"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of-"

"JADEITE!" howled Beryl.

"Yes, my queen?" asked Jadeite, shocked.

"Did you think you could trick me?!" screamed Beryl.

"Yes!" cried Jadeite. "I mean no!"

"Jadeite, you have spurned me for the last time! You won't disobey me again!"

"B-but I…" protested Jadeite weakly.

"ENOUGH!" shouted Beryl. She charged up her crystal ball.

"Wait, no!" said Jadeite in a meek voice.

Just then, Kunzite appeared in front of Jadeite.

"Beryl, me boy!" he said upon entering.

Kunzite was hit by the blow. Nothing happened. He narrowed his eyes.

Beryl leaped out of her throne and ran. She tripped and then skittered away like a cat.

"Anyway…" said Kunzite. "We wanted to invite you both to our Go Fish game, but Beryl fled, so do you wanna come, Jadeite?"

"AWwwww YEAHHHH!" said Jadeite.

They teleported to Kunzite's poker room.

"Deal me," said Jadeite.

Nephrite gave him a card.

"Hey, are we playing five or seven? I only got one card!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"What is this?" asked Nephrite. "Australian rules?"

They continued the game.

"Do you have…" began Jadeite.

"Go fish!" yelled Zoisite.

"You didn't know what I was gonna say!" protested Jadeite.

"I didn't have to, I don't have it."

"Well you have some cards," said Jadeite. "So there is a chance you have something I was going to ask for."

"Proof?"

"But I- but he- but we…" Jadeite sat down on the floor.

"My turn," said Kunzite. "Anyone have a queen of Beryls?"

"Go fish," said Nephrite.

"Hey…" realized Zoisite. "Why do all the cards have the Shitennou and Beryl on them?"

Kunzite sighed. "They're a limited addition deck I made by myself. Do you have a problem?"

"No!" said Zoisite. "I think they're good!"

"You better," warned Kunzite.

"Why did you make me so ugly?" demanded Nephrite, staring at the jack of Nephrites.

"I made it perfectly accurate," said Kunzite.

"But I don't think- Heyyyyyyyy!" barked Nephrite, realizing he was being insulted. "You just have mediocre drawing skills!"

Kunzite gasped. "Say that to my face!"

"I just did!" howled Nephrite.

They were about to slug it out, which would have resulted in an unfortunate conclusion to Nephrite, when Jadeite came running into the room.

"Wait wtf?" asked Zoisite. "You were sitting on the floor! Jadeite, did you crawl out of the room just so you could run in?"

"Maybe…" said Jadeite. "But that's not important! What is, is that we're going on Family Feud!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" yelled Nephrite. "But wait, we don't have families! Am I going on with Molly's family? Ya know, cuz we're an item?"

"Nope, we ARE a family!" insisted Jadeite. "We will represent the Negaverse!"

"Do we have to?" asked Zoisite.

"Yes. This was Queen Beryl's idea!"

"I don't think so," said Kunzite.

"I may have persuaded her a little bit, but that's beside the point," said Jadeite.


Earlier that day

"Beryl why do we only have two channels?" cried Jadeite watching TV in the Negalounge.

"Do you know how hard it is to get cable all the way up in the North Pole?!"

"But the only things on are Sailor Moon Crystal and Family Feud."

"NO DON'T WATCH CRYSTAL IT SUUUUUUUUUUCKS"

"Ok! Ok!"

Jadeite switched to Family Feud.

After 20 minutes Jadeite turned to Beryl who was sitting on the company computer looking at pictures of Mamoru.

"Beryl can we go on Family Feud?"

"No!" barked Beryl.

"But Beryl if you win they give you a free Ford Falcon Station Wagon!"

Beryl turned to Jadeite and glared at him.

50 minutes later Beryl nodded slowly.

"Let's do it"


They walked onto the stage of Family Feud.

"Break a leg," Jadeite told them.

"Who's leg do you want me to break?" asked Beryl. "Zoisite's?"

"No Beryl, it's just an expression," explained Jadeite.

"What's an expression? Is that a new source of energy?"

"No," said Jadeite.

"Then shut your mouth!" howled Beryl.

"Welcome to the show!" said the host, Seiya. "On my right is the Negaverse family. Say hello, Negaverse family!"

The Negaverse family scowled at him.

"Ok… and on my left, the Hino family! Introduce yourselves!" suggested Seiya.

"I am Grandpa!" said Grandpa. "Pleased to meetcha!"

"Yaaaa braaa I'm Chad!" said Chad.

"Hidy ho! I'm Melvin!" said Melvin.

"Hey friends, I'm Motoki!"

"CAN IT!" blurted out Jadeite.

"Have we met before?" asked Motoki kindly.

"I'm not sure, but I hate you!" howled Jadeite.

"Hi guys!" yelped a little kitty. "I'm Diana. Meow!"

"You guys don't look related," noted Seiya.

"You don't know shit!" hollered Grandpa. "We're before your time. Get away, you season five trash!"

"I will as soon as my planet's repaired!" yelled Seiya, smoldering in anger. He cooled down. "Now let's get started. The leader of each family should step forward."

Jadeite went to step up, but Beryl shoved him to the floor.

She stepped to the podium, as did Grandpa.

"Alright!" said Seiya. "We surveyed 999 people. The top 5 answers are on the board. The first of you to guess one of those answers will have their family play this round."

"WHAT'S THE QUESTION?!" howled Beryl in anticipation.

Seiya sighed. "The question is, Name a place people dread to go."

Beryl slammed on the button. "My lair when my Shitennou are about to report to me!"

"Ok…" said Seiya. "Is 'work' up there?" One of the answers flipped over. "It is! Team Negaverse gets to play this round!"

"eZ!" scoffed Beryl.

"Aww tartar sauce!" said Gramps.

Seiya walked over to the next member of Team Negaverse, Kunzite. He repeated the question, "Name a place people dread to go."

"Hell," said Kunzite. "It's rough there."

"Is Hell up there?" asked Seiya.

An X flashed on the screen.

"Ooooh sorry," said Seiya.

Seiya went up to Zoisite and began to repeat the question.

"I know, I heard it! Let's see… Texas!" answered Zoisite.

"Why'd you pick Texas?" asked Nephrite.

"They're not too fond of my kind there," said Zoisite in a scared tone.

"Because you're gay?" asked Jadeite.

"HEY!" yelled Zoisite.

"HEY!" yelled Seiya. "There's no shame in that! And transgenders are pretty cool too! I would know!"

But sadly, two X's flashed on the screen.

"How about you?" Seiya asked Nephrite. "Name a place people dread to go."

"Hmm," thought Nephrite. "Alcoholics anonymous!"

"Hahaha," laughed Seiya. "But sorry, it's not up there."

"D'awww," said Nephrite. "I gave it my best shot."

"Alright, now we'll give the Hino family a chance to steal!" announced Seiya.

"WHAT THE BLEEP!" yelled Jadeite, as they bleeped him because it was on live TV. "I didn't get to go!"

"Tough luck," said Zoisite with fake empathy.

"This is wonky!" howled Jadeite.

"Alright, Grandpa. What's your answer?" asked Seiya.

"My basement," said Grandpa with a wink. "Well, if you're a minor, that is!"

"That's not up there," said Seiya.

"Did you check?"

"No. Looks like the Negaverse family gets to keep their one point!"

"AWWWW YEA!" gloated Beryl.

"Ok, next family members to the podium!"

Jadeite made a break for it, but Kunzite sniped him from behind.

Kunzite faced off against Chad.

Seiya gave the question. "When you get out of bed in the middle of the night, name something it's easy to trip over."

Chad slammed down on the button.

"Grandpa laying on the floor near my bed!" guessed Chad.

It was wrong.

"D'aww," said Chad.

Kunzite hit the button. "eZ. The bed."

"That is up there!" said Seiya. "Your family gets to play!"

"Goody!" said Kunzite sarcastically.

Seiya went to Zoisite. "Hey beautiful," said Seiya. He kissed Zoisite's hand. Zoisite blushed.

Kunzite snarled.

"What's your answer?" winked Seiya.

"All seven rainbow crystals that I keep conveniently by my bed!" guessed Zoisite.

Mamoru, who was watching from home, turned off his TV in anger. "GRrrrr, I'll get that Zoisite someday!"

"Aww I'm sorry, but that's wrong," Seiya said sadly. The he winked. "Now if it were up to me-"

"Hey, back off!" yelled Kunzite.

Seiya skittered over to Nephrite.

"A pile of empty alcohol bottles," answered Nephrite.

"Wrong," said Seiya, moving on.

He went the opposite direction and went back to Beryl.

"HEYYYY!" yelled Jadeite. "YOU FORGOT MEEEEEEE!"

Queen Beryl went to answer.

"WHAT THE HELLLLLL?!" cried Jadeite. "Nightstand! Nightstand!" he howled.

"Sorry, it wasn't your turn," said Seiya. "Your team is disqualified this round."

"What the heck, Jadeite!" yelled the Shitennou and Beryl.

"Didn't you see that?!" cried Jadeite. "He blatantly skipped me!"

"Jadeite, you'll be lucky if I skip murdering you," warned Beryl.

Jadeite zipped his lips.

Seiya went over to Melvin. "When you get out of bed in the middle of the night, name something it's easy to trip over."

"My 500 gb external hard drive!" answered Melvin.

Seiya moved on to Motoki.

"The rug!" guessed Motoki.

"CORRECT!"

"Yea, yea, yea!" cheered Motoki, fist-pumping.

"You're a dead man!" howled Jadeite.

"Ok!" announced Seiya. "The two families are neck and neck! The Hinos with 2 points, and the Negaverse with one! Now, the next family members, please come to the front!"

Melvin and Zoisite stepped forward.

"Now for the next question," continued Seiya. "Name a bad job for someone who is accident-prone."

Melvin slammed down on the button instantly, and Zoisite hit it about five seconds later.

"Ok, Zoisite, what's your answer?" asked Seiya.

"WAAAAAAAT?!" squeaked Melvin. "I hit that first!"

"Proof?" asked Seiya.

"I recorded it on my glasses cam!" yelled Melvin.

Seiya smashed his glasses cam.

"Let's see…" pondered Zoisite.

"He's supposed to know it before he hits the button!" shouted Melvin.

"Shut up or I'll hit your button!" yelled Seiya.

"How about, being Nephrite?" answered Zoisite.

"Wait what?" asked Nephrite.

"Hmm," said Seiya. "Did I hear, a surgeon?"

He checked the board.

"You got it right!"

"Oh boy!" said Zoisite.

"Call me," said Seiya.

"No," said Zoisite.

"Then you got it wrong," growled Seiya.

"Ok, maybe I will," said Zoisite.

"Woot!" said Seiya.

"Maybe…"

They went back to their families.

"Ok Nephrite," began Seiya. "Give me your answer. Name a bad job for someone who is accident-prone."

"An alcoholic," answered Nephrite.

"Sorry wrong answer."

"WHAT!?" howled Nephrite. "Are you saying that's not a job? What do you think Beryl pays me for?!"

"Driver! Driver!" yelled Jadeite as Seiya approached him.

Seiya took a sharp U-turn and went to Queen Beryl.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" squealed Jadeite. "YOU ALL SAW THaT, RIGHT?!"

Everyone ignored his pleas.

"One of my Shitennou," answered Beryl. "Because I will kill them when they mess up."

"Wrong," sighed Seiya.

"A DRIVER!" cried Jadeite.

Seiya went up to Kunzite.

"A police officer," guessed Kunzite.

"Ooohh, that's a good one!" said Zoisite.

"Sorry," barked Seiya in a fit of jealousy. "Not up there."

"You didn't check!" yelled Kunzite.

"Yeah," said Seiya. "Now to the Hino family!"

They convened and whispered to each other.

"Alright," said Melvin. "Our guess is a police officer!"

'"CORRRRRECT!"

"WHAT!?" shouted Kunzite.

"Sorry but you said a fireman. That was not up there."

"No I did not!" objected Kunzite. "Melvin, show him your glasses cam!"

"He broke it!" cried Melvin.

"You're a dead man!" vowed Kunzite.

"As if," sneered Seiya.

"No, I meant Melvin," Kunzite replied.

Seiya moved on.

"Next question, the top five answers are on the board."

Nephrite strolled up to the buzzer with Motoki.

"Good luck!" said Motoki kindly.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Jadeite from the other side of the stage.

"Name something that people seem to be doing non-stop."

Motoki went in for the button but Nephrite aggressively threw his arm down and pounded the button into the ground.

"Rubbing their balls," said Nephrite.

Seiya's eyes widened.

"You know," Nephrite went on, confused. "Their crystal balls. Like Queen Beryl does all day."

"Umm… yeah I knew that!" lied Seiya. "Sorry, but not up there."

"D'ah," said Nephrite.

"Being kind to each other!" answered Motoki.

"Wrong," said Seiya. "Since neither of you got it right, we'll go to the next member of each family."

"OH BOY!" exclaimed Jadeite. "My answer is-"

"Zoisite!" said Seiya happily. "What's your guess?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" yelled Jadeite. "You went backwards!"

"Can it!" yelled Zoisite. "How about…" he shot Nephrite a dirty look. "Drinking!"

"Is eating or drinking up there?" Seiya asked. "Oh boy, eating is!"

"WAIT A SECOND!" squawked Melvin.

Seiya winked at Zoisite and Kunzite gritted his teeth.

Seiya then walked past Kunzite and up to Beryl.

"STOP IT!" yelled Kunzite.

"See what I mean?!" cried Jadeite.

"Stay out of this!" barked Kunzite. "This is personal!"

"Rubbing their balls," guessed Beryl.

"Sorry, someone already guessed that," said Seiya.

"WHO?!" howled Beyrl. "I'll kill them!"

"Were you not paying attention?" asked Kunzite.

"NO!" barked Beryl. "But who said it?"

"I did," said Nephrite.

"Heh heh… never mind then!" said Beryl meekly.

"Actually," said Seiya. "I think Kunzite said it."

"Definitely never mind then!" exclaimed Beryl.

"D'aww," said Seiya. "It was worth a try."

Seiya grinned evilly at Kunzite.

"Do want to step outside for a moment?" asked Kunzite.

"Sorry but I'm hosting," Seiya quickly replied.

Since team Negaverse only had two Xs, Seiya desperately scanned the remaining competitors.

Jadeite stood on his chair and started waving his hand frantically. "OOOOH! ME! PICK ME!" he cried.

"Hmm," scowled Seiya, looking at Kunzite and Jadeite.

Seiya sighed and went to Kunzite.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Jadeite, throwing himself to the ground.

"What's your guess?" Seiya sneered.

"Umm, I think-" contemplated Kunzite.

"WRONG!" howled Seiya, stomping away. "Hino family, steal!"

"We're still discussing," said Grandpa.

They were huddled together.

"I think we should say 'getting killed by me on online role-playing games,'" suggested Melvin.

"You only do 10 damage per second, and your gear is subpar," howled Grandpa.

"Wait what?" asked Melvin, shocked.

"I think," squeaked Diana quietly.

"NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK!" barked Gramps.

"How about, biting their nails!" said Motoki.

"Can it fatboy," said Grandpa. "You already guessed wrong once."

"Can I choose one?" asked Chad.

"Yes," said Grandpa.

"Shyaaa braaaaaaaaaaaaa! How about, spilling mayonnaise on their clothes!"

"That's dumb," said Grandpa.

"Sorry, but that's not up there," said Seiya.

"THAT WASN't OUR GUESS" cried Gramps desperately. "We were just discussing!"

"Moving on," continued Seiya. "The teams are now 2:2!"

"Alright," said Seiya. "Since this is the fifth round, the family member who has not come to the podium yet will now proceed to the front stage."

Jadeite started prancing to the stage victoriously, but Beryl teleported in front of him.

"WHAT GIVES?!" cried Jadeite.

Beryl pushed him to the floor.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" yelled Jadeite.

Diana the cat stepped forward as well.

"Here is the question," began Seiya. "We surveyed 100 evil creatures, and the top four answers are on the board. Name a new source of energy!"

The Negaverse family gasped.

Diana had a brilliant one, and she went to push the button. But she was too small and could not reach.

Beryl hit the button.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh…"

Seiya waited.

"I know this!" insisted Beryl. "Now think," she told herself. "I know this one."

Beryl had a flashback.


"Queen Beryl!" cried Jadeite.

"What do you want, Jeddy?" asked Beryl.

"I found a new source of energy! It's this thing the humans call…"

"Hmm," thought Beryl in the flashback. "I should get a manicure today. Maybe go to the spa. But which spa is cheaper? Polly's or Gloria's? Hmmm…"

"And then," continued Jadeite. "We will extract the energy from…."

"Actually, maybe I'll just stay in and order out some Chinese," thought Beryl. "There's a new place that opened up down the street."

"So do you think that's a good plan, m'Queen?" asked Jadeite.

"Huh?" asked Beryl. "Oh yeah, whatever. Go for it!"

Jadeite skipped from the room.


"DAMMIT!" thought Beryl in present time. "If only Jadeite wasn't so boring and I actually payed attention to his new sources of energy!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….."

"You have three seconds," warned Seiya.

"SUNSPOTS ON THE SUN!" cried Beryl, out of options.

"Huh?" asked Seiya. "Those are harmless."

"Crap!" said Beryl.

"Diana, what's your guess?"

Diana squeaked something incoherently. It was too quiet and high-pitched for anyone to pick up.

"Sorry but wrong," said Seiya. "Since I couldn't understand."

"Golly gee," said Diana in frustration. "Guess I came here for diddly doo!"

Kunzite was next.

"Phew," said Beryl in relief. "Kunzite, my most reliable Shitennou, will definitely get this right."

"Uhh… princess school?" guessed Kunzite.

"Wrong."

"AHHHH!" howled Beryl. "YOU LET ME DOWN!"

"You didn't do much better," noted Kunzite.

"Yeah, but this is the one thing you're supposed to know!"

"Actually I was assigned to-"

"GAHHHH I DON't WANNA HEAR IT!"

Next was Grandpa.

"Coming into my basement alone," answered Grandpa. "You kids should try it sometime!" He looked straight at the camera with a devious grin.

"No," said Seiya. "Heyyyyyyyy Zoisite! How ya been!"

"You mean since that last time we talked, like 2 minutes ago?" asked Zoisite.

"ayyyyyyyy can I get that number yet?"

"No," said Zoisite.

Seiya looked up to the ceiling solemnly. "Someday," he vowed. "So what's your guess?"

"Come on Zoisite," thought Beryl. "You know this!"

"Get out of my head!" cried Zoisite. "Sorry. My answer is… Fake Sailor Moon!"

"Ooooooo so close," said Seiya sadly.

He went to Chad.

"SHYAAAA YAA ABRAHHH !" yelled Chad.

Seiya moved on to Nephrite.

"Hmmmm" said Nephrite.

Beryl was starting to get mad. "Don't any of you know how to do your job?!"

Jadeite was starting to get frantic. "I KNOW THIS ONEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Everything is ruled by the stars," said Nephrite.

"That's not the answer," said Seiya.

"That's always the answer!" holwed Nephrite.

Jadeite threw himself to the floor again. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII KNOOOOOOOOOW THIS ONEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Next was Melvin.

"Mana regeneration pot," guessed Melvin, adjusting his glasses. "In most online games, it will give the imbiber energy as well as mana."

Seiya moved back to Beryl.

Jadeite spontaneously combusted.

"Killing them!" cried Beryl after long deliberation.

"Has anyone guessed friendship yet?" asked Motoki.

"Hairdresser!" yelled Kunzite.

"Seriously, come to my basement!" repeated Grandpa. "There are free cookies!"

Jadeite spun around on the floor, biting his nails.

"Killing Mamoru Chiba!" yelled Zoisite.

"You better not do that!" threatened Beryl.

"Sure I won't!" lied Zoisite.

Jadeite threw himself into the wall and started punching it.

"Listen to mah band brahhhhhhh!" howled Chad.

"Maxfield Stanton?" asked Nephrite.

"My cranberry shrimp cabobs!" yelped Melvin.

Jadeite latched onto Seiya's leg, but Seiya kicked him away and went back to Beryl.

"Hmmm," said Beryl. "Crystal ball?"

"Giving to the needy!" yelled Motoki.

"Alright, I guess no one has an answer. This is a first in Family Fued history," said Seiya, amazed. "We've already cycled through twice, anyone wanna take another guess?"

Jadeite charged Seiya. They flew up into the air, but in a shocking and unprecedented turn of events, Seiya tackled Jadeite.

Jadeite fell into the water and a list of new sources of energy floated to the surface.

"Ok, moving on to the next question," said Seiya. "Oh," realized Seiya. "There is no next question. Let me consult the guidebook."

He took out his spectacles. "Hmmm… it says here that when there is a tie, the score is settled with a coin flip!"

"Welp," said Seiya. "Here we go!"

"You know what to do," said Zoisite, turning to Kunzite.

"Pick a side," Seiya asked Zoisite with a wink.

"Heads!"

"Ok!"

Seiya flipped the coin. It landed on tails.

Beryl turned to Kunzite.

Kunzite flipped it over with magic.

"HEADS!" cried Seiya. "TEAM NEGAVERSE WINS!"

"WHAT!?" yelped Melvin. "I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"

"Get lost dweeb," said Seiya.

Melvin got lost.

The Hino team left in sadness.

Grandpa gave Chad a good beating when he got back to the temple.

Diana went to the future and never came back. "Uncivilized prehistoric mongloids," she sneered.

Motoki returned to the arcade sadly.

"Ok, now the double bonus round!" exclaimed Seiya. "We will give two family members a chance to answer five questions in 30 seconds. If they can get to a combined 200 points, they win a million dollars!"

"Who wants to go first?" asked Seiya, looking at Zoisite and wiggling his eyebrows.

Jadeite slowly raised his hand.

Beryl smacked Jadeite's hand with her staff. "I'll go," said Beryl.

"K." said Seiya.

The timer started, and Seiya read the questions.

"Name the strongest character in Sailor Moon."

"Queen Beryl," said Queen Beryl.

"Name a fruit starting with the letter P."

"Potato," said Beryl.

"Name someone you don't want coming to your family reunion."

"My Shitennou," said Beryl.

"Name something you might say to an unwanted guest."

"Sleep FOREVER!"

"And finally, name a gem starting with B."

"Shit," said Beryl. "Um…. Ummmm…."

"Your time is up," said Seiya. "Let's tally up the points…. You got one!"

"YAAYYYYYY!" screamed Beryl. "Did I win?"

"Not yet, but you can if the next family member gets 199 points!"

"Oh boy!" said Beryl. Then she looked at her family. "Oh no!" said Beryl.

"Who will be the last person to go?" Seiya asked.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Jadeite, lunging for the stand.

The other three Shitennou ran up too.

Nephrite grabbed Jadeite by the foot and pulled him back, but Jadeite bit his hand, stunning him and allowing Jadeite to advance.

Jadeite body-slammed Zoisite to the floor.

"Hey!" yelled Kunzite.

"Hey!" yelled Seiya.

Kunzite climbed to the stand, but Jadeite tackled him to the ground. He punched Kunzite in the face repeatedly until he was unconscious.

Jadeite took his rightful stand on the podium.

"You know," said Seiya. "I don't like all this roughhousing in here. I think ima have to disqualify you."

Jadeite's vision went red.

"You have been mistreating me this whole competition. I will not stand for it," he vowed.

His glared penetrated Seiya's soul, and Seiya could resist no longer. "Alright, you can go."

"WHOPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Jadeite.

Seiya read the questions.

"Name the strongest character in Sailor Moon."

"Umm,… ummm….." Jadeite began to sputter. "Ummm….. Beryl!"

"NOPE," said Seiya. "That has already guessed."

"Ummmmmm…um….. ummm.. .."

Jadeite folded under pressure.

"Zoisite!" he cried desperately.

"Aww thanks," said Zoisite.

Beryl groaned. "We've lost, guys."

"Name a fruit starting with the letter P," Seiya continued.

"Pass!" cried Jadeite.

"That's not a fruit," said Seiya.

"No, I mean pass! Stop wasting my time!"

"Ok, ok," said Seiya. "Umm, where did I put that next question?

Jadeite started gnawing on the stand. The timer continued to count down.

"Oh here it is! Name someone you don't want coming to your family reunion."

"But I don't have a family!" cried Jadeite.

"We're your family!" said Beryl desperately.

"But I love all of you!" said Jadeite.

"Just pick someone!" yelled Beryl.

"Ok, Queen Beryl!" Jadeite picked.

"You're a dead man!" howled Beryl.

"Name something you might say to an unwanted guest."

"UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" Jadeite sputtered. "Sleep forever?"

"Already guessed."

"Ummm… pass!"

"And finally, name a gem starting with B."

"I know this one!" cried Jadeite.

"Time's up," said Seiya.

"Dammit," said Jadeite. "Alright, how many points did I get?"

"Zero."

"Hmm," said Jadeite. "And how many did I need to win?"

"199."

"D'ah," said Jadeite. "At least we all had fun!"

"Hah, maybe they had fun," laughed Seiya. "But you didn't even get to play until the end, and then you failed!"

Suddenly, one of Jadeite's veins popped.

He charged Seiya, yelling, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He threw a punch, but Seiya caught it with minimal effort.

He finished off Jadeite with one kick.

"Get out!" yelled Seiya. "All of you! LOOOOOSERRRRS!"

Nephrite charged.

He kicked Seiya into a wall, and blasted him with stars.

Seiya was in a peril state.

"There's only one option left," realized Seiya. "Turn off the cameras."

"You sure?" asked the cameraman.

"I've never been more sure in my life."

"Quit begging for mercy and face me!" yelled Nephrite.

"Star Power, Make-UP!" yelled Seiya. He became a woman and transformed into Sailor Star Fighter.

"Woah!" said Zoisite. "How did you do that? Can I do that?"

"No, you've spurned me for the last time!" yelled Seiya.

He shot Star Serious Laser at Nephrite, and burnt him to a crisp.

"WHO'S NEXT?!" yelled Seiya.

Kunzite took a step behind Zoisite and pushed him forward.

"Hey, what the Hell!?" cried Zoisite.

"Try reasoning with him! He still loves you deep down! Pretend to be interested in him!"

"But that would be cheating!" exclaimed Zoisite.

"Yeah, cheating death!" said Kunzite. "Now go!"

"Hey baby," said Zoisite flirtatiously.

"It's too late for that!" yelled Seiya.

He shot another Serious Laser, and Zoisite teleported to the side.

"I guess I have no choice," said Zoisite. He shot petals and they turned into needles.

"Tee hee," laughed Star Fighter. "That ticked!"

"Uh oh," said Zoisite.

Sailor Star Fighter became a shooting star and charged Zoisite with the fury of a thousand broken hearts.

As she zipped under where Zoisite was floating, she reached up and grabbed his foot and threw him into the ground.

"Alright, that's it," said Kunzite, rolling up his sleeves. "This one's for Zoisite!"

He took a step forward, and Star Fighter blasted him into a pulp.

All that remained was Beryl.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she yelled. She threw a big black crystal at Seiya.

Seiya shot her in the heart with a rose and she disintegrated.

"Welp," said Seiya, dusting her hands off. "That's that."

But Jadeite crawled to his feet.

"It's not over until I say it's over!" howled Jadeite.

"Who do you think you are?!" demanded Star Fighter. "I am Season Five! I slightly damaged Galaxia! You couldn't even land a hit on her! I am a star! I am a super star! I am the light, and I am the darkness!"

"No," said Jadeite. "You're just a big bully. But now, your reign of terror is over. YOU. ARE. NOTHING! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"

Jadeite charged Star Fighter.

Star Fighter shot Star Serious Laser, but Jadeite tanked through it, absorbing the damage and using its energy to heal himself.

Jadeite was now surrounded by an aura of energy.

He charged Star Fighter like a drill, plowing through him and everything else.

Star Fighter fell to the ground. "Galaxia gave me a much worse beatdown than this! I will beat you just like I almost beat her! By becoming a star!"

Star Fighter flew up into the sky and took her true form. She charged Jadeite as just a beam of light, but Jadeite too became a star. Their battle raged on throughout the galaxies, and their clashes were so fast and powerful that they looked like mere bursts of light.

"Here's the thing," said Jadeite. "All stars burn out eventually. But I am not a star. I am a SATELLITE!"

"Noooo!" yelled Seiya.

Jadeite charged with the force on ten trillion satellites. Star Fighter faded out, and Jadeite was victorious.

30 years later, Jadeite returned to Earth. He took the Family Feud prize fund and the Ford Falcon, and drove off into the cosmos.

FIN