"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Oh, what's the use?" Queen Beryl replied. "At this rate, we'll never wake Metalia!"

"Who?" asked Jadeite.

"Oh, what's the use?" Queen Beryl lamented.

Jadeite walked away.

He ran into Nephrite in the hall.

"Hey Nephrite, don't you ever wish you got a second chance at things?"

"No," said Nephrite.

"Aww, come on, sure you do!" Jadeite insisted. "Like don't you wish we had won when we raided the Moon Kingdom and got killed?"

"Yeah, that was the only time we even came close to winning," Nephrite sighed. "If only we could try that again. I'd know just how to beat those Senshi this time!"

"Yeah!" agreed Jadeite. "We would just take out Queen Serenity, since we totally forgot about her last time!"

"If only..." Nephrite moped. "If only..."

Just then, Kunzite and Zoisite walked passed them.

"Hey Zoisite, remember that time Sailor Pluto stayed at the Time Gate during the Moon Kingdom raid, and let everyone die?" Kunzite laughed, nostalgically.

"No," said Zoisite.

"Oh. Well it was funny."

"She leaves all the time now though, doesn't she?" Zoisite asked.

"Why, yes. The Time Gate, which allows people to travel in time, is always left completely unattended!"

They walked away.

"Did you hear that?!" Jadeite asked excitedly.

"No," said Nephrite.

"Oh. Well we should go to the Time Gate, and TRAVEL BACK IN TIME!"

"WE CAN DO THAT?!" Nephrite exclaimed. "Woah, let's go back to Sunday and bet on the winning football team!"

"No Nephrite, think bigger!" Jadeite encouraged. "We can save ourselves from that fateful Moon Kingdom raid!"

"But we can win now! We know just how to beat them!"

"Don't be so naive," said Jadeite. "Let's just save ourselves."

"Fiiiine," Nephrite agreed.


They knocked on Kunzite's castle door.

"I've got it!" called Zoisite. He hit a button, but Nephrite and Jadeite knew better and dodged the trap, narrowly avoiding falling into the shark pit.

"Damn, they're still here," Zoisite fretted.

Kunzite got the door. "What do you bozos want?

"Where is the time gate?" Nephrite asked. Jadeite slugged him for his blatantness.

"Why?" Kunzite asked suspiciously. "You don't intend on going back and altering time, do you?"

"No, but if we did intend on going back and altering time, hypothetically of course, where would we go?" Jadeite asked.

"Oh, just take a left after leaving the Negaverse and walk all the way to the South Pole. It's eZ."

"Thanks, Kunzy!" said Jadeite, walking away and falling in the trap. He tp'd from the sharks at the last second.

"DON'T COME BACK HERE!" called Kunzite. After they left, he turned to Zoisite. "We need a better trap."


They appeared at the South Pole. Jadeite was shivering. "I wish I wasn't covered in shark tank water right now."

Nephrite just smiled. "It's good to know we're not the only idiots who put our entrance in the middle of the arctic!"

"That's ANTARCTIC down here, Nephy!" Jadeite said, matter-of-factly.

Nephrite slugged him.

They walked over to the Time Gate and entered.

"Wow, there's a lot of fog in here," Nephrite commented. "It's not very practical."

"That'd be a shame if someone jumped us right now, while our vision is impaired," Jadeite added.

"HALLLLLLLLT!" yelled a female voice.

There was a shadow in the fog that they couldn't quite make out the shape of, but within seconds it disappeared.

"Phew," sighed Jadeite, relieved. "For a second I thought some guard was stopping us!"

They turned around and saw Sailor Pluto holding her staff threateningly at them.

"Well, well, well, if it's Setsuna Mustard!" said Nephrite mockingly.

"It's Meioh," said Pluto coldly.

"How do you know this chick?" asked Jadeite.

"Me and Setsuna Ketchup used to have a thing back in the Silver Millennium," Nephrite explained.

"Why were you in a relationship with a Sailor Scout? That's not canon in the manga or the anime!"

"Well, neither is my relationship with Jupiter but that's never stopped anyone before."

"So what are you two baffoons doing here in the Time Gate?" demaned Meioh.

"Why do you ask?" asked Jadeite.

"Are you planning on going back in time to mess with the timeline?"

"No...maybe...ok...fine... yea, we are!" Jadeite admitted.

"Well I won't allow that!"

"Aww come on Setsuna Relish can't you just let us pass for old time's sake?" Nephrite pleaded.

"I didn't let you go through the gate back then and I won't let you go through now. Prepare to DIE! DEADLY SCREAMEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

She shot a generic projectile at them but they both dodged.

"Whoa take it easy now, Sourkraut." Nephrite said annoyed.

Setsuna MAYO was getting mad. She grunted angrily and charged them with her stick. "IT'S MEIIIIOOOOOOH!"

She approached them with lightning speed, and within seconds she was on top of Nephrite and swung her stick down like a hammer. Nephrite caught it above his head.

"Ha," laughed Nephrite. "It's gonna take more than some dumb stick to take down the great Nephrite!"

Setsuna Horse Radish freed her stick and smacked Nephrite in the face with it. He tumbled backwards but did a backflip and landed on his feet.

"WHOA, REJECTION!" he cried rubbing his bruised face. "JADEITE! Let's double team 'er!"

They both leaped in opposite directions, so they were on both sides of her. They shot energy blasts down at her from the air creating a huge cloud of smoke from the explosion.

"Did we get her?" asked Jadeite.

"Obviously!" remarked Nephrite.

Suddenly she flew up behind Jadeite and got him in a choke-hold.

"I DON'T-THINK-IT-HIT!" coughed Jadeite.

He slowly sunk to the ground and onto the floor as she strangled him.

"HAAAALLLLPPPP MEEEE!" he cried.

"I GOT YA BUDDY!" Nephrite promised. He made a run for the Time Gate. "I'll make sure to give you a heads-up in the past!" he said waving his hand and looking back as he fled for the door.

Pluto let go of Jadeite and shot him with a deadly scream from the back and he fell over.

"Ha serves you right for trying to ditch me!" laughed Jadeite, still weak.

Pluto kicked him in the face.

Nephrite was just getting up and Pluto flew at him.

He shot an energy blast at her but she reflected it with her staff and then flew up and smacked Nephrite silly.

Jadeite crawled up to them as she pummeled Nephrite on the ground with her stick.

He latched onto her foot and bit her.

"YEEOUCH!" she hollored and kicked backwards, leaving a footprint on Jadeite's face.

Nephrite had to think fast.

"HEY LOOK IT'S QUEEN SERENITY!" he yelled pointing in some random direction.

"OMG WHERE?! SOMEONE'S ACTUALLY USING THE TIME GATE?!"

Nephrite slugged her with his elbow. "QUICK JADEITE RUN RUN RUN RUN!"

Jadeite scrambled to his feet and made a hasty retreat towards the time gate.

Pluto recovered and chased after Nephrite and Jadeite. She was about to catch them when suddenly she stopped.

Chibi-usa and Luna P appeared. "PLUUUUUTO WE HAVE A DILEMA IN THE FUTURREE!"

"Gosh darn it! I have to baby sit a kid again," she told them letting them run free. "Have fun screwing up the timeline. None of this makes sense anyways."

They leaped into the Time Gate.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Lights n' stuff were flashing around them and soon they blacked out.


They awoke next to their Silver Millennium rock huts.

"How convenient!" said Jadeite.

They whipped out a piece of paper and wrote notes to their past selves. They left them on their door steps.

"That oughtta do it," said Nephrite. "Now come hop back in the time gate before we mess up the past."

"Aww, but I wanted to meet my past self!" replied Jadeite. "There's so much I wanted to tell him! And I want to show him how handsome he is in the future!"

"Let's go," said Nephrite firmly, dragging Jadeite by the ear back into the Time Gate.

Once they were gone, past Nephrite and Jadeite woke up.

Jadeite opened the door and saw a note. He read it out loud. "Dear past self, I am your father! Jk, I'm you from the future! In the future, you are very handsome, and have a beautiful girlfriend and lots of cash. You by no means live behind a dumpster. Seriously. Also in the future, Nephrite turns gay with Zoisite, and you become Queen Beryl's favorite and only lacky after she fires the others and eats Kunzite. You are the shared ruler of the world and everyone respects and values your opinion. No one makes fun of you any more for that time you spilled soup all over your jammies. Stay awesome. From, your good pal Future Jed. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Jay D. Ite is a bad alias. Oh, and I almost forgot the other important thing. Whatever you do, don't go to tomorrow's raid of the Moon Kingdom. Call in sick. You'll thank me when you don't die."

Jadeite gasped. "Wow, I'm so cool in the future! I have so much to look forward to!"

Nephrite climbed out of bed and picked up his note.

"Should I go back to the Time Gate now?" asked Meioh, climbing out of his bed.

"That would be wise," said Nephrite. "You totally won't end up letting down the Moon Kingdom if you stay there all day tomorrow."

Once she left, he read the note. "Nephrite, don't raid the Moon Kingdom tomorrow. You're just not good enough, you're going to die. I'm sorry, it's not your fault, it was the others who caused your demise. But yeah, just skip out on this one. Also, you really do find true love someday. And she's a girl this time! And not that punk Meioh who never really loved you. Also, in the future, don't give Zoisite your address. He won't leave you alone. Best wishes, Future Nephy."

"Woah, I live till the future?" Nephrite exclaimed in shock, upon putting down the note. "It must be because I'm not going to die in the raid tomorrow. Wait, but then how did I come and warn myself, if..." Nephrite starting sputtering in confusion.


The future Nephrite and Jadeite returned from the time warp.

"Are you sure we're at the North Pole?" Jadeite asked.

"Yes, I'm positive!" Nephrite responded, taking out a compass and showing Jadeite that it was spinning around.

"Well then where's our base?" wondered Jadeite.

"Huh, I'm pretty sure it was right here..."

"Are you sure we're back in the right time?"

"Yes, my pocket calender says so!" Nephrite told him.

"You don't think we, ya know, messed up the time line, do you?" Jadeite questioned.

"Nah, impossible," Nephrite reassured him confidently. "Kunzite and Mayo would have warned us not to go back in time, if that were a possibility."

"Good point," agreed Jadeite.

"Wait, is the Moon lighting up...?" Nephrite asked nervously.

Before Jadeite could respond, a huge army of Moon chariots flew down from the sky. In them were tons of Sailor Senshi sporting machetes and AK-47s.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "RUUUUUUUUUUN!"

They legged it as the army shot missiles down at them. One made a huge explosion, sending them flying into a crevice.

They hung from the edge.

"I CAN'T HOLD ON!" Nephrite cried, as his hand slipped on the snow. He started to fall, but he grabbed Jadeite's leg.

"GET OFF ME!" cried Jadeite. "I was doing just fine before but now I'm faaaaaallllllllliiiing!"

They fell into the crevice, landing with a thud.

"Oof!"

The Moon kingdom army flew by overhead, passing by the crevise and not noticing them.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ABOUT?" asked Jadeite.

They walked through the ravine, looking for a way back up. But then, they passed by a few stone huts with torches in the windows.

"There's people in there!" Jadeite stated. "Maybe they could tell us how to get out of here!"

"LET's EAT THEM!" Nephrite cried, already starving to death.

They barged in with forks and knives, but then they gasped in shock. It was past Nephrite and Jadeite, still living in their little huts!

"Ohhhh, where did it all go wrong?" past Nephrite sobbed.

"Woah, past Nephrite!" said past Jadeite. "It's... it's us from the future!"

"LET's EAT THEM!" cried past Nephrite.

"Why are we still living in these huts?" asked future Jadeite.

"Because some monsters from the future gave us awful advice," past Jadeite began. "We didn't show up for the Moon Kingdom raid, so the other two Shitennou went looking for us. Queen Beryl was furious when all her Shitennou weren't at their posts, so she went looking for them. Meanwhile, no one gave Metalia a heads up, so she charged and got defeated with ease. However, she managed to take out Sailor Mercury. All of the Sailors were pissed off, so they waged war on Earth. They killed all the other Shitennou and Queen Beryl, while we stayed hiding in our huts. We haven't left since."

"That's awful!" Nephrite said sympathetically. "I'm so sad, I can't help feeling like this was somehow our faults!"

Past Nephrite glared at him.

"Wait, we can fix this!" Future Jadeite announced. "We can just hop back in the time gate, and make sure that we win this war! Once and for all! By helping our past selves!"

"Wasn't that my original plan?" Future Nephrite asked.

"Shhhhh," said Jadeite.

"Alright, what are we waiting for?" asked past Jadeite. "Let's climb this wall with Nephrite's long flowing hair that has been growing for the past thousand years."

Nephrite lassoed his hair to the top of the ravine. "You go first, honey," he said to past Jadeite.

"WHAT!?" asked the future Shitennou.

"What?" past Jadeite asked defensively. "We had only each other for the past 1000 years. What did you want us to do?"

"Ewww, but Nephrite?" Jadeite complained.

"You're the one who told me he was gay. It was just the obvious next step, since we both know you are too!"

"You told him I was what?" Nephrite scolded. "Wait, and you're-"

"MOVING ON!" said Future Jadeite, climbing Nephrite's long mane to top.

"Owowowowowow," said past Nephrite as they all climbed up his hair. "Wait, can't we all fly and teleport?"

But the others had already reached the top.

"Alright, into the Time Gate!" exclaimed Future Jadeite.

"Yeah, let's fix time! exclaimed Past Jadeite.

"Hey," said Future Nephrite. "Remember that time you spilled soup on your jammies?"

Past Jadeite sulked as they hopped into the portal.

TBC!