"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Jadeite where is my coupon for KFC?"
"It's right here, m'lady!" he said, reaching in his pocket. "Right here..." he repeated getting floundered when he couldn't find it.
"Jadeite if you lost my KFC coupon there's going to be hell to pay!"
Jadeite made a break for it. Beryl shot him down.
Fin de Jadeite.
"I'm glad I stole this KFC coupon!" said Kunzite as he drove his car down the street.
In the shotgun was Gramps, and in the back was Melvin and Diana the cat.
"Why did I agree to do this?" Kunzite asked himself.
"Because you love us!" said Diana the baby cat.
"I don't think so..." Kunzite said, searching his memory for when exactly he volunteered for this.
"Pull over, I need to use the potty!" yelled Melvin. "Also, hidy ho!"
"No you can wait," said Kunzite. "This is strange," he continued.
"We planned this for months!" Gramps told him, reaching over and patting him on the shoulder.
"DON'T TOUCH ME OLD MAN!" he cried.
In his shock of being touched by Gramps, he remembered why he was there.
5 months earlier:
"Kunzite," began Beryl. "5 months from now, I want you to pick up KFC for me."
"Ok..."
"I want you to bring Rei's grandpa, Melvin, and a baby cat named Diana."
"Ok..."
"Alright we're at the KFC!" Melvin exclaimed.
"Yes I can see that," Kunzite replied.
"I WANT THE DOUBLE QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE!" yelled Melvin.
"They don't serve that here."
"Hey Kunzy," said Gramps. "Can I have a chicken pot pie?"
"That's 18 dollars," Kunzite told him.
"And?"
"And this coupon is only for buckets of chicken."
"And?"
"WHERE'S MY QUARTER POUNDER!" demanded Melvin.
Kunzite threw him out the window and got in the drive through.
Melvin climbed back in through the passenger window and fell on top of Gramps.
"Hot diggity!" yelled Gramps.
"Keep it down, I'm trying to order!" Kunzite shouted.
They kept it down.
"We'll take two buckets of chicken-"
"CHICKEN POT PIE!" yelled Gramps.
"Shut up Gramps," said Kunzite. "Please disregard that," he told the staff.
"All I want is a diet coke," said baby cat.
"No, you'll have water."
"PLEEEASE!" whined baby cat.
Kunzite lightly shoved her. She died.
"Shit!" cried Kunzite. "Who was the genius who decided to send a newborn cat back from the future anyway?! People know what I do to cats, I'm a bad guy! Even if I hadn't done that, what's to stop anyone else?! What neglectful and abusive parents are responsible for this!?"
At the drive through window, the clerk looked disturbed.
"Sir did you kill that baby cat?"
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I'm a villain, I shouldn't protect newborn cats!"
"I don't think you're a villain!" Melvin told him. "In fact, I think you're A-OKAY!"
"Don't talk to me."
They handed Kunzite the order.
"That will be $144.56."
"WHAT?!" Kunzite demanded.
"Well you got two buckets of chicken pot pies, sir. Those are expensive."
"gRRRRRRR!" screamed Kunzite. "That's not what I ordered! I won't pay for it! Here, take it back!"
"But sir, your passengers are already eating it!"
"No they're not!" Kunzite screamed.
But when he turned around, he saw Melvin and Gramps finish off the last crumb of pie.
Kunzite drove away in fury, without paying.
Three seconds later, he was surrounded by police cars.
"Good thing I can teleport!" he laughed, taking off and leaving Gramps and Melvin to face the music.
Gramps reached in the glove compartment and pulled out three machine guns.
"Alright Melvin, have you ever fired a gun before?"
"I did on the Sailor V game. HAR HAR HAR!"
"Well get shootin!" said Gramps, teleporting away and leaving Melvin to instantaneously get shot by the cops.
"HIDY HOOOOOOOO!" he cried as he charged out firing. Amazingly, he dodged all the bullets. He defeated the police.
Melvin walked off into the sunset.
Meanwhile Kunzite showed up in Beryl's room.
"Kunzite where's that KFC?"
"Well you see..."
"Kunzite I just had to deal with Jadeite's bullshit. If you don't hand me the KFC this instant, it's over for you."
"Well why did you make me go with imbeciles?!" he demanded.
"The same reason I made you work with not-so-brainwashed Mamoru! I'm tired of your excuses, I'll kill you!"
Queen Beryl shot a blast at Kunzite. He dodged it.
Queen Beryl gasped. Kunzite grabbed her crystal ball and devoured it.
Beryl gasped again. "So this is why I never tried to kill you, and only kill my minions when they're already half dead. Huh," she said, rethinking her life's decisions.
Then Kunzite ate her thrown. Without her symbols of power, she was nothing. She disintegrated.
"Yes, I'll have a bucket of chicken!" Kunzite told the KFC worker.
He drove up to the next window.
"Without Beryl making me take fools with me, I can finally get what I wanted!"
But when he got to the next window, they gave him all thighs even though he asked for all legs.
"WHAT KIND OF MADNESS!?" he demanded.
The clerk, Melvin, just chortled.
"HIDY HO!"
FIN
