"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"What is it, Jadeite?" asked Queen Beryl.

"The humans call them arcade tickets. They can be won at this place called Crown Arcade. They are only valued at one cent a piece, but you must pay 25 cents to win four of them!"

"That sounds like a scam!" yelled Beryl.

"No, because if you win like 500+ you can get a dollar store prize!"

"Oooooh, a dollar store prize!" Queen Beryl exclaimed. "I've always wanted one of those!"

"Same!" responded Jadeite.

"It's settled. I command you and the other three Shitennou to win as many of these 'arcade tickets' as you can!"

"Aww, neato!" said Jadeite.

Queen Beryl spawned a giant dollar to quarter converter machine, and put a hundred bill in. It shot out a ton of quarters that the Shitennou grovelled to pick up.


They walked into the arcade, and the first thing they spotted was the prize counter.

"OH BOY I WANT THAT TEMPORARY TATTOO OF A LEPRECHAUN!" Jadeite exclaimed.

"I WANT THAT STAR STICKER!" said Nephrite.

"I WANT THOSE BATTERIES!" Zoisite shouted.

"I WANT THAT 200,000 TICKET HAIR DRYER!" Kunzite cried gleefully.

"Woah, slow down there," said Zoisite. "We still need tickets for Queen Beryl."

"Nah let's just get her that Chinese finger trap, and she'll be satisfied," decided Kunzite.

They all scrambled to start winning tickets.

Jadeite walked up to the claw machine. He put in a ten dollar bill.

"Time to take home some loot!" Jadeite exclaimed.

He spotted a Queen Beryl plushie, and went for it. He dropped the claw directly on top of it, but it swung wildly and picked up a Tuxedo Mask.

"Eww, I hate that guy!" said Jadeite, throwing it backwards behind him.

He tried again, with the same results. "This thing is rigged!" he cried, when a Sailor Mercury came out.

Meanwhile, Zoisite tried his hand at the Sailor V video game. When it started, he jumped into a monster and killed Sailor V.

"Yay I win!" he said happily.

But the machine only shot out one ticket.

"WHAT!? BUT THAT WAS LIKE RECORD TIME!" He walked over to the worker to complain.

"That's strange that you did really good and only got one ticket," said Andrew. "Try again, so I can see why it's happening."

"Ok!" said Zoisite, making Sailor V jump off a cliff.

"Well, you're only getting one ticket because you're losing! Sailor V is supposed to beat the monsters, not die to them!" Andrew explained.

"But Sailor V suuuuuuuuucks!"

"No," said Andrew.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?! SHe'S A TOTAL CHEater!" Zoisite whined.

"No," said Andrew.

Zoisite stabbed Andrew.

"Whyyyyyyyyyy!?" cried Andrew, laying on the floor in pain. "I'll be waiting for you, Rita!" he cried as he died.


Somewhere in Africa, Rita learned of his death, and said, "Oh look, now I can come back to Tokyo!"


Nephrite was playing the racing game.

"THIS STEERING IS TRASH COMPARED TO MY CAR!" he yelled, as he ran some toddlers off the road.

"EAT MY DUST LITTLE BABIES!" he yelled.

The kids started sobbing.

"CRY ALL YOU WANT, IT WON'T MAKE YOU GOOD!"

Their mom walked over.

"Hey! You're a grown man! Stop being rude to my kids!"

"I wouldn't be rude to them, if they weren't garbage!" he told her.

She slapped him.

Nephrite charged up a blast. The lady socked him again, before he could fire.

He lay on the ground, begging for mercy.

But the lady kicked him, and he went flying and fell through a basketball hoop.

He got slam dunked through the hoop of the game Kunzite was playing, giving him the winning point over the teenager he was dueling.

"HAHAHAH GET REKT TEENAGER!" Kunzite said, taking his four tickets and moving on. The teenager also got four tickets.

Nephrite, meanwhile, was pulled into the bin of the machine where the balls were held. He was trapped. Half his body was stuck inside the machine. "WaaaaAAAAaaa!" he wailed.

Kunzite noticed a game where buttons lit up, and you were supposed to stomp on them when they were lit.

"I shall conquer Stomp-a-mole!" he declared, reading the game's title.

He picked his difficulty, Super Mega Hard mode, and the game began.

He stood there with his arms crossed, smirking. "This'll be too easy!"

The first button lit up, and he stomped it with ease. But then every button lit up at once, and instantly unlit. The game went into total chaos, and he scrambled across the board, barely hitting any. He finally tripped himself up and fell.

A bunch of three year olds laughed at him.

"WAaaaAAAAaa! I am Lord KUUUUNZITE! I DO NOT LOSE TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY THIS 'STOMP-A-MOLE!'"

He put another quarter in. "I just didn't know how to play that first time," he reasoned.

He put it on Super Mega Hard again. This time, he didn't even get a chance to step on the board before the game was over.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRFF!" he cried. He put in a twenty.


Jadeite looked over at his pile of Sailor and Tuxedo Mask toys and wept. There was only one toy left in the machine now, and that was the Beryl.

He put in his last quarter, and the crane landed on it. It lifted up the Beryl, and brought it to the drop chute. But then it dropped it on the edge of the drop shoot, and it got stuck.

"NOOOOOOO!" wailed Jadeite. He started slamming his body into the machine, but this only caused the toy to get more stuck. Finally, it fell over on the wrong side, getting too close to the edge so it could never be reached.

He decided to try and climb up into the machine. He crawled in through the small prize door, and got stuck.

"WaaaAAAAAaaaaaAAAA!" he cried.

Zoisite walked over, laughing. "What are you doing, dummy?"

"I was trying to save Beryl from this claw machine and some grubby kid's unworthy paws!"

"That looks easy," said Zoisite. "I'll get it for you."

He put in a quarter. He picked up the Beryl with ease, and dropped it in the chute. But it bounced off Jadeite's head.

"NO!" cried Jadeite.

"eZ!" said Zoisite. "Now if your fat head wasn't in the way, I would have won it!"

"Then help me out of here!" cried Jadeite.

"Ok," said Zoisite, putting in another quarter.

He dropped the claw on Jadeite, picking him up by the face, and pulling him up into the full machine.

"Yay! I got it!" said Jadeite, picking up the toy. "Ok, now get us outta here!"

"Oh look, I'm out of quarters," said Zoisite, walking away.

"NOOOO WAIT! Get the employee!"

"Sorry, he's dead now."

Zoisite noticed Jadeite's toy pile, and took a Tuxedo Mask off the top.

"Why are you taking that?" asked Jadeite.

"TO BUUUUUUURN!" Zoisite shouted, leaving.

Jadeite wept out of loneliness.

But then, Kunzite came up.

"I need your assistance," he said to Jadeite.

"THEN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!"

"You know you can teleport, right?" asked Kunzite.

"..."

Jadeite teleported out.

"Shoot, I left the Beryl in there!"

Kunzite dragged him to the Stomp-a-mole. "Now wait here."

He walked over to the basketball hoop.

"Hrrngahrrnga!" Nephrite mumbled.

Kunzite leaned in, and whispered "Teleport."

"Oh yeah, heh heh," Nephrite said, embarrassed.

He teleported out and also got dragged to Stomp-a-mole.

Zoisite was already over there. "I heard there was a party."

"Alright, friends," said Kunzite. "I have gathered you here to help me take on our greatest foe yet."

"Where is he?" asked Jadeite.

"He is no he at all. Nor is he a she. He is this Stomp-a-mole."

They all burst into laughter.

"HEY! It's harder than it looks," Kunzite remarked. "Now listen. I have separated these eight butons into four quadrants. Jadeite shall get Quadrant A. Nephrite, Quadrant B is yours. Quadrant C goes to Zoisite. And yours truly will take Quadrant D, the middle. Each quadrant consists of two buttons, Button 1 and Button 2, for each foot. Your missions shall be to stomp them when they light up. Understand?"

"I won't let ya down!" promised Zoisite.

"What's in this for me?" asked Nephrite.

"I saved you from sure death in that basketball machine. You owe me one."

"What's in this for me?" asked Jadeite.

"I saved you from sure death in that claw machine. You owe me one."

Kunzite put in the quarter.

They were actually doing somewhat well with their buttons.

But then Jadeite tripped, because he confused Button 1 and Button 2, and fell into Zoisite.

"Get off me!" yelled Zoisite, throwing Jadeite into Nephrite and Kunzite.

They all toppled over, one button short of winning the jackpot.

"DAMMIT! Let's go again!" said Kunzite.

They went again. This time, Nephrite missed one button.

"Nephrite, you're the worst Shitennou," scolded Kunzite.

They went again. Zoisite got distracted because he thought he saw the Sailor Scouts, but it was just Usagi Tsukino & Co.

They kept trying and trying. They were getting weary.

Nephrite was sweating, "I don't know how much longer I can keep it up!"

"MOVE IT YA SLACKER!" raged Kunzite, missing a button.

The more they tried, the worse they were doing.

"Ok guys, we need to regroup," said Kunzite, calling off their floundering.

Jadeite passed out.

"Now, we need to realize what is at stake here. The fate of the universe, nay, the multiverse, depends on us conquering this machine. So get your acts together, and let's make next time the best time!"

They were all inspired by Kunzite's speech. Jadeite crawled to his feet, and Kunzite put in another quarter.

This time, they were doing it. They had memorized all seven patterns, and knew exactly when the buttons would light up. Just as they were about to tap the last of the one hundred lit up buttons, Kunzite got shot in the hands with a Venus Crescent Beam.

"WAHT!?" cried Kunzite, recoiling in pain and defeat. "WHYYYY!"

"Oopsie," said Venus, "I was just mad because I lost the Sailor V game!"

But when Usagi turned to see who got shot, she realized it was the Negaverse!

"Hey!" she said. "How dare you cheat at an arcade game, by using four people for a one person game! I will punish you!"

"And just how will you do that, human girl?" challenged Kunzite.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to transform," she said, embarrassed. "Hey, look, a new source of energy!"

"WHERE?!" Jadeite cried, knocking over the rest of them looking for the new source of energy.

While they were distracted, Sailor Moon transformed.

"Moon Tiara Action!" she yelled, hitting them all with the tiara since they were all piled on the Stomp-a-mole game.

The game exploded, leaving Kunzite with no chance at redemption.

"We won't forget this!" they yelled, teleporting away.

"That was weird," said Venus. "They could have totally beaten us, since there were four of them and only two of us."

"Oh well, we'll rekt them some other time," said Sailor Moon. "Wanna go play racing?"

"BOY DO I!"


The Shitennou knelt before Queen Beryl.

"I'm very disappointed in you bozos," Queen Beryl chided.

"You have only presented me with 10 tickets, and you were there all day. All I can get with that is a single Jolly Rancher."

"Actually, my Queen," corrected Kunzite. "Jolly Ranchers are 30 tickets."

"GAAAAAHHHHHH!" cried Beryl. "I'm going to kill you all!"

"Wait!" said Jadeite, thinking fast and presenting the Queen with the only thing he was able to win. "Here's a Tuxedo Mask plushie!"

"OH BABY!" cried Queen Beryl. "LOOK AT THIS HUNKSTER, I LOVE IT!"

"So you'll spare us?" Jadeite asked hopefully.

"Maybe."

FIN