"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"That's great Jadeite! But wait a minute..." began Beryl. "Something seems... different about you!"

"What do you mean?" said 'Jadeite.'

"I don't know, something's just off!"

'Jadeite' fled from the room.

"That was a close one!" huffed Rei's Gramps, adjusting his Jadeite wig. "She was almost on to me!"

Then Grandpa looked up at the camera. "Wondering how and why I stole Jadeite's identity? Well, it all started on a Sunday afternoon..."


"Hey, I'm your new temple worker, Jed!" said Jadeite.

"Hmm," thought Grandpa. "That's Jadeite from the Negaverse! I can use this opportunity!"

"Right this way, 'Jed,'" said Gramps. He led Jadeite into his basement.

"What is this place?" began Jadeite.

Gramps hit him over the head and locked him in the basement.

He stole his Negaverse uniform and took a blonde wig from his upstairs closet. "I'll be back for you in a week or so ;D" winked Grandpa. Then he set off for the North Pole.


"So that's how I'm here," concluded Gramps, finishing his monologue. "And can you guess why I'm here? I'm not sure yet, but with all the attractive people around here I'm sure to score as this handsome fellow Jadeite!"

Nephrite walked down the hall.

"Hey handsome," called Grandpa-Jadeite.

"Umm, Jadeite, I thought we talked about this," Nephrite said disturbed.

"Why yes, I remember sonny," lied Gramps.

"Are you feeling okay, Jadeite? You look about a hundred years older! And tan for some reason!"

"Yep I'm doing diddly dandy! Say, wanna hook up?" Gramps asked.

"I told you it was over!" cried Nephrite leaving.

"Dang!" yelled Grandpa slapping his knee. "I was so close..."

Grandpa wandered around the Negaverse. He noticed a giant castle in the distance.

"Hmm, better check it out!" he decided. He climbed the cliff for three hours and reached the top. He knocked on the door.

"Coming!" screamed Kunzite from inside.

He opened the door in an apron, holding a spatula.

"Oh. Jadeite," he said shutting the door.

But Grampa slipped through the mail slot.

He snuck past Kunzite and sat down at the dinner table across from Zoisite.

"Oh hey Kunzite, the food's done already?" he asked looking up. "AHHHH GRANDPA WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" cried Zoisite.

"I'm not Grandpa, it's me, Jedi!"

"You mean... Jadeite...?"

"Sure," replied Grandpa.

"Jadeite why are you here?" Zoisite demanded.

"Nevermind that," scoffed Gramps. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Yes," responded Zoisite. "I live here with my boyfriend."

Grandpa sighed. "A woman of your beauty is too good for a man like him."

Zoisite slapped him and left the room.

Kunzite sat down with food, seconds after he left. "Where did Zoisite go?"

"I'm Zoisite," said Grandpa.

"No, you're Jadeite!" objected Kunzite.

"No, I'm Grandpa!"

"Huh?"

"I mean.. yeah, I'm Jadeite!"

"Umm... so why are you in my house eating my food?" Kunzite wanted to know. "I thought I closed the door on you?"

"You can't keep out a Jedi!" taunted Gramps.

He started licking Kunzite's plate.

"Do you mind?" barked Kunzite angrily.

"Yes."

"..."

Kunzite tried to finish his noodles. But suddenly Grandpa started slupring up the other end of his noodles, nearly pulling him in for a kiss.

"Jadeite... you're acting weird," noted Kunzite.

"Nah it's nothing. These are just some good noodles! Wanna try my good noodle? ;D" winked Grandpa suggestively.

"Jadeite I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No."

"Jadeite..."

Kunzite went to throw Jadeite-Grandpa out the window. But Grandpa over-powered him. He tied Kunzite up and locked him in the fridge.

Then Grandpa went upstairs to the bedroom and turned off the lights.

"Hey Kunzite!" said Zoisite happily. "That was awful, wasn't it?"

"Yep, that Jedi is sure a loser," agreed Gramps.

"Come in bed, let's snuggle!" encouraged Zoisite.

"Aww yea!" shouted Gramps.

Gramps jumped in the bed.

"Oh... Kunzite! So we're doing that now? Yeet!"


2 minutes later...

"Kunzite that was so much fun!"

"Thanks Jadeite," said Grandpa. "Shit, I mean.. umm who are you again, young lady?"

Zoisite turned on the light.

He found himself face to face with Jadeite-Gramps.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUGHGHGHGHGUGHGHGJGUFGAHSGJAERJAERJGAERAWEGJE!" cried Zoisite.

His head combusted.

"LOLOLOLOL LMAOOOOOO!" laughed Gramps hopping out the window.

The door swung open and Kunzite ran in.

"What happened?!"

"Oh Kunzite it was awful!" cried Zoisite.

"D'awww," said Kunzite sympathetically. "But come on, I'll make you forget all about it!"


40 seconds later...

"Gee Kunzite you're such a good time!" commended Zoisite.

"Thanks young woman," replied Kunzite. "I try!"

"Wait what?" gasped Zoisite.

He turned on the light again.

He found himself face to face with Jadeite-Gramps.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he started crying.

Grandpa jumped out of bed again. "LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He lept out the window.


Finally the real Kunzite came rushing in. He was frozen solid.

"Zoisite what happened?!"

"YOU CAN'T TRICK ME AGAIN YOU BASTARD!" cried Zoisite, shooting fire at Kunzite.

"AHHH WHY!?" cried Kunzite.

"TAKE OFF THAT MASK!" screamed Zoisite.

He started slugging Kunzite and clawing at his face to get his mask off. But there was none.

"Heh heh..."

"Zoisite what happened?!" yelled Gramps running in again.

He saw Kunzite was already in there and immediately fled.

They chased him but he ran all the way back to Beryl.

"Queen Beryl!" he exclaimed panting and trying to regain composure.

"JADEITE!" barked Beryl. "Next time I see you, you better have that energy! Or I'll kill you!"

"Okey dokey!" said Gramps. "Hey anyway, are you single?"

"Jadeite how dare you mock me!" screeched Beryl.

"Relax babe it was just a question. If you're ever available, just hit me up at the temple!"

"The temple?" asked Beryl confused.

"Oh yeah that reminds me! Crap, I hope that guy didn't die yet!"

Jadeite-Gramps took his leave.

"Don't forget my warning!" called Beryl as he left.


Gramps rushed into his basement.

He looked around for any signs of Jadeite. "Where did that guy go?!" he wondered in shock. "I had so many fun things planned for us to do!"

But what Gramps didn't know was that Jadeite had wriggled free of his restraints and was crouching to the side, ready to pounce.

Gramps was about to retreat, when Jadeite charged him like a wild elephant.

He clobbered Gramps down and took back his uniform. He fled to the North Pole while Gramps chased after him clothes-less.

Gramps got arrested. He did 3 months in jail because this was not his first offense.


When Jadeite returned to the Negaverse entrance, Kunzite and Zoisite were waiting for him outside.

"Hey friends!" said Jadeite.

"So," began Kunzite menacingly, "You think you can just make a move on my boyfriend and live to tell the story?"

"Huh?" asked Jadeite. "No, he's just my friend!"

"I'm not your friend!" yelled Zoisite charging him.

Jadeite was able defend himself against Zoisite's wrath but Kunzite ran up from behind and delivered a devastating blow.

"AUUUUUGH!" cried Jadeite.

They both pummeled him until he was a pile of rubble.

Jadeite crawled into the Negaverse.

"Oh, Nephrite!" he said with relief upon spotting his only ally. "At least I can always count on your kindness!"

"Here to hit on me again, huh ya creep!?" barked Nephrite. He slugged Jadeite in the gut.

Jadeite fell to the ground. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" he cried. "I haven't hit on you since the Silver Millennium!"

"Save it for the dogs!" shouted Nephrite, leaving.

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?"

Nephrite ran back and kicked Jadeite and then left.

Finally Jadeite crawled into Beryl's room.

"Alright Jadeite you must remember my warning, right?"

"Huh?" said Jadeite.

"Don't play games with me. Where is the energy?"

"Oh, uh, I don't have it, but I'll get it sooner or later!"

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" screeched Beryl. "I warned you not to return without it! Now sleep forever!"

Jadeite made a wild dash. Right before the eternal sleep attack hit, Grandpa reappared in the nude.

He got hit with eternal sleep.

"Shit!" cried Beryl. "I froze an innocent man!"

She unfroze him.

"BRB!" said Grandpa after he fully unthawed. He ran and crouched behind a pillar.

Three seconds later, Tuxedo Mask appeared.

"I am Tuxedo Mask!" said Tuxedo Grandpa.

"OH BABY!" cried Beryl. "IS IT JUST ME OR ARE WAY HOTTER THAN BEFORE!?"

"It's just you," said Jadeite.

"SILENCE!"

Tuxedo Grandpa picked up Beryl and they flew away.

Grandpa turned and winked at the camera before the screen transitioned to black.

FIN