"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Wow, me Jadeite!"

"Queen Beryl, what I'm about to tell you will blow your mind!"

"..."

"Guess what chapter this is!"

"Chapter?"

"IT'S CHAPTER 69!"

"Jadeite are you four?" Beryl barked.

"No... I'm 69!"

"Jadeite this is your last warning!"

"Or is it my 69th warning?"

"Jadeite, die!"

Queen Beryl shot an energy blast at Jadeite but he was able to dodge 69 times before she could finish him off.

He died a happy man.


"Hey Kunzite!" began Zoisite.

"Hey Zoisite ready to go out and party for Saint Patrick's Day?"

"Ye but first, guess what chapter this is ;D"

"Chapter?"

"69!"

"Zoisite..."

"If you know what I mean ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D"

"Zoisite what are you getting at?"

";) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D"

"Are you trying to suggest something?"

";D ;D ;DDDDDD ;DDDDDDDDDDDDD ;DDDDDDDDDDDDDD!"

"Ok well if you're only going to communicate with emoticons then I guess I'm leaving to find the moon princess."

Kunzite left in a huff.

"D'oh," said Zoisite. "Looks like I'll have to go party with... *gag*... Nephrite and Jadeite D:"


"Hey Nephrite!" yelled Jadeite appearing in Nephrite's house.

"Guess what chapter it is?!" screamed Jadeite, waking him up.

"69," muttered Nephrite angrily.

"Darn," said Jadeite. "Now it's not fun anymore."

"So I take it since you're here on Saint Patrick's Day, you've come to go on a wild drinking spree with me?" Nephrite inferred.

"What? No way! I don't drink!" objected Jadeite. "I won't be able to do my very best at work and earn Beryl's approval!"

"Hate to break it to you kid but..." Nephrite began.

Zoisite appeared. "D: D: D: D: D: D:!" he cried.

"Zoisite the emoticons have gone too far D:!" gasped Jadeite.

"Jadeite you hypocrite!"

"No!" cried Jadeite.

"Ye!" cried Zoisite.

"XD," laughed Nephrite. "Come on boys let's go party!"


"Wow, me Jadeite!" said Nephrite. "This is good bar!"

"Mr. Goodbar?" Jadeite asked.

"No, this is just a good bar. Give me beer!" cried Nephrite.

"What would you like to order?" asked the bartender, Motoki.

"Well I would like one shot of 100% alcohol."

"That is poison you will die," said Motoki, sweating in fear.

"No son I have built up a tolerance," explained Nephrite.

"...And what would your friends like?"

"I would like one Coca-cola," requested Jadeite.

"Would Pepsi be okay?" asked Motoki.

"Nevermind then. Just get me a ginger ale," sighed Jadeite.

"I want some ROOOOOOOOOOT beer!" exclaimed Zoisite.

"Then you better have brought some cash," sneered Nephrite.

"Nope, I'll just 'borrow' it from you like I do with the rest of the stuff in your house ;D"

Nephrite sighed. "HURRY UP WITH THE BEER SON!" he scolded.

Motoki ran to pour the drinks. He made the intense liquor shot, the ginger ale, and the ROOOOOOOOOT beer.

But then, when he went to fork them over, he panicked. "Shit, who ordered what?!" he exclaimed internally. He did not want the shame of messing up an order. His father would disown him for such a blunder.

He just winged it and passed the beverages out randomly.

Jadeite took a sip of his "ginger ale."

"HOT DIGGITY!" he wailed. "THIS IS SOME HARDCORE GINGER ALE! TRY IT, NEPHRITE!"

"No," barked Nephrite. "I can't allow anything to water down my liquor tonight!" He took a sip of his liquor but unbeknowest to him it was only root beer.

"ZOISITE TRY MY WACKY GINGER WACK!" insisted Jadeite.

"Sure..."

"WOWZERS!" cried Zoisite, smashing whatever he had ordered. "GIVE ME MORE!"

"IT'S ALL EMPTY!" cried Jed. "BARTENEDER!"

The bartender refilled Jed's "ginger ale" with some more straight liquor.

"HOT DIGGITY!" Jadeite repeated.

"WOWZERS!" cried Zoisite.

"MORE!" begged Jadeite.

"Hmm," said Nephrite. "This liquor should have hit me right about now... where's the buzz, yo?"

"HOT DIGGITY!"

"WOWZERS!"

"HOT DIGGITY!"

"WOWZERS!"

Nephrite was getting frustrated. "I usually don't do this but... bartender give me another 20 shots!"

"Of what?" asked Motoki.

"The same!"

Motoki gave him 20 more shots of root beer.

Nephrite guzzled them down. They had no effect.

"HAWT DAWGITY!"

"WOOOOZAHHHS!"

"Hmph," barked Nephrite. "At least you two are having a good time..."

"HET DEGGITY!"

"WUMBAHHH!"

"GRRRR!" growled Nephrite. "40 more!"

"Dang," said Motoki. "This guy is hardcore. I mean not really since it's just rootbeer but in theory."

"HEY ZOISITE!" screamed Jadeite at a stranger. "Butterscotch on your crumpets?"

"Why yes my dear," responded Zoisite, laying on the ping pong table. "And also on my periwinkle!"

"DERGITY!" replied Jadeite, falling over.

Nephrite sat on his stool angrily with his arms crossed. "Can it be?" he thought with great horror. "Have I really grown so accustomed to alcohol that it does nothing to me?"

"Give me a ladder," demanded Jadeite.

"A ladder?"

"A ladder."

Zoisite passed Jadeite a pool cue. Jadeite took it and smashed Nephrite in the hair.

"YAHTZEE!"

"What the hell!?" barked Nephrite, holding his hair tenderly.

"I put the pickle in the penny and pushed it with a peacock," shared Jadeite.

"Say that 12 times fast," challenged Zoisite.

"Pickly packle pickakpickakaka pickaCHUUUUUUUU!"

Jadeite shot Zoisite with a thunderbolt.

"Five can play at that game!" screamed Zoisite, attempting to shoot fire but instead shooting sparkles.

"OMG GLITTAH!" said Jadeite. "Let's make it rain with glitter or even better Nephrite's cars!"

He warped all of Nephrite's cars into the sky and they all fell down to Earth.

"LOOOOLOLOLOLOO!" laughed Jadeite.

A car fell on Grandpa and that is why he never shows his face in season five.

"OMG LETS MAKE A HOT DOG!?" Jadeite shouted with enthusiasm.

"BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY HOTS!" Zoisite screamed.

"Or dogs?" asked Jadeite.

"No we have cat!"

"Dog?"

"Diggity?"

"Mustard?"

"Tomato?"

"Tomahto!"

They started doing the Waltz. Then they ate a full hotdog and didn't even take a break.

The hot dog was no more, as was Nephrite's fun.

He grumbled incoherently. "Bartender, is this really the strongest stuff you have?"

"Why yes sir," said Motoki. "That is the strongest and only root beer we have."

"ROOT BEER!?" cried Nephrite in blind fury.

He charged Motoki and killed him.


Meanwhile in Africa...

"Hi I am Reika. Now I am happy," said a random person at the moment of Motoki's death.


"OMG JeD!" cried Zoisite. "Did u see neprhite eat dat lil man?"

"Nooo I didn't!" Jadeite cried. "Lemme see him do again!"

"Eeet a lil guy!" commanded Zoisite and JAdeite.

"Huh?" questioned Nephrite. But when he knocked the corpse of Motoki off himself, he spotted the actual alcohol that he had so painfully been deprived of all night.

"Just a min," assured Nephrite, eyes filled with determination.

Nephrite drunk an entire barrel of beer.

"You go fat boiiii!" slurred Jadeite.

"Drink that beer liek a ... a beard LOL!" laughed Zoisikte.

"LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!" laughed Nephrite.

"U eat lil guy yet?" Jed demand.

"I see one!" yell Nephrite with passhion.

"Lmaoooooooo we so drunk we mess up da grammar!" laugh Jed.

"Ye lol let me eat lil man!"

Nephrite picked up a wild leprechaun. "U gone get eat," he told the lil guy.

"NOooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Melvin in his leprauchan outfit.

But Nephrite didn't listen. He ate him. He took his pot of gold as well as his rainbow and gave them to Molly who was forever grateful.

They all went home, of course in a cab because drunk driving and drunk teleporting is wrong.

FIN