"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Nah, nah, nah, stop right there, Jeddy!" Queen Beryl interrupted.

"What, my Queen?" Jadeite asked in shock.

"You just tried eleven new sources in a row, none of which were successful!"

"Oh boy, this is where my story ends!" Jadeite said glumly.

"So, I think you should step aside and let one of the other more *competent* Shitennous have a turn."

"Oh yeah yeah good idea!" said Jadeite, making a hasty retreat before Queen Beryl could change her mind.

Queen Beryl turned to the other three Shitennou who were lounging around in the Nega-lounge.

"Nephrite! Time to step up to the hot seat!" Queen Beryl called to him.

"Hold on, I'm on the last chapter of my Manga!"

"Zoisite! It's your turn on Wheel of Negaverse!" Queen Beryl tried again.

"Nah, I don't really feeeeeel like it," said Zoisite, half asleep.

"WHAAAAT!?" shrieked Queen Beryl.

"Kunzite! It's your moment to shine!"

"Sorry, my manly manicure is at one o'clock. I'd reschedule, but I did that last week, and I don't want to make a habit of it, ya know?"

Queen Beryl started firing missiles at them.

They barely dodged. "Ok, ok!" they cried. They limped over to her throne.

"What the hell do you want," moaned Zoisite, rubbing his eyes. "I'll have you know that I was almost asleep!"

"Grrrr..." Queen Beryl growled.

Kunzite nudged Zoisite with his elbow.

"Jadeite is a big disappointment," Queen Beryl explained. "I need one of you guys to step in and do his job."

"But I already have this list of people at the peaks of their lives!" Nephrite explained, showing Queen Beryl a clip board.

Queen Beryl warped it into her hands.

"No, don't actually look at it!" screeched Nephrite.

She read it out loud. "Tomato paste, organic carrot juice, brussel sprouts... this is just your shopping list!"

"What?!" Nephrite cried defensively. "Someone stole my list! Zoisite, how could you!?"

"What?" Zoisite yelled. "I didn't steal your dumb list. You're just embarrassed that you're trying to eat healthy!"

"Me!? Eat healthy?! I'm too manly for that, no way!"

"See what I mean!"

"QUIET!" barked Beryl. "One of you SHITennou's will volunteer! I don't care who! You have one hour to choose which of you will come to the chopping block, or you're all dead! You hear me? DEAD!"

"Does that include me?" asked Jadeite, hanging in the doorway.

"YES!" barked Beryl.

"Uh oh."


Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite sat in the Nega coffee shop.

"Alright, guys, we have to decide who comes up with a new source of energy for Beryl!" Kunzite told them.

"I've got an idea!" said Nephrite.

"What is it?" asked Zoisite.

"1 2 3 NOT IT!" he yelled.

"NOT IT!" Zoisite and Kunzite yelled at exactly the same time.

"You said it first!" shouted Zoisite to Kunzite.

"No you did! I heard ye!"

"I think Zoisite said it first," Nephrite said.

"You're biased!" yelled Zoisite.

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"I have a better idea," said Kunzite. He magically warped up three strings and held them in his hand. "Whoever pulls the longest one has to help Beryl!"

"I don't think so!" Nephrite argued. "If you end up with the longest one, you can just tear it and make it shorter. It should be whoever picks the shortest one has to do it."

"Nevermind then," said Kunzite.

"I have an idea!" said Zoisite. "We all vote!"

"I like that one," said Kunzite.

"This is bullshit!" said Nephrite.

"Who do you vote for, Kunzite?" asked Zoisite.

"Why, Nephrite of course!"

"Me too!" said Zoisite. "That's two votes against Nephrite. Who do you vote for, Nephrite?"

"You."

"Ok! Two for Nephrite, one for me! Looks like Neffy is out of luck!"

Just then, Jadeite appeared. "I vote for Zoisite!" he yelled.

"WHAT!? You don't have a vote!"

"Yeah huh, I do! I'm 18! The Nega goverment says I do now!"

"There is no voting age in the Negaverse!" Zoisite argued.

"In fact, we don't vote at all!" Kunzite added. "Queen Beryl has the only vote."

"Well, technically, we are in the North Pole, which is owned by America because everything is!" Nephrite said. "And in America, Zoisite isn't even old enough to vote!"

"WUT?!"

"So it looks like, two for Zoisite, one for me! Looks like you're out of luck, pal!"

"No!" cried Zoisite. "Evil Mamoru still has a vote!"

They teleported to Mamoru Chiba's apartment.

"What do you guys want?" he asked, mildly annoyed.

"Mamoru, ol' buddy ol' pal," began Nephrite. "Who do you vote to have to do Queen Beryl's bidding?"

"I don't know," Mamoru said. "Who are my choices?"

"It's down to me and Zoisite," Nephrite explained. "Might I remind you that I have never stabbed you?"

"I'll pay you ten bucks to vote for Nephrite!" cried Zoisite.

"HEY! No bribing the voters!" Nephrite yelled. "This kind, beautiful, handsome voter is too good for your bribery!" Nephrite brown-nosed.

"HEY! No brown-nosing the voters!" Zoisite said mockingly.

"Hey, is that a TV in there?" Jadeite asked, coming inside.

Mamoru pushed him out, along with the rest of them, and slammed the door.

"MAMORU!" Zoisite cried from outside the door. "Please don't shut me out again! Please don't slam the door! You don't have to keep your distance any mooooooore!" he sung.

"Zoisite! Go away!" he yelled.

"HE SAID MY NAME! THAT'S A VOTE FOR ME!" Zoisite said happily.

"Let's just try something else," said Kunzite.

"BUT I WOOOOON!" whined Zoisite.

"Rock paper scissors?"

"Fine."

They all did a round of rock paper scissors. They all did rocks.

They tried again. Kunzite did a rock, Zoisite did a scissors, and Nephrite did a paper.

"Who wins?" asked Jadeite.

Nephrite changed his to a gun. "ME!"

"No fair!" said Zoisite. "We're not playing by Australian rules!"

Kunzite tried to come up with a better way. "All we have to do is play two rounds, each person versus each person, and then tally up the-"

"BORING!" yelled Zoisite. "I've got it! Let's all write our names on pieces of paper, and put them in the middle! Then we can have Jadeite draw one, and that person comes up with a new source of energy!"

"Fair enough..." Nephrite said cautiously.

They borrowed Mamoru's Tuxedo hat, and put their names in it.

"Ok Jadeite, do your thing!" said Zoisite.

Just then, Kunzite appeared in the middle, stealing Zoisite and his names out of the hat and disappearing.

"HEY!" yelled Nephrite. "I SAW THAT! PUT IT BACK!"

"Aww shucks," said Kunzite, putting the names back. "Maybe if I hadn't stood around and gloated."

Jadeite reached down to select a name.

But all three used their magic to warp away their names.

"What the-" said Jadeite, when there were no names in the hat. "Where did everyone's names go?"

"Wow," said Zoisite. "You guys make me sick!"

"You took your name out too!" exclaimed Nephrite, pointing to the hand Zoisite was holding his in.

"No I didn't!" said Zoisite, warping it on Jadeite's head.

"Oh, here's one," said Jadeite, pulling it out of his hair.

"DAMMIT!" said Zoisite. "Aww well, looks like I lost fair and square!"

He spawned a crystal behind Jadeite and threw it at him. But Jadeite dropped the paper by accident, and when he bent down to pick it up, the crystal hit Kunzite.

"OWW!" he cried. He smacked Nephrite.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" yelled Nephrite, slugging him back.

Within seconds, all four Shitennous were slugging it out.

Unbeknowest to them, the hour had passed. Queen Beryl warped them back to her throne room, only to see them all exchanging blows.

"WHAT ARE YOU MORONS DOING!?" she screamed.

They continued to roll on the floor and beat each other, not realizing they had been moved.

"Oh hi Queen Beryl," Jadeite said, looking up and noticing the Queen's scowl. "How long have you been on Mamoru's doorstep?"

Zoisite stood up. "We made a decision!"

"We did?" asked Nephrite and Kunzite.

Queen Beryl looked at them skeptically.

"Well, who did you decide on, then?"

"Jadeite will do it!" he explained. Nephrite and Kunzite nodded in agreement.

"WHAT?!" said Beryl. "But he's so incompetent!"

"Come on, Queen! It's the thought that counts!" Kunzite told her.

"Wait a minute," Queen Beryl said suddenly, an idea dawning on her. "Why don't all four of you WORK TOGETHER!?"

They all gasped and fell to the floor in shock. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"

"YES!" she said enthusiastically. "It's settled! Hop to it!"

They all reluctantly went and worked together. Three days later, Queen Metalia was revived and the Negaverse took over the world.

FIN