"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Good. Go get em' champ! But this is your last chance. If you fail, you're finished."

"Alrighty, Beryl!" said Jadeite. "I won't let ya' down!"


"I'll have a strawberry cone with sprinkles," said Jadeite.

"Sorry sir, we're out of strawberry soft serve."

"D'oh!" cried Jadeite. "I guess I'll just have vanilla chocolate swirl. With sprinkles."

"Coming right up!"

They handed Jadeite his ice cream. He sat down at a table by himself and began eating it.

"Meh, I'll get energy tomorrow. I'm sure Beryl was just bluffing."


The next day…

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

He looked around.

"Hey, what are all these boxes?"

"Jadeite, those are your things."

"I don't have any things," replied Jadeite in confusion. He opened one of the boxes and saw garbage. "Huh?"

"You're fired, Jadeite."

"But Beryl! I'm too young to die!" cried Jadeite. "There's so many things I haven't done yet! Such as getting energy!"

"Since you got zero energy, Jadeite, I don't have any energy to kill you. Therefore, I'm going to have to let you go," explained Beryl.

"Wait, so I'm gonna have to find a new job!?" cried Jadeite. "Please, Beryl, just kill me!"

"If you wanted to die then you should have gotten some energy. Now be gone with you!"

Jadeite sadly picked up his boxes of garbage that Beryl gave him and headed for the door. On the way out, he passed the other Shitennou.

He stopped to say his goodbyes.

"I guess this is goodbye guys," he said sadly.

"Cya," said Zoisite.

"After all this time, that's all you have to say?!" cried Jadeite in disbelief.

"Cya," repeated Zoisite.

Jadeite moped past him.

"Hey Jadeite," said Nephrite.

"Yes?" asked Jadeite perking up.

"Can I have your room?"

"I never had a room," replied Jadeite frowning.

"Oh. Then goodbye."

Jadeite moped past him as well.

"Kunzite, you were always my favorite," said Jadeite.

"Who are you?" asked Kunzite.

Jadeite, since he was fired anyway, threw a wild punch.

It had no effect.

He left sadly.


"Prince Diamond!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new crystal point!"

"Lovely," said Prince Diamond. "You're a valued member of the team. Take over the point at once," he commanded.

"Yes sir!" said Jadeite.

Jadeite headed out the door. "Looks like I got back on my feet pretty quickly after all," he thought to himself.

"Jadeite," said a mysterious voice from behind.

"Wiseman me boy!" said Jadeite happily. "Have any good advice for me today?"

"Yes," said Wiseman. "Follow me to my office."

"Ok!" said Jadeite.

Wiseman closed the door and locked it.

"Ummm….?" asked Jadeite.

"Jadeite, you don't fit into my master plan," said Wiseman.

"What master plan?"

"The one to make the Doom Phantom rise," replied Wiseman.

"Wait a second," realized Jadeite. "I'm telling Diamond!"

Jadeite made a run for the door.

Wiseman tried to shoot a beam at him but he was too fast.

"DIAMOND!" cried Jadeite running into Diamond's throne room. "Wiseman is evil!"

"Hahahaha," laughed Prince Diamond. "As if. Wiseman? Evil? LOL!"

"No Prince Diamond I'm serious!" cried Jadeite. "He's trying to raise the Doom Phantom!"

"Everyone knows the Doom Phantom is just a myth," laughed Diamond. "Now where is that crystal point?"

"Umm… I didn't overtake it yet, per se… but that's because I had to tell you about Wiseman! He's going to overthrow you!"

"Quit making things up and quit slacking off!" barked Prince Diamond.

"Yes my queen!" replied Jadeite.

"What was that?!" shouted Diamond.

"Nothing, force of habit!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"Better have been! Now get lost!"

Jadeite left Prince Diamond's room and cautiously tiptoed through the hall.

"Jadeite," said a voice.

Jadeite gasped. He knew his story was over. But he didn't want to go down without a fight.

He spun around and threw many blows. When the smoke cleared, he saw Emerald standing there unscathed.

"Phew, it was just you!" said Jadeite in relief. "I thought you were Wiseman trying to kill me."

"No, I'm Emerald trying to kill you."

"D'oh!" said Jadeite.

Emerald pulled out a gun and was about to shoot when Wiseman appeared and killed Emerald.

"Gee thanks!" said Jadeite. "You saved me!"

"Now to DIE!" yelled Wiseman.

"Oooowaaaa! How does Diamond let this go on!?"

Jadeite teleported away within an inch of his life. He called Wiseman on his cellphone when he was a safe distance away.

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to resign. Good luck with your master plan, I'm sure it'll all work out."

Wiseman threw a punch through the phone, so Jadeite had to quickly close it.


"Hello girls, I'm Jadeite," said Jadeite.

The Witches 5 all glared at him.

"We don't want you here, go away!" they yelled.

"Sorry but Dr. Tomoe said I could work here! I'm sure you'll all come to love me!" Jadeite said with a kind smile.

They all left the room, leaving him to scheme.

"Ok, I just have to find one of these pure heart crystal thingy kabobbers. How hard could that be? There's only 7 billion people on Earth, giving me a 3 out of 7 billion chance! eZ!"

He appeared at his target and pulled out his heart crystal extracting slingshot.

"Here I go!"

He fired at Hotaru, because out of all the people in the world, he happened to pick the Messiah of Silence.

She turned around, and for a second, almost looked scared. But then her eyes lit up red and she grinned a Satan-like grin.

Jadeite's shot had no effect on her. She picked up Jadeite by the throat and threw him so far that he flew all the way around the world and crashed in through Usagi's window.

"Jadeite?!" gasped Usagi. "Queen Beryl told me she fired you! What are you doing here?"

"Wait what?" asked Jadeite. "Is Beryl spreading rumors?"

"Doesn't look like a rumor," replied Ami.

"Shut up Ami," said Jadeite. "Anyway, I found another job. Now surrender your pure heart crystals!"

"Yeah… no," said Usagi. Her and the other four scouts transformed right in front of Jadeite.

"Wait, there's five of them now?!" gasped Jadeite in shock. "No matter! I know their identities now!"

"Do you know our identities?" asked Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto, appearing.

"THERE'S EIGHT OF THEM!?"

"And me!" said Chibi-usa.

"You don't count," said Jadeite.

Mamoru flew in. "Don't forget me!"

"Now there's someone I can take!" exclaimed Jadeite. He charged Mamoru. He circled around him and they both flew in a circle. Then Jadeite tackled Mamoru and he was no more.

"Now for the rest of you!" said Jadeite. He took out his slingshot, but Uranus threw a World Shaking, knocking it out of his hand.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "They must have been lifting since I last tried to fight the first three!"

He teleported back to the Witches 5 lab.

"That was bad," said Jadeite. "I'll try again tomorrow."

He went to get his phone from his locker. "UWAAAA!" he screamed.

His locker was full of snails.

He was about to throw them in the trash bin, when Melvin appeared.

"Hidy ho! I'm an ambassador from the snail watching club. I'll be taking those!"

Jadeite let him take the snails and leave.

"Anyway…" said Jadeite disturbed. He went to put on his shoes.

"YEEEEOUCH!" he cried. He kicked his shoe off and shook it. Out popped a poison-tipped sword.

"THEY PUT A SWORD IN MY SHOE!?" he cried in disbelief. "Talk about bad coworkers!" He shook the shoe again to see if there was anything else in there.

A bomb came out.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

He tried to run but the explosion caught up and took him out.

When he awoke a few hours later, he decided he was too weak to teleport home. He settled for riding his trike.

He started peddling down the street, but he reached an intersection and the light turned red.

He pressed down on the handle bar to slow down his trike, but it had no effect.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. Unable to stop, he sped into the intersection at 40 mph and got hit by a bus.

The next day, Dr. Tomoe walked into his lab to find Jadeite's resignation notice.

"Aww shucks," said Tomoe. "That one really had potential."


Jadeite appeared at his next job interview.

"Are you sure this isn't just a circus?" asked Jadeite.

"Nope," said Zirconia. "This is a full-on evil organization."

"But you're also a circus?" Jadeite asked.

"Yes. You must perform nightly in our circus, as well as work all day to get dream mirrors. It's a very challenging career path, and we only take those who are highly qualified."

"I think I can handle it!" said Jadeite enthusiastically.

"What kind of circus tricks can you do?" asked Zirconia.

"Do card tricks counts?"

"No."

"Well uh oh," said Jadeite.


Jadeite took a seat at the Amazon Trio bar.

"Where's the bartender?" he asked.

"He comes and goes," said Tiger's Eye.

"Oh. Well when he comes back, can I have a whole milk?"

The Amazon Trio laughed at him.

"Anyway," said Hawk's Eye, "Let's get down to business."

"Oh boy!" said Jadeite, rubbing his hands together.

"This is the target Zirconia gave us," said Hawk's Eye.

"Yuck!" cried Tiger's Eye. "An old lady!"

"Yuck!" cried Fisheye. "A lady!"

"Yeah I'm not doing this one either," said Hawk's Eye.

All three of them turned to Jadeite.

Jadeite gulped.


"Hey… good lookin'!" said Jadeite to the hundred-year-old woman.

He was wearing an overcoat and shades.

"Get away from me, stranger!" cried the lady. She started beating him with her cane.

"YOUCH!" he yelled. "Have some manners! If you stop beating me up… I'll take you out to dinner!" he offered.

She clubbed him harder.

"Why is this step even necessary!?" cried Jadeite. "That's it, I'm taking her mirror."

"3!" he yelled. Nothing happened. "2…?" Nothing happened. "1…!?" Still, nothing happened.

"Crap, was that the wrong order?" asked Jadeite.

By that time, the cops had shown up.

"Sir, I'm going to need you to stop harassing this old lady," said the cop.

"Yes ma'am," said Jadeite. He moped back to the bar. When he got there, there was no whole milk waiting for him.

"Dawgonit," he said, taking the hint.


The Amazon Quartet sat in the hot tub.

"Room for one more?" asked Jadeite.

"No, back off!" yelled the quartet.

"But didn't you hear? Zirconia reassigned me to your group! I am one of you now!"

"You? One of us?! HA!" laughed Ceres Ceres.

Jadeite sat down sadly on a stool by the hot tub.

"Get out of our spa, old man!" said Palla Palla.

"I'm not old!" yelled Jadeite. "I'm only 1018! I'm still hip! I'm still fresh! I'll still spunky!"

"Oh. My. God. No one says spunky anymore! No one has ever said it!" screamed Jun Jun.

"D'oh!" said Jadeite. "Then can we at least discuss our next target?"

"If you want to talk to us, you can message us on our Instagram."

"I only have iOS 3 on my iPod nano," replied Jadeite. "It won't let me download Instagram, even after I jailbroke it!"

"Get out of our sight," said the Quartet.

"D'aww okay," said Jadeite.


"Galaxia-sama!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of star seed holder!"

"Is it the true star seed holder?" asked Galaxia.

"I'm not sure yet, but I'll know soon!" said Jadeite.

Galaxia scowled. "When is 'soon?'"

"When I get the time, obviously," said Jadeite.

Galaxia swatted him across the room. "How dare you disrespect me, peasant boy!" she yelled.

"Oh boy!" exclaimed Jadeite, holding his face where she swatted him. "I feel at home already! Time to get that star seed!"

Jadeite was determined to succeed at this job.

He took to the streets immediately and didn't even stop for ice cream.

"Who's star seed should I take?" he wondered. He looked at a huge billboard of the Three Lights for inspiration.

"Hmm," said Jadeite. He turned on the radio hoping some song would give him an idea.

"Search for your love!" sang the radio.

"Man, is this always on?" complained Jadeite. He turned off the radio on his iPod nano.

"Hmmm," said Jadeite again. "I wish an idea would hit me already!"

Suddenly he got slugged in the face.

"Whoops!" laughed Yaten. "I thought you were a girl trying to flirt with me. My bad!"

The Three Lights passed him and left.

"Man, I thought I had an idea for a second there, but I guess not," sighed Jadeite.

He sat down on a bench to think critically.

"So far, from what I know of star things, it's clear that they come from the Sailor Scout of each planet. Thus, any of Sailor Moon's friends would have a true star seed. But I couldn't even fight them back in season 1! And they've gone through about half a dozen power-ups since then."

Jadeite was about to give up hope. "If only there was a friend of Sailor Moon who hadn't improved at all since the first season!"


Jadeite knocked on the window of Mamoru Chiba's jet plane.

Mamoru opened the window, despite safety regulations.

"What do you want, Jadeite?" groaned Mamoru. "The writers told me I had to go to America for some reason, so I'm busy!"

"I'm here to take your star seed," said Jadeite.

"Back off!" yelled Mamoru, throwing his bag of peanuts at Jadeite.

Jadeite fell off the wing of the plane and hit the ground with a thud.

"NOOO!" cried Jadeite. "Now I'll never be able to catch up!"

He started to cry.

"Wait a minute, I can control planes!"

He froze Mamoru's plane in the air and climbed back on.

Mamoru jumped on top of the plane. "Alright, Jadeite, let's finish that fateful duel from long ago!"

They both flew up in the air. Jadeite shot lightning at Mamoru, so Mamoru leapt higher in the air. Jadeite leapt higher as well. They both circled each other, as lightning flashed in the background.

In a single frame of animation, Jadeite tackled Mamoru.

Mamoru plunged into the ocean that was for some reason next to the plane that was 5,000 feet in the air.

Jadeite dived into the water after him. "I'm glad I went after Mamoru, the only person I could take!"

He looked around. "Now where did his body go?"

A rose floated to the top of the ocean, but Mamoru's body was nowhere to be found.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "How did I lose the corpse!? Galaxia's not gonna be too happy!"


"Galaxia-sama!" began Jadeite, entering her throne room.

Galaxia removed Jadeite's gauntlets. "I'm sorry Jadeite but I'm going to have to let you go."

"I understand," said Jadeite as he faded from existence.

FIN