"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"What is it, Jadeite?" Queen Beryl asked.

"Ermm..."

"Ummmmm..."

Queen Beryl raised an eyebrow.

"Ehmmmmmmmmm..."

"Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."

Queen Beryl raised another eyebrow.

"Ok look I'm gonna come clean," Jadeite told her. "I had one, I really did. But you see-"

"QUEEN BERYL!" screamed Zoisite rushing into the room.

"Don't you ever knock?" asked Beryl.

"We don't have a door, my Queen."

"Very well then. You get a pass this time but you're running out of second chances."

"QUEEN BERYL WE GOT THE RAINBOW CRYSTALS!" he exclaimed.

Kunzite appeared then. "You mean I got the rainbow crystals!"

"Suck in Kunzite!" yelled Zoisite.

"I told you, not in public!"

"What's all this gibberish about?" asked Nephrite teleporting in. "I'm trying to get my beauty sleep over here."

"Why aren't you at your house?" asked Jadeite.

"I rented it out for spare cash."

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU GOT THE RAINBOW CRYSTALS!?" gasped Beryl.

"It was eZ we just told Mamoru to put them in the middle," Kunzite and Zoisite explained.

"And he just put them in the middle?"

"Yep it was that easy all along!"

"For once, and only for once, you guys were not let downs," Beryl applauded. "Now I'm going to go celebrate this victory with Wiseman in the future, I'll be back in a few months/years!"

"But Queen Beryl!" interrupted Kunzite. "Where do you want us to store the crystals until then?"

"In an opened box, of course!" Beryl told him.

"A box?" asked Jadeite.

"Yeah, like a jewelry box!" Queen Beryl explained. "Like one specially made with 7 rainbow crystal shaped slots, and it's gotta look pretty!"

"Queen Beryl," Zoisite asked. "Shouldn't we store them somewhere safer than that?"

"What could possibly happen?" Beryl scoffed. "I'm getting real sick of your shit Zoisite, it's the end of the ropes!"

"BUT I JUST GOT ALL THE CRYSTALS!?"

"Nope no excuses. Back to work fools!"

Beryl teleported away screaming "IMA GONNA WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

"Alright I better store these away in me castle," Kunzite decided.

"Hold up!" said Jadeite. "Let me take a quick glance!"

Kunzite stood there impatiently, as Jadeite eyed the crystals.

"Alright that's enough!" Kunzite yelled, teleporting home.

Zoisite followed. "Say, since I got them, can I have a look?"

"NO!" shouted Kunzite.

"But Jadeite got to look at them!"

Nephrite appeared then. "This is no fair! How come they get to be in YOUR castle?"

"Because we got them," Kunzite responded.

"Well I layed all the groundwork out, you guys just swooped in and picked up the pieces!" Nephrite argued.

"Get out of my house or I will throw you out!"

"Ok just pass me the rainbow crystals and I'll be on my way," Nephrite insisted.

Kunzite threw him off the roof.

When Kunzite came back downstairs, Zoisite was holding the crystals and staring at them.

"ooooooOOOOoooooOOO! Pretty! Shiny!"

"PUT THEM DOWN!" yelled Kunzite. "They're MIIIINE!"

Zoisite made a wild dash with the crystals.

However, Jadeite had already planted a trip wire, so when he ran out the door, he tripped, throwing the box into Jadeite's hands.

Jadeite made a dash back into their castle.

"Stop him!" cried Zoisite.

"Ok!" said Nephrite, appearing above Jadeite upside-down and reaching down and snatching the crystals. He started flying toward Queen Beryl's castle.

But Kunzite shot him out of the sky. He fell down to Earth, as did the box of crystals.

"I GOT EM I GOT EM!" Jadeite shouted with his arms out about to catch the crystals.

But Zoisite tackled him to the ground and Kunzite ran and swooped up the crystals.

"HAHAH!" yelled Kunzite laughing and running back to his castle. But then he fell in a bottomless pit. As he fell, Nephrite snatched the crystals and ran straight up the wall. But when he got to the top, a piano was dropped on him, sending him flying down but the crystals flew up. Zoisite grabbed them and made a dash in a random direction.

"HAHAHAHAHA they're mine!" he yelled as he held them up above his head.

"YOUCH!" he cried when something hit him in the hand.

"Hahahaha so much for your fair fight!" called Mamoru, flying away with the crystals.

"Crap I can never keep up with him," Zoisite lamented.

"Shit!" cried Nephrite. "Look what you did!"

But Jadeite was prepared. As Mamoru reached the stratosphere, Jadeite intersected him with plane, killing Mamoru.

The crystals fell to the ground like a meteor, catching fire.

"SHIIIIT!" yelled Kunzite. He flew up to catch them with a catching mit but they were coming too fast and flew right threw his mit. "YOUCH!"

As they spiraled to the ground, Nephrite threw down a trampoline. "This'll stop them from smashing!"

But they bounced off, knocking over Nephrite. Zoisite picked them up from his corpse, and stood in one spot laughing about having them.

Kunzite tapped him on the shoulder, and then grabbed them when he turned around.

"ENOUGH!" he yelled, shooting down Jadeite who was flying in for the kill. "We need to figure out where to put these."

"I have an idea!" suggested Nephrite, crawling to his feet. "Let's all have joint custody of the crystals! I'll get them week days, Jadeite'll have them Saturday, and Kunzite can have them Sunday."

"Wait, when do I get them?" asked Zoisite.

"Drats, looks like there aren't enough days in the week. What a pity."

"We're not doing that," said Kunzite angrily.

"Well what's your idea?" Nephrite asked skeptically.


Kunzite snapped the handcuff on his hand that connected to the box.

"There we go," he said, hopping on his stool. The box was on a second stool.

"The box is staying right here until Beryl gets back."

"Alright can we at least look at them?" Jadeite asked sadly.

"No, there's only room for one looker," explained Kunzite with his face in the box so no one else could see.

"BUT I NEED TO SEE THE CRYSTALS!" begged Jadeite.

"You already got your turn, bozo," said Zoisite. "I haven't seen them once, not even when I collected them!"

"But that was like four hours ago!" whined Jadeite.

"We need a plan!" Nephrite declared. "Kunzite won't let us see them, and we need to gaze at them!"

"I have an idea," offered Jadeite. "Zoisite and Nephrite create a diversion while I steal the crystals!"

"Brilliant!" said Nephrite. "But I have one critique."

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

"I think you should create the diversion while I steal the crystals!"

"No way! We only need one person making a diversion, Zoisite?"

"Nah I'd rather have Kunzite have them than you chumps!" he said, taking off to scheme on his own.

"Fine be that way," barked Nephrite. "I have a better idea!"


Nephrite and Jadeite waited nine hours.

Finally, Kunzite fell asleep.

"Here we go!" Jadeite said loudly as they tiptoed toward him.

As they tiptoed slowly and cautiously, they spotted Zoisite tiptoeing in from the other side.

"HEY!" whisper-yelled Nephrite. "We had our eyes on them first!"

"I'm the one who got them!" Zoisite yelled. "And besides, Jadeite is just going to take them for himself, you shouldn't work with him!"

"Yeah," Jadeite admitted, ashamed. "I was."

"Wow, I'm so hurt," said Nephrite.

Jadeite turned to apologize, but Nephrite slugged him and sped quietly toward the crystals.

It was a race against Zoisite and they both reached there at the same time. They grabbed the box.

"BACK OFF CHUMP THESE ARE MINE!"

"NOOOOO!"

They started loudly slugging it out. Jadeite crawled over behind the the stool, and reached up and nabbed the box.

Kunzite stirred in his sleep. "Hrmmm, curse you Chiba!"

Everyone froze. Then he went back to sleep.

Jadeite was halfway across the ground crawling away, when Nephrite and Zoisite spotted him.

They charged him.

"WAAA!" screamed Jadeite.

Kunzite woke up.

Nephrite stared directly at him. "Don't move," said Nephrite slowly. "If we don't move, he can't see us!"

Kunzite shot a laser directly at Nephrite.

"Oh no he sees us!" he cried. But Nephrite thought fast. He snatched the crystals and used his teleportation!

Back at his mansion, he basked in the glory. He opened the box ready to gloat. But inside, there were no crystals, just painted Easter eggs.

"DAAAARN YOOU!" he screamed, and it echoed through the woods.

"KEEP IT DOWN!" yelled Nephrite's tennant, Hotaru. "I needed to get away from home because I am Satan, but this is not much of an improvment!"

"Shut it!" barked Nephrite.


Back in Kunzite's castle, Jadeite and Zoisite layed on the ground moping about the loss of the crystals.

"Good thing he grabbed the fake crystals!" laughed Kunzite. "Now I have the real crystals all to myself!"

Jadeite leaped up and sucker punched Kunzite. He caught the crystal box mid-air and teleported away.

He teleported back in five seconds and threw the empty box down in anger. "Screw you Kunzite!" he yelled. "It's one thing to have a fake-out crystal box, but it's another thing to write on all the crystals, 'Jadeite is a faggot!'"

Jadeite warped back to his empty dark space and thought about his life's choices.

"Way to trick the dunces, Kunzite!" Zoisite complimented, putting his arm around Kunzite. "Now that they're gone, let's get a look at those crystals!"

"Fat chance," scoffed Kunzite. "I'm taking these crystals and going to bed."

"Oh boy I'll come!" exclaimed Zoisite.

"Nah not tonight honey," said Kunzite.

"Nah I think I'll just tag along," Zoisite insisted.

"Leave me alone, gayboy!" yelled Kunzite, teleporting into his room and locking the door.

Zoisite banged on the door while Kunzite drooled over the crystals.

"I just want to go to bed!" he whined.

"Sleep on the couch!" Kunzite yelled in an inattentive voice, because he was so dazed by the crystals.

Suddenly the door was being chopped down by an axe.

Jadeite stuck his face through the hole in the door he made. "Here's Jadey!" he yelled.

"BACK OFF!" cried Kunzite, throwing a table lamp at Jadeite and hitting him on the head. He was knocked unconscious.

Nephrite drove his car through the door and charged Kunzite. Nephrite threw many blows, but unfortunately he didn't throw enough. Kunzite ended his story.

"You gonna attack me too?" he asked Zoisite.

"I would never!" Zoisite cried in a hurt tone. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep!" He laid down in the bed, forming a crystal behind Kunzite's back. He shot it at him but Kunzite caught it.

"Heh heh," said Zoisite nervously. "Does this mean you don't want to snuggle?"

Kunzite impaled Zoisite with his own crystal. He was no more.

Jadeite awoke from his unconscious state and charged in like a mad man. He threw a punch but Kunzite caught it. He grabbed Jadeite by the wrist and pulled him off the ground with one hand. With the other hand, he repetitively threw 163 consecutive blows. By the 164th blow, nothing was left of Jadeite but his shoes.

"At last, I have these crystals all to myself!" Kunzite chortled. He sat down and was able to stare at the crystals in peace at last.

But three seconds later, the crystals flew away.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" gasped Kunzite, grasping desperately at the crystals. They phased right through his hands, opened a window, and flew out of it.

They formed the Silver Imperium Crystal on Sailor Moon's Moon Wand.

"Shit," said Kunzite. "Maybe if I wasn't staring at them like an idiot, and had a lid on the box..."

Queen Beryl came home.

"Alright Kunzite I'm ready for the crystals!"

Kunzite appeared in Beryl's palace. "Heya Beryl."

"Kunzite what have you done with the crystals?" Queen Beryl asked, realizing they were not on him.

"Well about that..." he said abashed.

Suddenly Sailor Moon burst through the newly installed door.

"Dammit I knew I shouldn't have put one of those!" Beryl exclaimed.

Sailor Moon started blasting them with the crystal.

"Kunzite protect me while I make a break for it!" Beryl yelled, but he was already gone.

Beryl was disposed of. Next, Sailor Moon knocked on Queen Metalia's door.

"Come in, Beryl," shouted Metalia. "But make it snappy!"

Sailor Moon came in and wiped Metalia off the face of the Earth.

"I made it snappy!" laughed Sailor Moon.


Meanwhile Kunzite was back at his castle, very wounded.

"Heya Zoisite wanna get me some band-aids?"

There was no response.

Kunzite looked over at him twitching on the bed.

"Shit," said Kunzite. "I've dun' did an oopsie!"

He was unable to get band-aids and thus died from internal bleeding.

FIN