warning: mentions of suicide attempt
"But how is this even possible?" I had gotten out of Davids' lap and was now pacing around. I was confused. And I wasn't. I felt like I was torn within. Why wasn't I screaming? Why was I so calm? I felt something rise inside.
Before I knew what was happening I felt like I couldn't breathe and my sight narrowed down to a small window. I felt somebody sit me down and press my head between my knees.
"Hey, I need you to calm down. I need you to breathe." I could barely hear David. He was too far away.
'We have done this before. Breathe for me. In and out. Come on Amy, in and out.' Pauls' voice was loud in my head. I looked up into his eyes and tried to level my breathing with his. It took me for forever to calm down.
When finally my vision cleared, I realized I was sitting in Dwaynes' lap. Paul sitting on his heels between our legs and had my face in his hands.
"Alright. Keep breathing." He didn't let go of my face and I could Dwaynes' hands feel running up and down my arms. Slowly I recovered, got back control over my body.
"I have to…" I could feel bile rise in my throat and my stomach convulse. Dwayne pushed me forward while holding back my hair and I started vomiting. I felt so sick all of a sudden, I didn't understand why.
"It's okay, princess. We have you." His voice was calm and soothing. His free hand caressing my back as I puked again. I felt so embarrassed. I didn't want them to see me like this.
When I finally felt my stomach relax I was completely exhausted and sweaty. Through half lidded eyes I saw Marko with a wet washcloth coming over. He took the bucket from me and started cleaning my face. One of the boys held a bottle to my lips and I was glad for the water so I could wash out my mouth.
"Are you feeling better now?" Davids' voice was soft and he gently pushed some strands of hair from my forehead.
"Yes. I am sorry, I don't know why I felt so sick all of a sudden." My voice was hoarse.
"It's not your fault. It's the blood in your system. Turning isn't an easy process. It hurts. There are times you feel like dying. And without sugar-coating it, that is exactly what happens to your body." I climbed over from Dwayne into Davids' lap and leaned into his chest.
"I think I can deal with that. I am already living on borrowed time. I wasn't supposed to even be here. Hold me, please." David hugged me tight and laid his head on mine.
"Hey, babe. Care to tell us why you think you live on borrowed time?" Marko had sat down on the armrest next to us and Paul was sitting on the floor, with his head in my lap. I looked to my right and Dwayne scooted over and rested his arm on the back of the couch behind David and I. I sighed heavily. I had never really talked to somebody about it, except for my therapist.
"I don't think I live on borrowed time, I know it. I showed you the scars yesterday." Dwayne had taken my shaking hands in his and all four boys were waiting for me to continue.
"Why don't you start with why you came here in the first place. It might be easier, princess." I nodded and took another minute before I started.
"I grew up in Phoenix. I had a brother and two great parents. Straight A student and a boyfriend I was sure I would marry one day. Two years ago we lost my brother. He died while saving someone elses life. It was hard on us, especially on my dad. A few months later my mom got diagnosed with cancer. She started treatment and everything seemed to turn back right. During that time I spent a lot of time with my dad in the garage, working on his 'Baby'. He showed me a lot about motorcycles and I was to inherit his Harley one day. Well, my mom got better as I said but it took its toll on all of us, we had just lost James after all. And then there was this night in August… We were driving home from visiting my grandparents. It was late at night and I had fallen asleep in the back of the car. I came to seconds before the truck hit us. Threw us over. My mom died the second he hit us, my dad got thrown out of the window and died trying to get back to the car to save us. I was trapped in the back, half dead when they found me. I spent month in the hospital and broke up with my boyfriend… with Michael, I broke up with Michael. When I was released from the hospital, I moved in with my aunt. I stopped going out, my grades dropped and I pushed away almost every single one of my former friends. There were a lot of bills to pay, the funeral, the hospital, therapy… My aunt couldn't pay them anymore so she did what was necessary. The sold the house I grew up in and my dads' bike. That was the day I couldn't take it anymore. I had lost my family and now I was losing everything that was left of them. I didn't see a way anymore and I couldn't imagine the pain to ever lessen. So I decided I was done. Locked myself into the bathroom, got into the tub, drank the last bottle of wine that my parents had bought. I cut open my wrists. Not like they always do in movies, the cut followed my pulse. I wanted to die. I didn't want to be saved, I just wanted it to be over. And I almost succeeded, hadn't my aunt managed to break down the door in time… So yes, I am already living on borrowed time."
I felt the tears starting to silently flow down my cheeks. David pulled me tighter into him, Dwayne had rested his head in the crook of my neck, Paul was stroking my inner thigh and Marko had his hands over the scars on my wrists.
I just sat there, as silent as the boys around me. I couldn't believe that they didn't just tell me to get lost, that the actually listened.
"I… I am sorry. It's not a pretty story…" I tried to somehow make the situation more bearable on all of us.
"We all have some sad story that brought us here. That's how we found each other. We were lost. Now we aren't. You're not lost anymore." I looked up at his words and relaxed a little bit when his lips touched mine for the briefest moment.
"How did you all…?"
"That's a story for another night, hot stuff. We should get you something to eat. It will help a little with that sick stomach." Paul pulled me out of Davids' lap and carried me towards the stairs bridal style. I actually had to laugh a little bit.
"Okay, let me down, Paul. I need to go home. Shelly will be worried sick by now. And I need some clean clothes. I smell…" I let out a shriek when Paul buried his face in my neck and inhaled exaggeratedly.
"You still smell good enough to eat.", he growled.
"Let her down Paul. We need to eat before we go to the boardwalk anyways. I will drive her… to her cousins'. We will meet up with you at the usual spot." David had gotten up and Paul reluctantly set me back on my feet. Since we were going home, I climbed up behind David. Before we drove off I gave Marko another kiss, he looked rather sad considering his usual playful attitude.
"How did you know where I live?" I asked David when we stopped in front of the house.
"Asked Paul. Come on. The sooner we get this done…" His jaw seemed tense. I got in front of him and made him stop in his tracks.
"What's wrong all of a sudden? You haven't been so grumpy five minutes ago." He looked down at me with a smile that never reached his eyes.
"David?" I raised my eyebrows and refused to let this go.
"It's Michael. He was here. I can smell him all over the place." He growled with his pupils almost swallowing up all the blue in his eyes. I wasn't sure what to make of this. Why he was here was a riddle to me.
"Let's get inside. I don't want to think about him unless necessary." I grabbed Davids' hand and pulled him towards the entrance. I opened the front door and led him up the stairs. As I opened the door I could see light coming from both the kitchen and the living room.
"Amy!" Shelly came running into the hall and threw herself at me. I closed my arms around her a little confused. I had been out over night before and she never made such a big deal out of it. She tore away upon David clearing his throat.
"Amy? Who is this?" She eyed him suspicious as he put his arm around me.
"Ahem. Shelly this is David. He's a friend of mine. I was out with him and his brothers yesterday and was in no condition to go home. So I slept it off at his place and asked him to bring me home now. David this is my cousin Shelly." My cousin still seemed cautious and made no attempt to shake Davids' hand.
"I know where you have been. Do you have a death wish? Those four are not to be trusted." Now it was my turn to eye her in confusion.
"Shelly? Where is that coming from? Last time I checked you didn't mind me hanging out with Paul. And what do you mean, you know where I was?" She still glared at the man, vampire, at my side who was absentmindedly toying with my hair. Without giving me an answer she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the living room and away from David.
"Hey! You're hurting me. What is wrong with you?" I looked back over my shoulder to see David was slowly following us. Something was wrong, I knew it when I saw his jaw clenched again.
"Thank god you are okay!" I was pulled into a strong hug and hit by an all too familiar scent. Behind me I could hear a dark threatening growl.
"Let go of her Michael. Right. Now." Davids' voice was even colder than usually and I struggled to break free.
"I don't think so, asshole. Not after what you did to her."
"What I did to her? I was not the one forcing my tongue down her throat." With a little yelp I was yanked away from Michael and gladly pressed myself back first into the blondes' chest.
"What the fuck do you want here, Michael? And what did you tell my cousin?" My voice was shaking with anger. I hated him so much in this second. First he kissed me and now he was invading my home like he owned the place.
"There wasn't much to tell apart from them drugging us and keeping you at their place to do god knows what. Why can't you see how much you mean to me? Amy I was so worried about you when I came here and you were still out. Please, you know I would do anything for you." I just stared at him, holding on tighter to Davids' arm that spun around my chest.
"Get out now. I don't want to see you here ever again. Stay away from me and from Shelly. You have no right to force your way back into my life. And for telling the truth, tell everything next time. Shelly, did he tell you that he kissed me without my consent and forced me to drink wine that I didn't want? I bet not. Because that would mean to admit he was the one forcing himself on me and the boys being the good ones." He stared at me dumbfounded and Shelly started shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably.
"You heard her, Michael. Get out. Now. Before I decide to help you a little with that." I couldn't really explain what happened after Davids' words. I could see the strain on Michaels' face, as if he was fighting some internal battle. Seemingly against his will he walked towards the door and went out into the hallway outside our apartment.
"Amy…" He looked at me like a beaten dog.
"Save it for someone who cares." I just smashed the door in his face and leaned against it with closed eyes.
"I am so sorry Amy… If I had known… But he came here, going on about you being god knows where and…" I closed the distance between my cousin and me and hugged her as she started sobbing. Her tears soaked my shirt and I mouthed 'thank you' over her shoulder to David, who was leaning in the door to the living room.
'I can wait outside, sweetheart. Give the two of you some privacy.' I slightly shook my head. I didn't want him outside with Michael right now. Who knew what would happen between them if he was still around.
"Come on Shelly. Let's sit down and I will explain everything." She pulled away with bloodshot eyes and nodded.
"Where is your kitchen? I can make some coffee or hot chocolate." I looked at David, surprised of this sudden outburst of kindness towards some stranger.
"Last door to the right. Chocolate is in the top drawer next to the fridge." He gave me a quick kiss as he made for the kitchen and I pushed Shelly towards the living room and onto the couch.
"What was that kiss about?" Shelly asked after a few minutes.
"Huh? I… ahem…" I didn't really know where to start explaining all this. Shelly raised her eyebrows and I could already tell what was going on in her mind as she started to grin a little bit.
"Oh, Shelly! It's nothing like that. We are not… Will you stop doing that?" I threw a pillow her way when she started waggling her eyebrows very suggestively.
"So that's the real reason you were out all night and day. You were with him. That explains Michaels' behaviour." She had caught the pillow and laughed loud, completely ignoring that David was in the other room.
"I told you nothing happened. David and his brothers wouldn't have done anything, except…" I had started to pace around the room in discomfort.
"Wait! Brothers?! You mean you were with all four of them? Damn, girl. Never thought you had it in you." She grinned at me wildly by now and I flushed a deep red. What did I get myself into and how could I ever explain that to Shelly?
"So you stopped crying. Good." David came in with two mugs of hot chocolate. He set them down on the table and sat down in the old armchair and pulled me in his lap, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. My cousin followed us with her eyes while blowing on her chocolate.
'Relax. You look like you are ready to run any second.' I still wasn't used to hearing him in my head. It was a strange feeling to have somebody invading your most private part. I tried to relax into him and felt a lot better when he took one of my hands in his.
"So, uhm, David. My cousin was with you and your brothers the whole time? Don't get me wrong, I am glad she is having some fun since her ex. I'm just curious what this is going to be." She had made a gesture that encircled us both and I knew where she was getting.
"We didn't have sex, if that is what you are hinting at. We took care of Amy. She needed somebody who really understands her. Sadly we couldn't keep Michael from going after her. Had I known before that she had broken up with him beforehand, I would have never invited him." I flushed again a deep red at him mentioning the possibility that we might have had sex. I felt more uncomfortable by the minute.
"Sorry, but I don't think I owe you any explanation. Not since there is another boy in your room every other week." I snapped before Shellys' curiosity could get the best of her.
"Hey, don't shoot me right away. A girl can still ask." She giggled and I just rolled my eyes.
"Do you think you could give us a moment?" I looked at her with request.
"Sure. I am… Oh shit! I was supposed to meet with Leyla five minutes ago!" Shelly jumped off the couch and rushed into her room, where I could hear her rummaging.
"Is she always that nosy?" Davids' lips moved softly against the side of my neck.
"When it comes to my love life, always." I sighed.
"Anything we should know?" He gave me one of his smirks and I pushed his head away before he could buy his face in my neck again.
"I think I should stay here tonight. There is just so much I have to think about. I don't feel like I have already understood that you are a vampire, that you really exist." His face turned serious.
"Of course you would need time. Anything else would have surprised me. Just make sure you eat enough. For now normal food will set your stomach at ease. I a couple of days that might not be enough anymore. But we will deal with that when the time comes." I pulled myself out of his lap and looked down into his icy orbs.
"That is another point I need to think about. I… I just don't know what to make of all this right now. I know I should be afraid of you, that I should run for all it is worth. Just give me time. Even if it might take me a few days to process all of this." He got back onto his feet and pulled me into his chest once more.
"Take all the time you need. If you need anything, you know where to find us. And I will know when you need us. You have my blood inside of you, I will know what you feel. And so I will know when normal food won't be enough anymore." When I walked him to the door he leaned down and captured my lips.
"There is one more thing I need to know. You guys can't come in here without invitation, can you?" He looked at me with a smile.
"No, sweetheart. Since you invited me in, I am the only one who can enter. The others can't. So no surprise visits from Paul to your bedroom." I rolled my eyes but was still relieved that they couldn't just come in here. When David had eft I retreated to my room. I had wanted to take a bath but I felt so exhausted, even if I had slept the whole day. I ate some of Shellys' leftovers and went to bed.
