"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

There was no response, so he took it as a go ahead.

"So the humans have these things called Fro-Yo bars. I have scouted out a good one, based on this 50% off coupon, that we can overthrow and use as an energy snatching hub. So whattya say?"

There was still no response.

"Aww, come on," Jadeite whined. "It was a good plan! I've had worse, like that gym one! I can't believe morons fell for that! The energy snatching pods weren't even disguised!"

But Queen Beryl still didn't respond. Jadeite hung his head and left the room.

The cardboard cut-out that Queen Beryl left to keep Jadeite at bay fell over with a thud once he had left the room.


Jadeite took his seat in the Nega-cafeteria.

"No, this is the cool kids table!" said Kunzite, shunning him.

Jadeite started to cry.

"Naw, I was just joshing ya, J-man," said Kunzite. "We cool."

"You're not hip," said Zoisite.

"Suck it, Zoisite!" yelled Kunzite.

"Right here at the table? Ok!" said Zoisite.

"NO! PLEASE! NOT AGAIN!" cried Nephrite.

"So guys, do you ever feel like Queen Beryl doesn't appreciate you?" Jadeite asked.

"Not at all!" cried Nephrite, defensively, looking up at the camera Queen Beryl had on them.

"Queen Beryl loves us all!" added Kunzite, staring directly into the camera.

"She is the greatest," Zoisite joined in.

"Nobody understands me," Jadeite sighed.

"Aww, what's the prob, Jeddy?" asked Nephrite.

"I just have this 50% off Fro-Yo coupon that I was gonna use to steal energy."

"Your plans are getting wilder and wilder," commented Zoisite.

"Ikr," agreed Jadeite.

"Well, we could still use the coupon," suggested Kunzite.

"Yeah," said Jadeite, "But it only takes 50% off, and I have no money to afford the other 50%."

Kunzite just shrugged. "I'll cover it."

"Wow Kunzite, you're so generous!" Zoisite complimented.

"Hey, I could afford to pay for it all too," said Nephrite.

"Then why don't you?" Kunzite asked.

"Well I can't just be spending my hard earned magical money all willy nilly," Nephrite said, backing out. "Some people have this thing called economic awareness."

"Then let's go!" Jadeite said, filled with joy. They teleported to the Fro-Yo bar.


They appeared at Yo Mama's Yogurt.

"So how does this work?" asked Nephrite.

"You just take a cup, and shove as much in it as you can!" explained Jadeite.

"No no no," said Kunzite. "It's measured by weight!"

"Ohhhhh," said Jadeite. "So you pick the heaviest toppings! PACK IT IN THERE!"

"Sounds like fun!" said the others, running off to fill up their yogurts while Kunzite felt a sharp pain in his wallet.

Jadeite ran over to the toppings, without getting any yogurt, and started shoveling in M & M's.

"What are you doing?" Zoisite asked. "You forgot the yogurt."

"No no no," explained Jadeite. "I'm going to have layers, so I can navigate it properly. First layer is M & M's, then strawberry non-fat froyo, then comes the gummy bears, then strawberry low-fat froyo, then comes chocolate froyo, then on top of that is oreo crumbs, and THAT'S when I bust out the real ingredients..."

Zoisite walked away.

"Woah, I've never seen so many toppings in one place!" Nephrite exclaimed, stars forming in his eyes.

"Hey," challenged Zoisite. "I bet I can put more toppings in than you!"

"You're on, scrub!" said Nephrite.

They began shoveling in sprinkles by the scoop.

"Woah woah, slow down there!" Kunzite tried, but Nephrite knocked him over as he ran for the Captain Crunch.

Jadeite was still writing out the map of his yogurt. By this point, he had three yogurt cups stacked on top of each other, and all the layers were color coded.

"Alright, here's where the stale pieces of cone go... oh no! But that leaves no room for the full strawberries! Wait, false alarm, I'll just add a new cup and put them in layer D6."

Nephrite overheard Jadeite and liked the idea of putting in full strawberries. But why stop there? He started putting in full bananas too, and a full pineapple!

"Dammit!" cried Zoisite, realizing he was falling behind, since Nephrite took the only pineapple. He began shoveling the yogurt out of his cup so he could fit more toppings.

He melted all the chocolate ingredients so more could fit in, and also smashed the fruity pebbles, sprinkling the crumbs throughout. "Hahaha, Nephrite doesn't stand a chance against my brilliance!"

Nephrite spotted a 5 pound gummy frog. Zoisite spotted it too.

They both dashed for it, bumping Jadeite and almost knocked over his 6 story yogurt.

Zoisite realized he was falling behind, so he grabbed the hot fudge and squirted it in Nephrite's face.

"AHHH IT BURNS!" he cried, doubling over in pain. Zoisite made a mad dash past him, almost reaching the frog.

Until Jadeite grabbed it. But Zoisite wouldn't have it.

He snatched a nearby scoop and started stealing Jadeite's toppings.

"NOOOOO! YOU'RE MAKING IT DISORGANIZED!" he cried. "HOW WILL I EVER FIND THE BUTTERFINGER CRUMBLE LAYER!"

Meanwhile, Nephrite had recovered, and he too began stealing Jadeite's toppings.

"MY MAAAAAP! NO! The vanilla non-fat and the vanilla low-fat can't touch! It'll be too confusing! I won't be able to sample them each separately!"

Just then, they reached the gummy frog Jadeite had stashed in layer 8C.

Zoisite reached for it, but Nephrite dropped candy rocks on his hands.

"OWWW NUUUU!" cried Zoisite. "That was supposed to be my gummy frog!"

Nephrite shoved the frog to the bottom of his cup so Zoisite couldn't find it. He slid the cup across the counter with all the sauces, running alongside and pushing all the sauces in. The frog was thus buried in toppings, and unrecovable.

Zoisite threw his yogurt down in fury, and it splattered all over the floor. "IF I CAN'T HAVE THAT FROG, THEN JADEITE CAN'T HAVE ANY POUND CAKE!"

"What?!" cried Jadeite.

Zoisite grabbed a new cup, and poured the entirety of the pound cake bin in, so there was not a single crumb left for Jadeite. He then topped the pound cake with hot fudge, marshmallow fluff, strawberry syrup, and carmel, so it dissolved completely. He grabbed handfuls of mixed toppings and shovelled them in.

"WHY ZOISITE WHY!? NOW WHAT SHALL I PUT IN LAYER B4?! Oh look, I suppose I could substitute it with strawberry short- NOOOOOO!"

"MINE!" yelled Nephrite and Zoisite.


Meanwhile Kunzite grabbed his cup. He measured out four ounces of non-fat vanilla froyo, and walked over to the toppings.

"Hmm," he thought out loud. "I guess I'll be frivalous today!"

He topped it with a single chocolate sprinkle and one dab of whipped cream.

"Done!"


Nephrite began guzzling the butterscotch so Zoisite couldn't have any.

Meanwhile, Jadeite was trying to balance out his tower of toppings and yogurt, recovering from the damages to his map and attempting to sort out the dichotomy.

Zoisite grabbed the bucket of nerds and threw them at Nephrite.

"GAH! THEY GOT IN MY SHIRT!" Nephrite screamed. He grabbed Zoisite and shoved him under the chocolate yogurt machine, turning it on.

"AAAAAAAAA!" Zoisite cried. "This is regular yogurt, not non-fat! THE CALORIES!"

Nephrite swapped out Zoisite's yogurt cup with his, while Zoisite drowned in yogurt.

"Hahahha, Zoisite had more toppings than me, but they're mine now!"

"I SAW THAT!" screamed Zoisite.

Nephrite made a mad dash to the check out counter.

Zoisite followed suit, throwing more toppings in as he ran after Nephrite.

Jadeite slowly approached the counter, careful not to tip over his yogurt pyramid.


Kunzite layed his yogurt down on the scale.

"Four ounces, $3.00 exactly," he applauded himself. "Another job well done."

He pulled out the three dollars to pay, when the employee stopped him.

"Aren't you going to add your friends' cups onto the order?"

He turned around, as Nephrite pushed his cup in a wheelbarrel, Zoisite brought his in on a forklift, and Jadeite had a staff of twenty carrying his over. Kunzite's eyes grew wide with horror.

They struggled to put theirs on the scale, instantly breaking it.

"That will be $687.00," said the employee.

"WHAT!?" Kunzite sobbed, falling to the ground in agony. "Yogurt can't cost that much!" he wailed.

"No, but that scale was expensive!" said the worker.

"Don't worry, Kunzite!" Jadeite said merrily, handing him a hankerchief and patting him on he shoulder. "We still have my 50% off coupon!"

He handed Kunzite the coupon.

"Jadeite, you twit!" said Kunzite. "This isn't 50 percent off, this is 50 cents off!"

"Oops, my bad," said Jadeite, taking his yogurt and digging in.

Kunzite payed the 686.50 while tears dripped down his face.

"You know, I actually just ate," said Zoisite, going to throw out his yogurt.

"Same, I wasn't really hungry," said Nephrite.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Kunzite growled. "YOU'RE GOING TO SIT DOWN AND EAT ALL THAT YOGURT!"

"That's the thing though," said Zoisite. "There's not actually any yogurt in here... At least I don't think so..."

"I DON'T CARE!" Kunzite scolded.

Zoisite pouted, and Nephrite looked defeated.

Kunzite glared at Nephrite as the latter hesitantly rose the spoon to his face.

He took a nibble. "Eww, this is awful!" exclaimed Nephrite.

"Nope!" said Kunzite. "You're going to eat every last drop."

Nephrite put the full spoonful of just toppings in his mouth, and began crunching really loudly. Kunzite continued to glare at him, shaking his head. Tears formed on the corners of Nephrite's eyes, and he began sob, as he continued to chew his mouthful of toppings.

"These gummy bears are rock solid!" he cried. "And this Captain Crunch tastes like it's been in there for twelve years!"

Zoisite too tried to eat his frozen yogurt. "These pieces of cone have been here since the Silver Millennium!" he whined. He spit out pieces of rubble from the Moon Kingdom.

"WHY DID I PUT JOLLY RANCHERS IN HERE?!" Jadeite sulked. "Now I have to sit and watch the yogurt melt as I slowly suck on them.

"OH GAWD!" cried Nephrite. "Why did I put gum in here!? Every mouthful I have to spit out chicklettes, and pomegranate seeds! This is becoming more of a challenge than a pleasure!"

"OH GAWD!" sobbed Jadeite. "I JUST REACHED THE JAWBREAKER LEVEL! I CAN'T EVEN FIT THIS IN MY MOUTH!"

"Rmmmmrhrmmrmr," Zoisite tried to complain.

"What?" asked Kunzite.

He pulled out a piece of paper and started writing. "My mouth is glued shut from ten year old Sour Patch kids!"

"These whole strawberries are so sour!" Jadeite coughed. He peeled his whole banana and started eating that. "It's so ripe!"

Nephrite continued to spit out gum, and he tried to be sly and spit out one of the Jolly Ranchers.

"Hey, is that a Jolly Rancher?!" Kunzite asked, catching him.

"Nrrrrrr!" Nephrite said, shaking his head and trying again to spit out the Jolly Rancher. But Kunzite put a dark energy barrier on the trash can so no one could throw anything out.

"This is so dry without any yogurt," Zoisite moped, finally able to speak again. "Maybe I shouldn't have scooped it all out!"

"How will I eat this ten pound weight!?" Nephrite wailed.

Jadeite looked at him. "You put a ten pound weight in your yogurt?"

"I let the competition get the best of me," he admitted, glumly.

Zoisite began to look to Kunzite desperately. "Cut me some slack, come on!"

"Alright, you guys can stop now," said Kunzite finally, sickened by them eating their melted yogurt and moldy toppings.

Zoisite passed out. Nephrite threw up.

Jadeite wiped his mouth and said, "Thanks for the yogurt, Kunzite!"


They returned to Queen Beryl's lair.

"Why are you three so fat?" asked Queen Beryl.

Zoisite just sobbed, still choking on Sour Patch kids.

"I bet you fools went behind my back and got fro-yo!" Queen Beryl deduced.

"Uhhhh..." said Kunzite.

"I hope you brought me some!"

"Of course!" said Jadeite, handing her over a bowl of their left over garbage AKA toppings.

"MMMM, I love one thousand year old cone pieces and rock hard cheerios!" she said enthusiastically. "I especially love the Moon Kingdom rubble! OMNOMNOMNOM!"

Kunzite went bankrupt and had to sell his castle. He and Zoisite moved into a dumpster next door to Jadeite's.

"I love having friends!" Jadeite would sing every morning to his new neighbors.

FIN