"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Sorry Jadeite, but I only take new sources of energy from cool kids. And you're, how do I put this…? Uncool."

Jadeite gasped. A single tear dropped down his face.

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Zoisite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Oh boy!" said Beryl. "Tell me all about it!"

"But you hate Zoisite!" cried Jadeite.

"At least he's cool," sneered Beryl. "Which is more than I can say about you!"

"I understand," said Jadeite sadly. He left the room in shame.


That day, at lunch…

Jeddy approached the only table in the Nega-cafeteria. He went to sit down with his tray, but Nephrite put his legs up.

"Sorry, that seat's taken," said Nephrite.

"But I'm the only other Shitennou!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"My invisible friend Tomo is sitting here!" insisted Nephrite.

"I don't see anyone," said Jadeite accusingly.

"That's because he's invisible, LOSER!" yelled Kunzite.

"Now buzz off!" yelled Zoisite.

"But you guys hate Nephrite! Why are you sitting with him?!"

"At least he's cool," said Zoisite. "Which is more than we can say about you!"

Jadeite fled the room in tears.


Jadeite sat on a toilet in the bathroom and ate his grub alone.

"Aww," he said sadly. "My mashed potatoes taste like tears! Just like always!"

He continued to sob.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Let me in!" howled Beryl. "This is the only bathroom in the Negaverse!"

"Uh oh," thought Jadeite. "It would be too embarrassing if she saw me eating my food in here alone!"

He tried to flush his tray down the toilet, but it wouldn't fit.

"Occupied!" he yelled.

"JADEITE!" howled Beryl. "Let me in or it's an eternal sleep for you!"

Jadeite was out of options. He opened the door with his head down.

"Jadeite, why did you take a lunch tray in the bathroom? Were you eating in here alone?"

"No…" lied Jadeite.

"Then who were you eating with?"

"My imaginary friend Tomo?" tried Jadeite.

"HA!" scoffed Beryl. "Everyone knows Tomo only likes Nephrite!"

Jadeite threw a wild punch. It had no effect.

Beryl stole his lunch money and threw him in the dumpster. "LOOOOSER!" she yelled.

A few minutes later, Jadeite emerged from the dumpster, covered in garbage.

"Man," said Jadeite. "Being uncool is the worst. If only someone liked me for who I was, or at all. If there was someone out there, just one person who liked me, I would be so good to them. I would never treat them like these bullies are treating me."

"JADEITE!" cried Thetis. She was walking towards the dumpster with a bag of garbage to throw out, but dropped it in shock. "How are you doing, friend? I care about you as a person and like you so much! Why are you covered in garbage? You poor thing, let me help you!"

"AHHHHH!" cried Jadeite angrily. "Get your filthy mitts off me, you Nega-scum!"

Jadeite back-handed Thetis and spit in her direction. Then he teleported away.

Thetis stood up. "Aww, he's so dreamy!"


Jadeite took a shower and then sat down on his couch in his empty room. "Thetis was even worse than that garbage, that's why I showered!"

There was a knock on his wall.

"Come in!" he called.

Thetis teleported in.

"Aww yuck, it's you!" yelled Jadeite. "Get out, I'm busy!"

"Doing what?" Thetis asked kindly.

"Not being near YOUUUU!" he howled. He threw his lamp at her.

"Jadeite, why?!" cried Thetis. "I just want to be here for you!"

"RRRRRR BACK OFF!" howled Jadeite.

Nephrite, who was walking by after a fun and not lonely lunch, peaked his head in. "I heard that, Jadeite! Don't steal my lines you Nega-trash!"

He gave Jadeite a wedgie and walked away.

"He's so mean!" sobbed Jadeite. "I wish someone liked me!"

"Hey," said Thetis blushing madly. "Maybe there is someone who likes you! And maybe, she's been right in front of you this whole time!"

"Queen Beryl doesn't like me!" yelled Jadeite. "That's crazy talk!"

"No, maybe some other girl!" suggested Thetis.

"There's no other girls in the Negaverse," said Jadeite.

"I'm a girl," said Thetis.

"Yeah right," scoffed Jadeite. "More like a Nega-bozo!"

Thetis frowned.

"Now get out of my sight, you make me sick!" shouted Jadeite. "Scram!"

Thetis walked away sadly.

She ran into Nephrite at the vending machine outside of Jadeite's Nega-dorm room.

"Eww, did you just come out of Jadeite's room?" asked Nephrite.

"Yes," said Thetis.

"Why?" asked Nephrite. "He's so uncool! But you're one of the few Youmas with personality! That makes you like major cool! You shouldn't be hanging around someone like that, it will ruin your rep!"

"But I like him!" exclaimed Thetis.

"WHHHAAAAAT?!" gasped Nephrite. "B-b-b-ut… But no one likes Jadeite! If they did, he would be cool!"

"Well I do," repeated Thetis.

"Are you sick? Do you want to see the Nega-medic?" Nephrite asked.

"You don't understand!" cried Thetis, leaving.

"Hmph," said Nephrite. "What gives?"


Jadeite returned to Beryl's throne room.

"Beryl are you ready to hear my new source of energy?!"

"No"

"Hey, Queen B.!" called Thetis, teleporting in.

"THETIS!" said Beryl happily. "How ya been girl? Got me a new source of energy?"

"Hey!" cried Jadeite. "She's just a Youma! I'm one of your elite four!"

"But you're lame," stated Beryl.

"Actually, my Queen," said Thetis. "My plan was something that involved Jadeite as well."

"Hmm," said Beryl. "He's not cool… but he might make a good meat shield. What's your plan?"

"Not important," said Thetis. "So can me and Jadeite go out on the prowl?"

"Hey! Don't group us together!" yelled Jadeite.

"Sure," said Beryl. "But only if you supervise him. He's a bit of a dead weight."

"But Beryl!" cried Jadeite. "I don't wanna go with her! Youmas have cooties!"

"Silence nerd!" yelled Beryl. "Don't make me throw you in the dumpster again!"

Jadeite shut his mouth.

"Now go!" yelled Beryl.

They both took off.


"So Jadeite," said Thetis flirtatiously.

Jadeite walked down the streets in his suspicious overcoat, hat, and shades, while Thetis trailed behind, trying to keep up.

"So what's your plan?" she asked.

"Quiet!" yelled Jadeite. "You'll blow our cover!"

"What cover?" Thetis asked.

"None of your business!" barked Jadeite. "I know what I'm doing! I don't need you here!"

"That's not what Queen Beryl said," teased Thetis.

"RRRRRRR BACK OFF!" yelled Jadeite.

Nephrite appeared in front of him. "Jadeite, this is your last warning! Don't you dare say one of my lines again, or I will teach you a lesson the old-fashioned way!"

Nephrite cracked his knuckles and left.

"You know what?" said Jadeite. "Go stand on the other side of the street! I don't want to be seen with you!"

Thetis sadly crossed the street.

"Wait!" yelled Jadeite, just a bus was coming down the street.

"Yes, Jadeite?" Thetis asked, her eyes growing huge as she stopped and turned in the middle of the road.

A bus hit her.

"Good riddance," said Jadeite.

A few minutes later, she stumbled up to Jadeite, covered in bruises.

"That wasn't very nice," said Thetis.

"Can it," said Jadeite. "Your appearance isn't very nice!"

Thetis gasped. "You know, I took your side and got Beryl to not kill you!"

"I didn't need your help!" shouted Jadeite. "And she wasn't gonna kill me!"

"Yes she was," insisted Thetis. "She would have killed you weeks ago if I wasn't putting in good words and blaming all your failures on myself!"

"Pathetic!" yelled Jadeite. "Go eat shit!"

"But I love you!" cried Thetis.

"Not my problem," said Jadeite. "Now go find a hole to die in!"

"Jadeite!" Thetis exclaimed.

"I didn't ask you for your opinion!" howled Jadeite.

"You're no better than those bullies that bully you!"

"Take that back!" cried Jadeite, throwing Thetis in a dumpster.

He took off to go enact his energy snatching plan.


"Nyeh heh heh!" cackled Jadeite. "Now that that annoying pest is gone, I can get all the energy Beryl will ever want!"

He walked into the old age home. "This is easy pickings!" he laughed. "These old geezers won't have a fighting chance!"

He went into a random room, and spotted an old lady watching TV.

"Your energy now belongs to the Negaverse!" he howled, starting to confiscate her energy.

"Hey!" she yelled. "Back in my day, people respected their elders!"

She slapped Jadeite with her purse, knocking him out of his energy-snatching trance.

"Hey, watch it!" cried Jadeite. "I can dispose of you with ease!"

"That's what the Germans said in WW1, but they couldn't pull it off, and neither can you!"

The woman hit Jadeite over the head with her walker, knocking him to the floor.

She then proceeded to pummel him with her cane and purse combo-breaker.

"Oww!" cried Jadeite. "You are nothing! I can take you out whenever I OWWW choose! Just you wait and OWWWWW see, you old ugly YOUCH!"

"Yeah, keep pushing your luck," Jadeite taunted as he was pummeled. "It will be the death of YOUUUUCH!"

Just then, the staff came in.

"This young whipper-snapper was trying to make a move on me!" cried the lady.

"Wait what?" said Jadeite.

The guards man-handled Jadeite and threw him outside. "And stay out, you creepy pervert!" they yelled.

They turned and went back inside.

"Yeah, you better run!" shouted Jadeite.

He decided to try sneaking in through a window this time. He spotted a decrepit-looking old man through one of the windows, so he kicked in the window and hopped through it.

"Your energy now belongs to the-"

Rei's Grandpa turned around, and Jadeite's face turned white.

Jadeite made a break for it, but Grandpa grabbed him by the leg and pulled him back.

"Not so fast, Jadeite," said Grandpa, addressing him by name. "I'm going to have a lot of fun with you!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried Jadeite, in a similar manner to when he was hit by that plane.


2 hours later, the entire retirement community had Jadeite on a slow-roaster and were rotating him over a fire, trying to cook him to a medium-rare.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" cried Jadeite. "ANYONE! ANYONE AT ALL!"

No one responded.

"IF ONLY SOMEONE LIKED ME! IF ONLY!"

Then something dawned on him.

"Wait a minute, Thetis likes me! THEEEETIIIIIS!" he cried.

Thetis teleported in.

"Jadeite!" she said surprised.

"Oh man am I glad to see you!" exclaimed Jadeite. "As you can see, I'm in a bit of a pickle, so if you could be a dear and tag in here…"

"Hmph," said Thetis. "You have some nerve, Jed!"

"I'm sorry!" cried Jadeite. "If I make it out of here alive, I might consider dating you, if you beg me!"

"Go to Hell!" yelled Thetis. She left.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COME BACK!" cried Jadeite.

The elders ended up over-cooking Jadeite, so he was thrown out the door. Luckily he was accustomed to being burnt, so he wasn't dead.

"That was a close one!" he said. He went back to his dorm.

He started pacing around angrily.

"Man, that Thetis!" he yelled. "The nerve of that pest, not saving me even though I acknowledged her existence! She so stupid, and ugly, and….. and… OH MY GOD I LOVE HER!"

Jadeite fell to the floor. "She's amazing! Why did I only realize her value after she treated me like garbage? She reminds of Beryl… she's so dreamy!"

Jadeite floated out of his door in a love cloud, and stopped by the vending machine where Nephrite was taking a smoke break.

"Nephrite!" exclaimed Jadeite. "I'm in love!"

"Yes," said Nephrite. "We all know you love Beryl."

"Wait what?" asked Jadeite. "Have you been going through my diary?"

"Yes," said Nephrite.

"D'ah," laughed Jadeite. "But it's not Beryl."

"Is it Zoisite?" asked Nephrite.

"Eww, yuck! No, why?" replied Jadeite.

"I don't know," said Nephrite. "He's the closest thing to a girl around here, next to Beryl. If he hadn't tried to kill me, I might have gone for that!"

"Wait what?" said Jadeite.

"Nevermind," said Nephrite. "Wait, are you gay Jadeite?"

"No!" cried Jadeite. "She's a beautiful perfect Youma, named Thetis!"

"Oh, you mean that one that was nice to you but then you spurned her and now she hates you?"

"Yeah, that one," said Jadeite.

"HA!" laughed Nephrite. "Good luck winning her back, you're gonna need it!"

"RRRRrRR BACK OFF!" yelled Jadeite, before he could stop himself.

"Jaaaaaaadeiiiite!" began Nephrite.

Jadeite back-handed him and quickly teleported away.


Jadeite appeared outside of Thetis's house.

"Man," said Jadeite. "Since when did Youmas have nicer houses than me?"

He picked up a large boulder and threw it at her window. It went through her window and most of her house.

She ran outside in her nightgown. "WHAT THE HELL!?" she cried. "WHO DID THIS!? DID SOMEONE COME HERE WITH A WRECKING BALL!?"

"No," said Jadeite. "It was me. I saw someone do that as a romantic gesture on a soap opera once!"

"RRRR BACK OFF!" yelled Thetis.

Jadeite looked around, but there was no Nephrite this time.

"Typical biased Nephrite," sighed Jadeite.

"Leave me alone!" yelled Thetis. "And stop breaking my house!"

"No!" cried Jadeite.

"You won't stop breaking my house?" asked Thetis in disbelief.

"No, I mean I won't stop loving you!"

"You… you love me?" asked Thetis in shock.

"YEAH! YEAH!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"You have a funny way of showing it," said Thetis.

"No, that's cuz I didn't like you then, but I like you now!"

"Hmm," said Thetis. "Well, I can't promise to forgive you, but I'll give you a chance to possibly earn my affections back."

"Whoppeee!" said Jadeite.


Jadeite sat there dully at Thetis's picnic.

"Here Jeddy, I made sandwiches!" offered Thetis. "Try one!"

She shoved it towards Jadeite.

"I can't do this anymore!" screamed Jadeite, standing up. "You're garbage and I hate you!"

Thetis gasped. "But Jadeite!"

"RRRRRRRRR BACK OFF!" yelled Jadeite.

Suddenly Nephrite leaped out of the picnic basket. He karate chopped Jadeite's head off, and then took his sandwich.

"My hero!" exclaimed Thetis. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Rrrrrr BACK OFF!" yelled Nephrite. "I do it best," he then said, teleporting away.

"He's so dreamy," sighed Thetis.

FIN