"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"What is it, Jadeite?"
"There's this new cable company called Galaxy TV. I'm going to go in there as an auditioning news reporter, and then I'll steal their energy!"
"I don't know about that, Jadeite," warned Beryl. "That place seems suspicious. You should ask Metalia first; she knows all the spawns of Chaos around these parts."
"Nah eZ pZ," laughed Jadeite.
"Jadeite, you're a fool," said Beryl.
"But I'm your fool!" replied Jadeite.
"D'aww," sighed Beryl. "Get on out of here, you knucklehead!"
Jadeite left and headed over to Galaxy TV.
It has been two months since Jadeite went to steal energy at Galaxy TV.
"Queen Beryl, I'm worried," said Nephrite.
"Why?" asked Beryl.
"We haven't seen Jadeite for two months!"
"Who?" asked Beryl.
"He's one of the four Shitennou," explained Nephrite.
"The who?"
"Us, Queen Beryl."
"Who's us? Who are you? Who am I!?" cried Beryl in anguish.
"Man," thought Nephrite. "Jadeite's disappearance has had more of an impact on Beryl than I would have thought.
He turned to Beryl. "Do I have your permission to head over to the last place Jadeite went to steal energy and look for him?"
"Only if you take Zoisite and Kunzite," commanded Beryl.
Zoisite appeared. "WHAT?! WHY?!"
"Because you're losing your touch, Zoisite. You need to get out on the field more."
"Can't I get out on my own?"
"No, you need to be supervised by a competent employee like Nephrite. Wait a second…" realized Beryl. "Well either way, you'll need all the back-up you can get if a powerful warrior like Jadeite was overwhelmed there. Wait a second… Either way," continued Beryl.
"Queen Beryl, are you okay?" asked Zoisite.
"I MISS JADEITE!" she screamed, and started to sob.
"?" "?" "?"
"GO BRING HIM BACK TO ME!" cried Beryl. "GO, GO, GO!"
Nephrite and Zoisite fled in horror. "I never knew she felt that way!" they both thought in shock.
Kunzite, Zoisite, and Nephrite cautiously entered Galaxy TV.
They were greeted by an employee.
"Hello, welcome to Galaxy TV!"
"JADEITE?!" they all gasped.
"Who is this 'Jadeite,' of which you speak? I am Sailor Copper Ferret, an employee of Galaxy TV!"
"?" "?" "?" the Shitennou replied.
"Jadeite, this isn't funny," chided Nephrite. "Beryl has been worried sick."
"Who?"
"Jadeite!" barked Nephrite. "Come home immediately."
"I am home," he said in a disturbing tone, without blinking. "This is my home, now."
"Something is wrong with him," said Zoisite.
"Nah he's just trolling," scoffed Nephrite. "And he's taking it too far!"
"That's it, we're speaking to the manager of this joint," decided Kunzite. "Jadeite, take us to your manager."
"I'm afraid she's not taking visitors at the moment. Can I take a message?"
Zoisite slapped Jadeite. "Come to your senses, man!"
"SECURITY!" cried Jadeite. "I have been assaulted by a stranger!"
He went to press the security button, but Kunzite slugged him. He fell back in his chair and was knocked unconscious.
Zoisite bent down to pick-pocket him, when he spotted something strange. "What are these gauntlets he's wearing?"
"Ah, who cares, they're not important," said Kunzite.
"I know but they look expensive. I'm trying to steal them but they won't come off!"
"We don't have time for that, come on!"
They walked down the hall, until they reached an out of service elevator.
"I don't want to walk stairs!" shouted Nephrite. He tried to pry the doors open.
"Nephrite, it says out of service for a reason," said Zoisite. "Bozo!" he added.
Nephrite pried the doors open anyway. They climbed in and he started pressing all the buttons.
"That's just wrong," said Kunzite judgingly.
"It's not gonna work," sighed Zoisite.
Suddenly the doors closed and the elevator went flying up.
"This is where our story ends," said Kunzite sadly.
They braced themselves to be dropped to their deaths, or trapped and starved. But then the doors open up, and they were in some space-like realm.
Nephrite looked down. "How are we standing on space? Is this some kind of invisible glass?"
"WHO DARES ENTER MY CHAMBERS!" barked Galaxia.
"Oh hey, are you the manager?" asked Kunzite. "We have a complaint."
"You are not supposed to be up here," said Galaxia. "You have seen too much. You must die!"
"No thank you," said Nephrite politely. "So anyway,"
"Sailor Copper Ferret, charge them!" yelled Galaxia.
Jadeite entered the room. "Yes, my queen."
"But Beryl is your queen?!" gasped Nephrite.
"Who?" repeated Jadeite.
"What have they done to poor Jadeite?!" cried Zoisite. "I want the old Jadeite back! Wait a second…"
Jadeite charged the Shitennou.
Kunzite laughed. Nephrite crossed his arms cockily. Zoisite hid behind them.
"Guys, watch out," he whimpered.
"Don't worry," laughed Nephrite. "Jadeite's a weakling."
Jadeite slugged Nephrite and he went flying. He didn't stop flying until he hit an invisible glass wall 100 ft away.
"Uh oh!" said Zoisite. "Looks like Jadeite has been lifting!"
"Pshh," scoffed Kunzite. "Nephrite's a weakling. I'll handle this one!"
Jadeite threw a karate chop. Kunzite blocked it. "See?" But then the force of the chop finally kicked in, and Kunzite went flying too.
Jadeite turned to Zoisite.
"I SURRENDER!" cried Zoisite, throwing himself backwards into the wall.
"HAHAHHAHA!" laughed Galaxia evilly.
Out of the blue, Jadeite turned around and fired an energy blast at Galaxia. For a few seconds, it almost looked like he was going to beat her. But then when the light dimmed down, it was revealed that Galaxia was unscathed.
Jadeite charged Galaxia with all he had.
"JADEITE, GO!" yelled the Shitennou.
Jadeite threw many blows, but it had little to no effect. Galaxia caught Jadeite's fist, and spun him around like a top, before pile driving him into the clear floor. She then chucked him across the room, and shot an energy blast at him as he was still flying back.
"JADEITE, NO!" yelled the Shitennou.
"Don't worry, friends!" said Jadeite. "Despite Galaxia's control gauntlets, I was suddenly able to get my memories back!"
"Good job," commended Nephrite.
"You have the mental strength of an owl," Kunzite told him admiringly. "You can still defeat her!"
Nephrite approached Jadeite. "I see the problem. These gauntlets are suppressing your true power! I'll take them off so you can beat her!"
"Wait, no," said Jadeite.
Nephrite took off the gauntlets and Jadeite faded away.
"Gosh darn it," said Nephrite. "He was our only hope."
Kunzite charged Galaxia wildly. He threw blow after blow, but unfortunately he did not throw enough. She swatted him away like a fly. When he impacted with the floor, he combusted.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" cried Zoisite. Zoisite charged Galaxia in a moment of uncharacteristic bravery.
Zoisite shot petals and yelled "ZOI!" but it wasn't enough. Zoisite couldn't stop his charge in time, and Galaxia lifted up her arm, causing Zoisite to collide with it.
Zoisite fell to the floor and curled up like a dead bug.
"I call forth the power of the stars!" yelled Nephrite. He called forth the power of the stars, and shot an energy blast. Galaxia didn't even move a muscle, and the projectile reflected off of her and hit Nephrite. He went flying backwards, yelling, "ARGGGGGHY!"
"Welp looks like my story has reached its final page," noted Nephrite.
Galaxia stood up for the first time in the series and walked over to Nephrite's brutally bashed body.
"Pls," he begged sadly.
"It looks like your story has reached its final page!" said Galaxia.
"That's what I just said, dumbass."
Galaxia kicked Nephrite.
"OOF!" he cried, tumbling over.
She raised her arm to finish him off.
"NOT SO FAST!" yelled someone entering the room.
It was Queen Beryl.
"BERYL!" cried the Shitennou.
"I'm here for Jadeite!" called Beryl. "I will rescue him if it's the last thing I do!"
"Huh, so I guess being without him caused you to realize how much he really meant to you?" asked Nephrite.
"Don't make me put you in an eternal sleep," she warned. "And speaking of which… Galaxia?" she began. "SLEEP FOREVAHHHHH!"
The attack made Galaxia blink.
"Uh oh," said Beryl.
Galaxia extended her arm and grabbed Beryl by the neck.
"So, are you accepting applications? Can I have a set of them gauntlets?" asked Beryl desperately.
Galaxia threw Beryl into her throne, knocking it over.
Beryl was out of commission. Galaxia went to finish off Nephrite again.
"NOoooooo!" cried Nephrite.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" yelled a voice.
Galaxia looked up.
There stood Queen Metalia.
"Son?!" gasped Galaxia.
"Papa Chaos!" cried Queen Metalia. "It's been ages!"
"Honey, I'm so you're home!" exclaimed Galaxia. "I could never hurt you!"
"Papa, can you stop killing my minions? I kinda need those," requested Metalia.
"Sorry, but no," said Galaxia.
Metalia charged Galaxia with all she had.
Galaxia kicked Metalia and she flew into the wall.
But Metalia wasn't done yet.
"Zoisite, merge with me!" cried Metalia.
"Huh?" asked Zoisite.
"I think you should merge with me instead," interrupted Nephrite.
"No, me and Zoisite are very close. It's the only logical move!"
"I've never talked to you in my life," said Zoisite.
"IT'S THE ONLY WAY!" cried Metalia.
Metalia fused with Zoisite, making Super Zoisite.
"SUPER PETALS!" called Super Zoisite, throwing an attack.
They were about as effective as the regular petals.
Galaxia picked up Nephrite and used his body to bat down Super Zoisite.
But Super Zoisite wasn't finished yet. He spawned a giant crystal behind Galaxia.
"Super Zoi!" he yelled, giving away the fact that he was about to sneak attack.
Galaxia turned around and swatted away the super crystal.
"Don't you have any other moves?" asked Metalia inside Zoisite's head.
"No," said Zoisite sadly.
"Ok then just charge like a Wildman," suggested Metalia.
Zoisite threw himself at Galaxia.
Galaxia dodged and killed Super Zoisite.
She once again walked over to kill Nephrite.
"NOT SO FAST!" cried Beryl, climbing to her feet.
"Nephrite, merge with me!" cried Beryl.
"Huh?" said Nephrite.
Galaxia turned around and shot Beryl.
"Oh well, I don't even think we could have done that," sighed Nephrite.
Galaxia approached him again.
"GRANDPA PUMMEL OF DEATH!" screamed Granpda, coming from the sky.
He was riding a mount, but he was far away so Nephrite couldn't see what it was yet.
But when he grew nearer, it came into focus. He was riding Pharoah 90. He smashed Pharoah 90 into Galaxia. She was mortally wounded, but not out yet.
She crawled to her feet.
Grandpa assumed she was too weak to fight, so he turned into a cross-eyed lobster and charged.
She caught him and cooked him in a pot. She dipped him in butter and ate him with a bib and knife. "Tasty!" she commented.
"I won't let you hurt anyone else!" called Princess Kakyuu.
Galaxia one-shotted her.
She went to go finish off Nephrite.
"NOT SO FAST!" yelled Sailor Saturn. "I'll call forth the silence and finish you off!"
Galaxia laughed. "Go ahead and try it, but I bet you won't!"
Saturn didn't think Galaxia would call her bluff. She hung her head and left.
"I'll stop time if I have to!" yelled Pluto. She stopped time.
"Wait, now what?" wondered Pluto. Her time freeze ran out.
Galaxia slaughtered her in cold blood.
"ANYONE ELSE!?" demanded Galaxia. "OR CAN I KILL THIS FOOL NOW!?"
"I'll save you, Nephy!" called a new opponent, entering the ring. "For I, the great Tuxedo Melvin, will-"
Galaxia disintegrated him. All that remained was a single shrimp.
Nephrite mourned his death.
Kunzite stood up, despite having previously combusted.
"This one's for Zoisite!" he yelled. He threw two boomerangs in an attempt to tear Galaxia's dress.
Galaxia caught the boomerangs in each of her hands. She threw them back. Kunzite put up his cape to shield.
He cringed and awaited the worst. "In retrospect, in the time it took me to put my cape up, I should have just teleported," he noted. But it was too late. The boomerangs hit.
He looked up. "Why am I not dead? Holy shit, the cape block worked! HAHA!"
Galaxia killed Kunzite.
She walked over to Nephrite. She looked all around, waiting for someone to come in.
"This ends now!" she cried, after waiting several seconds.
She killed Nephrite.
FIN
