"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Can it, Jadeite! Fetch me something to read!" commanded Beryl.
"Umm..." Jadeite thought, looking around. Finally he passed her a book.
She read the cover out loud. "The Holy Bible?! HSSSSSSS!" She started hissing and her hand holding the book started to burn. She chucked it at Jadeite. "GET THIS VILE BOOK AWAY FROM ME!"
"But Queen Beryl!" gasped Jadeite. "That's the Holy Bible!"
"Exactly!" she hissed. "IT BUUUUURNS!"
"Well gosh Queen I don't know what to say."
"SEND IN A BETTER SHITENNOU!"
Nephrite strutted up with shades on and presented Queen Beryl with the job listings section of the news paper.
"WHAT IS THIS!?" Queen Beryl hissed. She threw down the newspaper pages because they started to physically burn her again.
"I was thinking you might want to get a day job, Queen Barley!" Nephrite explained.
"A DAY JOB!?"
"Ye because you just sit in your throne all day. You could be bringing in some extra cash for Jadeite's overly expensive and complicated schemes!"
"I agree!" agreed Jadeite.
"A DAY JOB!? THAT SIMPLY WON'T WORK!" she gawked.
"That's two things in this house that WON'T WORK!" Nephrite noted.
Queen Beryl was STEAMED. Fumes came out of her ears.
"Send in Zoisite! I'm sure he won't do anything to upset me!"
"Queen BerIap I have the perfect thing for you to read!" Zoisite announced.
"Great!" exclaimed Queen Beryl.
"It's the employment health laws and code of conduct of the North Pole region. They're pretty strict about not overworking and/or killing your employees, you might want to look into that!"
"YUCK!" shouted Beryl, throwing it down. Her hand was now burnt to a crisp.
"KUNZITE GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD TO READ THIS INSTANT!"
"Ok!" said Kunzite. "This is a fairy tale from the Silver Millennium Moon Kingdom!"
"Ok..." Beryl said cautiously. "Is it about the time everyone died?"
"No," Kunzite explained. "It's about this lady who had the hots for Prince Endymion but then he dumped her for Princess Serenity and then-"
Queen Beryl killed Kunzite.
"WHY QUEEN BERYL WHY!?" Zoisite gasped. "That violates code C-342 of the employment handbook: Employers who kill their workers will face the maximum penalty of the law!"
"Shit!" cried Queen Beryl, killing Zoisite.
"Way to go Queen Beryl!" Nephrite cheered.
"Shut it, you lil' ninny!" Beryl told him. "That guy was trying to kill you for years and you do nothing. I wish you would do your job like a good evil employee!"
"Why don't you get someone who's JOB it is, to DO, that JOB?!" Nephrite screamed.
"What are you suggesting!?" Beryl screeched.
"Only that the JOB of some people is to GET a JOB!"
"Are you suggesting I get a day job?"
"Yes."
Queen Beryl killed Nephrite.
"Jadeite you're up next!" said Beryl.
"What did I do!?" he gasped.
"I don't remember but I'm sure it was something. Now SLEEP ETERNALLY!"
Jadeite made a break for it, but Beryl chased him down with ease.
"WTF this isn't supposed to happen! I thought you couldn't leave your throne!" Jadeite wailed.
"Why would you think that?" Beryl wondered.
"Because I've never seen you leave your throne!"
"Oh. Well I can!"
"Shit!" cried Jadeite.
"Any last words?" Beryl asked.
"Queen Beryl, I wish I could have worked for you forever! But you are trying to kill me now, so I'm sorry I have to do this!"
"Do what?" Beryl questioned, but before he could respond, she charged him.
Jadeite took a bucket of holy water and threw it at Queen Beryl.
"AAAAA IT BURNS!" she cried as she melted into dust.
"Phew that was a close one!" Jadeite said in relief. "Now first rule since I'm the new king, Taco Tuesday every Wednesday!"
"King Jadeite!" called Metalia. "Report to me at once!"
"Yes ma'am!" said ol' Jadeo.
"Jadeite, bring me something good to read!" commanded Metalia.
"Ok, here is the plot summary of Episode 46!"
"YUCK!" screeched Metalia. "THe HORRORS!"
She burnt Jadeite to a crisp and cried because she had nothing to read. But then she realized she was just a blob without eyes, and was cool with it.
FIN
