"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Jadeite, Jadeite, Jadeite," sighed Beryl. "You know what? Now is not the time to give you a verbal smack-down. We need to have a meeting."
"Should I gather the others?" asked Jeddy.
"No, I'll just page them," said Beryl. "Now meet me in the Nega-meeting room in five minutes."
"Meeting Room A or Meeting Room B?" asked Jed.
"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" howled Beryl.
Jadeite scurried off.
Nephrite sat on his balcony, sipping a glass of wine. "It's good to be Maxfield," he sighed happily.
Suddenly an incredibly loud alarm sounded, and he jumped back and fell off his balcony in panic.
He weakly took out his phone and put it to his ear.
"Nephrite," said Beryl. "There's a meeting."
"URGHHH!" yelled Nephrite. "You didn't have to ring so loudly!"
He climbed out of the bush and teleported to the meeting.
Queen Beryl sat down in the meeting room at the head of the table.
She started taking attendance.
"Jadeite?" she asked.
"Present!" said Jadeite enthusiastically.
"Nephrite?" she asked.
"Yo," said Nephrite, covered in leaves.
"A 'here' would have been adequate," stated Beryl.
"Yo," replied Nephrite.
"Kunzite?" she asked.
"Here," sighed Kunzite.
"Prince Endymion?" she asked. "Oh wait, we didn't hypnotize him yet. But I think we're missing someone."
She thought for a moment. "Aha, Grandpa!"
Granpda barged in. "Sorry I'm late Beryl! There was a fire at the temple!"
"I don't care, take a seat," said Beryl.
"Wait," she paused. "There's someone else. Now who could it be…?"
Beryl looked up to the ceiling, deep in thought.
While Beryl was looking away, Zoisite quietly opened a window and climbed in one foot at a time.
"Zoisite?" asked Kunzite quietly.
Zoisite hushed him. He slowly crawled on the ground over to the table.
"ZOISTE!" yelled Beryl.
He paused mid-crawl.
"Whoops, I dropped my pencil!" said Zoisite.
"Nice try Zoisite, but we don't have pencils in the Negaverse!" shouted Beryl. "I know you just came in right now. That's another tardy."
"Dammit!" said Zoisite.
"Zoisite," began Beryl.
"Whhhhhaaaat," whined Zoisite.
"You've been absent the last 200 days to work, and tardy the other 165."
"Why do I even have to come in?" complained Zoisite. "It's Jadeite's turn again!"
"Zoisite, you're going to get an F on this semester's report card."
"So?" said Zoisite.
"You know what happens when you get an F?" asked Beryl.
"You phone-call my parents?" guessed Zoisite.
"No, you DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" howled Beryl.
Zoisite gasped. "How come Kunzite and Nephrite don't have to show up to work?"
"Because I lack the skills and power to kill them," explained Beryl. "But you, on the other hand!"
"Crap," said Zoisite. "Kunzite, help me out here!"
"Well, mrhhgmadfmr," mumbled Kunzite.
"Kuuuunzite!" howled Zoisite.
Kunzite sighed. "If she actually tries to kill you I'll take her out, but maybe you should at least try to get a passing grade."
"Kuuuunziiiiiiite!" cried Zoisite again.
Finally, Zoisite sighed. "Alright, let me see my progress report."
Beryl printed one out and handed to him while the others sat there awkwardly.
"Can I get a glass of water?" asked Grandpa.
"No," said Beryl.
"Hmm," said Zoisite. He looked at the blank progress report. "Ok, I have 0 out of 15560 points. How many do I need to pass?"
"Around 10,000," said Beryl.
"Can I make up any of these assignments?" asked Zoisite.
"No, they're too overdue," replied Beryl.
"Damn, I knew I should have done work," groaned Zoisite. "Are there any 'extra-credit' opportunities?" he asked with a wink.
"Eww Zoisite, stop that!" yelled Beryl. "But there is ONE extra-credit assignment that could possibly allow you to slip by with a D-."
"Oh boy, what is it?"
"Getting the Silver Imperial Crystal," said Beryl.
"When does the marking period end?" Zoisite asked.
"Tomorrow."
"Uh oh," said Zoisite. "So I only have one day or else you'll attempt to kill me?"
"Yes," said Beryl.
"Alright, alright!" said Zoisite, getting up. "Time to get down to business! I've been saving all my energy for this one task. I won't let ya down! But first Ima go get a soda!"
"ZOISITE!" yelled Kunzite.
"Alright, alright!" repeated Zoisite. "Kunzite, what's the plan?"
"Nope," said Beryl. "No cheating!"
"!" replied Zoisite in shock. "Very well then. When I return I will have the crystal."
"It was nice knowing you, Zoisite," said Nephrite. "Wait a second, no it wasn't."
Zoisite threw a wild punch.
"Hey!" yelled Beryl. "No horse-play in the meeting room!"
Zoisite teleported away angrily.
"That's it, I need a rest," sighed Beryl, rubbing her temples. "Kunzite, you're in charge of the rest of the meeting!"
"Awwwww yea!" said Kunzite. "First order of business, taking out Nephrite!"
"Hey wait a second!" said Nephrite. "Beryl, did you hear that?!"
Beryl left.
Zoisite paced around in a circle. "The Imperial Silver Crystal. Now what exactly is that? Hmm. A crystal that is silver, and also imperial. That can't be too hard."
He continued pacing.
Just then, Mamoru Chiba walked in. "Hey!" he yelled. "Get out of my house!"
"Chiba!" yelled Zoisite. "For once, I'm happy to see you! Do you know what this Imperial Silver Crystal is?"
"Zoisite, I'm calling the cops," said Mamoru.
"Come on!" insisted Zoisite. "Help a buddy out!"
"Leave now," stated Mamoru.
"Alright, alright!"
He went to leave, but then turned around and threw a rogue crystal at Mamoru. It missed and hit the flat screen TV.
"ZOOIIIIISIIIITE!" howled Mamoru.
Zoisite fled.
Zoisite appeared in a nearby library. He typed into the library catalog, "Silver Crystal."
It pointed him to a book on gems.
He located the book and started reading it. "There's multiple silver crystals in here, but which one does ol' Beryl want?"
Suddenly he flipped the page and landed on a familiar mineral. "Jadeite?!" he exclaimed. "WTF!"
"Ye?" asked Jadeite.
"Wait what? Why are you in the library?" Zoisite called, turning to see where he was. "Jadeite, is that the young girl's section you're in?"
"No," lied Jadeite, putting back a My Little Pony book.
"Jadeite I saw that!" yelled Zoisite.
"It's for grown men too, I tell ya!" exclaimed Jadeite.
"Jadeite, come here," said Zoisite. "Look, you're in this book!"
"Wowie!" said Jadeite. "But that doesn't look like me at all!"
"Hey, I wonder," said Zoisite, flipping to the back of the book.
But he wasn't in there. "What gives?!" he yelled.
He looked up Kunzite, and located his mineral form with ease. He found Nephrite and Beryl as well, and scribbled on them both.
"Yo!" he yelled to the librarian. "Come here!"
"Hmm?" asked the old lady, adjusting her glasses and walking over to him.
"All my friends are in this book except for me!" he cried.
"Why would your friends be in a mineral book?" asked the lady.
"Are you sassing me?!" asked Zoisite. "Isn't everyone named after a mineral?!"
"Listen young lady, I can't help you," said the librarian, walking away.
Zoisite was mad and shot a fireball, killing the lady.
"I'm going down to the publishing company!" exclaimed Zoisite.
"Have fun," said Jadeite.
He appeared at the publishing company.
"Excuse me, I bought this mineral book, I mean stole this mineral book, and I am very dissatisfied!"
"Why?" asked the publisher, with minimal interest.
"It does not contain the mineral Zoisite!"
"Never heard of it," said the publisher. "It must be some obscure one that no one cares about."
Zoisite was enraged. He killed the publisher with petals that turned into needles.
Zoisite went back to the library, which was now a crime scene.
"Hey! You were the one that killed that lady!" shouted the coppers.
Zoisite killed the police and went back on a computer.
"Zoisite," he typed in. He went on Google Images. "See! I'm a cool mineral! People know about me!"
Then he spotted a search suggestion that surprised him. "Zoisite x Ami? What does that mean!?"
He clicked on it to see pages of fan art with him being shipped with some girl. "But I'm gay!" he cried. "I must get to the bottom of this!"
He did more research on this strange and random ship. "According to my research, it comes from some non-canon picture in one of the Sailor Moon mangas," he deduced. "Which doesn't make quite a lot of sense, since a lot of the pictures like that are just the sailors in bunny outfits and other things irrelevant to the actual story."
Out of curiosity, however, Zoisite looked up what exactly this picture was that shipped him with Ami. He gasped.
"They ship Kunzite with who now?!"
He teleported to Sailor Venus. "You fiend!" he cried.
"Huh?" asked Minako. "What do you want, Nega-scum?"
"You, to back off my man!"
Zoisite set Minako ablaze, thinking she was finished.
But suddenly, he was shot with a beam.
"I won't go down without a fight!" howled Minako.
"Well I will!" said Zoisite. "But I will be back when you least expect it!" he threatened.
That night, Minako was sound asleep.
"Hey, what are you doing in here?" asked Artemis.
"I'm here to take out the girl who is trying to steal my man according to a non-canon picture!" yelled Zoisite. "Now get out of the way, or die!"
"Alright, I'll take you on!" yelled Artemis.
"Ha!" scoffed Zoisite. "You're just a cat! I'll defeat you with ease!"
Artemis leaped up onto Zoisite's face.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" cried Zoisite. He shot fire, but he couldn't see where he was shooting because his vision was blocked.
Artemis dug his claws in.
"OWOWOWOWOWWOWOOW!"
Zoisite tried to run, but bumped into a cabinet and fell onto a sharp object.
"YEEOOOUCH!"
Zoisite begged for mercy, but Artemis gave none.
He tackled Zoisite, causing him to hit his head on the wall.
Zoisite had no other option but to teleport away, escaping within an inch of his life.
Artemis licked the blood off his fur and got back in bed with Mina.
She stirred in her sleep. "Artemis? Were you fighting something? Did a rat get in?"
"You could say that," sneered Artemis.
Zoisite bandaged his face and went to bed, sleeping soundly knowing that he had gotten his point across to Minako's cat.
He got up for the morning, and warped to Nephrite's house to make a bowl of cereal. He sat down in the kitchen and ate it. After laying marbles on the stairs, he teleported outside Beryl's throne room.
He pulled out a pocket mirror. "The wounds healed quite nicely. I'm sure Beryl will think I look great!"
As he put his hand on the doorknob, something clicked in his head.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" he cried. "I forgot about the Silver Crystal! How could this have happened?! Stupid internet!"
Zoisite started running around desperately.
He peaked slowly inside of Beryl's throne room. Beryl wasn't there yet.
He let out a sigh of relief. "I still have time!"
He walked inside and started pacing back and forth by the throne. He bumped into Jadeite, who was waiting for Beryl.
"Hey Zoisite!" said Jadeite.
"What are you doing here so early?" asked Zoisite.
"I'm just waiting to tell Beryl my new source of energy! Because I know the first thing she wants to see when she walks in is my face!"
"Yeahhh…" said Zoisite. "Say, Jadeite. When does Beryl get here?"
"Three minutes from now, usually," said Jadeite. "Sometimes sooner."
"no no No No NO NO!" cried Zoisite. "What to do!? I have to think of something fast!"
"Queen Beryl!" cried Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
Beryl rubbed her eyes. "Jadeite, it's six in the morning. The last thing I want to see when I walk in is your face."
Jadeite gasped, and teleported away in shame.
"Oh, look who it is," said Beryl. "Ready to die?"
"Well actually," said Zoisite. "You'll be pleased to know that I completed the extra-credit!"
Beryl looked up in shock. "Really? Then hand it over!"
"Alrighty!" said Zoisite.
"What are you waiting for?" asked Beryl.
"Alright, here it is!"
Beryl waited another five seconds. "Zoisite, if you don't hand it over right now, I'm killing you!"
"Alright, alright!" said Zoisite, realizing the paint had finally dried. "Here it is!"
"Hmm," said Beryl. "I didn't realize it would be this round! It's almost like my crystal ball, but painted silver!"
"HEH HEH HEH!" laughed Zoisite very loudly. "But it's not, because it's the real thing!"
"Awesome!" exclaimed Queen Beryl. She wrapped her arms around it. "Yes, yes! I can feel its power, there's so much of it!"
"Mmhmm!" Zoisite nodded.
"This changes everything!" cried Beryl. "You pass! With an A+!"
"AWWwww yea!" said Zoisite.
"Time to page the others!" howled Beryl.
Nephrite was sleeping in his bed, having happy dreams of Maaaawwlly.
Suddenly, an incredibly loud alarm went off.
"AHHHH!" he screamed. In panic, he raced from the bedroom and went to run down the stairs. But he tripped on marbles that someone had left there, and fell down the steps. He tried to climb to his feet, but stepped in a bowl of Lucky Charms with all the marshmallows eaten out that someone had rudely left on the floor in the middle of his living room.
Finally he answered his phone.
"Nephrite!" howled Beryl. "Zoisite beat you! HAHAHAH!"
"WHAT?!" cried Nephrite. "But how?!"
"Because he's better than you, and my new favorite Shitennou! Now get over here so we can use the Silver Crystal to take over the world!"
"Hmph," Nephrite grunted, angrily teleporting to Beryl's.
Beryl stood before her audience of all the Shitennou and every monster in the Negaverse.
"It is with great pride that I honor our most brilliant member, Zoisite, with recovering the Silver Crystal!" Beryl exclaimed.
"Woot!" shouted Kunzite. "Rock on buddy!"
"Now, it is time that the Negaforce consumes the Earth, and also the entire universe!"
The crowd cheered. Zoisite sank in his seat.
"For this special occasion, I will awaken Queen Metalia!"
"That's not necessary!" blurted out Zoisite.
"Oh, nonsense," laughed Beryl. "I know she'd be furious if we woke her for no reason, but what greater reason is there than this!"
Metalia walked in despite not having a body nor legs.
"Zoisite, me boy!" said Metalia. "I always knew you could do it!"
"Umm… yeah!" said Zoisite.
"Now, let us all go to Tokyo and announce the end of times!"
They all teleported on top of the Tokyo tower.
"I'm really in for it this time," said Zoisite.
"What are you talking about?" asked Kunzite.
"Well," began Zoisite.
"PEOPLE OF EARTH!" yelled Beryl.
Everyone looked up at Beryl & Co. on top of the Tokyo Tower.
"What's going on?!" they cried.
"YOU WILL ALL BECOME THE NEGAVERSE!" howled Beryl. "Thanks to the power of the Silver Crystal, and my best friend Zoisite!"
Sailor Moon and the other Scouts started freaking out.
"Oh no!" cried Sailor Moon. "They stole the Silver Crystal!"
She pulled out her Moon Wand to fight them. "Wait, if they stole the Silver Crystal, then why do I still have it?"
"According to my calculations," said Ami. "They must have cloned it!"
"No, you bozo!" said Rei. "This is obviously some trick. Reverse-psychology, perhaps! To trick us into thinking that we don't have the crystal!"
"Everyone take your last breaths and say your final words! I WIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" howled Beryl.
"Not on my watch!" yelled Tuxedo Mask. He flew up to the sky to confront them while the people of Earth cheered him on.
Jadeite intervened, and shot lightning at him. They spun around in a circle, but then Jadeite tackled him into the water that was at the same height as the skyscraper.
"Anyway," said Beryl. "Kunzite! Take the crystal to the North Pole and release its power at D-Point!"
"Aye aye, captain!"
"Wait!" cried Zoisite.
"Hmm?" asked Kunzite.
"Maybe you shouldn't!" Zoisite shouted.
"Why not?" asked Kunzite.
"Yeah, why not?" asked Beryl.
Zoisite looked at Kunzite desperately. "Come on," he thought. "You've known me for all these years. You know I'm not capable of getting the silver crystal!"
"Alright, so I'll just go ahead and do that," said Kunzite, teleporting away.
"Beryl, I need to go help him!" exclaimed Zoisite.
"Nonsense!" said Beryl. "He has the power of the Silver Imperium Crystal, he doesn't need your help! Besides, I want you to stay here so that everyone can see who caused this victory!"
Zoisite gulped.
"Silver Crystal, release your power!" yelled Kunzite. Queen Beryl's silver-painted crystal ball lit up and started releasing energy. But after a couple seconds, it stopped.
"Huh?" asked Kunzite. "Well that's strange. The Silver Crystal should have way more energy than that! Maybe I didn't do it right!"
Just then, the Sailors showed up.
"There's nothing you can do!" laughed Kunzite. "I have the crystal! I'll wipe you off the map with ease!"
He shot the "Silver Crystal" at them, but nothing happened.
"Is this thing on?" he asked, shaking it.
Sailor Moon took out the real Silver Crystal.
"Wait a second," realized Kunzite. "This is just Beryl's-"
Kunzite got obliterated.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Zoisite. "KUUUUNZIIIIITE!"
All the people of the Earth and Negaverse, who were watching it go down, turned to Zoisite.
Queen Beryl scowled.
"Uh oh," said Zoisite.
"Zoisite, you're fired," said Beryl.
"Fair enough," said Zoisite. He jumped off the Tokyo Tower.
FIN
