"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"But Jadeite!" exclaimed Beryl. "It's Monday!"

"Yes, my Queen," Jadeite said in confusion. "So what?"

"Silly Jeddy, Mondays are kick-boxing days!"

Queen Beryl ran up and drop-kicked Jadeite, knocking him unconscious.

When he awoke, he sighed. "I hate Mondays!"


Jadeite put some ice on his wound, and then went on the free internet at the Nega computer lounge.

"Time to go on Fanfiction and check out my favorite story!" he said.

"Keep it down!" yelled a voice.

He looked over and saw Kunzite browsing pictures of baby puppies.

Kunzite narrowed his eyes and minimized the browser.

"You didn't see anything."

Kunzite left the room.

"Anyway…" said Jadeite. He browsed his favorite story. "Woah!" he exclaimed. "This awesome story is on its 99th chapter! That's one away from 100! There must be some kind of special event planned for that 100th chapter!"

Jadeite fled from the Nega computer lounge.

"Hey guys!" he yelled upon entering the Nega donut hut. "Did you know that 'I Found A New Source Of Energy, Queen Beryl!' is almost at 100 chapters?"

"What are you talking about, Jadeite?" asked Nephrite.

"It's a story on fanfiction dot net," explained Jadeite. "A good one."

"What is this 'fanfiction dot net?'" asked Zoisite, with minimal interest.

"It's where people go to write stories about their favorite characters!" Jadeite told them all.

"And someone wrote a story about us?" Kunzite asked in shock. "Why would they do that?"

"Were they drunk?" asked Nephrite.

"They must terrible people," said Zoisite.

"Nah, nah," said Jadeite. "There are lots of stories about us! Have a look and see!"


At the computer lounge, Jadeite scrolled through pages on the Sailor Moon section of Fanfiction dot net.

"Hmm," said Zoisite. "There's an awful lot of stories about Haruka and Michiru, whoever they are."

"Those authors must have no taste," said Kunzite.

"Hey! There's one about us!" exclaimed Nephrite. "Yuck, it's during the Silver Millennium."

"Ugh," groaned Zoisite. "Not another one."

"But why would write that!?" continued Zoisite. "We had no personalities back then! And also, nothing really happened! I would know, I was there."

"Don't be so hard on it," said Jadeite. "Maybe they added some interesting twist."

"But all those stories are just going to end at the Moon Kingdom raid," remarked Kunzite. "It's like telling the same story, over and over and over!"

"Nah, let's give one a try," Jadeite insisted. They clicked on a story.

They read two paragraphs in.

"KUNZITE IS IN LOVE WITH WHO NOW!?" cried Zoisite. "WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!"

"Yuck, why would I like a Sailor Scout? Let alone one that shot me in the hands!" complained Kunzite.

"Why aren't I with Molly?" yelled Nephrite. "Name one thing that me and Sailor Jupiter have in common. Just one."

"You both like to fight!" said Jadeite.

"Kunzite likes to fight," replied Nephrite. "And also, I disagree that you can win someone's heart with food. So we are not meant to be."

"Why am I paired with Ami!?" cried Zoisite. "For one, I'm gay. And even if I wasn't…!"

"I don't know, I can see it," said Nephrite. "After all, you both are more of a strategist type than a fighter type."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" yelled Zoisite.

"That you're both the weakest members of your teams."

"Take that back!" cried Zoisite. "Or I'll get someone else to kill you!"

"Personally I like the pairings," said Jadeite. "I would love to score with Rei!"

"Would you take her Grandpa instead?" asked Grandpa from above.

Jadeite took out a bottle of insecticide and started spraying it at Gramps. Gramps crawled across the ceiling like a spider, spun his head around twice, and then escaped through the door.

"Wait, here's one that appears to have proper pairings!" exclaimed Nephrite.

"Yeah, and it takes place in the right anime canon!" Zoisite said happily.

"Oooh, this was the one I was telling you about!" Jadeite told them. "You guys should all read it!"

"Maybe I'll get around to it," said Zoisite, leaving.

"Yeah," said Nephrite. "I don't really have the time. I have a lot of important things to do."

"Nahhhhh come on! 99 chapters is nothing! You should read them all, and comment on them all as well!" insisted Jadeite. "The authors will love you for each and every comment you leave!"

Kunzite fled too, but Jadeite appeared in front of him.

Kunzite started to push past him, but Jadeite stopped him and whispered in his ear.

"Read it, or I tell them about the puppies."

Kunzite clenched his fist and returned to the room.

Kunzite and Jadeite read through the entirety of "I Found A New Source Of Energy, Queen Beryl!"


"My mind is blown," said Kunzite. "That story was godly."

"I know, right?" said Jadeite.

"Say," began Kunzite. "I don't normally treat you like person, Jadeite, but because you showed me that good story, I'm in a generous mood. Wanna go to the toy store? I'll let you pick out anything you want!"

"OH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" cried Jadeite. He started running around in circles and acting hyperactive.

"Settle down or I won't take you," said Kunzite.

"Yes Queen Beryl!" promised Jadeite.

Kunzite sighed and warped them to the toy store.

When they appeared, Jadeite started running down the aisles, looking for something to buy.

"Nothing over 20 dollars!" called Kunzite.

"D'AH!" cried Jadeite, putting back his life-sized robot. He charged towards the $20 or under aisle.

Suddenly, he ran into Nephrite and Zoisite.

They were sitting at the Thomas Train table, playing with trains.

"Vroooom," said Nephrite.

"Stop that," said Zoisite. "This is my side of the train track!"

Jadeite stared with confusion.

Just then, Nephrite spotted him.

Nephrite silently continued to move his train slowly along the track, without losing eye contact with Jadeite.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Jadeite. "I thought you hated each other!"

"We do! But it's Toy Train Tuesday!" explained Zoisite.

"I thought it was kick-boxing Monday?" asked Jadeite.

"Today is Tuesday," Nephrite explained.

"Beryl lied to me!" cried Jadeite, holding back a tear.

Kunzite walked over. "Jadeite, are you done yet?"

He spotted Nephrite and Zoisite on the ground.

"Heyyyyyy!" said Zoisite to Kunzite. "I was just about to kill this loser, I promise!"

"Yeah right," said Nephrite. "You can try!"

"I'm gonna make you eat those words!" lied Zoisite, lightly tackling Nephrite to the ground. "I got em, Kunzy!"

"Wtf," said Kunzite.

"It's Toy Train Tuesday," said Jadeite.

"I thought it was Whack Kunzite Wednesday!" cried Kunzite. "According to Beryl…"

"I'm distrusting Queen Beryl more and more each day," said Jadeite.

"What are you guys doing here?" asked Nephrite standing up.

"Oh," said Jadeite. "I convinced Kunzite to read a good story, so he's buying me a toy!"

"Was it that really good fanfiction?" asked Zoisite.

"Yes," said Jadeite.

"I didn't read a single chapter," lied Zoisite.

"I lightly skimmed it," lied Nephrite.

"Then how do you know it's good, Zoisite?" asked Jadeite.

"That was such a good story that I want to love Jadeite forever!" said Kunzite. "For showing it to me!"

"I WROTE THAT STORY!" cried Zoisite.

"No you didn't!" yelled Nephrite. "It occasionally puts me in a favorable light! Zoisite would never write something like that! For example, in Chapter 78, 'Zoisite Gets Punished,' Queen Beryl takes my side over Zoisite's, multiple times!"

"Yes I would!" insisted Zoisite. "Because there are way more scenes where I'm the favored one! Like in chapter 39, 'Nephrite Gets His Revenge On Zoisite!' Nephrite tries to get revenge on me, but his trail of snack crumbs leads to his demise!"

"I thought neither of you read the story?" asked Jadeite in confusion.

Nephrite and Zoisite looked at each other slowly.

"Alright, I confess!" cried Nephrite. "It was the best story I've ever read!"

"I know, right?" added Kunzite.

"Even when it puts me in a negative light, I'm still able to laugh at myself because of how funny it is!" admitted Zoisite.

"It's obviously the best story on Fanfiction dot net," declared Jadeite.

They all went silent.

"WE HAVE TO SHOW IT TO BERYL!"


"Queen Beryl!" yelled all four Shitennou.

"Who are you guys?" asked Beryl.

"We're your Shitennou," Kunzite reminded her.

"My what?" asked Queen Beryl. "Speak English, boy!"

"It's a Japanese word," Kunzite reminded her.

"Why the Hell would you say a Japanese word?!"

Kunzite went to explain what anime was, when Queen Beryl remembered something.

"Oh yeah, it's Whack Kunzite Wednesday!"

She started throwing blows at Kunzite.

"Hey!" cried Jadeite. "I thought it was kick-boxing Monday!"

"Oh yeah!" said Queen Beryl. She started simultaneously kicking Jadeite and slugging Kunzite.

Nephrite pulled Queen Beryl off them.

"But wait!" tried Zoisite. "I thought it was hug Zoisite Friday!"

"Nice try!" said Beryl. She turned around and socked Nephrite, and then charged Jadeite and Kunzite again.

They put their hands over their faces to shield themselves, and finally Beryl got bored.

"Ok, what do you want?" she sighed.

"We found the best story on Fanfiction dot net!" Jadeite explained.

"What's Fanfiction dot net?" Beryl asked. "Is that some kind of porno?"

"No, my Queen!" said Jadeite. "Well… sometimes people post those kinds of things, but they're frowned upon by the community!"

"Ok…" said Beryl.

"Anyway, you should read it m'Queen!"

"No way!" said Beryl. "I don't read anymore. Not since I read the plot summary of the Sailor Moon season 1 finale!"

"But Beryl, it's really good!" insisted Kunzite.

"I don't care about OC's and AU's, since they're non-canon!" Beryl shouted.

"But this story is pretty much canon!" promised Nephrite. "And it's about us!"

"I don't care about you!" yelled Beryl.

"But you're in it sometimes!" Zoisite continued.

"A story… about me?" gasped Beryl. "I don't know, I'm still not convinced. Tell me more about it."

"Alright, we'll tell you all our favorite chapters!" suggested Jadeite. "One of them is bound to get you interested!"

"Go on…" said Beryl.

"Well," said Jadeite. "My favorite chapter is Chapter 67, 'Jadeite's Seed of Hope.' It was very inspiring and the ending made me cry."

"I'm not into tragedy genres," scoffed Beryl.

"No Beryl, it's not a tragedy! It's beautiful!"

"Yuck," said Beryl. "Next!"

"Well," said Nephrite. "My personal favorite was 'Zoisite in the Rough,' Chapter 20. He deserved everything that happened to him, in my opinion. It almost made up for that time he killed me!"

"You deserved that time he killed you," said Beryl. "Since I couldn't take you out myself!"

"Wait what?" asked Nephrite.

"Umm… nothing! Move on!"

"My favorite was the one where we convinced Jadeite to climb into a lion's cage and he got mauled!" said Zoisite. "Chapter 21!"

"Now that's something I can get into," said Beryl.

"My favorite is-" began Kunzite.

"No one cares," said Beryl. "Let me read this story."

The Shitennou all looked over Beryl's shoulder as she read through the 99 chapters.

"Hmph," said Beryl. She logged off the computer and shut off the monitor.

Beryl walked away and sat back down on her throne.

The Shitennou stared at her, waiting for a response.


20 hours later…

"Did you like it?" asked Jadeite.

"It… was…"

They all waited.

"was….." repeated Beryl.

They all waited again.

"was…"

They still waited.

"Good."

"That's it?" asked Jadeite. "Not spectacular, or amazing?"

"You didn't let me finish," said Beryl.

"It….was….."

"JUST SPIT IT OUT!" yelled Zoisite.

"GOOD FOR THE SOUL! IT WAS AMAZING! FABULOUS! THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE! I WANT TO READ IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She started pulling out her hair and screeching incoherently.

"AJAWEHFAWERJGAERKHERKHOERHJERKF!"

"WEGJAWGAWOEFLADKLFJAWEGJ!" yelled the Shitennou, joining in.

The story was so good that its beauty cleansed them of their evil ways, so they joined that good side and fought evil with the Sailor Scouts.

They lived happily ever after and no bad ever came to them again.

FIN.


"WAIT WHAT?!" cried Nephrite, reading the latest chapter on his computer. "That would never happen! Who's been writing this shit anyway?! This is terrible! Horrible! This whole chapter has been inaccurate!"

He unplugged his computer and then threw it out the window.

"Heya!" said Zoisite, coming in with a plate of cookies. "It's Toy Train Tuesday!"

"Oh boy!" said Nephrite. "Let's go!"