"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Ye?" asked Beryl.

"I realized that humans aren't the only things with energy!"

"Oh here we go," sighed Beryl. "So you're finally throwing in the towel?"

"Not by a long shot!" exclaimed Jadeite. "It's just that, PLANTS have energy too!"

"Go on..."

"I'm going to grow a forest right here at the North Pole! Then I will use it for energy!"

"Jadeite, are you stupid?" asked Queen Beryl. "Nevermind, I already know the answer."

"I'm not stupid, I'm a dreamer!" vowed Jadeite.

"Jadeite no matter how hard you dream, you can't grow a forest at the North Pole!" Beryl shouted.

"You'll see! You'll all see!" screamed Jadeite, running outside to initiate his plan.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Zoisite entering. "I think I'm pregnant!"

"Shut up Zoisite. You know you always do this stuff. You just can't handle Jadeite getting all the attention."

"No Queen Beryl I'm serious! I took a pregnancy test! Look!"

"That's a popsicle stick Zoisite. Get out of my sight."

"D'oh," said Zoisite. "Does this mean you won't be giving me money for a baby shower?"

Queen Beryl started shooting at him and he had to flee.


Nephrite strolled up through the North Pole to the Negaverse entrance.

"I mean I could have teleported, but I figured I'd take my time. The sooner I return to Beryl, the sooner she yells at me for not having energy. No thank you!"

Nephrite looked around desperately for something to stall him from the verbal beatdown he was about to get.

That's when he spotted Jadeite laying in the snow in a parka.

"Jadeite what are you doing?" asked Nephrite.

"I'm watching to see when this sapling will sprout!" said Jadeite.

"Umm... this is the North Pole. Plants don't grow here."

"They do if you BELIIIEVE!" Jadeite swore.

"No," said Nephrite. "It's too cold and the soil isn't fertile. Why don't you get up off the ground and come inside, I'll make you some hot cocoa."

"Gosh Nephrite," replied Jadeite. "Any other day I'd run at the opportunity to have some of your bad cocoa, but not today! Today I will prove Beryl wrong and grow a forest here!"

Nephrite sighed. "Suit yourself." He went inside, muttering "WEIRDO," loud enough for Jadeite to hear.

"He doesn't know anything!" yelled Jadeite to the sky. "With enough love and hope anything can grow anywhere!"

Jadeite began singing to his seed. "You can grow~~~~ You can bloom~~~~~ I believe in you~~~~~~~~~"


4 weeks passed.

"You... can... grow~~~~~~," Jadeite groaned in exhaustion.

"Is he still out there?" Kunzite asked in shock, looking through the window with hot cocoa in his hand.

"I... I almost feel bad for the guy," said Zoisite. "And I don't feel bad for anyone!"

"Jadeite is a fool," said Nephrite. "I told him it wouldn't work!"

Jadeite spotted the three of them watching him judgementally through the window.

"I STILL BELIEVE!" he yelled in their direction, coughing and shivering.

"Make him come inside!" yelled Beryl. "He's weeks behind on his work!"

"We can't," Nephrite told her. "He's too determined."

"Grr... Then I guess you three will have to take up his workload!"

"Beryl please!" begged Zoisite. "No one deserves to have to do Jadeite's work!"

"No excuses!" yelled Beryl. "Zoisite, start sweeping!"

"D'oh!"

"Kunzite, you'll take out the trash!"

"You want me to take out Jadeite already?"

"Don't sass me!"

"Yes m'Queen," said Kunzite.

"And Nephrite..." began Beryl.

"Uh oh," said Nephrite.

"Start cooking my DINNER!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Nephrite.


Another week passed.

Jadeite was almost dead from hypothermia despite his magical powers.

"YOU CAN DO IT SPROUTS!" he begged, trying to reattach his limbs.

"I refuse to do Jadeite's work any longer!" yelled Kunzite, taking out yet another bag of trash. "What's even in this!?"

He pulled open the bag. It was all of Zoisite's diaries.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Kunzite. "Why is Zoisite's stuff in the garbage?"

"I figured I might as well get rid of it BEFORE I kill him! That way there's no work to do when he's gone!"

"Queen Beryl!" cried Kunzite.

"Oh and while you're taking out the garbage, here are a few bins of rocks to throw away!"

Kunzite grumbled incoherently.

"Let's try to ask Jadeite to give up," decided Zoisite, realizing they were out of options.

"It won't work," Nephrite told him and Kunzite. "I saw the hope in his eyes. He won't give up until he's dead."

"I can make that happen..." Kunzite said slyly.

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Beryl. "I've been waiting thousands of years to kill him! Don't steal this from me!"

Zoisite and Kunzite stormed outside while Nephrite protested about Jadeite's determination.

"Jadeite!" yelled Zoisite. "You'll never amount to anything! Call it quits while you still have one hand left!"

"NEVER!" screamed Jadeite as his other hand fell off.

"Jadeite you are nothing and you will always be nothing!" shouted Kunzite.

"STOP!" cried Nephrite. "You're only making him more determined!"

"Exactly!" added Jadeite.

Zoisite kicked him and a chunk of his hair fell off. "Come on, this is ridiculous!"

"I will never surrender!" declared Jadeite. "So you can either try and fail to slow me down, or you can help me!"

"Well, we don't have any other options," decided Kunzite. "So let's grow a forest at the North Pole!"

"Nope," said Zoisite. "I'm not doing this."

Then he had a sudden mood swing. "But his determination is beautiful! Let's help him!"

"That was weird," said Kunzite. "It's like he's pregnant or something."

"Impossible!" scoffed Nephrite.

"So how do we grow a forest?" Zoisite wondered.

"Well let's start with actually watering the plants." Kunzite pulled out a pale of water, and poured it on the seed. The water froze in mid-air before reaching the seed.

"This'll never do," said Zoisite. "We must change the climate!"

He shot fire everywhere, but then he accidentally hit an iceberg.

"Shit!"

The iceberg melted all at once, and a huge tsunami came flying at them.

"NO!" cried Jadeite, jumping on the seed to protect it.

The other three flew to the top of the giant wave, but then a big piece of ice bobbed out and swatted them all down. They were all at the bottom now drowning.

"Must... not... abandon... seed of hope!" gurgled Jadeite.

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?" screamed Nephrite.

"It's simple really," began Kunzite. But then all the water froze again and they were frozen in a huge chunk of ice.


1,000 years later, a group of scientists wandered up to their ice chunk.

"I think there's something frozen down there!" one of them said.

They pulled out their shovels and began excavating.


Five years later, they pulled out Jadeite.

"This is quite an odd specimin!" said one of the scientists.

"It must be some early neanderthal!"

"HEY!" yelled Jadeite unthawing. "We can't all be attractive scientists like you guys now, can we!"

The scientists all screamed and ran away.

"Dang," said Jadeite. "I was frozen for a long time. So is that what an eternal sleep feels like?"

Then he rememberd something.

"OH NO! THE SEED!"

He began digging down with his bare hands.

He passed the Shitennou on the way down but ignored their frozen corpses.

"SEED!" he cried. "Oh no, you're completely frozen! I have to give you mouth to mouth!"

Jadeite started licking the ground.

"WTF ARE YOU DOING!?" barked Nephrite, who had finally unthawed.

"YOU BASTARD!" yelled Zoisite. "Were you just going to leave us?"

"Quiet guys, you're scaring him!" Jadeite scolded, trying to comfort the seed.

"Sorry," said Kunzite.

"Come on seed buddy! Stay with me!" begged Jadeite. He pulled out the jaws of life and gave the seed a shock. Its heart started beating again.

"Phew," said Jadeite. "That was a close one."

He turned to the Shitennou who were glaring angrily at him.

"Oh hey guys! When did you all unthaw?"

They started beating down Jadeite. Finally after giving him a sufficient beatdown, they got tired and took a break.

"So I've done some calculations," said Jadeite, crawling to his feet. "It appears the climate has gotten even worse in the past 1000 years! Now it's even harder to grow a forest in the North Pole!"

"What happened to global warming?" Nephrite asked.

"Nephrite pls," said Jadeite. "Everyone knows that's a myth.

"So what do we do?" Zoisite asked.

"Hmm," said Jadeite. "If the Earth's poles were just... somewhere else, maybe it wouldn't be so cold up here!"

"Why don't we just grow the forest somewhere else?" Kunzite asked.

"Kunzite pls," said Jadeite. "It's too late to turn back now."

"FINE!" screamed Nephrite. He physically picked up the pole and moved it to the equator.

The Earth's climate was set amuck, especially since Nephrite didn't move the other pole.

Everyone in Tokyo froze to death, except for Gramps who had a bunker ready.


"QUICK REI GET IN!" cried Gramps.

"Wait, what about Chad?" asked Rei.

"No time!" yelled Gramps.

They ran into the shelter.

Right as they were closing the door, Chad ran up and put his foot in to stop it.

"WAIIIT UP BRAHHHH!" he yelled.

"No time!" repeated Gramps, pushing him out and slamming the door.

Chad froze to death. His last words were "This is kinda chilly shyaaaa yaaaa brAHHHHHHH!"


The North Pole began to shake, even though it was no longer the North Pole.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" yelled Kunzite.

"The Earth is repositioning!" Jadeite explained.

There was a loud thud, like gears clicking together, and then the ice started to melt.

"IT's A MIRACLE!" cried Jadeite skipping around.

A huge rainbow formed in the sky and all the ice melted.

"Dang," said Kunzite. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Here's what to believe," said Jadeite. "With enough determination to prove someone wrong, anything is possible!"

"Umm, guys?" interrupted Zoisite. "Sorry to rain on your parade, well not really, but it appears the ground is still just sand."

"Oh haha, right!" remembered Jadeite. "Despite all the ice, the North Pole is pretty much a desert!"

Nephrite and Kunzite facepalmed but their hands stuck to their faces because they hadn't completely unthawed yet. Zoisite was still blowdrying the ice out of his hair.

Jadeite started pacing around. "What to do... what to do..."

"Give up?" tried Kunzite yet again.

"NEVERRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Ok, you didn't have to scream in my face," complained Kunzite. "I was only trying to help."

"I must consult my ancient Mesopotamian ancestors!" decided Jadeite.

"We're from space, I think," said Kunzite.

"No, no," said Nephrite. "We're from the Moon!"

"Then how did we get to the Moon for the Moon Kingdom raid if we're already from there?" Kunzite challenged.

"Wait no, we're from the Earth," declared Nephrite. "Yeah, we were Endymion's guardians, and he was Earth's prince!"

"That's just gibberish," scoffed Jadeite. "I would have remembered that. Anyway... Stars, grant me the power to speak to the ancient Mesopotamians!"

"WTF?!" cried Nephrite. "THOSE ARE MY STARS!"

"I don't see your name on them!" argued Jadeite.

"But-" tried Nephrite.

"SHHH!" Jadeite shushed.

"Ugh, I feel sick," moaned Zoisite.

"Zoisite this story isn't about you, go away!" yelled Jadeite.

Mesopotamian Jadeite appeared.

"Hello, space Jadeite!"

"See, he knew!" Jadeite taunted.

Nephrite slugged Jadeite.

"Guys, in order to grow the forest, you must have irrigation canals!" explained Mesopotamian Jadeite.

"Huh?" everyone asked.

"Just have water flowing in, like small rivers to moisten the soil!"

"But we don't have soil!" they all cried.

"Then go buy some!"

"Oooooh," they realized.

"Cya!" said Mesopotamian Jadeite, flying off into space.

"I'll be back," said Kunzite.

He flew off to buy ten million bags of soil.

"Meanwhile," began Jadeite. "Let's work on those litigation canyons!"

"Irrigation canals," corrected Nephrite.

"Eat shit Sherlock!" shouted Jadeite.

He began digging paths all throughout the sand. Finally, the potential rivers were finished.

"I'm back!" yelled Kunzite, dumping his bags of soil from the sky and covering up Jadeite's progress.

"D'oh, we should have made the canals after we did the soil!" Jadeite said facepalming. "Well I did my part, Nephrite and Zoisite should tag in and do this round of canals!"

"I can't," objected Zoisite. "I just got a manicure!"

"Same," lied Nephrite.

"OBJECTION!" yelled Jadeite. "Your nails are awful, get to work!" he said kicking Nephrite towards the soil.

"WHY I OUGHTTA!" yelled Nephrite.

He dug out all the canals.

"Damn should have used magic," he said when he was done.

"NOW BRING IN THE WATER!" instructed Nephrite.

"I'll be back," said Kunzite.

"Now we wait," Nephrite sighed.

"But seriously though I think I need to go to the hospital," said Zoisite.

"OMG ZOISITE I'm trying to grow a forest here! My seeds don't need your negativity!" barked Jadeite.

Kunzite reappeared. "I bought a bunch of water bottles!"

"WHy WaTeR BOTtLES?!" screamed Nephrite.

"I figured the forest would need purified spring water to get it poppin!" explained Kunzite.

"I agree!" said Jadeite. "But I would have preferred if you had gotten Fiji water instead..."

Kunzite glared at him and dropped the hundreds of cartons of water bottles down with a thud.

"Let's start filling up these figuration canals!" declared Jadeite.

Jadeite started pealing the plastic off the first case. He uncapped the first bottle and poured it down. The water instantly dissolved into the soil.

"This is going to be a long night," remarked Jadeite.


Three months later...

Jadeite laid in the soil. The rushing rivers rolled by, and birds chirped. "Any minute now, it will sprout!"

"You've been saying that for three months!" cried Kunzite in exasperation. "It simply won't work!"

"That's two things in this house that won't work!" responded Jadeite.

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?"

"SHHH!" said Jadeite suddenly, his eyes growing huge. He put his head against the ground. "Do you hear that?"

"No," said Zoisite.

"No, listen!"

Everyone was silent. Then Jadeite gasped. "It's happening!"

"What's happening?" Nephrite asked.

"IT!"

They were silent for another five hours. Then, there was a very quiet rustling.

"Wait for it... wait for it... wait for it..." whispered Jadeite.

Then to everyone's amazement, a single sprout popped out of the soil!

"GASP!" gasped everyone.

Within seconds, it grew into a full tree, sending Jadeite, who's head was on top of it, flying.

The tree called to the other seeds, telling them it was time. Trees popped up everywhere.

"RUUUUN!" cried Kunzite.

He started teleporting frantically as trees popped up everywhere he teleported.

"OOF!" he cried getting smacked with a tree.

Nephrite was sprinting on the ground, but a tree popped up and he ran face first into it.

"IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" cried Jadeite as tears fell from his eyes. "I BELIEVED IN IT AND IT HAPPENED!"

He floated in the sky as his tears of determination fell to Earth. The tears made the forest grow even faster, and soon the entire North Pole region was consumed with forest.

"I couldn't have done it without you guys," said Jadeite, still crying tears of joy.

"Gee thanks!" said Zoisite crying as well. "I'm sorry, I've been emotional lately."

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the trees!" said Jadeite.

"Gosh darn," growled Nephrite. "Well at least now we don't have to do Jadeite's chores.

Suddenly Zoisite started panicking. "OK GUYS NOW I REALLY NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"

Jadeite frowned. "Not one moment. You can't me have one moment?"

"No I think he's really sick," said Kunzite.

They rushed him to the hospital while Jadeite threw a temper tantrum.

"We found the cause of the problem," said a doctor.

"Attention snatching?" asked Jadeite.

"Nope he's in labor."

"?" said Kunzite. "?...?...?"

Beryl ran into the hospital. "WHAT's GOING ON!"

"Well," said Nephrite. "Not only did Jadeite's determination to prove you wrong cause that forest to grow, but it appears that Zoisite's determination to prove you wrong caused him to get pregnant!"

"WTFFFFFF!" cried Beryl.

"WTFFFFFF!" cried Kunzite. "I'm not ready to be a father!"

"Ok we took the baby out," said the doctor.

"How?" wondered Nephrite.

"The less you know the better," said the doctor. "So yeah... It's a beautiful baby boy!"

They handed it to Kunzite and he went to look at his baby. But then he gasped.

"This... this baby has Beryl's face!"

"Whatttt?!" asked Beryl with fake confusion.

"Beryl..." Kunzite began slowly. "What did you do to my boyfriend?!"

"Well you see I hadn't been with my love Mamoru for some time and then-"

Beryl teleported away.

She teleported back and took the baby. "I'll name you Mamo Jr.!"

She took off again.

"Welp, looks like all's well that ends well," concluded Nephrite.

"Yep my forest grew beautifully!" added Jadeite.

"Beryl did horrible things to me," noted Zoisite.

"D'aww and I was so ready to be a father!" lied Kunzite.

Beryl teleported back again. "Oh and by the way, while Zoisite is recovering and on... maternity leave? Paternity leave? You all will do his chores!"

"Gosh darn," said Kunzite.

"Oh boy more chores!" said Jadeite enthusiastically.

But when they got home, their base had been taken over by the forest. It was no more. They built a tree house and lived happily ever after with baby Mamo Jr.

FIN