"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Jadeite, listen. You've been over-exerting yourself lately, as have the others."
"D'awww, I really thought I wasn't going to die today," Jadeite said sadly.
"No Jadeite, I'm sending you guys on a forced work vacation!" Beryl explained.
"AWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" exclaimed Jadeite. He started doing a ridiculous dance and looking like a fool. "I haven't been on a vacation since the Silver Millennium!"
"Pack your things, Jeddy, and tell the others to as well. Your flight leaves in five minutes."
"But Beryl! I haven't even had time to do my laundry! I only have one clean outfit, and it's not the one I'm wearing!"
"Then you better run!" suggested Beryl, chuckling.
"UWAA!" cried Jadeite, running off to gather his things.
He came back ten seconds later. "So where are we going?"
"It's a surprise," said Beryl.
"Ok… but should I bring a coat or a bathing suit?"
"It's a surprise," said Beryl.
"I'll just bring both," decided Jadeite.
The plane arrived.
Jadeite hopped aboard.
"Jadeite, where are the other three?" demanded Beryl.
"Shit, I forgot to tell them! I was too busy picking out outfits for all possible weather conditions!"
Beryl teleported the other three in.
"AAARRRGH!" cried Nephrite. He had been drinking alcohol in his underpants on his couch. "Haven't you heard of knocking?"
Zoisite was laying on the floor of Beryl's throne room sound asleep since she had teleported him in at 4 am.
Kunzite had been on the toilet so he subsequently fell to the ground upon being warped in.
"What the hell, Beryl!?" he demanded.
"Huh?" asked Zoisite stirring in his sleep. "Did you find out how to put the rainbow crystals together yet?"
"You're all going on vacation!" barked Beryl. She kicked them into the plane as one would kick a dog into a cage to take them to the vet.
The plane took off.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Jadeite. "I LOVE PLANES!"
"Do you now?" asked Nephrite, remembering that time Jed got ran over.
"YA YA YA!" replied Jadeite.
"So what are we going to do until we arrive?" asked Kunzite.
"I'm going back to sleep," said Zoisite.
"I'm going back to drinking," said Nephrite.
"Ok Nephy and Kunzy, it's just us three!" said Jadeite after Zoisite passed out.
"Watch it," said Kunzite.
"Let's all take turns talking about our new sources of energy!" suggested Jadeite. "I'll go first! The humans have this thing called-"
"I can't believe he talked about his new source of energy for 48 hours," groaned Kunzite as he jumped off the plane.
"Where are we?" asked Nephrite.
Zoisite finally woke up after 48 hours. "I feel well rested."
"Oh shit, I forgot to sleep," remembered Jadeite. "Talking about energy really drained my energy! Let's go to the hotel so I can get some rest."
"HEY GUYS! WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA!" yelled a tour guide, approaching.
"Hey, I know you," exclaimed Zoisite. "You're that arcade guy's girlfriend! I took your rainbow crystal!"
Reika threw a wild punch at Zoisite.
Zoisite side-stepped.
Reika toppled over. She stood up and wiped off her clothes. "Anyway, your boss said I'm supposed to give you guys a tour as part of the forced work vacation! So follow meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
After a long tour of Sydney, they reached the edge of the city.
"Ok, we must turn back now," explained Reika.
"Why?" asked Nephrite.
"Because, do you see that line right there? That line separates civilized Australia from the outback."
"Why can't we see the outback?" Jadeite asked.
Reika gasped. "You don't want to know. Those who go into the outback never come back. That's our national slogan."
"What is this, Australian rules?" demanded Nephrite.
"Yes," said Reika.
"Darnit."
"Ok, so let's head back!" Reika repeated. She went on ahead.
They waited until she was long gone.
"Ok guys, I'm gonna do it!" decided Jadeite. "I'm gonna step over the line!"
"I don't know about that," said Kunzite. "Maybe we should heed her warning and turn back."
"Don't be such a stick in the mud!" said Jadeite. "When I get home, I want to tell my family all about this trip! Including how I set foot in the outback!"
"What family?" asked Zoisite.
"You guys! And Beryl!" said Jadeite.
"All we want is for you to be safe," said Nephrite, half sarcastically.
"It's okay, family, I'm one tough cookie!"
With that, Jadeite took a deep breath and stepped over the line.
"Look, I'm in the outback! Someone take my picture!"
"We didn't have time to pack a camera," said Zoisite.
"Oh. Well take a picture with your memories," Jadeite told them.
But they didn't have time to.
At lightning speed, a wild kangaroo appeared and kicked Jadeite in the head, knocking him off his feet.
He tried to fight back, and he almost landed a punch, but it turned out to be futile.
The kangaroo threw its Joey at him as projectile. He barely dodged.
The kangaroo used the diversion to grab Jadeite and throw him into its pouch. The kangaroo hopped away, taking Jadeite with it.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" cried Jadeite.
Jadeite was never seen again.
"Oh no!" cried Nephrite. "We have to help him!"
"I don't know about that," said Kunzite.
"No, I think you should let him go," said Zoisite, nudging Kunzite.
"Oh yeah," remembered Kunzite. "Go for it!"
Nephrite took a step into the outback.
A horde of dingos appeared and hauled Nephrite away.
Zoisite started laughing. "Looks like our problem is solved!"
"Yeah," said Kunzite. "Now let's go back to the hotel!"
Zoisite started to turn around, but then he stopped. "Oh shit. I still have to steal Nephrite's black crystal."
"Don't do it," warned Kunzite. "We can make another one!"
"Don't be ridiculous," scoffed Zoisite. "That was the only one."
"STOP!" cried Kunzite. But it was too late.
Zoisite took a step into the outback.
"See?" said Zoisite. "Nothing bad happened. Jadeite and Nephrite were just fools. I, on the other hand, came prepared!"
10 cannibals spawned at that moment, surrounding Zoisite.
Zoisite started running in circles, and the cannibals clubbed him on the head.
They hogtied him to a stick and carried him away.
"NOOOO!" yelled Kunzite. "Bring him back!"
Kunzite ran into the outback.
"I'll just follow the cannibals' footprints, and then-"
Suddenly two large pillar formed on each side of Kunzite.
"What are these?" he wondered.
They were pink, and almost flesh like.
"What are these white pointy things?" Kunzite asked curiously.
Just then, the croc's jaw snapped shut. Kunzite was devoured.
Queen Beryl sat in her throne. "I hope the Shitennou aren't dead. I'll have no one to paint my fingernails!"
She paced around the room, awaiting their return. "Their plane should be here by now…"
She started pacing faster. Sweat started to roll down her face. "They'll be fine! It's not like there's any Sailor Scouts in Australia! As long as they didn't step into the outback, there's nothing that could have gone wrong! And they would never step into the outback. No one's that dumb!"
Finally she called Reika on the phone.
"Have you seen my babies?!" Beryl cried. "I mean… my slaves?"
"No, I haven't seen them since the edge of the outback."
"Oh no." said Beryl, dropping the phone.
Just when she was about to give up all hope, Kunzite, Zoisite, and Nephrite teleported in.
"YOU'rE ALIVE!" she cried with glee. Suddenly she stopped and then threw herself on the throne.
"Oh. Look. You're back," she said dryly. "Not that I care either way."
"It was riveting story!" exclaimed Nephrite.
"I don't want to hear it," said Beryl. "As long as you didn't step into the outback, I don't-"
"That's just it!" said Kunzite.
Beryl gasped. "You're meaning to say that you stepped into the outback… and survived?!"
"Yes, it was a riveting tale!" repeated Nephrite.
"Where's Jadeite?" Beryl asked, trying to look indifferent.
All three Shitennou looked down sadly.
"Unfortunately, we couldn't find him," said Nephrite. "He's one with the kangaroos now."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Beryl. She threw herself on the floor and started punching the ground. "NOT THE KANGAROOS! NOT AGAIN!?"
The Shitennou stared at her in dismay.
She hopped back on her throne and looked away. "I don't care," said Beryl sniffling. "I never loved him anyway."
Tears formed in her eyes. "BE GONE! ALL OF YOU!"
They left her room with their heads down.
Ten years later…
Jadeite hopped into Beryl's throne room with a Joey in his pouch.
"J-J-Ja-Jadeite?!" stammered Beryl. "I thought… I thought you were dead!"
"I've never been more alive, my queen," said Jadeite. "I want you to meet my family. This is my Joey, Joey. And this is my wife, Kangaraa. I have become one of the kangaroos."
Queen Beryl started crying tears of joy.
Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite walked into the room.
"Oh hey Jed," they all said.
"So anyway Beryl," said Nephrite. "I found a new source of energy or whatever…"
"NO!" cried Jadeite. "It's all wrong! This is all wrong!"
"Huh?" asked Nephrite.
Jadeite threw a wild punch.
Nephrite laughed. He knew Jadeite was no match for him.
But before he could even take a swing at Jadeite, Joey jumped out of Jed's pouch and threw himself onto Nephrite's face.
"Youch!" yelled Nephrite.
Joey wrapped around Nephrite's neck and cut off his air supply until he passed out.
"Nice work, Joey," said Zoisite.
Jadeite drop-kicked Zoisite.
"Hey!" yelled Kunzite. "Watch it!"
Jadeite hopped away at lightning speed.
Before making her exit, Kangaraa hopped in and spit at Kunzite like llama.
Kunzite was mad. He punched the wall and it exploded.
"I'm so happy for him," said Beryl. "He never had a true family, and he had to pretend we were his family. I mean… I always felt like I was… but now he's found true happiness."
"What was that, my queen?" asked Kunzite in shock.
"Nothing, I was just saying how incompetent you guys were!" screamed Beryl. "Now get back to work!"
"Yes my queen," all three said. They left.
"Be free, Jed," said Beryl. "Be free."
FIN
