"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite I'm going to be on the Bachelor for the next eight weeks."

"D'oh," said Jadeite. "What do you want us to do while you're gone?"

"I don't care, as long as you don't mess anything up," said Beryl. "And whatever you do, don't go in my second cabinet."

"Why not?" asked Jadeite.

"Jadeite what did I just say."

"Alright fine Beryl, I won't let my curiosity get the best of me."

"Good, because I'll kill you if you do," promised Beryl. "And don't think I won't!"

"Gotcha!"

"Goodbye Jadeite, and when I return, I'll be a married woman!"

"Good luck!" Jadeite said as tears fell from his eyes. "They grow up so fast..."

"Hey Jadeite," said Nephrite. "You seen Beryl around? I need to inform her that everything is ruled by the stars."

"She's on the Bachelor," explained Jadeite.

"What?" asked Nephrite in shock.

"Yep."

"Aww sweet, now I can slack off!"

"So basically you'll just keep doing what you've been doing?" asked Jadeite.

"Exactly!" replied Nephrite. He summoned a sofa and leaped on it. "Goodnight boyo," he said falling asleep.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Zoisite as he and Kunzite entered. "I'm here to tell you all about what a slacker Nephrite is! And also why I should be put on the next job!"

"Nice try chump," said Nephrite stirring in his sleep. "But she's gone!"

"Oh, when will she be back?" Kunzite asked.

"Depends on if the Bachelor throws her off on episode one or episode two."

"Ah."

"Oh, I almost forgot!" remembered Jadeite. "She said to never go in her second cabinet, or she'll kill you!"

"What?" gasped Nephrite hopping off the couch. "I totally wouldn't have thought to go in there, but now I kind of want to!"

"Same!" agreed Zoisite. "She must have something important in there!"

Jadeite, Nephrite, and Zoisite made a wild dash for the cabinet.

Kunzite teleported in front of them and stopped them. "Don't do it. If she said she'll kill you, she probably will."

"Nah," scoffed Jadeite. "She always threatens to kill me!"

"Yeah come on," urged Zoisite. "Just a quick peak!"

"No!" said Kunzite stubbornly. "I'm sure she has a reason for keeping whatever it is a secret!"

"I bet it's embarassing snapshots from the Christmas party!" guessed Jadeite.

"OHHHHH I HAVE TO SEE!" exclaimed Zoisite giving Kunzite a hard shove.

He lunged for the drawer like a wild cougar but Kunzite grabbed his foot and pulled him back at the last second.

"STAHHHHP I don't want you to get killed!" cried Kunzite.

"Come oooooooooon!" Zoisite begged.

While Kunzite was restraining Zoisite, Nephrite went for the cabinet.

"Nephrite stop!" barked Kunzite.

"No let him do it!" said Zoisite.

With Kunzite's free hand, he summoned a forcefield in front of Nephrite. He bounced back.

"But what if," said Nephrite. "She's keeping potential blackmail of us in there!"

"Oh please," said Jadeite. "I've never done anything wrong, so there's nothing she can hold against me!"

"That's right," agreed Kunzite. "And why would she blackmail us when she could just threaten to kill us?"

"Because obviously that doesn't work," said Zoisite. "Speaking of which," he began, spinning around and shooting petals in Kunzite's eyes. But they had little to no effect and Zoisite was unable to reach the cabinet.

"Ok I'm putting you all in a cage," decided Kunzite. "It's for your own good."

He put all three in a cage.

"I can't be in a cage with these losers!" cried Zoisite. "Put me in my own cage!"

"Fine," said Kunzite, opening the door so he could put Zoisite in another cage.

Zoisite ran for the cabinet.

Kunzite dropped the floor out from under him and he fell into a portal. The portal appeared back in the cage and Kunzite slammed the door.

"Now stay!" he told them all.

"This can't hold us," laughed Nephrite. He went to teleport, but the cage shocked him. He got burnt to a crisp and fell down.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," said Kunzite. "If you try to use magic, you'll get shocked. Now anyway, I'm going to clean this place up for when Beryl gets home."

He put on a maid's costume and started dusting from the corner of Beryl's throne room.

"LET US OUT!" they all sobbed.

"Nope not until I'm done cleaning. Then I'll put you in cages in your rightful homes."

"Joke's on you, I don't have a home!" laughed Jadeite.

"Then you can stay in this cage," Kunzite told him.

"D'aww," said Jadeite. "Can I at least have a blanket? It gets cold at night!"

"No," said Kunzite sweeping the floor.

"We have to find a way out!" cried Nephrite. "I can't live like this! I MUST know what's in that cabinet!"

"I have an idea," Jadeite said smirking maliciously.


After 1/4 of Beryl's throne room was sparkling clean, Kunzite walked over to the cage with three dog food bowls.

"In case you guys were getting hungry, I brought some grub!"

But then he stopped. "What the..." he started.

Standing in the cage was a cut-out of Kunzite.

"What the heck?!" demanded Kunzite. "How did those three get out? And how did I get in there?!"

He paced arounds, completely baffled. "How am I in two places at once?!"

"Oh well," he decided at last. "I better let myself out."

He opened the cage door.

Instantly, the three Shitennou ran out from behind the cut-out and dashed out of the cage. They threw Kunzite in and shut the door.

"NOOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite.

Jadeite, Nephrite, and Zoisite ran for the cabinet flailing their arms like crazy people.

But when they got there, it was gone!

"Fools!" taunted Kunzite. "I would never let you all get yourselves killed like that, so I put the cabinet in my pocket for safe keeping!"

He reached in his pocket and pulled out the whole cabinet.

"CRAP!" cried Zoisite. "Now what do we do?!"

They ran up to the cage. "LET ME IN!" they all cried.

"I couldn't if I wanted to," said Kunzite. "I'm stuck in my own cage where I can't use magic."

"Wait," realized Jadeite. "You can't use magic to get out of the cage, but you can use it to get in!"

All three teleported in.

"Look what you've done!" scolded Kunzite. "Now all of us are trapped!"

"Well since we're trapped in here," said Nephrite. "Let's have a look at that cabinet!"

"NEVER!" shouted Kunzite.

"Come on, at least let Nephrite get killed!" insisted Zoisite.

"Stop saying that!" yelled Nephrite.

Suddenly, they heard the door slide open.

"Quick hide the cabinet!" yelled Zoisite. "It might be Beryl!"

But it wasn't.

"Hey guys, it's me, Mamoru Chiba! Is anyone home?"

"HEEEEEEEELP!" they all yelled.

"Oh hey guys!" said Mamoru approaching the cage. "Why are you all in a cage with a cabinet?"

"How does he see the cabinet in my pocket?" asked Kunzite in shock, with a huge cabinet in his pocket.

"Umm, we got lost!" said Zoisite. "Here, I'll give you my rainbow crystals if you let us out!"

"I don't know," said Mamoru. "I think I don't like you guys very much!"

"RAINBOW CRYSTALS!" repeated Zoisite.

"Hmm, I do need those to know that I'm Tuxedo Mask. Wait a minute, am I Tuxedo Mask?"

"No way!" lied Jadeite.

"Then who am I!?" Mamoru cried in despair.

"I don't know," said Nephrite. "But I'll ask the stars for you if you let us out!"

"Ok! How do I?"

"Pick up that key over there," instructed Kunzite.

"This key?" Mamoru asked.

"Yes," nodded the four of them slowly.

"Now just bring it over here," Kunzite told him.

Mamoru put the key in his mouth.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" they cried.

He swallowed the key. "Oops!"

"WHHHHHHHY!" they all hollered.

"I don't like the way you bad guys do bad things!" he said. "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!" he shouted as he leaped in his red car and flew away.

"What a douche!" yelled Zoisite. "When I get out of here I'm clogging up his whole television network!"

"Wait a minute," said Jadeite, the thinker of the group. "What if the thing Beryl has in this cabinet is super powerful?"

"Super powerful?" Kunzite asked, getting eager with anticipation.

"Yeah, and it could even be powerful enough to break the cage!"

"Oh boy!" said Kunzite. "Wait a second... Beryl told us not to!"

"We're gonna starve in here if we don't get out soon!" reminded Nephrite.

"Do we even eat?" asked Jadeite.

Nephrite slugged him. "SSHHHHH!"

"Just hang in there," insisted Kunzite. "Beryl will be home any week now."

"I CAN'T HANG IN THERE!" cried Zoisite. "I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!"

"Since when!?" asked Kunzite in shock.

"SINCE NOOOOW!" Zoisite cried, throwing himself into the walls of the cage over and over. He kept charging up energy blasts to fire at it and getting shocked for trying to use magic. He picked up so much electricity that it started shocking everyone.

"STAHHHHHP!" yelled Kunzite.

"Nooo *ZAP* oooooooo! NEVEEEEEEE *ZAP* EEEEEEEERRRR!"

Nephrite went to tackle Zoisite but he dodged and Nephrite hit the cage wall. He fell over on top of Jadeite.

"GET HIM OFF ME!" yelled Jadeite, while still being shocked.

"STOP SHOOTING ATTACKS!" they all shouted at Zoisite.

"AUUGHHUGHHUGHH!" yelled Zoisite because he was being shocked.

Kunzite backhanded Zoisite and he finally stopped, looking at Kunzite with hurt and bewilderment.

"Wa- wa... w-w-why u hit me?" he asked sadly.

"Because you were killing us all."

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Zoisite started crying.

"Oh brother!" growled Nephrite with his deep booming dub voice.

The tears started filling Beryl's throne room.

"Dammit I just cleaned there!" lamented Kunzite.

Soon the whole room was flooded and they were starting to drown.

"I'm dying!" cried Jadeite.

"Zoisite stop crying!" begged Kunzite.

Nephrite went to shoot him with an energy blast but of course it just shocked him, and the shock multiplied by ten and hit everyone because they were in the water.

"WHY SHOULD I STOP CRYING!?" sobbed Zoisite. "You all hate me! WAAAAA!"

"I mean he's not wrong," said Nephrite before getting slugged by Kunzite.

Now they were completely under water.

Jadeite clung to the top of the cage as the whole room was being filled.

"I don't hate you!" exclaimed Kunzite.

"...Really?"

"Ye"

"Awwww, you make me so happy I could cry!" said Zoisite, crying even harder.

"STAHPPP!" yelled Nephrite backhanding him again. But it was futile.

"THIS IS WHERE MY STORY ENDS!" cried Jadeite starting to cry.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" yelled Nephrite starting to cry as well.

The room was flooding faster than ever.

"OMG!" screamed Kunzite but he was completely submerged so no one heard it.

He backhanded the three of them but it did no good.

"WE MUST CHECK THE CABINET! IT'S OUR ONLY HOPE!" gurgled Jadeite.

"FINE!" cried Kunzite giving in.

He opened the cabinet. All the water got sucked in.

Everyone gasped for breath and floundered on the floor.

"So what's inside?" they all asked.

"I'm not sure," said Kunzite. "But whatever it is, it's making a strange ticking sound..."

Tick... Tick... Tick...

Then the bomb exploded. Everyone died.

Two weeks later, Queen Beryl returned.

"That guy had no taste in women!" she shouted. "But at least I wasn't the first to get kicked off, I was the second!"

"Now to diffuse my cabinet bomb," remembered Beryl. "I hope no one prematurely set it off!"

She unlocked the palace door and opened her eyes.

There was no palace. It was just rubble.

"JAAAAAAAAAAAADDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed but no one heard her.

Queen Beryl leaped off a bridge.

FIN