"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Jadeite I am dying," said Queen Beryl.

"WHAT?!" gasped Jadeite. "PLS, NO BERYL! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"That's why I'm dying, Jadeite."

"Why?!" asked Jadeite in horror.

"Because of YOU!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Jadeite.

"YES!" yelled Beryl. "Your failures are making me ill. I don't think I have much more disappointment in me!"

"Beryl no! Hang in there!"

"I'm slipping…."

"WAAAAAAAAA!" cried Jadeite.

"Jadeite," said Beryl weakly. "Please… just get me some energy!"

"I can't promise to do that my queen. I can only promise to try."

Queen Beryl backhanded Jadeite. "I really thought that would work. Get out of my sight. Trying isn't enough."

"You mean no one's going to die?" asked Jadeite, joyful tears forming on his eyes.

Jadeite immediately realized he made a mistake in words.

"Someone is going to die," said Beryl.

Jadeite made a break for it before she finished her sentence.

"Gosh darn," said Beryl. "I should have shot him instead of backhanding him while I had the chance."


"Gee, thanks for inviting me to the amusement park with you guys!" exclaimed Jadeite. "Why didn't you invite Nephrite, though?"

"Nephrites aren't welcome in this household," stated Zoisite.

"What did he ever do to you guys?" asked Jadeite.

"Jadeite, do you want to go home?" asked Kunzite.

"Nope," said Jed.

They pulled up to the amusement park. They got out and walked in through the ticket line.

Jadeite was walking behind them because it was a narrow passage and he couldn't fit next to them.

When it got to his turn, the ticket guy stopped him.

"That will be $240," said the ticket guy.

"WHAT?!" gasped Jadeite. "I thought it was only $80 a person!"

"It is. It appears your friends expected you to treat them, since they did not pay."

"D'oh!" cried Jadeite. He was forced to pay for all three of them.

When he caught up, they were already in line for the log flume.

"Awww yea!" exclaimed Jadeite, hopping in line behind them.

"Hey guys?" he asked. "Did you forget to pay at the entrance?"

"Huh?" asked Kunzite. "I thought these places were free."

"Well they're not," said Jadeite. "I had to pay $160 for you two."

"Do you want a medal?" asked Zoisite.

"Maybe a refund," Jadeite mumbled under his breath.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Just saying how excited I was for the log flume."

It was finally their turn.

"Can I sit where I won't get wet?" asked Zoisite.

"No," said the guy. "But you and your boyfriend can have the luxury seats in the back with the cushions, arm rests, and minimal water."

"Aww sweet!"

Jadeite went to sit down next to them.

"These seats are great!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"Sorry," said Kunzite. "It's only two seats."

"I think I can fit!" said Jadeite, trying to squeeze in between them.

Zoisite shoved him in the water.

He climbed out.

"While you were in the water all the seats filled up," said the employee. "The only one open is the one in the front."

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

He sat down. "At least I have it all to myself…"

Grandpa sat down next to him. "Hey gorgeous. Did you fall out of Heaven?"

"Hell, actually," said Jadeite.

"I've been there," said Grandpa. "By the way, log flumes really scare me! I'll need to someone to hold me."

"Well you came to the wrong place," said Jadeite.

But Grandpa latched onto him and didn't let go.

The ride started.

"Oh boy my clothes have finally dried," said Jadeite.

Suddenly they went down the ramp.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Jadeite at the 90 degree fall. There was a huge splash and he was soaked with sewer water.

"Do you think we're a bit mean to Jadeite?" pondered Kunzite.

"No."

After Jadeite got off his uniform was ruined with sewer water and tears.

"That was fun" said Zoisite.

"Meh," said Jadeite.

"OMG, FUNNEL CAKES!" cried Jadeite, noticing a nearby vendor.

"Oh boy!" cried Zoisite and Kunzite.

They bought a funnel cake.

"I can't wait to taste it!" said Jadeite, as Kunzite and Zoisite dug in.

He took out his special wooden fork he brought from home.

He went in for the kill.

There was no cake left.

Jadeite's heart broke in two.

"Oh, did you want some?" asked Zoisite with half the cake sticking out of his mouth. "Sorry, there's none left."

"There's still some sticking out of your mouth," said Jadeite. "If I could just have a quick bite…"

Zoisite swallowed the funnel cake whole. "I'm sorry Jadeite. There's nothing I can do."

"Oh barnacles," sighed Jadeite.

"THE TEACUPS!" cried Jadeite, filled with life once more as he spotted the ride.

"Oh boy oh boy!" said Zoisite and Kunzite.

They ran up to the teacups and Zoisite and Kunzite hopped on one.

Jadeite went to climb in with them again.

"Sorry we're full," said Zoisite.

"I think I can fit in there!" insisted Jadeite, gesturing to the 4 empty seats.

"Sorry we're full," said Kunzite.

Zoisite pushed him onto the ground.

"Hey you can't be on the ground, the ride is starting," said a worker.

The ride started and Jadeite had to leap onto a teacup before he got crushed.

"That was a close one," he said.

The cups started going around. "This is fun!" said Jadeite.

"Now to start spinning," said his cup-mate, Shingo.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "Just take it easy, I get nauseous pretty quickly!"

Shingo started spinning the wheel out of control.

"SLOOOOWWW DOOOWWNNNN!" cried Jed.

But Shingo sped up. Soon the cup was spinning at the speed of light.

It flung out of the ride and into the dunk tank.

"D'oh!" cried Jadeite.

"That was awesome!" said Shingo.

Jadeite went to punch Shingo when a security guard approached. "Do we have a problem?" he asked.

"No ma'am," said Jadeite fleeing.

He met up with Kunzite and Zoisite as they got off the teacups.

"That was a fun, relaxing ride," said Kunzite.

"Yeah I'm glad we didn't spin it at all," said Zoisite.

Jadeite threw up in Zoisite's hair.

"JADEITE!" cried Zoisite.

Kunzite went to slug Jadeite but Jadeite fell over on his own and passed out.

When he awoke, he was being held over Kunzite's shoulder. They were in line for the Ferris wheel.

"Oh boy the Ferris wheel!" exclaimed Jed. "What could possible go wrong?"

They boarded the wheel. Jadeite tried to climb on with them, but Zoisite shoved him away.

Jadeite was prepared this time. He latched onto their cart.

The Ferris wheel started spinning. "no no no No No No NO NO NO NOOOO!" cried Jadeite. He was losing his grip fast. The ride reached the top.

Jadeite looked down and immediately lost his grip in shock.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" he cried as he plunged to his doom. He landed in the gears and was torn to shreds.

Finally the ride ended so he could escape the gears.

"I'm sorry Jed," said Zoisite. "But why didn't you fly?"

Jadeite face-palmed.

"You know guys, I'm starting to feel like a third wheel here," said Jadeite.

"What?!" asked Kunzite and Zoisite in shock. "But why?!"

"Well for one, you tossed me off the Ferris wheel. For two, you tossed me off the teacups. And for three, you tossed me off the log flume."

"Listen Jed," said Kunzite. "We were just trying to have a romantic day out. But you are still a very close friend, and we would never see you as a third wheel or a burden of any sort. You will always be our equal."

"Really?" asked Jed.

"No," said Zoisite. "Now come hold our things while we ride the tunnel of love."

"D'oh," said Jadeite.

Suddenly he got mad. He threw a wild punch, catching Zoisite off guard.

Zoisite was tossed back onto the test your strength machine, just as someone swung down the hammer.

He was instantly KO'd.

Kunzite was reeeally mad.

He started throwing blows like a madman.

But Jadeite was madder.

He threw blows of equal strength. Kunzite was surprised that Jadeite had it in him, and missed a beat.

Jadeite landed a critical hit, launching Kunzite into the cotton candy machine.

Kunzite was spun around and put on a stick and given to a child.

"I won't be treated like a third wheel!" hollered Jadeite.

He hopped on the little plane ride for infant children. He flew the plane off the ride and left the amusement park.


He knocked on Nephrite's door with a six pack.

"Hey man! I was tryna hang with Zoisite and Kunzite at the amusement park, but they were treating me like a third wheel."

"What? Why wasn't I invited?" asked Nephrite.

"They don't like you for some reason," said Jadeite.

"Awww, I bet it's because I forgot to send them a Christmas card last year. They said they weren't mad, but…"

"Anyway," said Jed. "I came here because I know you'll always treat me like an equal, and not favor your partner over me! Because you don't have one!" laughed Jadeite.

"Actually," said Nephrite.

"Hey Jed I'm Molly!" said Molly.

"Nephrite is that a human?" asked Jadeite.

"Don't tell Beryl," said Nephrite.

"So anyway," said Molly. "Jadeite, as they call you. Do you want to hold our bags while we go shopping?"

Jadeite sighed. "Sure. I think I've burnt my bridges with Zoisite and Kunzite, so you guys are all I have left."

"Don't forget about me!" said Melvin. "You can always join the snail watching club! I'm the only member!"

"You know what? I think I will," said Jed.


-Epilogue-

Jadeite's body was washed ashore two days later. Experts suspect that he had jumped off a nearby bridge, moments after joining a local snail watching club.

His funeral was held on Sunday.

Many people came by to pay their respects.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" cried Queen Beryl.

"It's okay, my queen," said Kunzite. "He's better off in Heaven. There, he'll always be the first wheel."

"Who?" asked Queen Beryl.

"Wait, why'd you scream?" asked Kunzite.

"I didn't win my scratch ticket," said Beryl.

"HE WAS TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!" wailed Grandpa. He pulled out a gun and shot himself. "I'll see you in Hell again, my love."

As they were covering up the grave with soil, Melvin leapt in.

"I WON'T LEAVE YOUUUU!"

Melvin was buried alive with all his snails.

Nephrite and Zoisite each threw down a single rose onto his grave.

"RIP," said Nephrite.

"Riperoo," said Zoisite.

They parted ways, but were both glad that they had temporarily forgotten their differences for the sake of Jed.

FIN