"Queen Beryl!" yelled Nephrite. "I found a new source of energy!"
Jadeite appeared. "WTF Nephrite! That's my thing!"
"Oh really? I don't see your name on it," said Nephrite.
"Queen Beryl!" cried Jadeite. "Nephrite's bullying me!"
"Way to go, Nephrite. You get a gold star!" praised Queen Beryl.
"SCREW YOU ALL! I'M QUITTING! I MEAN IT THIS TIME!" Jadeite stomped his feet and ran out the door.
"You really think he's leaving?" asked Nephrite.
"Lol, I wish."
Nephrite came home after a long day of sorrow.
"Man, that Mercury Bubble Blast was really disorienting. I couldn't have seen that one coming in a million years!" he wailed.
He heard a sound in the other room. He got his golf club ready and snuck into his living room to take out the burglar.
When he got there, he was disappointed to see Zoisite laying on his couch and flipping through the TV channels.
"Zoisite! What are you doing here?!" Nephrite cried.
"Why don't you have cable?" asked Zoisite. "You live in a freaking mansion, you couldn't afford cable?"
"All my money goes to my car payments. But nevermind that. Get out of my house!"
"Hope you don't mind, I set some recordings for later. Please don't mess them up."
Nephrite snagged the remote. He began scrolling through Zoisite's recordings and realized that he deleted the recordings Nephrite had set.
"WTF! You deleted all my new Barney's! Now how will I know how to count to five?!" Nephrite cried.
"Maybe if you had a better DVR..."
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Nephrite screamed.
"Alright, alright. No need to be hostile, now," Zoisite said, getting up to leave.
Nephrite layed down in his couch to relax, but got something sticky on him.
"MELTED CHOCOLATE!?" he cried in fury. "YOU'RE ONLY ALLOWED TO EAT FOOD IN THE DINING ROOM!"
"Lol, sorry about that bud," yelled Zoisite from the kitchen.
"HEY! I thought I told you to go home!"
"There's nothing good to eat in here. You need to go to the store more often," complained Zoisite.
"We don't even need to eat food! We're not humans!" yelled Nephrite, barging into the kitchen.
Nephrite saw half of the contents of his refrigerator laying on the floor.
Zoisite's head was deep inside the fridge, and he was throwing stuff out as he searched.
"You sure have a lot of liquor in here. I think you have a problem. Yuck! Soy milk!" he yelled, throwing out an open container of soy milk. It hit Nephrite in the face.
"DAMMIT ZOISITE!"
"Here, I'll fill your refrigerator with something good," said Zoisite, magically filling it with celery.
"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Nephrite. He picked Zoisite up over his head and walked out of his mansion. "THAT'S IT ZOISITE! GET OUT, AND STAY OUT!" He threw Zoisite out and slammed the door.
"Glad I got rid of that guy," sighed Nephrite. He went to go sit back down on his sofa, only to see Zoisite sound asleep on it.
"DAMMIT!" he cried. "Oh well, at least he's sleeping. I'll go talk about my problems to the stars."
He began talking to the stars.
"Hey pals! So today, I was-"
"OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!"
"Zoisite stfu, I'm trying to concentrate. Anyway, so I was-"
"BLA BLA BLA BLA!" yelled Zoisite.
"ZOISITE PLEASE!" He turned and saw Zoisite talking on the phone to Kunzite.
"LOL, and he doesn't even have basic cable!" Zoisite laughed.
Nephrite blew a gasket.
"ALRIGHT ZOISITE, THAT IS IT!" he screamed.
"Hold on a min, Kunzy! Nephrite's coming to yell at me right-"
Nephrite ripped the phone out of the wall.
"Hey, I was using that! How rude!" yelled Zoisite.
"I AM SO DONE WITH YOU!" screamed Nephrite.
"Oh, you're so scary!" Zoisite mocked. "What are ya gonna do, kill me? Queen Beryl only lets greater lackies kill lesser lackies. She won't let you get away with it!"
"I won't kill you," said Nephrite. "I'll get a restraining order!"
"YOU WOULDN'T!" cried Zoisite in horror.
Nephrite just smirked and poofed away.
"Screw him," said Zoisite. "He doesn't have the guts."
He went up into Nephrite's bathroom and started a shower.
"La da dee! La da doo!" he sung. "Eww, Nephrite has awful shampoo. Who wants their hair to smell like lilacs anyway?"
Just then, the police burst open the door.
"YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF A RESTRAINING ORDER!" they yelled, pulling Zoisite out of the shower.
"How dare you barge into a woman's shower!" he cried.
They continued to drag him out of the house.
"Oh come on! At least let me get my clothes!"
"NO! They belong to that guy now!" The police stated. They punted him out the door into the middle of the woods, and then disappeared.
"Grrr, that Nephrite thinks he can use Earth law to keep me at bay? We'll see about that!"
He went to go back into Nephrite's mansion, but got pushed back by a legal barrier. "WAAAA!"
The next day, Zoisite approached Queen Beryl's throne room to whine about Nephrite.
But before he could enter, he was stopped by an officer.
"Excuse me ma'am, you may not come any closer," he stated harshly.
"WHAT!?" screamed Zoisite indignantly.
He looked and saw Nephrite in Queen Beryl's room.
"You can't come within 500 ft. of that man."
"Screw you!" screamed Zoisite. "Someone has to make him look like a fool in front of Beryl, and it's gotta be me!" He bolted in toward Nephrite, but the guard shot him with a taser.
"AEGWKAEHJETHEHR!" spazzed Zoisite.
Nephrite looked over and laughed. "Can't keep away from me, huh?"
"I KEEEEEL U!" Zoisite sobbed, as they dragged him away.
Queen Beryl began her Shitennou meeting on strategies to lose to the Sailor Scouts.
"I think we should only attack with planes," suggested Jadeite.
"Good idea," said Beryl. "If you thought this hard about all your plans, Metallia would have been revived years ago!"
"Who?" asked Kunzite.
"I got an idea!" said Nephrite. "Let's hypnotize one of the good guys, and do it poorly!"
"Brilliant!" said Beryl.
"That's stupid," said Zoisite. "The only way to defeat the Sailors is wejgawege-"
"What was that?" asked Queen Beryl. "You're lagging out, Zoisite."
Jadeite turned to the laptop that Zoisite was trying to Skype them from, since he couldn't be at the meeting when Nephrite was there.
He turned on and off video to try and fix it. "It's buffering," explained Jadeite.
"Wait, now the computer is automatically installing updates. Hang in there, Zoisite."
Zoisite sat in his room and sobbed.
The meeting continued without him.
"So, guys," said Beryl. "Who wants to come with me on our vacation to Disney World?
"I do!" volunteered the three Shitennou that were there in person.
"Hey! I do!" screamed Zoisite into his computer. But his mic was not working properly. "GUYS, DO YOU HEAR ME?! I WANNA COME!"
"Zoisite, I think your mic is off," said Kunzite. "Try the Echo Sound Test."
"BUT I WANNA GO TO DISNEY WORLD!"
"What'd he say?"
Zoisite typed it out to them on Skype IM.
"What'd he message?" asked Queen Beryl.
Nephrite walked over to check. "Umm... he said he would hate to go to Disney World and also he wants to work over time with no pay."
"WHAT?!" screamed Zoisite. He had finally got the mic to work.
"Nephrite is a lia-" he began, but Nephrite closed the computer.
"WAAAAAAAA!" screamed Zoisite, slamming his head on the keyboard.
After raging and sobbing for three hours, he calmed down.
"Oh well, at least I still have my date with Kunzite tonight."
Zoisite appeared at the restaurant.
He looked over at Kunzite, who waved him over.
"Oh boy!" said Zoisite, seeing his favorite dish already waiting there for him.
But just then, he spotted Nephrite and was immediately grabbed by the police.
"NOOOOO!" he cried.
"So, what flavors of wine do you serve?" Nephrite asked the waiter, sitting in a booth alone.
Kunzite looked over at him. "Want this extra meal?"
"Why yes!" said Nephrite happily, coming over to sit with Kunzite. Jadeite appeared as well.
They all talked and laughed as Zoisite was dragged out sobbing.
Zoisite sulked around his castle. "Not only did I not get my date, but now I can't take out all my problems on Nephrite!" he wailed.
After five more hours of sobbing, Kunzite finally came home.
"That was so much fun!" he said happily. "You should have been there, Zoisite!"
"AESgAERHRTNJHWEATJ!" screamed Zoisite, teleporting away.
"I know!" he said, in a sudden stroke of genius. "If I can't harass Nephrite, I'll harass Jadeite instead!"
He appeared in Jadeite's small one room apartment.
"Zoisite!" Jadeite yelled merrily.
"Hahahaha," Zoisite laughed mockingly. "Your plans are garbage!"
"Thanks for stopping by!" Jadeite said, ignoring his insults. "It's been so long since I've had company! Here, sit down! Have some tea!"
Jadeite ran into his small kitchen and poured a cup of tea.
Zoisite tried again to anger him. "So, how's being a failure?" he asked.
"Oh, you know," said Jadeite. "It has its ups and downs."
"You suck and you are awful!" screamed Zoisite, becoming enraged at Jadeite's apathy.
Jadeite just laughed. "I know, right?"
"I DID YOUR MOM!" Zoisite yelled. That was sure to rile Jadeite.
"Oh really?" he asked.
"YES! Doesn't that make you furious?"
"No, I hated my mom. I just didn't know you swung that way. Does Kunzite know about this?"
"WGJAJERHKETLTHJLAELHLEHR!" Zoisite screamed getting ready to teleport away.
"Wanna see my bottle cap collection?" Jadeite asked giddily.
"Oh... uh, I really must be going..." Zoisite attempted to escape.
"Nah, come on!" said Jadeite, dragging him across the single room apartment into the corner where he kept his bottle caps.
"So this is bottle cap #552. I got this one while on tour in Vietnam..."
"Yeah, I don't care. Now if you'll excuse me..."
"WANNA PLAY BARBIES!?" Jadeite screamed enthusiastically.
Zoisite started to sob.
"I'll be Ken, and you can be Barbie!"
He threw the Barbie at Zoisite.
"So, Barbie," said Jadeite. "Do you wanna see my dream house?"
Zoisite yelled at the top of his lungs. "YGHJAEHJAEKHEAR!"
Nephrite watched it all go down through Jadeite's small single window and laughed.
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLO this almost makes us even from the time he killed me!"
FIN
