It took a lot of convincing but Mary was pulled away from the hospital long enough to go back to Bobby's to take a shower at the least. She didn't like it but Bobby and her parents at least remained back to watch over Sammy. They all said the same thing, that she needed to get out of here just for a little bit. She, and Dean, couldn't stay there the whole time.
So John was driving the both of them back to Bobby's place so she could take a shower, give Dean a bath, and try to make herself feel human again before going back to the hospital.
She leaned back against the window, Dean asleep on her lap as they drove through the town. She had already given him the directions that he needed and they drove in silence.
Finally they reached Bobby's house and wordlessly the three of them went inside, her holding Dean's hand in hers. She looked down at him; he rubbed at his eyes, noting that he was just a bit dirty.
Bath. She'd give him a bath and then focus on everything else.
"C'mon baby, bath time." she murmured to him, guiding him upstairs to the bathroom.
Mary was quiet as she washed him, thankful that he seemed to be mindful of everyone else and stayed quiet. Her touch was gentle as she used the shampoo and conditioner. Before they came up John had offered to do this and she had been tempted to take him up on it, she was still sore from giving birth, but she had no desire to let Dean out of her sight any time soon.
And this way, she could feel as if she was some sort of use. She can't save Sammy but she could give Dean a bath.
Once the water turned cold she turned it off and toweled him dry, redressing him and going back to the living room. John was there on the couch waiting for them, looking up as they entered. He moved his jaw from side to side for a moment before he spoke.
"Feel like eating?" he asked, his voice rough.
Her stomach clenched at the reminder that she had no idea when she ate last. Dean pressed into her leg but she could feel him nod.
"There's food in the kitchen." she mumbled. She wished she could pick him up but she wasn't strong enough yet. Carrying him before and bathing him had taken most of her strength. She simply placed her hand on top of his head and led him into the kitchen, hoping that there was something quick she could make.
Bobby had made sure to keep the kitchen stocked to a degree for them so thankfully there were a few jars of peanut butter and grape jelly as well as some apple juice for Dean. Staring at the bread, however, she realized she had no idea if she could cut the crusts or keep them on, she couldn't remember what Dean liked, and when she tried to remember what her mom used to do, she couldn't.
Taking a deep breath she left the crusts on and placed it all on a plate, helping Dean to sit in the chair and placing it on the table for him to reach.
Dean stared at the sandwich for a moment before he reached out and ripped the crusts off, letting them fall onto the plate before he started eating.
Because he didn't like crusts, of course he didn't like crusts, he hated the rough texture and how chewy it was.
Mary turned away, feeling the pinprick of tears in her eyes. She couldn't even get a sandwich right for Dean, couldn't help Sammy. What could she do? What was she even good for?
A part of her knew that she was being ridiculous; it was just a sandwich that she was looking too deep into. But another part felt like it was so much more than a sandwich; it felt like one giant symbol of how bad a mother she really was.
She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and took a few deep breaths to try to steady herself. She had to remain strong.
For her sons.
She brought her hands down, she could hear John talking to someone on the phone in the other room, and rolled her shoulders back a few times before she made a simple peanut butter sandwich for herself to quickly eat, she didn't feel hungry in the slightest but it gave her something else to focus on.
Swallowing half a glass of apple juice she almost felt human and ready enough to go back to the hospital.
Her stomach clenched once more at the thought of Sammy in the incubator but swallowed another gulp of juice to bring down the bile.
John came into the kitchen, softening at Dean who was quietly finishing his sandwich. "You wanna rest or you want to go back?" he asked, not looking at her.
She wanted nothing more than to crawl into a bed and go to sleep, and wake up when things would be alright again.
Instead she took a deep breath and said, "We should get back." she said, looking at Dean as well. She didn't want to keep dragging him back to the hospital but she also didn't want him to leave her sight. "I don't want to be away from him."
She quickly gathered a few more things, changed both hers and Dean's clothes, and grabbed a few toys for him to play with at the hospital. She glanced at John a few times but didn't say anything, but she did give him the bag she was filling when he held his hand out for it.
They were back on the road soon enough, with Dean on her lap once more. She just wrapped her arms around him and stared out the window once more, eyes widening as they drove by something she had seen countless times but never really realized it.
There was a crossroads just barely outside of town, close to the hospital.
I do not own Supernatural.
172/366
I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.
