"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"What is it, gay boy?" Queen Beryl shouted.
Jadeite sobbed, but eventually regained composure. "The humans have these things called 'Bed and Breakfasts.' We can imitate one of these traps, and use it to steal energy!"
"How?" asked Beryl.
"Uhhhhhhhnguhhhhhhh... with a basic energy snatchin' machine?" Jadeite figured.
"Meh. It's not worse than any of your other plans. Go for it!"
"But the thing is, Queen Beryl, we need to use your lair for the bed and breakfast!"
"Why can't you use Zoisite and Kunzite's castle? Or Nephrite's Earth mansion?"
"Because last time I tried they called me mean names!"
"And you didn't think I would call you mean names?"
"I just hoped you wouldn't."
"Jadeite, you suck eggs," said Queen Beryl.
":("
"Fine, you can use my lair, but make it snappy!"
"Will do!" Jadeite said merrily.
Jadeite and Nephrite stood by the freeway, admiring their work on assembling the giant billboard.
"The Nega Inn! We won't steal your energy! Pls stay here, we need energy!" it read.
A lone car drove through the deserted highway and threw a milkshake at the billboard. The next lone car, while trying to decipher what gibberish the billboard said, drove off the road, crashing into the billboard's support pole and causing it to fall over.
"A job well done," said Jadeite, as they walked off into the sunset.
Kunzite lay asleep at the front desk, which was the Earth entrance to the Negaverse. It had been two whole days, and no one had showed up.
Jadeite strolled out into the lobby giddily, counting his zero dollars. "Business booming as usual I see, aye Kunzy?"
Kunzite woke up suddenly. "Huh?" he said. "A customer? At long last?"
"No silly, it's me, Jadeite!"
"UGHGHGHGH!" said Kunzite going back to sleep.
"Hey!" yelled Jadeite. "Quit slacking off, or I won't pay you!"
"You're not paying me. Queen Beryl is making me do this. Because you killed off all our Youmas with your idiot schemes."
"HEY NOW!" said Jadeite. "No need to point fingers here."
Just then, they heard a sound they hadn't heard for millenia. It was the jingle of the bell on the door, as it opened.
"A CUSTOMER!" cried Jadeite.
It was Usagi Tsukino and Chibiusa Chiba.
"HEY GAIS! WANT A ROOM!?" Jadeite screamed in their faces.
"Umm... we thought this was a Dunkin Donuts. But sure!"
"WOOOOOOOO!" said Jadeite, fist pumping.
"Hmmm. This girl looks familiar," noted Kunzite.
"Nahhhh," said Jadeite, giving them a room key. "Enjoy your stay!"
"Suuuuuure," said Usagi.
"LOOK AT THAT KUNZITE! ONE FULL CUSTOMER!"
"Please, Jadeite, use your indoor voice," Kunzite requested impatiently. "So when are we going to steal their energy?"
"Hey hey, one step at a time there, speedy! First we have to show them a good stay!"
The phone rung at the front desk.
"Oh boy, our first call! Isn't it wonderful?" asked Jadeite.
Kunzite picked up the phone, very disgruntled. "What do you want?" he sneered.
"Can I have a buffet?" Usagi asked.
"WHAT!? We don't have buffets!"
"Oh. They can you bring me a continuous food supply? I'm nearly starved!" Usagi cried. "What's that, Chibiusa? Oh, can we make that two endless food supplies?"
"No," said Kunzite, hanging up.
Jadeite glared at him. Kunzite moaned and called them back. "Two endless food supplies it is."
"Yippee!" said Usagi and Chibiusa, high-fiving.
The room service, AKA Zoisite, arrived at the room.
He knocked on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again, loudly.
"Can't you see the Do Not Disturb Sign?!" Chibiusa scolded.
"I'm bringing you the food you ordered!" yelled Zoisite.
"What? We didn't order any food," said Usagi.
Zoisite was starting to get annoyed. "You JUST called, and said you wanted two endless food supplies!"
"Mmmm... I don't think that was us..." Usagi said thoughtfully.
"YOU'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE!" Zoisite screamed.
"Well, I mean, if you already brought it here, I guess we'll take it, but try to do better at your job next time."
Zoisite stormed off, leaving the buffet outside the door.
Usagi and Chibi opened the door. "OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!" they yelled, digging in and getting food all over the hallway outside.
"Can you get the maid service to come clean this up?" yelled Chibiusa as Zoisite walked away.
Steam started coming out of Zoisite's ears and he threw his hat down. "I QUIT!" he yelled.
Usagi called the main office. "Yeah, so your maid screwed up our food, and then they made us eat it all, and then they threw it on the floor and refused to clean it up! I'm not very happy with the way we're being treated. Can we get a refund?"
"REFUND!?" Jadeite cried in horror. "ZOOOOISITE! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" he screamed.
Zoisite barged into the lobby. "I didn't do anything wrong! Those girls are INSAAAANE!"
"Zoisite! You know what our motto is! The customer is always right! Now go clean up their hall!"
Zoisite ragefully went back to the hall to clean it.
Chibiusa and Usagi were still digging into the buffet, watching him clean. "You missed a spot," said Usagi, in between bites, pointing to crumbs she had just dropped.
"Oh, my mistake!" he screamed. He cleaned up the crumbs, but while he was down there, Chibiusa dropped an entire pie on his head.
"Oops!" she giggled.
Zoisite started sputtering and foaming at the mouth.
"Hey, are you supposed to be the maid?" asked Usagi. "Because you're not doing a very good job."
"OH, PARDON ME!" Zoisite shrieked. "AND JUST HOW WOULD I DO A BETTER JOB!?"
"Well for one," said Usagi, "A positive attitude goes a long way!"
"Yeah," said Chibiusa. "Also, you should be in a maid outfit. So people don't get confused."
"YOU'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE!"
"Well now I see why!"
Zoisite exploded. They called down to the main office for someone to clean up the explosion.
Meanwhile, Nephrite was greeting people at the doorway. When suddenly, an orange haired girl showed up.
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWLY!" he screamed in joy, running towards her in slow-mo. But then, a kid with glasses walked in beside her, and Nephrite fell on his face.
Molly and Melvin walked over him.
"Can we have a room?" asked Melvin in his nerd voice. "WINK!"
"Nephrite!" yelled Jadeite. "Show these young lovers to their room!"
Nephrite scowled very hard, and walked them to a room.
"Alright, thanks!" said Molly. "You can leave now."
But Nephrite didn't budge.
"Do you want a tip or something? We don't have any money," said Melvin, counting his bills.
Nephrite still didn't budge.
"You're making me and Molly's vacation of love awkward!" Melvin cried.
"GOOD!" said Nephrite.
Melvin slowly closed the door, as Nephrite stood outside scowling.
A few minutes later, the door swung open.
"I HEARD YOU HAD A LEAK!" said Nephrite.
"Nooo..." said Molly.
"Nah nah nah, I'll fix it! This may take a while, though!" He began dismantling the sink.
"Please leave," said Melvin.
"STAY OUT OF THIS, DWEEB!" yelled Nephrite.
"Don't talk to MELVIN that way!" Molly chided.
"YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM!" screamed Nephrite.
Just then, Jadeite came barging in.
"WHAT ARE YE DOING, NEFFY!? THE CUSTOMERS ARE GETTING ANGRY! ALSO THERE'S STILL A MESS OUTSIDE OF MS. TSUKINO'S ROOM THAT ZOISITE REFUSES TO CLEAN UP!"
"Why don't you clean it up?" asked Nephrite.
"Because I'm the manager! My job is to make other people do their jobs!"
"Do you mind?" said Molly. "We're trying to have a relaxing evening."
"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Nephrite and Jadeite both yelled, as they resumed their bickering.
Just then, another customer entered. Kunzite was the only one in the lobby, so he greeted them.
"Welcome to the Nega Inn," he said unenthusiastically.
Kunzite and the new customer both looked up at the same time, and they made emotional eye contact of realization. It was Mamoru Chiba!
Kunzite glared at him, and Mamoru glared right back.
"Hello, Kunzite!" said Mamoru. "I would like a room!"
"No way! We don't serve your kind here!" Kunzite yelled.
"KUNZITE!" yelled Jadeite from Molly's room. "REMEMBER THE MOTTO!"
Kunzite let out a long sigh. "Let me show you to your room," he said through his gritted teeth.
Mamoru peered into the room. "This room isn't big enough."
"What do you mean? This is the only one bed model we have."
"Huh. Then I guess I'll need a two bedder."
"WHY!?"
"One bed for me, one bed for my tuxedo!"
"GRRRRRR!"
Kunzite led him to the new room.
"This'll never do," said Mamoru. "There's a stain on the wall."
"I don't see one!"
"The customer is always right! You have to look closer!"
Kunzite stared closely at the wall. "I still don't see-"
Mamoru pushed his head into the wall. "OOPS!" he chortled.
"THERE WILL BE A STAIN THERe SOOON!" screamed Kunzite, hovering above the ground, cape flowing wildly. "A BLOOD STAIN!"
"Excuse me, is that needless hostility I see?" asked Mamoru. "Do I need to get your boss in here?"
Kunzite floated to the ground. "Now, now, don't get hasty..."
"JADEITE!"
Jadeite charged into the room, panting. "WHAT IS THIS MONSTER DOING TO MY CUSTOMERS?!"
"He's threatening to kill me!" Mamoru sobbed.
"KUNZITE! A WORD, PLEASE!" Jadeite took him out into the hall.
Mamoru threw himself onto the bed smirking, as he heard Jadeite give Kunzite a scolding through the wall.
After he was fully satisfied, Mamoru walked back out into the hall. "Can you fluff my pillows?"
"Of course!" said Jadeite. "KUNZITE!"
Kunzite furiously fluffed Mamoru's pillows.
"That's a little too fluffy," said Mamoru. "Can you unfluff it a bit?"
Kunzite furiously unfluffed Mamoru's pillows.
"Change my TV channel! I hate this show!"
Kunzite dropped the pillow to change his channel.
"HEY! Did I tell you to stop fluffing? It's still too fluffy!"
"WELL, I CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME!" Kunzite screamed.
"Huh, you're right. Good thing there's two of you!"
Jadeite tried to retreat. "ZOISITE!? NEPHRITE!?"
"I'M BUSY!" yelled Nephrite, from a vent above Molly's room.
"WHERE THE HELL IS ZOISITE, THEN!?" Jadeite screamed.
Zoisite paced around outside by the dumpster, grumbling to himself.
"Grrr stupid hotel, stupid Jadeite, stupid pie in the face!"
Jadeite reluctantly began turning the channels while Kunzite kept fluffing.
"Man, this is really below me as a manager," said Jadeite.
"I want someone to brush my teeth!" demanded Mamoru.
"ZOOOOOISTE!" Jadeite whined.
Zoisite finally showed up.
"I TRY TO HAVE THREE MINUTES OF RELAXING RAGE AND YOU CALL ME AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
"Can you brush my teeth?" asked Mamoru.
Zoisite walked out of the room, stopping to slam his head on the wall on the way out.
Jadeite chased after him.
"HEY COME BACK!" yelled Mamoru. "I HATE THIS SHOW!"
Jadeite ran after Zoisite, so Zoisite knocked over the maid cart to slow him down and all the detergent fell out. Jadeite slipped and fell into Usagi's room.
"Ah! Glad you're here!" Usagi exclaimed. "Our TV's not working!"
Jadeite turned and fled. He tried to take shelter in Molly's room.
When he came in, Melvin was tied to the ceiling fan and Nephrite and Molly were making out.
"EWwwwwww!" said Jadeite, running away.
He ran through the lobby, but another customer walked in.
It was Haruka and Michiru. "I hope you don't mind if we play loud violin music, but I need to practice my loud violin music!" Michiru explained.
"GAAAAH!" screamed Jadeite, overwhelmed.
Jadeite tried to make it out the door, but he bumped into the Starlights who were standing in front of the only exit.
"Do you mind if we sing our loud songs, because we need sing our loud songs!"
Jadeite teleported back to Queen Beryl.
"Did you get energy?" Queen Beryl asked.
"I CAN'T GO ON!" he cried.
The other three Shitennou appeared as well.
"Nephrite! Why are you so flushed?" Queen Beryl demanded.
"Oh baby," was all he could get out.
"Zoisite! Why is your face all bruised? And why are you covered in pie? And why are you in a maid outfit?"
Zoisite blacked out.
"Kunzite! Why are you covered in pillow feathers?"
"Mamoru made me fluff his pillows! For TEN HOURS!"
"Wait, Mamoru's staying at the Inn?" she asked.
"Yeah..."
"In light of this recent development, I will spare your lives. But only under one condition. Tell me Mamoru Chiba's room number pls?"
They gave her the number and she teleported away. Just then, they heard a phone ring.
"Hey, can we get some room service up here?" Queen Beryl asked from Mamoru's room.
"Why are you here?" Mamoru asked Beryl.
"You're so dreamy when you don't like me!" Beryl replied dreamily.
The four Shitennou walked in. "What do you want?" they asked.
Queen Beryl perked up. "Can I have an endless supply of food? Also FLUFF MY PILLOWS!"
"My TV's not working!" Mamoru added.
"It's just unplugged," said Kunzite.
"Oh," said Mamoru.
Kunzite plugged it back in.
Mamoru unplugged it.
"My TV's not working!"
Kunzite shot a dark energy boomerang at Mamoru, who reflected it and killed him.
"I'M FREE!" cried Kunzite.
The phone rang again.
"Hey, it's Usagi-chan! There's still a mess in the hall outside my room! Can that one maid with the pie come clean this up?"
Zoisite did a weak attempt on Mamoru's life, getting slain by Beryl.
"I'M FREE!" cried Zoisite.
Nephrite teleported to Hell, while Jadeite collapsed.
FIN
