"Queen Beryl," yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Have you, Jadeite?" Beryl asked.

"Well ya see, I have to walk around the Earth realm in an overcoat and look for one, all whilest looking shady..."

"Why do you need to look shady?"

"Because I am shady!"

"Why don't you wear a normal person costume like that punk Nephrite?" Beryl wondered.

"That's already been done! I must look suspicious to draw attention away from myself!"

"That makes no sense Jadeite."

"Neither does ur mum. OOOOOHOOHOO BURN!" yelled Jadeite, leaving.


He walked down the street in his overcoat and sunglasses and 1940's cap.

Then, he spotted a mob of children.

"Oh boy this must lead to a good plan!" he announced, getting in line shadily behind the children. "Aww yeah, step one is complete!"

"What are you children in line for?" he asked.

"None of your business, shady old man!" the kids heckled.

"Grrr... I'll give you anything your heart desires if you help me out here ;D!"

"Like what?" the kids asked.

"Want some free candy? Hold on it's in my van, I'll have to go get it. Do you want to come with me?"

"HELP A STRANGE MAN IS OFFERING US CANDY!" the children cried, fleeing.

"What? Why are you running from free van candy!?" Jadeite cried in exasperation.

"Excuse me sir, can I see some ID?" asked a cop.

"ID? Is that a secret code?"

"Sir I'm going to have to take you down to the police station."

"WHAT?! WHY! I was just trying to be endearing towards children!" Jadeite gasped in shock. Why did this officer care that he was trying to find out a new source of energy from children?

"Aha, a confession! What is that overcoat intended for?"

"To look shady..."

"Aha, another confession! Were you going to pull it open and reveal yourself?"

"What?" asked Jadeite, completely confused.

"That's enough," said the officer, clubbing him.


Down at the police station, he sat in his cell and whimpered.

"Can I at least get a phone call?" Jadeite asked.

"Sure," said the cop. "But we'll be watching you!"

Jadeite dialed Beryl's number. It rung four times, until finally someone picked up.

"Hello?" said a familiar voice on the other line.

"ZOISITE YOU GOTTA HELP ME!" cried Jadeite.

"What's that? I think you're in a tunnel."

"No no, I'm in jail! HEEEELP!"

"Oh, then I think I'm in a tunnel!"

"PLEASE THIS ISN'T THE TIME! THEY THINK I WAS STALKING CHILDREN!"

"What'd you do?" Zoisite asked. "Go around in an overcoat and ask shady questions to children again?"

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

"I bailed you out for this exact thing last week. I'm not doing it again."

"Zoisite pls!"

"If you keep calling here, I'll make sure they extend your sentence," Zoisite said, hanging up.

Jadeite called back.

"BERYL!?" he asked desperately.

"What did I just say Jadeite?" Zoisite said angrily.

Jadeite quickly hung up and dialed Beryl's cellphone.

"BERYL!?"

"JADEITE STOP CALLING HERE!" Zoisite screamed.

"Oops wrong number," realized Jadeite, trying again to dial Beryl's cellphone.

"Yes, Jadeite?" answered Beryl.

"Beryl you have to help me I-" but then the phone disconnected because Jadeite's time was up.

They put him back in his cell.

The police station phone rang.

"Hello?" answered the officer.

"Hi, I am a five year old little boy," said Zoisite. "Do you have a man named Jadeite in custody."

"Yes..."

"He just called me up and asked if I wanted to see his package."

The cop gasped and slammed the phone down.

"JAAADEITE!"

"WHAT?!" asked Jadeite.

"Did you ask a child if they wanted to see your package?"

"I don't recall that specifically, but I remember showing a kid a box of goodies from my van..."

"That settles it, you're going to do hard time!" the officer vowed.

Just before Jadeite was sentenced to death, Beryl ran in.

"Beryl! How'd you know to come?" Jadeite exclaimed in relief.

"You do this every week."

"Gee thanks for saving me!"

Beryl had a long talk with the officer. Jadeite only overheard bits of the conversation.

"I don't know ma'am, I find it hard to believe that he's that stupid."

"Nah, you should see what he's done with planes!"

They murmured for a little while longer. Finally the officer released him.

"I'm not in trouble?" he asked with joy.

"No, you are. You can't be within 800 miles of a school from now on."

"That's ridiculous!" shouted Jadeite. "Where will I live?"

"Better pack up and move to the North Pole," joked the officer.

"Jokes on him!" Jadeite thought. "I already live there!"

But when they got back home, a security guard stopped him.

"Too close to a school!" Jadeite was told.

"Where is a school around here?!" he demanded angrily.

"Nephrite's School for Astrologists," the officer explained. "It just opened up."

"DAMMIT NEPHRITE."

Jadeite ran past the cop to try and get in the house but they caught him and pepper sprayed him.

"Hahaha," Nephrite chuckled, coming outside to laugh.

"Nephrite you gotta move your school!" Jadeite begged.

"Do you know how much effort that would be?"

"Idk didn't you like build a mountain one time?" Jadiete recalled.

"Nah this is different."

"Pls Nephrite! I doubt you even have any students!"

"Oy'm his stoodent!" explained Molly.

"Me too!" added Melvin.

"No you're not!" Nephrite barked.

"This is a good club, but it doesn't beat snail watching!" Melvin commented.

"Hey officer, that man is getting with that 14 year old!" Jadeite yelled, trying to take Nephrite down with him.

"Hmm," said the officer. "How old are you, sir?"

"1019," answered Nephrite.

"And how old are you, little girl?"

"Oy'm eightoon," Molly lied.

"Very well, carry on."

"And I'm 7!" yelled Melvin, also trying to take Nephrite down. "But that man didn't care last night!"

"Nice try child but no one would sleep with you," said the cop. "Come on Jadeite, we're taking you to the only place that is far enough from schools to live in."

"Ok..." Jadeite said nervously.


"The Hikawa Shrine..." Jadeite read out loud. "That name sounds familiar..."

Suddenly Jadeite was jumped by two crows. "I've got a bad feeling about this!" he cried as he raced into the temple.

"HI JADEITE!" Grandpa said happily. "I take it you're forced to live here too?"

"You're banned from being near schools as well?" Jadeite asked.

"Of course, why do you think I built this so far from civilization!"

"But what did you do to get yourself in that predicament?" Jadeite asked.

"Let me show you!" said Grandpa happily.


"Yeah I can see why they don't want that," Jadeite noted.

"So do you want to do chores for the temple now?"

"No," Jadeite replied.

"Well too bad! My roof, my rules! Get to work!"

Jadeite moped away.

"Chad, you're off the hook!" Grandpa informed him.

"Chaaa yaaa brahhh!" Chad said happily, running away.

"Jadeite what do you think you're doing?" Grandpa demanded.

"I'm washing the floor like you said!"

"But you have clothes on."

"Yes..."

"Take them off."

"WHAT?!" Jadeite gasped. "But why?"

"Because my roof my rules?"

Jadeite tried to make a break for it but was stopped by a barbed wire electric fence.

Just then, Rei came rushing in.

"Grandpa! Grandpa! There are a bunch of kids missing! What do you think is going on?"

A concerned parent was with Rei. "I heard that there are buses driven by some guy named Jadeite that are taking the kids to a black hole!"

"WHAT!?" gasped Rei. "Jadeite, explain yourself!"

"WHAT!?" gasped Jadeite. "For once, this wasn't me! I swear!"

"That's what you said the first time, buster!" Rei and the parents yelled. They started jumping him.

"Rei, he didn't do it," said Grandpa.

"How do you know?" Rei asked in shock.

"Because I did it!"

"You used buses to steal the children?"

"Nah they're just locked up in the basement. The buses were only a diversion."

"Grandpa how could you?"

"Rei mind your own business," Grandpa scolded.

"Yes G'Pa," said Rei, retreating to her room.

"I must save those kids," Jadeite said to himself. "If I do, maybe they'll lift my ban since I am so helpful."


Jadeite snuck into the basement when Gramps went to bed.

"Kids I'm here to save you!" he announced.

"I don't think you are!" the kids said.

"Why not?"

"Because you're in an overcoat and sunglasses. That's way too sketchy!"

"No no, I wore it this to sneak around and save you!"

"Nah, we don't trust you, overcoat creep!" the kids yelled.

Jadeite was desperate. "Look, if you come and let me help you escape, I'll give you some candy from my van!"

"HEEEEEEELP!" the kids the began to scream.

Jadeite tried to pick up a kid and pull him out of the basement but he took a chomp on Jadeite's arm.

"OWWWW!" Jadeite cried and slugged the child, knocking him out.

Then, he realized if the kids were unconscious, they couldn't put up a fight and he could easily save them. So he started slugging all the kids.

Finally, all the kids were unconscious.

Jadeite was about to take them out the door, when there was a loud bang.

"WE'RE THE POLICE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"

Jadeite looked down at all the unconscious kids. "Uh oh!"

The police barged in.

"This isn't what it looks like!" he cried, running to escape. But he tripped and fell on top of a kid just as the police turned the light on.

"YOU MONSTER!" they gasped.

Jadeite knew it was all or nothing. He charged the police.

He only managed to get one blow in before he was pepper sprayed.

They took him back to the police station.

He called Queen Beryl's phone the first chance he could.

"Hello?" said Zoisite picking up.

"ZOISITE MAN I AM IN BIIIIIIIIIG TROUBLE!"

"You're in a big tunnel? Call me back when you get out," he said, hanging up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Jadeite as he was hauled off to the penitentiary.

FIN