying to do again?" Kunzite asked. "I zoned out."

"TAKING OVER THE WORLD!" Zoisite explained.

"Oh, didn't look like it," said Kunzite. "Why don't we just start killing people?"

"That's what I've been trying to do!" said Zoisite.

They floated down to the ground, ready to start shooting people. When suddenly, the mayor walked up to them, with a medal.

"You guys have done so much good for the city!" the mayor explained. "Here's the key to the city, we thank you for our service!"

Zoisite smacked it out of his hand. "NO! We are evil! We will destroy you!"

The mayor just laughed and patted him on the back.

Zoisite shot a crystal at the mayor, but he had bent down to pick up the key he dropped, so the crystal hit some guy who was running away with someone's purse.

The old lady recovered her purse. "You're my hero!" she exclaimed.

"Another great act from the Saints of Tokyo!" the Mayor applauded. "I hereby decree this day Shitennou Appreciation Day!"

"Wait," Jadeite said to his friends. "Maybe this is for the best! Why don't we just become good guys!"

"I agree!" said Nephrite.

"All I ever wanted was to be appreciated," seconded Kunzite.

"WAT? NO!" Zoisite gasped. "I appreciate you! And being good is boooooooring!"

"Come on, Zoisite!" Jadeite said encouragingly. "Just give it a try!"

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!"


The Shitennou took their seats in the Mayor's office.

"Come on, guys!" Nephrite announced. "This is the beginning of a new life!"

They all high fived, and then went to go do good things for the city.

They appeared at the grand opening of a new cafe.

They handed Jadeite the giant pair of scissors to cut the opening tape. He gave a speech on how he was happy to be alive, and good, and then he brought the scissors down to cut the tape. But he slipped a little bit, and accidentally cut some guy's arm off.

"AGHAGHJAGH!" screamed the man.

"SHIT!" yelled Jadeite, in horror. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" He went to comfort the poor dying man, but accidentally slipped on his blood and threw the scissors into the crowd, killing a baby. "AH WHAT HAVE A DONE!?"

Zoisite ran over to help the armless man. "I heard that with heat, you can stop the bleeding of the wound! Hold still, let me make some fireAHHHHHH!" Zoisite accidentally blasted the man with a giant shot of fire, obliterating him.

The crowd started panicking. "Calm down guys!" said Kunzite. "This is all just a misunderstanding!"

But the crowd continued to run away anyway. "We can't let them get away!" said Nephrite. "They'll tell everyone we're bad people!"

Kunzite made a giant dark energy bubble around the crowd.

"AHHHH!" they screamed.

"STOP PANICKING!" he yelled, shrinking the bubble and electricuting them. "CALM DOWN AND WE WILL FIX EVERYTHING!"

"Yeah, it's ok!" Jadeite screamed. He tried to pull the scissors out of the baby, but he pulled too hard, and they flew backward, taking out everyone in their path.

The people kept slamming themselves into the wall of Kunzite's bubble and sobbing.

"DAMMIT STOP MESSING WITH THE BUBBLE!" he yelled at them. He decided to just start slaughtering people. "Guys, help me out!"

"OK!" they agreed. Zoisite lit the ground under everyone on fire. Nephrite summoned Leo the Lion and had it start mauling people. Jadeite just started slugging people in the face.

Just then, Kunzite got shot through the hands with a Venus Crescent Beam.

"SHIT NOT AGAIN!" he cried.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" yelled Zoisite in anger. "That was so uncalled for! We're just trying to help!"

"It's the Shitennou!" announced the Sailor Scouts, flying up to them. "They're terrorizing the people!"

"No, we're good guys now!" Jadeite tried to explain. He looked down and saw himself holding giant scissors covered in blood. "Heh heh..." he said, chucking the scissors backwards to get rid of the evidence. It killed five people.

"We will stop you in the name of Justice!" the Sailors announced.

"But can't you tell that we're good guys!?" Nephrite asked in shock, gesturing the crowd of people they had been trying to save.

The Sailors didn't want to hear it. They started beating up the Shitennou.

"NO!" they cried. "We're YOUCH! Good OOF guys!"

Eventually, they had all four Shitennou in a pile, and they were repeatedly kicking them.

"UNCLE!" they cried. "OK YOU WIN!"

With nowhere else to turn, they warped back to Queen Beryl.

Upon returning to Beryl's thrown room, they all fell to their knees and begged for mercy.

"QUEEN BERYL WE'RE SORRY!" they cried. "WE'LL NEVER ABANDON YOU AGAIN!"

"Oh, it's you guys," Queen Beryl noted, disinterested. "So you've come crawling back to me."

"YES! PLEASE LET US BE YOUR SHITENNOU AGAIN!"

"I'm sorry, boys, but I can't do that."

"Why not?!" they cried.

"Just give us an explanation!" demanded Zoisite, crying.

"I'll clean up all the neon paint!" pleaded Kunzite.

"What neon paint?" asked Beryl.

"Uh oh..."

"Y U DO DIS!?" cried Jadeite.

"I would hire you back, but the thing is, I've already found replacements!"

"WAHT?!" the Shitennou gasped.

The Amazon Trio stepped up.

"LOL REKT M9!" said Tiger's Eye.

"WA!" said Jadeite.

FIN