"I'm fine, really!" Celes insisted stubbornly, although she made no resistance to Aqua leading her away from the other two. Even if she had wanted to, the Vaporeon's tail was partially draped around her, and nudged her forward if she paused her stride. There was something mildly comforting about the Water-type guiding her in this manner, but Celes wasn't sure why.
"I believe you," Aqua replied, speaking in a soft, reassuring tone. "Even so, I feel you may need a little time. I apologize on Kuro's behalf, as I don't believe he intended to upset you, but he can be very insensitive with his illusions."
Celes made a non-committal noise, her eyes focused on the ground in front of her. The evening had progressed to the point that it was becoming too dark to see where she was walking, but more importantly, she didn't want Aqua to see the pain and emotion in her eyes, nor the tears that continued to roll down her cheeks.
Nothing about her feelings made sense. All she had been able to think about these past several months was finding her brother. This tiny ember of a wish burned intensely in her heart, even after crushing disappointment and growing despair threatened to snuff it out. Day after day, week after week, that desire spurred her onwards, and yet...
Kuro had emulated Blaze's appearance flawlessly. The dark brown eyes, so like her own, and the familiar features of his face, aged a few months from the last time she had seen them, but unmistakable all the same. Even the idle wag of the Eevee's tail had matched her recollection of Blaze to a tee. Yet as soon as she met the illusion's eyes, overwhelming emotion had welled up inside her. So many conflicting feelings, and her heart ached more painfully than it ever had before.
"Celes?" Aqua's voice called gently, jolting the Flareon from her thoughts, and she realized, with a pang of embarrassment, that they had reached their destination. Aqua had been generous enough to offer Celes sleeping space within the same area that she herself used, ensuring the Flareon the same degree of privacy that the Vaporeon alpha enjoyed. Celes had initially resisted this arrangement, arguing that she hadn't done anything to deserve special treatment.
The Vaporeon's gentle persistence had won out in the end, if only because Celes genuinely preferred not to have the attention of others upon her, least of all when she was sleeping. The clan here had a much better atmosphere than her former home, but the open and spacious areas, combined with the sheer number of Pokemon present, made her feel agoraphobic.
The Alpha Nest, as it was often referred to by members of the clan, was a den formed by a shelter of tall grass, with bedding composed of similar materials. A few paces away was a small body of water, but from Celes' inspection, it was not naturally formed, but rather dug out and filled by rain or, more likely, by Aqua herself. It appeared deep enough to submerge most of one's body, but unlikely to result in accidental drowning if one fell asleep, and probably employed for a private bathing pool, or maybe as a source of drinking water if the alpha awoke in the middle of the night, without needing him or her to walk all the way back to the public grounds. The sheltered nest was well-kept, and seemed specifically sized to comfortably contain two evolved Pokemon, with some extra room. Probably in the event of kits, if Celes had to wager a guess.
During the first night, Celes had adamantly rejected the offer of using the den bedding itself, feeling that she would definitely be overstepping her bounds, even with permission. Aqua had not bothered to press the matter at all, either considering it not worth the effort, or genuinely unbothered by where Celes chose to sleep.
Her hesitation had faded on the subsequent nights, once she had gotten to know Aqua a little better, and understood that there was genuinely no harm in accepting the invitation to share the nest. It felt as if Celes had lived her entire life without ever knowing the value of having a female friend that she could trust, or open up to, like a peer. Back at her home clan, the only Pokemon she trusted completely was Blaze, and she had served a similar role for him, at least up until she had evolved. But that had been a bond between siblings, and he was a male, making it impossible for him to relate to her on the same level that another female could. It was a void in her life that, until recently, Celes had never realized needed filling.
With a quiet sigh, Celes stepped daintily into the center of the nest, and glanced awkwardly at Aqua before stretching, nevertheless taking care to keep her tail curled closely around herself as she did so. The Vaporeon gazed around, either averting her attention for the benefit of Celes' modesty, or simply confirming that they were alone. Once the Flareon had settled in, Aqua followed suit, but to Celes' surprise, the Vaporeon curled her body around hers, rather than curling up beside her like the previous nights.
Celes glanced over her shoulder, noting after a moment that it was mostly just Aqua's tail that was draped around her, offering an added sense of security. The rest of the alpha's body was laying beside hers, but leaning inwards, in a protective, yet undeniably cozy fashion.
"I'm sorry, am I too far into your personal space?" Aqua wondered, her tone sincerely apologetic. Celes hesitated. Her immediate impulse was to answer 'yes', but at the same time, she recognized that she was the addition to Aqua's sleeping space, rather than vice versa. There wasn't anything untoward about the Vaporeon's proximity, but Celes also knew she definitely wouldn't tolerate a male Pokemon moving this close to her.
"Um...I'm not sure," Celes admitted awkwardly. She didn't feel trapped; on the contrary, she felt oddly safe, with both the nest of grass and the Water-type's large tail serving as barriers. Aqua wasn't a complete stranger to her, and it wasn't the first time they had slept in close proximity to one another.
"You're not sure?" Aqua repeated, tilting her head to one side. "Would you prefer if I gave you more room?"
"No, it's..." Celes trailed off, so taken aback by her own response that it briefly slipped her mind what the justification had been. She wracked her brain for a few seconds, before sighing in defeat. "I don't know. I guess I just want to know...why?"
"Why I'm nestling up to you?" Aqua guessed with a faint smile. "For one, it's easier to talk this way. If you're feeling vulnerable, it's difficult to hold conversation with someone from a greater distance. Also, if you whisper or mumble, I won't need to ask you to repeat yourself. Even if you don't really want to talk about anything, my proximity may still offer you a sense of comfort and security."
"Ugh...do you think you're a saint?" Celes grumbled. "I'm not even part of your clan, so why do you devote so much effort to me? Why would you even care how I feel? How does it benefit you?"
She felt guilty the moment the words left her mouth, and she tensed, almost certain that, at the very least, Aqua would withdraw from around her. She doubted the Vaporeon would outright kick her out of the nest, but it was not out of the realm of possibility that her 'good night' might be crisper, as the sole indication that she was upset by the Fire-type's rudeness. Or maybe worse, the Vaporeon might say nothing at all, and give her the silent treatment for the rest of the night.
To her surprise, the Vaporeon laughed, which only made her more uncertain of what was to come. "I see a lot of myself in you," Aqua said thoughtfully. "Well...my younger self, at any rate."
"You do?" Celes blurted, craning her head back to try and read the Vaporeon's face. "Like what?"
"Shh, just relax for right now," Aqua hushed gently, lowering her voice to a soothing whisper. "We can talk in a moment, once we're comfortably settled in, all right?"
Celes frowned, and compliantly tried to settle down again, only to find that she had a niggling dislike at the back of her mind about Aqua occupying too much of her blind spot. She shifted a few times in a futile effort to find a happy balance, only to become increasingly frustrated.
Aqua certainly noticed the discomfort, because after the fourth or fifth ineffective positioning shift, she smiled gently. "Am I too far into your personal space, after all?"
"It's not that," Celes grumbled, her tail lashing in agitation. "It just feels like you're behind me, or that I need to be looking over my shoulder when we're talking, and it's driving me crazy!"
Aqua nodded sympathetically. "I understand. Do you have a preferable arrangement in mind? Or would it be better just to separate?"
Celes considered for a few moments. The embarrassing fact of the matter was that, personal space issues aside, she kind of liked the cuddly and cozy arrangement. It reminded her a little of how she and Blaze used to sleep on cold nights, before she had evolved. She distinctly remembered the larger Eevee curling around her protectively, shielding her from the nighttime air and sharing body warmth. It always made her feel safe and happy...
She shook herself quickly, not wanting to drift into past memories. Then again, when she and Blaze slept cuddled together, they could talk easily enough, so long as their heads were close enough together, like if Celes rested against his shoulder or chest. Glancing at Aqua thoughtfully, Celes spotted an easy solution.
"No, this could still work...but you'd need to move up more, and then I recline against your shoulder," Celes suggested, drawing her paw along the ground as if to map out the arrangement. "That way, you're not in my blind spot when we're talking, and you're still giving me the whole security and comfort thing."
"You're certainly tearing down your resistance to others in your personal space," Aqua noted, the amusement in her voice unmistakable. Celes scowled, but a retort was unnecessary, as the Vaporeon immediately adjusted her positioning, keeping her tail draped around Celes' body, and moving forward so that Celes could lean against her shoulder. "Better?" the Water-type wondered, still sounding thoroughly amused.
"Mm-hm," Celes mumbled. Aqua chuckled and shook her head.
"I really do see a lot of my younger self in you, Celes," Aqua murmured, again speaking in a soft whisper, but Celes had no difficulty understanding her. "I won't claim to understand everything you might be feeling, but I suspect a number of similarities, based on our interactions these past few days, as well as how you've acted around others."
"Like what, though?" Celes pressed.
"One thing that particularly stood out to me was your sense of vulnerability," Aqua said. "From your eyes, it's clear you carry a burden, whether it be an expectation placed upon you, or past regrets, or just the feeling of being alone, without anyone you can turn to for guidance or support. I know that feeling very well."
"You do?" Celes asked, squinting skeptically at the Vaporeon. Nothing she had witnessed over the past couple of days ever suggested that Aqua struggled with feeling isolated or burdened. Whenever Celes saw her, she was either talking to, or observing other clan members. Everyone seemed to respect her, and enjoyed her company or attention, no matter how fleeting, and there was definitely a personal touch to her interactions with the clan, treating each of them, no matter how young or old, with the same level of almost motherly fondness. She was patient, generous, considerate...almost the perfect leader in every way, and well-regarded by those she looked after.
"Oh, like you wouldn't believe," Aqua laughed gently, and her tail flicked. "It's not easy to be in charge of a large group of Pokemon. Even if by some miracle, you have everyone willing to obey or cooperate with instructions, the needs of individuals differ greatly. Not everyone will be satisfied with any given solution, to any given problem. Now, I think I heard you mention the other day that your clan operated with a council of leaders, each ranking above the majority, but equal to one another?"
"Yeah, they didn't want an alpha system," Celes answered.
"Now, to be clear, there's nothing inherently wrong with an alternative leadership system," Aqua said. "It can be very effective if handled properly. They would ideally work as a team, dividing up tasks and managing specific areas or concerns of the clan, and work together to find solutions. Even if they functioned as equals, there's bound to have been one or two that carried more authority than the others. A foreman, so to speak."
"I don't know," Celes shrugged. "If so, they never made it obvious."
"That's beside the point, anyway," Aqua conceded. "In your clan's system, the role was divided among several Pokemon, rather than all the weight sitting on one Pokemon, such as in an alpha-governed clan. You see, Celes...if there was a clan leader ranking just slightly higher, even if the rank amounts to seniority and nothing more, there's still someone the others could turn to for support and guidance if they were unsure of something. That's a luxury not necessarily available to an alpha, depending on how they gained the role."
"Like if they inherited it?" Celes guessed. When she and Sorin had discussed her clan as part of their arrangement, the Flareon had speculated the clan had opted not to use an alpha system to avoid the risk of nepotism, and the positions of power passing exclusively to heirs of the current leaders.
"Precisely," Aqua answered, smiling. "If the previous alpha retired, their experience could still be a resource for the successor. And if not...then the transition can be very rough for everyone."
"Is that how it was for you?" Celes wondered, almost certain of the answer, but wanting to hear it anyway. She had learned a lot about the clan over the past few days, but not nearly as much about the one running the clan. Aqua was very open about answering many of the inquiries about how the clan was run, but Celes hadn't really asked about the Vaporeon's personal history until now.
Aqua was silent for several moments, just long enough for Celes to regret asking at all. It swiftly occurred to her that if Aqua had inherited the clan, then the implication that she underwent a rough transition period said more than enough about the subject. Stammering in embarrassment, Celes attempted to retract the question, only for Aqua to softly shush her.
"It's all right," Aqua said, but her smile was a little forced. "Yes, it was a very difficult transition. I was young...probably right about your age. The clan was smaller back then, but many of the members were older and stronger than I was. In truth, I really wasn't suited for the role."
"Did you...have to become the alpha?" Celes asked, phrasing the question carefully. She really wasn't sure how alphas were chosen, and she didn't want to tactlessly start questioning details if it meant uncovering tragic circumstances or similar.
"No, I could have renounced the title," Aqua answered with a quiet sigh. "But I knew that would have just caused infighting. I was expected to lead the clan through a difficult time, with no experience, no guidance, and only the support of those I could rally behind me."
"I...don't think I could have done it," Celes said weakly. She tried to picture herself in the Vaporeon's place, pressed into a leadership role she wasn't suited for, and knowing that she would be judged mercilessly by her subordinates, whether it be to her face, or behind her back. Even the short time at her home clan, post-evolution, had been too much for her to handle. Everyone there was so phony, only coming to her because they wanted something, while also knowing that the clan actively encouraged this behavior in order for individual Eevee to succeed. Aqua probably had to deal with such behavior constantly, without the luxury of being able to reject it as bluntly as Celes had.
"I didn't think I could do it, either," Aqua noted. "I just knew I had to give it my best shot, for the sake of the clan, but those first few weeks...that was a hellish struggle I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It seemed impossible to satisfy everyone, and without any experience behind me, I was constantly second-guessing everything I did or said, out of concern that any misstep might be the last straw for some section of the clan, and result in an uprising."
"How did you get by without going crazy?" Celes wanted to know. "I mean, you seem to be doing so well now."
Aqua smiled briefly, but it was several moments before she answered. Unlike the previous question, however, Celes didn't get the impression she was invading a sensitive manner, so she waited patiently for the Vaporeon's response.
"It wasn't easy," Aqua murmured finally. "For the longest time, I took comfort from waking up every morning, and privately acknowledging that I hadn't been overthrown in the middle of the night. But that wasn't evidence that I was doing 'well', so I still second-guessed myself, or spent hours just stewing in regret over ideas and decisions that hadn't panned out the way I hoped. Now, to be clear, I wasn't afraid of like...being assassinated. Discontent was never so great that it'd turn into a violent, 'kill the tyrant' type of rebellion. And I wasn't that strong, so if someone wanted to usurp me, they'd be able to do so easily, and I think they all knew it."
Celes merely nodded sympathetically. Aqua's past situation certainly seemed a lot more severe than her own, but she also knew that wasn't the point of Aqua telling her this. It wasn't about making her obstacles and accomplishments more imposing or impressive. She wasn't entirely sure what Aqua's intention was, at least not well enough to vocalize it, but she was certain that Aqua was trying to making a point to her somehow.
"After about two or three months, I was approached by a male Umbreon, just a little older than I was, and he asked to speak to me privately," Aqua continued, and her tail flicked again. Seeing the look on Celes' face, Aqua chuckled. "Yes, I was incredibly wary, so I only allowed us to relocate out of immediate earshot of the rest of the clan, but plainly visible."
"Oh, good, I was just about to say..." Celes muttered, prompting another chuckle from the Water Eon.
"He probably noticed how tense I was, because he got straight to the point," Aqua continued airily. "He said that it always seemed like I was wound too tight, and that it was making some of the clan nervous."
"What?" Celes blurted. She wasn't sure what she had expected the past conversation to be about, but a straightforward concern about the fledgling alpha being constantly on-edge had not been at the top of the list.
Aqua stifled a giggle. "I was just as surprised as you, but Dominic explained that my tone was clipped and harsh most of the time, my demeanor was constantly tense, I seemed exhausted, and after a while of seeing me like this all the time, the clan members were getting anxious. If the leader is acting like she's scared out of her mind...the rest of the clan won't feel safe. It's why a parent tries to appear calm in front of their children, even in the face of a crisis. If the child sees their protector is scared...they worry."
"I...wouldn't know," Celes mumbled, looking at her paws. "My clan didn't value parental figures. I wasn't raised by my parents."
"Neither was I," Aqua said seriously. "I wasn't natively born into the clan, but that's a whole other issue that I don't want to get into tonight. The point Dominic was trying to make to me was that my mood was having a negative impact on those around me, the Eevee that were relying on me to look after them. He asked me a few pointed questions about my health, like my eating, sleeping, and exercise habits."
"Did you...actually answer those?" Celes asked, wrinkling her nose. "I'd have said it's none of his business."
Aqua laughed. "To be fair, Celes, he asked these questions one at a time. If someone first asked you if you had much of an appetite, you might consider it harmless enough to answer. Same for the sleeping and exercise bits. Really, anyone showing concern in your well-being is usually appreciated more often than it's offensive."
"I guess so," Celes murmured, not entirely convinced, but willing to drop the point. She was feeling a bit sleepier now, and was running out of the willpower to argue over hypothetical responses.
"Anyway, Dominic recommended that I do more training or sparring exercises to help relieve stress, and I do remember snapping that I didn't have enough time for that, and he countered by saying that I needed to make time for it, and something about how my mental and physical well-being had to take priority sometimes. He added that if I was sick, I would need to take time to recover, so I should treat the problem as if I'm ill, and my recovery required taking more time for exercise and sleep."
"Okay, got to ask now...why was he giving you this sort of advice?" Celes asked, bewildered. "It seems well-intentioned, but I'm not convinced that he was just saying it to be helpful."
"Oh, believe me, I wondered the same thing," Aqua said. "I considered that maybe he was trying to seem like a nice guy, so that he could maybe gain more influence over the clan...but then I remembered that it'd be so easy to wrench the title away from me as it was, and if my health was declining, giving me advice to become stronger and recover was counterproductive to a goal of seizing power and influence."
"Maybe..." Celes said, frowning, but unwilling to argue further. Aqua had obviously overcome whatever hurdle the situation had presented, so doubting the Umbreon's intentions in retrospect was pointless. "So then what happened?"
"If I remember correctly, I stubbornly stuck to my original claim that I had too much going on, and that unless he was going to personally manage my daily schedule..." Aqua trailed off, her eyes sparkling with amusement. Celes squinted up at the Vaporeon in confusion, uncomfortably aware of the incomplete thought. In answer to the Fire-type's look, Aqua smiled with a hint of mischief. "That's all I managed to say. He pounced on that opportunity so fast, one might think I had suggested he tend to me during heat."
"I don't think I really needed that comparison," Celes deadpanned. "But what do you mean? What opportunity?"
Aqua smiled again, unfazed by Celes' quip. "He agreed to personally manage my daily schedule. Which meant he was also going to enforce the recommended changes made. If I was doing something or talking with someone when it was the 'scheduled' time to do exercises, he would politely, but firmly tell the other Pokemon that I needed to leave, or they needed to leave, and essentially escort me to wherever it was I was doing the training. And he'd stand watch so that no one would disturb me. And he did this for everything. Sleep, meals, exercise, discussion with other members, and so on. He was pretty much my bodyguard."
Celes just stared at Aqua incredulously. "Seriously? And that didn't bother you?"
"Well, if I'm being honest...it pissed me the hell off," Aqua said. "It was the most intrusive and uncomfortable adjustment to my daily life that I had ever experienced. I had almost literally no privacy. He even enforced time schedules for BATHS. I mean, he'd be facing the other way, but he stood guard, and dictated when, and how long, they were."
"That's probably around the point I start biting and using fire," Celes growled. "Why did you let him do that?"
"I didn't," Aqua admitted. "After about a week, I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he needed to stop. His response was a cheeky 'Took you long enough'."
"What?" Celes gasped.
Aqua stifled a giggle. "Apparently, he had expected me to get fed up after a day or two, and after it had been three or four days, he started getting curious how long it'd take for me to tell him off."
"So...he was testing you?" Celes asked, bristling slightly.
"Mm...no, not in the way you probably think," Aqua answered, after a moment's consideration. "I mean...he knew I was getting fed up, but he wasn't provoking me or testing my patience. He mostly was testing how much control I was willing to sacrifice before finally asserting myself. We spent some time in discussion after that, where I established clearer boundaries."
"Wait...what?" Celes blurted. Aqua smiled gently.
"My problem wasn't with him managing my daily schedule, but rather how MUCH of it he managed," Aqua explained. "I just needed him to rein it in a little, and then I'd be perfectly happy with letting him continue."
"I don't get it," Celes sighed. "From the moment you met him, he tells you that your mood is a problem, you need to take better care of yourself, then jumps all over the opportunity to manage your life, pushes it too far by also managing your bath and sleep schedule, and when you get mad at him about that and have a disagreement...afterwards, you decide to keep letting him manage and guard your life?"
"Yes," Aqua said, without missing a beat. "He saw I was in need, and offered his help. We butted heads initially, but soon came to an understanding, and the more we interacted with one another, the more we came to understand and trust each other. It's wise to be cautious, but to openly distrust others, without good reason to suspect them, is counterproductive and insulting."
"I know, but-" Celes began, but Aqua shushed her gently once again.
"It's okay, I understand," she whispered. "Your upbringing has shaped how you view social exchanges. It will likely be a long time before you fully shake off the fear of others trying to gain favor or manipulate you. It's okay to be cautious, and consider what the other person's goal may be, but social interactions will only get harder as you get older. Especially when it comes to courtship."
"Ugh...I'm not interested in things like that right now," Celes grumbled.
"Wow, you picked a bad time of year to visit an Eevee clan," Aqua said, although it was clear from her tone that she was teasing. "In all seriousness, even if you're not interested in entering a relationship, being able to interact with male Pokemon on a platonic level will benefit you in the long run. Yes, you run the risk of meeting males who will be attracted to you, but-"
"Oh for the love of-" Celes groaned loudly. "Can we just save the courtship lecture for another time? I'm too tired to deal with this."
"Yes, of course, I apologize. Our talk went on longer than expected," Aqua said. Celes' only response was to yawn widely, and she shifted her head off of the Vaporeon's shoulder and onto her forepaws, closing her eyes and taking deep, soothing breaths. Just as the Flareon was about to doze off, Aqua nudged her gently. "Hey, Celes?"
"Hm?" Celes mumbled sleepily, instinctively curling her tail closer around herself, but keeping her eyes closed.
"Seeing as you're not reclining against my shoulder anymore, would you mind terribly if I rested my head on yours? The fluffy fur is a phenomenal heated pillow."
Celes yawned again. "Do you drool in your sleep?" she mumbled.
There was an awkward pause. "Er...I am a Vaporeon, Celes."
"Oh, right. 'Just water', that's fine, just don't drench me," Celes muttered. There was another awkward silence. "Yes, I know what you meant!" the Flareon insisted. "It's fine, just don't admit it."
Aqua chuckled, and adjusted her position slightly, resting her head against the mane of fluffy fur surrounding the Flareon's neck. "Thank you," she murmured. Celes gave a brief grunt of acknowledgement. "Have a good night, Celes."
