"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"JADEITE! THIS ISN'T THE TIME! WE'RE IN A STATE OF CRISIS!"
"Oh no! Did someone try to kill our enemy Mamoru again?"
"Even worse!"
"GASP!"
"I just tallied up this month's spending..." began Queen Beryl.
"Uh oh," said Jadeite.
"YOU BOUGHT A GYM!?" she screamed at him. "And a cruise ship?!"
"Well, you see, it was to get energy, my Queen!"
"Well where's the energy!?"
"Heh heh... well about that..."
"SILENCE! WE ARE 80k NEGABUCKS IN DEBT! THIS IS NO JOKE!"
"I wasn't laughing! But I highly doubt that me alone put us in that much debt!"
Just then, Nephrite drunk drove through the wall of Beryl's throne room. He opened the car door and fell out, flat on his face, along with many empty liquor bottles. He rolled over and assessed the damages.
"Dammit!" he slurred. "There goes another 30k sports car!"
"NEPHRITE! THAT'S THE THIRD ONE TO DAY!" Beryl shrieked.
"Aww, I'm so sorry bruh, it was me accident, I swore it!"
"Grrrrr..."
"Queen Beryl!" screamed Zoisite and Kunzite, teleporting in in a frenzy.
"Queen Beryl! The company credit card got declined! And right as we were about to complete our collection of solid golden and diamond paper weights!"
"WHY WERE YOU BUYING THAT!?" Queen Beryl cried out in anguish.
"We thought the paper weight you were rubbing all day was cool, so we started collecting them ourselves!"
"IT'S NOT A PAPER WEIGHT! IT'S MY POWER SPHERE OF DOOM! I need it to store all the energy we don't have!"
"But Queen Beryl! We already had a billion dollar room built in our trillion dollar castle to house the paper weights! Just fork over a few extra grand, pls & ty!"
"I CAN'T!"
"Come on now, don't be mean, you know our castle needs these paper weights."
"No, I mean I CAN'T! We're all out of money!"
"WAT?!" everyone gasped.
"Queen Beryl!" yelled Nephrite, raising his hand. He stood up to speak. "That's where afjeilw kfam l;we;f," he mumbled, falling down.
"WAT?!" asked Queen Beryl.
"He said he wants you to buy us that crystal paper weight to rub," Zoisite explained.
"Nofjejfjasjfaog!" slurred Nephrite. "I need money to get help. REhabububububub-"
Just then, the loan shark showed up. "Yo, Beryl me boy, you got dat money to repay me yet?" he asked.
"NO! Back off or I'll kill you!" she screamed.
But the loan shark repossessed her crystal ball before she could fire.
"NO!" shouted Beryl. "Now how will I kill you?!" She looked around desperately. She saw a hair dryer and turned it on, holding it up at the loan shark. "Don't come any closer!" she warned.
But then the power went out because she couldn't afford the electric bill. The loan shark preceded to repossess the cave, and threw them all out.
They lay in the ice of the North Pole and contemplated their choice for a hideout location.
Jadeite ran back in, attempting to grab his comic book collection, but they caught him and pummeled him.
"Not to worry!" volunteered Kunzite. "I snuck out all these winter coats so we won't freeze to death!"
"I HEARD THAT!" screamed the loan shark, repossessing their coats.
They lay shivering in the snow.
Zoisite started to sob. "They've taken everything but the clothes on our backs!"
"Oh yeah, looks like we gotta take that too," said the shark.
Zoisite sobbed harder.
"It's okay," said Kunzite. "At least I still have you :D"
"Oh yeah," said the loan shark, repossessing Zoisite.
"Noooooo!" he cried as they pulled him away. "I'm not property!"
The loan shark stopped to check his info. "Actually, according to Queen Beryl's tax return, all of you are listed as property."
"Nooooooooo!" they all cried. They slugged the loan shark and fled. Queen Beryl followed suit.
They stood on the street corner of Tokyo.
"Spare change?" they asked of moving cars. Some guy purposely drove through puddle to splash them.
"How have we fallen so far!?" sobbed Beryl.
A car stopped next to them. It was Mamoru Chiba's red car.
"Hello, hoboes!" he said gleefully. "Which one of you wants to wash my wind shield for a nickel?"
"WE SHALL NOT BE SUBJECTED TO THIS!" screamed Beryl, furious.
"Huh?" said Jadeite, spraying Mamoru's window with window cleaner.
"Oh come on," said Nephrite, guilt tripping Mamoru. "We are disabled veterans, can't you fork over more than a nickel?"
"What war did you fight in, exactly?" Mamoru asked skeptically.
"The raid against the Moon Kingdom."
"Huh." Mamoru started to drive away, without paying Jadeite his nickel.
But they ran after his car. "Come on!" pleaded Jadeite, as they chased down the car on foot. "Isn't there anything we can do to make a couple of bucks?"
Mamoru stopped the car. They didn't stop running in time, and tripped and fell over a mailbox. "OOF!"
"There's one thing you can do," he offered. "You can DANCE for me!"
"No, I refuse!" stated Zoisite.
"Come on, babe," said Kunzite. "We have no choice!"
"Why don't we just mug him?" Zoisite asked.
"Because then we'll have to pay bail when we get arrested."
"Aww shucks."
They all started tap dancing for Mamoru.
Jadeite started crying.
"That one guy is ruining the dance. Start over!" demanded Mamoru.
"Ok, that's it!" screamed Zoisite, punching Mamoru in the face.
"Zoisite!" shouted Beryl, punching Zoisite on the arm. "He's such a hunkster, don't damage him!"
"I see how it is," said Mamoru, driving away again.
"NONONONONO!" they cried. But he didn't listen, and picked up the pace.
"See what you did?" scolded Nephrite.
But Jadeite thought fast. He threw himself in front of the moving car. "OWOWOWOWW!"
"OMG!" screamed Mamoru. "You psycho!"
Mamoru tried to hit and run, but Jadeite grabbed onto the exhaust pipe and got dragged down the street.
Mamoru made a sharp turn, sending Jadeite flying into a building.
Jadeite ran back into the street and started screaming. "DID ANYONE SEE THAT?! THAT MAN JUST RAN ME OVER AND FLED THE SEEN! I DEMAND LAW SUIT!"
But everyone turned away and started whistling. "I'm not being a witness in court today!" they all decided.
Exhausted and defeated, they walked into a soup kitchen.
They took their bowls of soup and sat down at a table.
"I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!" wept Nephrite. "I need my mansion! I NEED MY SPORTS CARS! I! NEED! MY! BEEEEEEEEEER!"
"Then we must devise a plan!" decided Beryl.
"I know!" said Jadeite. "Let's buy a cruise ship and steal love energy!"
"Jadeite," said Beryl, "That's the kind of thinking that put us in this predicament."
"I was only trying to help :("
"Let's ask the stars for ideas!" Nephrite suggested.
"They took that too!" cried Beryl.
"HOW?!" he wept.
"I know!" said Zoisite. "Let's try to sue someone!"
"Brilliant!" said Beryl.
"Yippee! Suck it Nephrite and Jadeite!"
They walked into the diner where Andrew's sister works.
The manager gave them a dirty look, because they were bums.
They sat down at a table and ordered a meal. The meal came.
"So what do we do?" asked Jadeite.
"Simple. We make it look like they put bad stuff in our food! Then we cash in!"
"So we put Jadeite's diary in there?" asked Queen Beryl. "It's really full of garbage."
"You read my diary?!" Jadeite asked in horror.
"We all did! We do it every Saturday night to catch up on your recent entries!"
Jadeite sobbed.
"So what are we putting in the food then?" Nephrite asked.
Kunzite poured a bunch of salt in their food. "WAITER!" he cried.
Andrew's sister walked over.
"THIS FOOD IS WAY TO SALTY! GIVE US MONEY!" Kunzite demanded.
"Umm... I can't do that, but I guess I'll bring you a new dish?"
"NOOOOOO! This man is very sick because of all the salt you put in it! Right, Jadeite?"
"Um, yeah!" said Jadeite. "Cough cough!"
Andrew's sister furrowed her eyebrows. "Did you just speak the words 'cough cough' in an attempt to sound sick?"
"Damn, she's good!" Kunzite remarked in awe.
"We have to take more drastic measures!" exclaimed Zoisite. "THERE WAS A FINgER IN MY SOUP!"
"Really?" Andrew's sister asked suspiciously. "Well, for one, you didn't order soup. For two, I don't see a finger."
"That's where you're wrong!" shouted Zoisite, grabbing Nephrite's hand and a table knife.
"BWAAHH!" screamed Nephrite, slugging Zoisite before he could snatch his finger. He accidentally slugged Zoisite too hard and he passed out.
He took Zoisite's head and put it in his salad.
"Look!" he cried. "There's a dead woman in my salad!"
"Oh my gawd!" screamed Andrew's sister. "And she's hideous!"
"I HEARD THAT!" mumbled Zoisite.
"Oh, look, it's just a conscious woman in your salad. That's not a hazard at all. Nice try, buddy."
Jadeite spit in their food. "Look! There's spit in my food!"
"I saw you do that," said Andrew's sister.
"OH NO!" screamed Beryl. "There's dead Shitennou in my broccoli!"
"What?" asked Jadeite. "I don't see any-" Jadeite dodged her blast, and it blew up the wall.
"That's gonna cost you more!" said the Manager.
"PLEASE!" they begged. "We need money! We can't come out from under this debt! Have mercy!"
"Well, I have one way you can pay back your dues."
"ANYTHING!" cried Beryl.
"This goes to table five!" shouted Queen Beryl, passing a dish to waiter Jadeite.
Jadeite moaned and brought the dish over to the table, where the Sailors were sitting.
"That guy seems familiar," remarked Usagi.
"Yeah..." said Rei, "But I just can't place him. Let's play it safe and make him bring us glasses of water continuously."
"AHGHAWEJGW!" screamed Jadeite.
"So," asked Zoisite from the kitchen. "How much longer till we pay off that debt?"
Queen Beryl did some calculations. "How long was the Silver Millenium?"
"A millenium?"
"Yeah, that long."
"KEEEEEEEL ME!" said Nephrite.
But then Molly walked in and ordered a chocolate milkshake. Nephrite happily walked over to bring it to her, and sit down at the table, but some geek with glasses was taking up the other seat.
Nephrite killed him.
"That's gonna be taken off your paycheck!" said Andrew's sister.
Queen Beryl sighed.
20000000 years later...
The Negaverse had finally payed their dues. They returned to the North Pole to reclaim their cave. But just then the apocolypse happened, and the Earth exploded.
"I hope there's room for 5 more on the Moon Kingdom!"
FIN
