"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
There was no response.
"The coast is clear!" called Jadeite. The other three Shitennou popped up from behind the corner.
"OH BOY, TIME TO PLAY DODGE CRYSTAL BALL!"
Jadeite grabbed Beryl's crystal ball and spiked it at Nephrite. Nephrite caught the ball, eliminating Jadeite from the game.
"Aww nuts."
Nephrite spiked it at Zoisite, but he teleported away, so it smashed into one of the cave spikes.
"You guys should be careful," said Kunzite nervously.
"Psssh," scoffed Nephrite, "What could possibly happen?"
"HOT POTATO!" yelled Jadeite, throwing Kunzite the ball.
"Woah!" Kunzite said, barely catching it.
"Kunzite come on you have to pass it!" Jadeite encouraged
"Maybe we should put it back," Kunzite decided.
"BOOOOOOOO!" they all yelled in unison. Zoisite grabbed the ball from him and rolled it like a bowling ball. It knocked over Nephrite and Jadeite like pins.
"YAY A STRIKE!"
Nephrite tried to stand up, but slipped on the ball, sending it flying into the air.
Kunzite had to slide to catch it inches before it hit the ground.
"Alright I think that's enough," he said.
But Evil Mamoru came in and snatched it from him.
"I don't know what you guys are doing but I'm here to sabotage!" Mamoru announced.
"Pass it over here!" called Jadeite.
"OKAY!" said Evil Mamoru. He pulled out his cane and threw the ball up in the air.
"I'm the Amazon Quartet!" he yelled, swinging his stick to hit the ball. But he missed epically and the ball fell to the floor and shattered.
"My bad," said Mamoru, teleporting away.
Everyone gasped. "Uh oh."
"Queen Beryl won't be home for a few hours, right?" asked Jadeite.
Suddenly the phone rang. Kunzite picked it up. "Hello? Negaverse palace, Kunzite speaking."
"Dammit Kunzite I told you not to announce our secret lair! What if I was some telemarketer?!" Queen Beryl scolded. "I could check the area code and then we'd all be fin!"
"I'm sorry your majesty. So why are you calling?"
"Just checking up on my crystal ball," she responded. "Is it doing okay?"
Kunzite turned around and saw Nephrite and Jadeite pushing up the shards into a dust pan.
"Umm... yeah! It's in tip top shape! We shined it and everything!"
"Excellent," said Beryl. "Because if anything has happened to my ball, I'll use your severed heads as replacement. Understand?"
"Yes Queen Beryl," Kunzite said nervously. "Was that all you wanted?"
"Oh yeah, also I'll be home in five minutes, so have my supper ready on the table! Buh bye!"
"What'd she say?" asked Jadeite.
Kunzite started screaming and running in circles. "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!"
"Calm down bro," said Nephrite. "We'll fix this!"
"HOW!?"
"Duhhh..."
"How about we glue it together?" suggested Jadeite.
"We're all out of glue!" cried Zoisite.
"Nuts," moped Jadeite, slapping his knee.
"I've got an idea!" Nephrite said happily.
He took out an orange. He started eating it.
"That orange!" exclaimed Zoisite.
"Yeah," said Nephrite. "My doctor told me I needed more Vitamin C. Ya know, since I'm down in this cave and not getting any sunlight."
"No, I mean we can use it as replacement for her ball!"
"But I need Vitamin C!"
"No offense baby but that's the dumbest idea ever!" Kunzite interrupted.
"Do you have a better one?" asked Zoisite.
"Yes," said Kunzite. "We face our demises with dignity."
"Eww," Zoisite replied, taking the orange and putting it in the ball stand. "There, she'll never tell the difference!"
"Don't underestimate our Queen's intelligence," warned Kunzite. "She won't buy that for a second!"
"I'm back!" said Queen Beryl. "What won't I buy for a second?"
"Oh, you just missed the salesman!" Kunzite said quickly, thinking on his feet.
"Out here, in the North Pole!?" Beryl asked skeptically.
"Yes, turns out you were right about the telemarketers. This one was trying to sell us whale blubber."
"So you bought some, right?" asked Beryl.
"Uh oh," said Jadeite.
"Well I couldn't find any change..." said Kunzite.
"Kunzite that was your last strike. Wrong me again and it's over."
"Yes Queen."
Queen Beryl sat down on her throne.
They all looked over at her and smiled as hard as they could.
Queen Beryl just stared at them. "So, do you guys take me for some kind of idiot?"
"Is this a trick question?" asked Zoisite.
"YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD FOOL ME!?" Beryl shrieked.
"No, my Queen! This isn't what it looks like!" said Kunzite.
"Oh, but it's exactly what it looks like," Queen Beryl said.
They all huddled together and awaited their deaths.
"Kunzite and Zoisite are gay!" she exclaimed. "And you thought you could keep it from me?"
"We never tried to keep it from you," said Kunzite, overwhelmed with relief.
"You came to our wedding," Zoisite told her.
"Did I? Oh, I must have been too occupied with my ball to know where I was. And speaking of which..."
"Uh oh," said Jadeite. They all huddled together, awaiting their demise.
"It's looking spiffy! Thanks for polishing it!"
They all looked at each other in confusion.
"That is all. Go home," she told them.
"We don't have a home," said Jadeite.
"Hey speak for yourself," said the rest of them, leaving.
"Can I sleep in here?" asked Jadeite.
"No get out of my sight."
"Nuts," said Jadeite, going outside in the snow to sleep.
Three months passed. Queen Beryl still had not caught on.
"Ugh," she sighed one day to Jadeite.
"I've been watching my ball all day to find an excuse to kill Zoisite, but I haven't seen him wronging me in any way! Something is up!"
"Uh oh here it comes!" said Jadeite.
"Why is my ball not showing me any of his blatant acts of disobedience!?" Beryl cried. "I haven't killed a minion in so long, it's making me sea sick!"
"Maybe he just hasn't been blatantly disobeying you...?" tried Jadeite.
"Hahahaha that's a good one," said Beryl. "I'd assume my ball was defective, but no one has messed with it so that can't be it."
"YEP!" said Jadeite really loudly and suspiciously.
"Jadeite, why are you acting so suspicious?"
"WHAT!? ME!? SUS-SPIsH-OUS?! Don't be ridiculous, come on!"
"You're right," agreed Beryl. "I have to trust my Shitennou to not have messed with my ball. They know how much it means to me."
"YEP!" yelled Jadeite, sweating bullets.
Beryl went back to staring at her ball. Jadeite slowly backed away.
Two more months later, Jadeite called a meeting.
"Guys, that orange has rotted away and now it's just a shriveled black ball. It's like the size of a raisin, she'll notice any day now!"
"Meh," shrugged Nephrite. "I've had a long life. Longer than I thought I would, anyway!"
"We have to swap it out with a new orange!" Jadeite declared.
"We don't have any more oranges!" Zoisite sadly informed them.
"Wait a minute," Nephrite said suddenly. "I have this tennis ball from my weekly Maxfield Stanton tennis lessons. We can swap it with this!"
"She'll never fall for that," stated Kunzite.
"Nahhhhhhh she totes will," Nephrite said confidently.
When Beryl went out to take a North Pole walk, they snuck into her room and went to swap out the ball.
"WHO DARES TOUCH MY BALL!" yelled Beryl, appearing suddenly.
"Why are you back so soon!?" cried Kunzite.
"I forgot to kiss my ball goodbye!" she told him. "SO, ARE YOU TAMPERING WITH MY BALL!?"
"No, never!" cried Jadeite.
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HOLDING IT IN YOUR HAND, AND SWAPPING IT WITH A TENNIS BALL?! ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL IT!?"
"NO!" they cried, putting it back.
Suddenly, her face lit up. Her eyes went to the ball, and then to the Shitennou. Then they went back to the ball. She kept looking back and forth. It seemed like forever passed.
Finally, she spoke. "That's not my ball. That's an orange."
"Wuuuuuuuut!?" said all the Shitennou in unison. "How could this have happened!"
"I bet it was those Sailor Failures!" suggested Jadeite.
"Yeah, I bet so!" the rest agreed.
"No, I don't think so..." said Beryl.
"Aww, those pesky Youma!" complained Zoisite. "I knew some of them were out for your throne!"
"No, I don't think so..." said Beryl.
Jadeite made a break for it. They all followed suite.
They thought they lost her, but when they turned the corner, there she was.
"YOU SHALL ALL PERISH!" she screamed.
"Well this is where my story ends," they all said.
She went to kill them. But she didn't have a ball to blast them with.
"Ummm, well this is awkward," said Beryl.
"Yep," agreed Kunzite.
"How about we go home and pretend this never happened?" suggested Zoisite.
"No, no, I'm still going to kill you. I just don't know how yet. Give me a minute."
They all waited patiently.
Then, Evil Mamoru appeared. "Beryl, I have recovered the Legendary Silver Crystal!"
"Excellent!" exclaimed Beryl.
"Yeah," said Mamoru. "It was easy without that pesky Kunzite sabotaging me!"
"BUT I- BUT YOU- WAAA!" exclaimed Kunzite indignantly.
Queen Beryl raised the Silver Crystal to finish off the Shitennou and the planet Earth.
But nothing happened.
She re-examined the Legendary Crystal. "Mamoru, this is an orange."
"WUUUUUT!?" exclaimed Mamoru. "Alright, I have to come clean. I had the Silver Crystal, but then I realized I had gotten it unfairly. So I gave it back."
"YOU WUUUUUUUT!?"
"Ye."
"Welp, I'm out," said Queen Beryl.
She jumped off a bridge.
THE END
