"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite," said Queen Beryl.

"Yes, Queen Beryl?" Jadeite asked.

"Ready to go to the fest?"

"What fest?" Jadeite wondered.

"The SLUG FEST!" hollered Beryl.

She sprung out of her throne and slugged Jadeite. She then proceeded to deliver slug after slug on Jadeite.

"Ouch, my queen," said Jadeite. "That hurt! Please stop!"

Queen Barley bonked him on the head.

"Youch!" yelled Jadeite.

"Jadeite go to your room," said Queen Beryl.

"I don't have a room…"

Queen Beryl teleported away, yelling "NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"

"That was strange," said Jadeite.


Nephrite heard a knock on his door.

He opened the door cautiously and saw a crazed-looking Queen Beryl.

"My queen! What a surprise!" he said, not very enthusiastically.

Queen Beryl had bags of luggage in her hands, a map, and a tourist cap on. "Nephrite, are you ready to go to the fest?"

"What fest?"

"The…. SLUG FEST!"

She hit him in the face with her luggage. She then proceeded to beat him with the luggage.

Nephrite was in a peril state, and Queen Beryl decided to leave him within an inch of his life. She teleported away.


Zoisite got a call on the phone.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Zoisite, report to me at once. We need to speak about the fest."

Zoisite gulped.

"Zoisite, we need to speak about the fest," repeated Beryl.

Zoisite had already gotten calls from the other Shitennou, so he knew what was coming.

"Zoisite!" screamed Beryl, getting angry. "We need. To talk. About. The fest."

"Yes," said Zoisite.

"Well?" exclaimed Beryl.

Zoisite sighed and gave in.

"What fest?" he muttered.

Queen Beryl leapt out of the closet and slugged Zoisite with much force.

Zoisite was crippled.

Kunzite came in then. "What's all the commotion?"

"Kunzite run!" cried Zoisite.

"Oh," said Queen Beryl. "No need to run. We were just heading out to go to the fest."

"What fest?" asked Kunzite obliviously.

"NOOOOO!" yelled Zoisite.

"THE SLUG FEST!" screamed Beryl. She alternated between slugging Kunzite and Zoisite rapidly.

She was about to finish them off once and for all, when she remembered something.

"Oh, crap, I have to leave!" she told them.

"Where are you going, my queen?" asked Kunzite obliviously.

"Just going to the fest!" she told him.

"What-" he began, but he stopped himself. He knew what she was setting up.

But Queen Beryl didn't care.

"THE SLUG FEST!" she hollered.

She threw Kunzite into the wall, and a painting fell on his head.


The next day…

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Actually, I have a better one," said Queen Beryl.

"But your highness, I didn't even tell you mine yet!" objected Jadeite.

"But Jadeite, mine involves the fest!"

"What-" Jadeite stopped himself.

Queen Beryl waited.

"Well? Aren't you going to ask which fest?"

"No, my queen."

"Why not?

"Well, quite frankly, I feel that you will answer 'the slug fest,' and then slug me!" Jadeite explained.

"Me? Do that? Never!"

"Ok then, I'll just be getting to that energy," said Jadeite, trying to make a hasty retreat.

"But Jadeite, don't you want to go to the fest?"

"I don't know what that means," replied Jadeite, desperately trying to avoid the wrong response.

"It means that I will send you to a certain fest. Do you know which fest it is?"

"No."

"Take a guess."

"The… the… spring fest?" Jadeite stammered, thinking fast.

"No, the SLUG FEST!" screamed Beryl.

Jadeite put his hands up to block but Queen Beryl was behind him before he could even blink.

She slugged him to the ground, and then proceeded to pummel him.

Then she warped away.

"That was strange," said Jadeite.


Nephrite heard another knock. He didn't answer the door. Rather, he put a chair up against it.

The knocking continued. He didn't just stop with the chair. He put the sofa in front next, and then a wardrobe. Beryl passed him another chair, and he put that there as well.

"Thanks," he said. "WAIT A SECOND!"

He turned to see Beryl.

"D'oh," he murmured.

"Nephrite," began Beryl. "Ready for the fest?"

"Yes," said Nephrite firmly.

Queen Beryl paused for a moment. She didn't know how to respond to this answer.

Finally she gave up and yelled, "THE SLUG FEST!"

She threw the chair and the wardrobe at him. He dodged. She immobilized him with magic and then slugged him rapidly.

He fell to the ground and she kicked him and left.


Queen Beryl called Zoisite's phone, but nobody picked up. She left a message.

Zoisite heard it on his answering machine.

"Hello, Zoisite. This is your good pal Beryl. I was just wondering if you could come to the fest this weekend!"

Zoisite climbed into a small box to hide.

The lid was lifted.

"THE SLUG FEST!" screamed Beryl, and then she punted him out the window.

She searched the house, and finally found Kunzite cowering in the bathtub.

"Kunzite!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad I found you! Do you want to go to the fest?"

Kunzite defiantly looked away.

Queen Beryl got on the other side of him.

"Do you?"

Kunzite looked the other way.

Beryl projected a huge image of herself that was unavoidable. "Fest?"

Kunzite shut his eyes and covered his ears. He didn't respond.

"THE SLUG FEST!"

He teleported away but she caught him in the teleportation stream by the foot.

She brought him back to reality, and threw him into the ground. She did a pile driver on him and then flushed him down the drain.


After a long day of having fun with her loyal Shitennou, Queen Beryl retreated down to Metalia's quarters.

She was quite full of herself by now, and was ready for a harder target.

"Queen Metalia!" yelled Beryl.

"Hello Beryl, have you gotten the Silver Crystal yet?" Metalia asked.

"Oh yeah, I found it at the fest!" exclaimed Beryl.

"What fest?" demanded Metalia.

"THE SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!" screamed Beryl, charging like a wildman.

She landed one good blow on Metalia before being vaporized.

"D'oh," said Beryl in Hell.

"Beryl," sighed Satan. "I just saw you last week! Stop coming back here!"

"Put a sock in it!" yelled Beryl.

"Who do you think you're talking to?" barked Satan.

"I'm sorry Satan, I was just frustrated after what went down at the fest," she sighed.

"D'aww, take a seat, and tell me all about what happened," said Satan compassionately.

"Well it all started at the fest," said Beryl.

"What fest?" asked Satan.

"THE SLUG FEST!" Beryl sprung out of her chair and pulverized Satan. She burnt his ashes and let herself out of Hell.


Meanwhile, the Shitennou had regrouped.

"I can't do this anymore!" sobbed Jadeite. "Beryl won't stop it with her slugfest joke!"

"We need to snap her out of it!" decided Nephrite. "BUT HOW?!"

"We have to fight fire with fire!" declared Zoisite.

"BUT HOW!?" repeated Nephrite.

"Let's give her a taste of her own medicine," Kunzite stated.

They all snickered evilly.


"Hey boys, I'm home from the fest!" called Beryl, reentering from the gates of Hell.

"Hi Beryl!" they all said enthusiastically.

"Wanna know what fest I was at?" she asked.

"Actually," said Jadeite. "We were wondering if you got the ticket!"

"What ticket?" demanded Queen Beryl.

"The one way ticket to SLAPEROO VILLE!" they all shouted, and charged Beryl.

They picked her up and spun her around like a top. Then they slammed her to the floor by the feet, and swung her back up and to the floor again.

They threw her up in there air and didn't catch her.

Nephrite ran her over with his car.

Then they threw her off a cliff.

"YAAAAAY!" they all applauded as she died.


She awoke in Hell. Satan was nowhere to be found, because she killed him.

She walked back into the Negaverse.

"Hey boys."

"SHIT!" they all cried.

Nephrite dropped his party hat and Kunzite spit out his latest bite of party cake.

"I just got back from Hell!" she told them. "Say, do you guys want one Hell?"

"One Hell?" questioned Jadeite, before the others could stop him.

"Yes, one Hell. One Hell of a beatdown!" she screamed.

Jadeite ran up and tried to dropkick Beryl, but Beryl caught his foot.

"Every time I die I get stronger!" she told them.

She threw Jadeite into the sun.

Zoisite tried to reason with her. "No thank you Beryl, I would not like one Hell of a beatdown."

"Well TOO BAD!" yelled Beryl. She put Zoisite in an eternal sleep.

Kunzite was mad. He was livid. He charged Beryl with all he had.

Beryl sidestepped and Kunzite couldn't stop in time. He fell off the Earth and into the sun.

"Everything is ruled by the star," said Nephrite.

"The star?" asked Beryl, thinking he had made a grammatical error.

Nephrite charged up his attack. "The STAR GENTLE UTERUS!" he shouted. He shot a season five attack and Beryl was no more.


Beryl awoke in Hell. Once again she just walked out and came back.

Nephrite was worn out; that season five attack took all his strength.

"Nephrite," said Beryl. "You're going down!"

"Going down where?" he asked, trying to stall.

"Beatdown!" she shrieked.

"That doesn't even make sense!" cried Nephrite.

Beryl extended her arm and grabbed Nephrite by the neck.

She took a chomp and ate his head off his body.

She dropped his brutally decapitated corpse and sat down.

"Well that was a riot," she laughed.


The Shitennou awoke in Hell.

They walked out of Hell unopposed.

"Hey Beryl!" they exclaimed, full of newly gained strength caused by their latest death. "Have you been talking smack about us?"

"Smack?" asked Beryl.

"SMACK DOWN!"

FIN