"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Ye?" urged Queen Beryl.
"Umm... I'll be right back," said Jadeite, teleporting away to find a new source of energy.
He appeared on a random street.
"Hmm," he said as he walked. "Can I steal energy from... fire hydrants? Maybe not. How about that tree? Quite possibly, but I'll try to find a better source. If I can't, I'll come back to that."
Just then, he noticed a cat in the middle of the street. She was black and had a crescent moon on her forehead.
"Hey isn't that Sailor Moon's cat?" Jadeite thought. "Oh no little kitty, look out! A car's coming!"
"What?" asked Luna. "Hey, you're that asshole from the Negaverse!"
"Get out of the way kitty!" Jadeite cried.
But the cat didn't listen.
Right before a car hit her, Jadeite leaped in the way and took the blow.
"Oof," he cried. "Why didn't I just grab the cat and jump out of the way?"
"Beats me," said Luna, clawing Jadeite on the face and leaving without a thank you.
"Hmph," grumbled Jadeite to himself. "Why am I being so nice?"
Jadeite climbed to his feet and continued his hunt.
"I can steal energy from those homeless people!"
He approached the homeless people with an overcoat and shades on.
"Hello, people of the gutter," he began. "Mind giving me some of that tasty energy? MWAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed about to steal their energy.
"Spare some change, suspicious crazy man?" a homeless guy asked.
"Well gee, I sure have enough to go around." Jadeite reached in his pocket to pull out some change.
"Wait a minute," he said stopping himself. "I'm evil! What am I doing?"
He gazed into the sad homeless man's eyes. "D'aww I can't resist. Here ya go, bum," he said, giving the homeless man his credit card. "Buy all the booze you want!"
Jadeite wrote out checks for a hundred dollars and passed them out to all the homeless people on the street.
After he walked away, he stopped in tracks. "Why am I being so nice?"
Jadeite ran away because the homeless were cheering for him and the mayor offered him a medal. When he was safely on the other side of town, he continued his hunt.
"HAhaha, I'll steal energy from this little old lady! That will prove how evil I am!"
The old lady turned to him. "Hey sonny, mind helping me cross this street?"
"Well shucks," said Jadeite. "I really have somewhere to go..."
"Please, it will only take a second," begged the lady.
"D'aww, I'll help you!"
Jadeite walked the lady across the street. Twenty minutes later they reached the other side.
"Alright ya old bag, now Ima snatch your energy!" Jadeite announced.
"Oh, would you mind walking me to my car? I parked far away and I don't think I can make it on my own," the old lady told him.
"D'aww," sighed Jadeite.
"Also can you carry my groceries?"
"Of course," Jadeite said kindly.
They got to her car, and Jadeite loaded the groceries.
"Well cya!" said Jadeite, completely forgetting about the energy.
"Would you mind coming and meeting my grandchildren with me? I want to introduce them to the kind young lad who has done so many good deeds for me."
"I don't know," said Jadeite. "You see I kind of work for this evil empire and I'm supposed to be taking over the world-"
"Don't worry sonny, you can do that tomorrow!" insisted the lady. "Now get in my car."
She pushed him in the car.
"Hey hey no shoving," whined Jadeite.
The lady drove down the street. "Whelp, this is my son's house!"
Jadeite hopped out of the car. He opened the door for her.
They went inside.
"Hi grandkids!" said the lady happily. "Meet this kind young stranger. He's very nice!"
The kids hugged Jadeite.
He flinched. "Umm, oops I have to go," he said, making a dash towards the door.
"But today's Sloppy Joe Tuesday!"
Jadeite froze in mid-air. He turned around and sat down at the table. "I mean I don't see how a few Sloppy Joes could hurt..."
-3 hours into the meal-
"Man," said the old lady's son. "That roof is leaking again."
"Aww, looks like we'll have to go eat in the other room," the old lady said sadly.
"No no, I'll fix it!" volunteered Jadeite.
"Are you sure?" the lady asked. "It's raining pretty hard outside, and you've already done so much!"
"Nah, it's nothing," he said.
"Why am I being so nice?" he thought to himself as he climbed up on the roof.
Jadeite hammered another nail into the plank he was putting on the hole. He was wearing a pancho, but was still getting soaked by the rain.
"Phew, I'll just take a little breather here," he decided, leaning back against the lightning rod.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Jadeite got hit by lightning. "YOUCH!" he yelled. He stumbled backwards.
"I wonder if that kind young lassie is doing alright," the old lady thought with concern from inside.
Meanwhile, through the window, Jadeite could be seen slipping and falling off the roof, crashing painfully to the ground and into the bushes.
He got up, dazed. He went to go back on the roof, but then he saw another bolt of lightning hit a building.
"OH NO, the orphan church is about to collapse!"
Jadeite ran as fast as he could over to the orphan church.
There was a crowd gathered outside. Jadeite pushed them aside and ran into the orphan church yelling "LET ME IN!"
"He's so brave!" applauded Usagi who was standing outside and not using her powers to save the kids.
Jadeite ran to the top floor where all the orphans were crying.
He grabbed them all in a bear hug and leaped backwards out the window.
He missed the trampoline by a couple of inches and smashed into the ground. But luckily his body cushioned the fall for the kids. They all ran off happily into the sunset and got adopted.
"There's still two kids in there!" someone cried.
Jadeite sighed and ran back in. By now, the fire was already consuming most of the building.
He spotted the two kids cowering in the back corner.
He ran to get them. "Let's go!" he cried.
One of the walls suddenly collapsed and a huge chunk of ceiling fell down right at them. Jadeite lifted his hands and held it up just inches before it killed the kids. "GO!" he yelled at the kids.
The two kids crawled out of the building to safety as Jadeite struggled to hold up the ceiling beam.
"Why am I being so nice?" groaned Jadeite.
He lost his grip of the beam and it collapsed on him. He was barely able to teleport away.
He appeared at Beryl's lair.
"Omg Beryl, I had a crazy day!"
"Jadeite, I think I'm going to kill you."
"Beryl, have I ever told you how lovely you are?" asked Jadeite.
"Why no, you haven't! Ok, time to die!"
"Wait!" cried Jadeite. "Did I tell you I saved a bunch of people today? I'm a hero!"
"You're a WHAT?!" demanded Beryl. "Jadeite, we're evil!"
"Oh yeah," said Jadeite. "Then, why am I being so nice?!"
Queen Beryl sighed and shook her head. "I'll let you slide this time. Go to your room and think about what you did. But one more outburst like that and you're outta here!"
Jadeite skipped back to his room, happy to live another day.
Beryl scratched her head after he left. "Why am I being so nice?"
FIN
