"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"This is your last chance, Jadeite. Fail me again and I will finish you off once and for all!"
"Gosh Beryl you didn't have to threaten me!" Jadeite whined. "I got dis, eZ!"
Jadeite warped away.
Jadeite got in line at the fortune teller's place. He was in an overcoat, so no one could recognize him.
"Yes... this will be perfect!" he said giddily.
He turned to walk away and commence his energy plan, but the fortune teller called his name.
"Oh boy I want my fortune read!" he said happily.
The fortune teller looked him over. "I see bad things in your future," she said.
"Oh boy tell me more!" Jadeite insisted.
"Let's see..." said the fortune teller, making stuff up off the top of her head. "You will find something that you had lost a while ago."
"I don't own anything!" Jadeite explained.
"Well you will soon!"
"OH BOY OH BOY! Tell me more!" Jadeite kept going.
"Umm, ok? Some time in the near future, you will have something happen to you. It will be something interesting!"
"Aww, sweet! Interesting stuff never happens to me! The last interesting thing I can remember was that time Zoisite fell down a flight of stairs! He was so pissed!"
"Yes, lovely," said the fortune teller. "Oh look my shift is over!" she said, making a hasty retreat.
"Time to go home and wait for my fortunes to come true!" said Jadeite.
"While I wait, I might as well catch up on the latest Scrubs episodes! Maybe something funny will happen!"
Jadeite binge watched Scrubs on Netflix for two days. "Nothing yet!"
Then he ran out of food.
He showed up at Queen Beryl's palace.
"Hey Beryl, I'm going to the grocery store, need anything?"
"Jadeite, where is my energy?"
"What energy?" Jadeite asked. "Ohhhhh, you mean THAT energy. Heh heh!" Jadeite started bawling internally. How could he have possibly forgotten his mission?
"Jadeite, I told you what would happen if you failed me again!"
"Huh, I totally forget what you told me! Why don't you repeat it?"
"Well, all I said was that-" but Beryl stopped talking when Jadeite leaped out the window and jumped in a taxi.
"GRRR IMA GETCHU!" yelled Beryl as the taxi driver drove off.
"I got myself in quite the pickle," said Jadeite.
"Where do you want to go?" asked the taxi driver.
"Take me anywhere! Or, actually, can you take me to Hawaii?"
"No," said the taxi driver. "This is not a boat."
"Aww nuts, just take me to the amusement park then!"
"Nah," said the taxi driver.
"What do you mean, 'nah?' What do you think I'm paying you for!?" scolded Jadeite.
The taxi driver turned around angrily. It was Queen Beryl.
Jadeite leaped out of the moving taxi and it crashed into a building and exploded.
"Ahahahaha that must have gotten rid of her!" said Jadeite.
He walked into a Starbuck's to celebrate his newfound freedom.
"I'll take the regular," he told the barista.
The barista turned around and placed his drink on the counter.
"That will be $5.50."
"$5.50!" Jadeite exclaimed furiously. "What a rip off!"
"If you don't like it..." began the barista. "Then, DIE!"
She revealed herself to be Queen Beryl, and began shooting at him.
"Hey, you can't do that on corporate premises!" yelled the manager. "You may be a trainee, but that doesn't mean you can get us a law suite!"
Beryl killed him. But Jadeite got away.
Jadeite boarded a plane to Hawaii. He sat on the plane and looked all around him.
"No signs of Beryl!"
A flight attendant approached him. "Would you like anything to drink?"
"Of course I would... BERYL!" he screamed. He started slugging the flight attendant. She died.
"Umm... what?" asked Jadeite. "I didn't think Beryl would be that easy to kill.
The pilot came out. "OH HEAVENS!" he cried.
"BERYL!" yelled Jadeite, charging him. The flight attendant died.
The plane started spiraling out of control because there was no one to steer.
"Don't worry guys!" Jadeite told the passengers. "I can steer planes with my mind!"
Jadeite put the plane back on track. Just as he started to relax, he noticed someone on the wing of the plane.
"Hey, how'd you get over there, silly passenger?" he asked.
Beryl lunged at him like a tiger, smashing through the window and throwing him to the ground.
"HAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T KILL ME!" bragged Jadeite. "I came prepared this time!"
He jumped off the plane with a parachute.
As he gleefully parachuted to Earth, Beryl appeared beside him and cut the parachute string.
Jadeite fell straight down and landed in a volcano.
He emerged unscathed, but then Beryl just teleported him back to her throne room because she had had enough.
"Jadeite, I am not going to waste anymore energy on you. I'll save my eternal sleep attack for someone like Sailor Moon, so I don't die to her this time."
"Then what are you going to do with me?" Jadeite asked nervously.
"OH COME ON!" he yelled, banging on the freezer door. "I don't deserve this!"
Beryl drew a smiley face in the ice on the window and left him locked in there.
Jadeite sat down. "This isn't even cold enough to freeze me! It's just mildly unpleasant!"
Suddenly, the door opened.
"I'm free!?" he cried with glee.
Zoisite reached in and grabbed a popsicle. He slammed the door.
"ZOISITE PLS LET ME OUT!" begged Jadeite.
"No, you think me falling down the stairs is interesting!"
"Come ooooooooon!" Jadeite tried to be persuasive.
"Sorry can't hear you."
Jadeite sighed. He began eating a popsicle himself. "It's just one of those days!"
FIN
