A/N:
Thank you for the lovely reviews, as I already have the next chapter done I thought I'd post it. Updates from now on will be posted every couple of days. I hope this chapter still keeps people interested. I'm hesitant on just throwing them together straight away, I'd like to post more chapters and explore things in more detail.
Thank you, again.
The collateral damage of love
Rachel. Melissa. Phil. Holly. Adam.
He couldn't stop thinking. That's all he had done for the last 2 years. They'd all brought him pain of some sort and he needed to fix it. He was on the verge of desperation and Eddie Lawson had never been desperate.
Life had been tough to say the least. Two years had gone and he was unsure what he was doing.
5:01. A minute late. Typical Eddie Lawson. Blaming that bloody Rochdale traffic and the fact that he just almost nearly forgot.
Briskly opening the door, he found Dr Williams stood almost wide-eyed gawping at him. 'Sorry, am I late?', he knew he was late, only by a minute though, it could have been worse. Dr Williams smiled and showed him in. Eddie was totally unaware of what could have just happened.
- - -
'So then, have things got any better since our last session?', Dr Williams was still recovering from the event that could have unfolded in front of him. He was not ready for that. Eddie was not ready for that. Rachel was most certainly not ready for that. Still, he had to continue with the session.
Eddie leant forward in the chair and rested his hands on his thighs. 'Melissa wants me to be around more. I get it. I just-'. He paused, he didn't really want to dive straight in.
'You just?', Dr Williams began to make mental notes. He wasn't ever really one to action written notes. Raising his brow, he waited for Eddie to continue.
'Rach. I cant and I wont ever stop thinking', he was honest. There was a hint of sadness detected in his voice. This was the reality of a broken man.
'How often do you think about her?', raising the cup of coffee to his lips, Dr Williams knew he was getting into unknown waters.
'I shouldn't say. It's not fair on Melissa or Holly', guilt flashed across Eddie's face and he knew it wasn't the way he wanted this session to go.
'Eddie it's okay to be open. How often does she cross your mind?', setting his coffee down, he looked up at Eddie to give him his full attention.
'Strictly confidential?', asked Eddie hoping that it would only ever stay between them.
'Like I say'. He trusted him. He trusted anything said would stay within these four walls.
'All the time. I almost feel guilty for doing it', his tone lowered half way through. He felt sadness wash over him again. How could he do this to his daughter? He had to be in this relationship for her. She needed a mum and a dad. This would not be a repeat of Michael. He would not let that happen.
'Why?', pressing his fingertips together, Dr Williams grew more and more intrigued by this man.
'Because I shouldn't be. I need to be happy with Melissa now'. Eddie wasn't lying, he really did want to try and be happy, just not for himself.
'Have you ever thought about contacting Rachel?'. There it was. The question that Eddie had hoped that Dr Williams would never ask.
'I did', he couldn't stop the words escaping his mouth. Looking him dead in the eyes, Eddie could see no surprise on his face. Why was he not shocked? Was he just that good at his job? Did he always know that Eddie couldn't just stay away?
'You did?', Dr Williams did ask but deep down he thought something might have happened. Rachel hadn't mentioned a word, and honestly, he expected that of her.
'Last year. I know I know, I shouldn't have. I just couldn't stop myself. I told her I'd been a prat. I told her I was happy for her, you know with Adam', Eddie dropped his head once more and took a long gaze at the awful rug in front of him. These places really were awful, but he needed to vent.
'Do you think she is?'
'What?', lifting his head he sighed almost in frustration as to why he was questioning everything. But that was his job, and Eddie had put himself in that situation.
'Happy'. It made his heart hurt, how could she be happy. She wasn't with him.
'I hope so'. That was a lie. Of course he wanted her to be happy but not with Adam.
'Even if it means forgetting you?', Dr Williams knew he'd pushed it. It were as if steam were to pour from Eddie's ears and the fine standing table in front of him were to appear upside down.
'Is that some sort of stupid question?', Eddie had raised his voice. He was not an angry man but this was too much.
'Absolutely not. Did she ever reply, you know, to your message?', changing the subject quickly was definitely going to calm this situation.
'No'.
'How did that make you feel?', he knew he was pushing again. Eddie was like a ticking time bomb.
'How do you think that made me feel? I felt like an idiot', Eddie muttered, he didn't want to get angry, he knew these questions were necessary.
'You're not an idiot'. Its true, he wasn't an idiot.
'Just crazy?', almost smirking at Eddie's question, he held everything together and remained professional. How peculiar that crazy was mentioned twice in that one day. In all honesty, they were both crazy. Crazy in love, how cliche.
'No. You're just lost'. Truth was, he was lost. He was lost in a relationship that he didn't want to be in. Lost without the one woman who quite frankly was keeping him together. He had lost everything.
'I just wish I could speak to her, you know, make sure she's okay. Make sure that she's happy and -', Eddie stopped in his tracks, he couldn't bare the next part. Dr Williams had encouraged him to continue, 'And?'.
Eddie shifted his eyes upwards and away from the Dr's glare, 'To make sure that she really loves Adam'. If only Eddie had known her true feelings. As usual, Eddie was pressed further with another question, 'Why wouldn't she?'.
'Loneliness. It's the killer. I've been there and look what I've got myself into now. She moved on so quickly, I mean not that I blame her, I just hope it's for the right reasons'. Bingo. There it was.
'Has she still not met Holly?', Dr Williams knew she hadn't but he wanted his story this time. He needed to piece together the puzzle.
'No. I don't want her to'. The room fell completely silent, almost to the extent that the ticking of the clock was magnified by ten.
'You don't? That's a pretty big statement to make'. Confusion. This was really rattling Dr Williams and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He took his glasses off and set them down. Crossing his arms and legs, he cleared his throat and Eddie continued after sensing his cue.
'You don't understand', his voice pleaded, he pleaded that he wouldn't ask anymore. His fingers rubbed at his temples and his eyes closed at the thought.
'I don't? Why?', Dr Williams knew there was more. Something was being kept buried way beneath the surface and there was absolutely no way he could keep digging in this session. He was becoming tired. This was far more complex than he'd originally thought. And like Rachel, Eddie was desperate to change the subject.
'It would kill her', the air felt thick. Emotions on Eddie's part ran high. He couldn't talk about this. He was ready for other things but this, this was still raw.
